CH 57

Various decisions will be made regarding the marriage.

In this world, it seems like black is commonly worn during celebrations.

In Japan, men other than the parties involved usually wear black but in Marihect, the parties involved wore black.

Seems like the only ones who can wear white are people in certain positions of clergy like a priest.

Moreover, they rarely invited family and acquaintances to the wedding ceremony, but to report that they got married, they’d instead walk around town in their outfits.

Seems like Rodo didn’t intend to call Sato or Al either, but I forced him to call them.

Ren and the others have a job, so they can’t be called.

Seems like everyone in the barracks took turns in taking off days, but even on their rest days, they’ll still be in the barracks, so they basically don’t seem to take a day off.

There aren’t many entertainment facilities, even though they have longevity.

Even if there was, I wonder if they’d soon get tired of it.

Seems like Rodo also went to the barracks even on his off days.

I’m here now, so he’d just date me.

Rodo now spends his off days studying my language.

He’s been doing that for a while, but he has a stupid parent temperament.

He exaggerates every little thing I did.

Even a simple stir-fry or the decorations used in the wedding are hard to call beautiful.

I did my best, but as expected, I’m still an amateur.

I can’t say I’m good at it.

Nevertheless, Rodo would say “amazing” and laugh happily.

But I’m spoiled with just that.

Rodo nodded happily no matter how many times I ask, “is this all right?”

For the time being, I was hoping that a professional person would make a sample of what I made, but for some reason, he’s eager to wear what I made.

I could tell at first glance that the outfits he prepared are luxury items.

They seem to be sprinkled with jewels, and when I tried it on, it was quite heavy.

However, I was wondering “Am I going to wear something like a dress?” before this.

Even in this world, men’s and women’s items are separated.

But it seems like men don’t have the habit of wearing women’s clothing.

It could be said that no one would crossdress.

I’m quite relieved because I’d been feeling uncomfortable about that for a while now.

He said there’s still make-up, but when I said I didn’t like it, he said we didn’t need to.

“Even if you don’t, Kou is beautiful,” he said.

Even in this world, I’m often called “beautiful”.

However, a good thing about this world is that they don’t take an “if only you’re a woman” attitude.

Is it because homosexual marriage is common?

That’s nice.

But──…

Why am I so anxious?

…is this what’s commonly referred to as wedding jitters?

There should be nothing to worry about.

I don’t even have the thought of not marrying Rodo.

My only anxiety is the desire to have a child.

Akinists seem to have very low fertility and even if they can’t have children, they don’t find it strange at all.

It took more than 250 years from Sato and Al getting married to Rodo being born.

Given that, it’s unlikely that I’ll have a child since I might have a lifespan of 100 years.

If my body can give birth, I’m worried about giving birth to an Akinist child, but I don’t hate it.

Rodo takes good care of me, and Sato and Al don’t seem to hate me either.

They’d even laugh happily whenever I say that I like Rodo.

Rodo also says that he likes me.

Rather, he says, “I love you.”

──is my anxiety caused by him not touching me yet?

But I already know that it’s not because he didn’t see me in a sexual way.

Rather, he said he was “scary” so he seemed to be biding his time.

I felt his lower body react many times, like when we’re in the bath.

…but he hadn’t done anything yet.

Marriage with Rodo…am I more worried about after the marriage?

I don’t even know if I’m transformed into a body that adapted to this world.

Nor my lifespan.

Rodo told me that no matter who I am, or at what age I die, or if I disappear, he’ll be by my side until then.

I’m fine with that…but Rodo isn’t thinking about himself.

He said I didn’t have to worry about what happens after I disappear or die.

But I already know what the future holds.

I know what kind of future Rodo will choose.

Rodo would die if I were gone.

There might be no problem while I’m alive, but I know that that future is almost fixed and I can’t leave it alone.

…but even if I worry about what would happen after I die, there’s nothing I can do now.

So I could only worry.

Besides, there’s no guarantee that I will stay here forever.

I suddenly came to this world and I might suddenly return to Japan one day.

Even if I return to Japan many years later and not right now, I’m not confident that I can live in Japan.

I don’t want to return, but more than that, I don’t want to leave Rodo.

I want to live with Rodo.

Even so, my position remains unstable…

That’s why I’m so worried.

Not all things since I came to this world will last forever.

That’s why I always get anxious.

“Kou? What happened?”

Seems like I dazed while making the decoration.

Rodo’s worried face looked into mine.

I put the decoration on the table then hugged Rodo.

He looked surprised but immediately hugged me.

…I think I’m just unstable before marriage, but I’m being spoiled more than before.

In the barracks, I listened to everyone’s conversations.

This is to help me remember how to say the words I can understand.

If I’m being spoiled by Rodo all the way, my studying would be neglected.

I wanted to improve my pronunciation.

After learning the words, I want to learn magic chants and then study as a healer.

…but I also want to learn many things because if I don’t do something, I’d only get more anxious.

“Kou? Tired? Slow down, it’s okay.”

“No.”

I’m not tired of making decorations.

Besides, I can’t make it fast even without being told.

It’d be a problem if you ask an amateur for speed.

Can people in this world, who are ignorant of emotional things, understand this indescribable anxiety?

“Meal, make.”

I’m just deceiving myself by spoiling Rodo.

…is there any chance that this anxiety will disappear?

“…Kou, go home, okay?”

I tidied up the cluttered table and we left the barracks without saying anything.

I bothered Rodo during work.

And yet, I could only nod.

I’m too pathetic so tears spilled out.

And when he saw my tears, Rodo will misunderstand again.

Once I stop crying, let’s do our best to resolve the misunderstanding.

I’m not dissatisfied with the current situation.

I never thought that I could show my relationship openly like this.

So I should have been floating because I had a boyfriend and was about to get married.

But why am I about to be crushed by anxiety?

Why should I be scared when I should be happy?

Not wanting to go back, is that really the case?

How can I get proof that I can’t return and proof that I can stay here?

There’s currently no guarantee that it’ll be available and this anxiety might never go away.

I’ve been thinking about it and I’m worried about my imagination.

…am I this mentally weak?