CH 58

─Rodo’s side─

When I called out to the dazed Kou, he hugged me with a crying face.

He’s laughing more now, but he’s also crying more.

I also know that Kou is not in a position where he can be free from worries.

Since I also have a lot of anxieties regarding Kou.

It’s impossible to get rid of that anxiety completely.

Still, I’m now looking forward to marrying Kou.

…is Kou different?

When I said we’re going home, Kou nodded and wept.

He doesn’t want to marry me…I can’t help but pray that it’s not that.

I just want to return…I also hope it’s not something like that.

I don’t always understand why Kou cried.

Since I don’t know everything about Kou.

──even though I’m his mate.

────

──

When we got home, I sat down and put Kou on my lap.

By the time we arrived, Kou had stopped crying.

Still, he didn’t leave me and just leaned his body on me.

Those red eyes are painful.

“Kou. Drink water?”

I want to know why he cried, but I don’t want to hear it and see him cry again, so I can’t do that either.

I called out since he would have been thirsty after crying, but Kou shook his head.

(I don’t have the power to relieve Kou’s anxiety…)

What kind of words would relieve Kou?

How can I stop him from crying?

What should I do?

…I can’t think of anything, I’m sorry for being such a deplorable mate.

While I was immersed in self-loathing, Kou looked up to me.

“…Ryodo, worry, look, don’t, okay? Ryodo, bad, no… Kou, anxious, just.” (Don’t look so worried, okay? It’s not about you…I’m just as anxious as you.)

After saying that, he laughed with a slightly embarrassed face.

(I…can’t get anxious?)

Is he talking about me?

I involuntarily lost my words.

Then he reached out to me.

“Kou, return, no, think. Family, together, thinking. Not possible, no, thinking… but, now, Ryodo, apart from, more, don’t. Marry, want, after, return, don’t think… Kou, Ryodo, together, always. Forever, together.” (I haven’t thought of returning nor thought of being with my family. I know it’s not possible…and now, I don’t want to part from you. I want to marry you so I didn’t even think about returning… we will always be together, forever.)

Those words made me sit up at once.

He said he wanted to be with me rather than going home and seeing his family.

Since we’re getting married, he’s telling me that he didn’t want to go back.

He said he wanted to be with me forever.

When I held his outstretched hand, Kou shed tears again.

“…Ryodo, separate… scary.”

“…”

I’m happy but I can’t think of any words to comfort the crying Kou.

I’m also worried that Kou will someday disappear in front of me.

Therefore, I understand Kou’s feelings well.

──I want to cry with Kou.

Losing Kou will make me less willing to live, even though I’m not that interested in the first place.

Maybe I won’t live after losing Kou.

Before, I couldn’t understand the feelings of a person who lost or become abandoned by their mate and had committed suicide, but now, I can understand why they made that choice.

I hugged Kou powerfully.

If Kou went back, I’m happy that it’s not what Kou wanted…

I strongly wanted to guarantee that he would stay here forever.

But he might disappear before that since his short life might not be enough.

“Ryodo…Kou, together, hurts.”

Those tearful eyes looked up at me.

It’s possible that Kou, who’s in my arms right now, will disappear tomorrow.

How can I keep him…

I wiped Kou’s tears with my finger──

And unconsciously overlapped our lips.

Can I get rid of his anxiety that he might disappear by touching him…although I can’t stop it.

I wasn’t confident that I could stop once I started, so I had to endure.

Kou said he’s scared, so I had to be patient.

I was wondering if he would resist or use movement magic…but Kou didn’t do any of them.

I was stunned and confused and when I tried to leave, his arm went around my back.

Kou also wants it...is it okay to think that?

Even when I changed the pecking to entangling our tongues, Kou didn’t run away from my arms.

On the contrary, he hugged me even more strongly.

…then, the reason why he’s trembling a little is from pleasure…?

Or he’s scared…?

I couldn’t stop if this went on, so after tasting, I finally withdrew my tongue.

The sound of his throat gulping involuntarily reached my ears when I finally saw Kou.

He looked weak maybe because of crying, but his eyes were wet and his face slightly red…

His thin, open mouth made me have the urge to devour again.

I impulsively reached out my hand, but he didn’t look scared.

──are you surprised?

──amazed?

──or maybe confused?

“Kou?”

“…”

There was no reply when I called out and he was touching his lips.

(Do you dislike it?)

Such anxiety came out.

Shwaa…his face became bright red at once.

“Kou!?”

A fever?

So suddenly?

“…”

Kou, who had swimming eyes, felt like a child all at once.

…but what happened?

I was confused…is something wrong?

But Kou never disappeared from my arms.

He didn’t leave.

…maybe it’s his first kiss so he’s just confused?

Despite being so fascinating, Kou said he wasn’t in contact with anyone.

That’s good for me, and when I think about it, this suspicious behavior of Kou made him adorable.

──but I have to listen to him properly.

“Kou…do you not like it?”

It didn’t look like he didn’t like it, but if so, I want to hear it from Kou’s mouth.

Kou shook his head without making eye contact.

He still has a red face and his ears peeking through the gaps of his hair are also red.

Is he just shy?

Then──

“Can I do it again?”

When I asked, his shoulder bounced slightly.

But when I saw him nod, I was filled with joy.

Even when I entangled his mouth again and hugged him, Kou didn’t resist.

It’s as if his arms wrapped around my back was urging me for “more”.

“Hn…uu…”

The voice that overflowed from that mouth made me feel feverish.

…I want to embrace him just like this.

But it’s still premature.

I’d be troubled if I scare Kou and be disliked.

However, I’m aware of our body’s changes in our tight lower bodies.

I’ve been reacting for a long time, but the one hitting my belly is Kou’s.

That makes me terribly…happy.

“…haa.”

When I let go of his mouth, Kou took a slightly painful breath.

I seemed to have been so entangled with him that it interfered with Kou’s breathing.

He should have stopped crying, but tears still spilled.

…is it that painful?

Or…is it for another reason?

Kou, who seemed weaker than before, is spilling saliva from the edge of his slightly open mouth, probably because of my greediness.

I wiped it with my finger and those blurry eyes looked at me.

“…＊＊＊＊＊.”

He muttered something in his own language.

But he didn’t look sad.

──that’s because Kou kissed me.

With a biting momentum, I devoured him again.

When I let go of his mouth again, Kou was limp and weak.

This appearance is very erotic…

(I think I’m going insane…)

I knocked down the hand that was unconsciously extending to Kou with my other hand.

It hurt a lot, but…it didn’t need to understand.