Chapter 51 - Bonds Of Family

The incident took him back to those years when he had first felt an attraction towards the same gender. He was curious and that thought had scared him out of his wits. He so badly wanted to talk about it with someone but that possibility was erased when his father defined what a real man was, a definition shaped with hammering from generations of patriarchy that made Yul lock up his curiosity. Since that day, he never allowed himself to look at any other guy that way. He was a real man, his father's pride, the one who would be becoming a police officer in the future. He couldn't risk it for a fleeting moment of confusion, at least that was what he had thought of it and made him hide in a shell.

Zeng had been the first guy to make him forget the resolutions he made, to light the same fire of curiosity within him with a newfound passion, to make him submit to pursuing him. Yul thought over the years, maybe things had changed. Maybe he wasn't the same way he once was. Zeng had proved him wrong and he was grateful for that.

The world may have changed but Yul didn't change and neither did his parents. Yul didn't care about the world but he cared about the people he loved, he cared about what they thought of him. He had been in a shell to avoid any troubles with the world. His parents were one of the very few people he allowed himself to be true to. Then came Subin and then Zeng. One taught him friendship, the other taught him love.

He had been a man of few words, opening up to a limited number of people. He knew the more you open up to people, the more they can hurt you back. The rejection didn't hurt him as much as the betrayal he felt from his own parents.

He reached home in the evening and by the time he was back to his safe place, he was barely holding in.

"Hey, you didn't answer my calls. I was worr-" Zeng stopped the incoming nagging when he saw the look on Yul's face. Others may think of it as the regular expressionless face, quite normal but to Zeng, it wasn't. He knew what it was. Hurt.

Yul didn't waste any time and hugged him, burying his nose in Zeng's shoulder. He needed it so desperately. He wanted to cry on his way till here but somehow had to restrain himself. His pride wouldn't let him do that.

"It's alright," Zeng said, patting his head. "It's fine."

"They didn't accept me, Zeng ge," Yul mumbled against his shoulder, "They looked at me as if I was a criminal."

Zeng's heart sank with the words. It was his worst fear that came true. He felt bad and as much as he wanted to blame himself for everything, now was not the time. It wasn't anybody's fault.

He made Yul sit down at the dining table and handed him a glass of water. He knew Yul must be breaking from within. Even though he had never experienced this since his parents were very accepting and supportive, he had known and seen enough to feel what the other was going through.

Yul told him everything. He was so calm that Zeng was afraid he would go back to his shell and close himself from everything just to dampen the pain.

"Give them some time, Yul. They will come around," he said, patting Yul's hair as the boy rested his head on his shoulder. Yul spoke silently, "I thought they would love me no matter what."

"They do," Zeng stressed, "It's just… maybe it is new for them, shocking even. But that doesn't change the fact that they do love you. Your sexuality shouldn't be a reason for you to receive any less love. They will come to know that. It'll take time but they will."

Yul nodded. He brushed a hand over his eyes to not let the tears come over. As soon as he did, his phone vibrated. It was his mother. Yul picked it up after clearing his throat.

"Hello, mom." He said, trying to keep his voice even.

"Hello, Yul-ah, did you reach home safely?" Mrs Wang's concerned voice filtered out of the receiver.

"Yes, mom," he said, "I am home." His hand trembled and Zeng took it in his own, squeezing it to provide some sort of strength.

"Don't mind your father," she said, "You know how he is. Always says things he doesn't want to when he loses his temper."

Yul just scoffed. He had never his father talk to anyone like that. Yes, he had had scoldings and even warnings but those were for the things he did wrong and he knew it. It was the first time his dad, his hero looked at him with disgust and that had hurt him beyond anything.

"Does he know that you are talking to me?" Yul asked in a grim tone.

"I am in the kitchen, so I can't say. Even if he knows, he wouldn't stop me. I won't let him," his mother said firmly. There was a pause before she continued, "He didn't leave his room. He has been silent after you went and even checked the main door twice, waiting for you to come back," his mother said, "He loves you. He may not say it often but he does."

"Throwing me out of the house isn't love," Yul said rather harshly, making his mother wince. He quickly regained his temper when Zeng looked at him with horrified wide eyes, shaking his head to tell him not to speak this way. Yul sighed, returning back to the call.

"He's free to think anything he wants," Yul said, biting back the mix of anger and hurt. "I don't care."

"Don't say that," his mother scolded, "Like father, like son. Both of you are so stubborn." Yul wanted to laugh but didn't. It wasn't the first time his mother had said that, but it was the first time it was perceived with hurt.

Were they even father-son now? Would their bond ever be the same?

The mere possibilities scared Yul. His family meant a lot to him.. Loosing them would break him.