Chapter 68 - Why Don't You Understand, Yul? II

Yul had just enough of it. The constant nagging of leaving his dream job. It had started off by a mere suggestion but then it seemed to be leaning towards a stronger push. He loved Zeng, he loved that man with every fibre of his being but this was getting too much. There had to be a limit to everything and maybe Yul had reached his.

He huffed in despair, "Zeng ge, you are overreacting as always. Nothing is going to happen to me. I always wanted to be a Police Officer, now that I have become one, I can't just sit on a desk arranging files and doing paperwork. Do you even care what I want?"

Zeng was agitated, "Do you think it's fun for me when you are out there fighting with your life on the line and I can't do anything but wish for your safety and wait for you to drag your injured body here for treatment!"

There was it. They were fighting again. The count had been lost whenever their opinions clashed. Who won or who lost never mattered. What mattered was the bitterness left after every argument. They had always tried to erase it with reassurances but something was always left unturned, peeking every now and then to disrupt their relationship.

Zeng shook his head in despair, crying. He never wanted Yul to be in this place. No lover would want their better half to be in the hospital. Even though he had been in this hospital a thousand times after working there for almost four years, the hallways haunt him whenever Yul was here. A constant fear followed him. The paranoia scared him. He could not tell anyone. Because how could anyone possibly understand? Though he thought Yul could but apparently he too dismissed his fears. He considered himself pathetic, someone who always succumbed to crying. But it truly hurt him, Yul not caring how he felt hurt him.

"You won't understand, Yul. You have never been in my place. You won't understand how I feel whenever I see a new scar on your body. You won't understand how much it hurts me that I can't erase them and can't take your pain away. I kept feeling like this for five years now and it hurts, every single day."

At this point, Yul was clearly annoyed by this nonsense. He expected Zeng to take care of him like he always did whenever he came to this City Hospital for getting injured on duty. But Zeng was spouting nonsense and it was giving him a headache. Yul unknowingly clenched his fists. He was annoyed, he was angry and Zeng's worries weren't helping it.

"Why are you behaving like this, Zeng ge?" He snapped, "Are you that dead set on making me resign? Sometimes, I don't get you. Just what do you want?"

Zeng had now fallen silent, no sobs escaped his mouth but tears still flowed. He felt exhausted, all his energy had been drained. "What do I want, you asked? I just want you to be safe. That's what I always wanted. I dream of you dying whenever I feel asleep, Yul. Sometimes you would be shot, sometimes it's an explosion. You'll be dead within seconds and I would be there standing, unable to move a step. I would just watch you die before me. Whenever I woke up from those nightmares, I could not find you beside me. You would still be doing your job, away on a new mission. It's like someday, I'll get a call from your headquarters, informing me that you are no more. You won't understand how that makes me feel."

Yul had given up trying to make Zeng understand, "I told you, you are overthinking. You are being paranoid as always. You always do that. You want things to be done your way and I have never said no. I can do anything you ask me to but this is my job we are talking about, Zeng ge. You can't tell me to leave it as you please." He started to feel helpless now. Why was Zeng not trying to understand his point?

Zeng breathed, wiping the tears off his face, "It's getting too difficult for me... for us. I can't eat well, I can't sleep properly, every moment I keep thinking about you. I can't even perform my job well... I can't handle it anymore, Yul. Maybe I have attached myself too much with you." He pursed his lips trying to frame the words that he was about to say.

He had thought about it all before. Thousands and thousands of times. No matter how he assessed the problem, all the possibilities lead to only one solution. A solution that could torn him to pieces and leave him broken. But the same solution would be the best for both of them.

His heart was pounding in his chest, the rhythm of it was heard in his ears. His hands felt numb and so did his entire body. The atmosphere had suddenly changed as he seemed to have come to a decision.

"I think we should ..."

Zeng was interrupted as Fanxing barged in. "Dr Xiao, we have an emergency!" He exclaimed. Zeng nodded at once, his expression turning back to that of a doctor on duty.

"We need to talk after you get discharged." Those were the last words Zeng spoke before dashing away towards the Emergency Ward along with the intern. Yul was left all alone inside those four walls, his eyes still glued to the door. He felt a stabbing pain arose, not from his wounds but from his heart.

A few moments later, a nurse came back to deliver food to room no. 85.

"Mr Wang, it's time for your m-"

Her eyes went wide and she hurriedly kept the food plate aside as she saw the bandages starting to soak in blood. Yul was breathing heavily.

"Try to calm down, Mr Wang. Your blood pressure is rising." She shot a drug through an IV to control it.

Yul slowly calmed down. His body relaxed as his senses began to drift away. The drug was acting up; he was falling asleep. His mind swirled with the final thoughts before his eyes closed. What was Zeng ge about to say?...

'I think we should .... ?'