Volume 2 - CH 3.4

Shiina’s PoV

The whistle had been blown, signing the end of the match.

I was running around so hard during that match. It was only after it ended that I felt the exhaustion catching up with my body. My heavy breathing wouldn’t be stopping for a while, it seemed.

“Shiina-san, nice!”

One of my classmates, Kiyama-san, approached me and hugged me.

The other classmates who were also members of the basketball team gathered around me.

“You got better!”

“Were you practicing by yourself? Thank you!”

“I-I just didn’t want to drag everyone down…”

“How gallant! And cute!”

“Good girl, good girl. It’s my obligation to make a good girl like you happy~”

“Get away from Yumi, Shiina-san! She’ll corrupt you!”

Kiyama-san and my other classmate, Akasaka-san, were staring at each other. I was stuck between the two of them.

“Anyway, it’s great that we won. The bar was raised too high because the soccer team won the whole thing.”

“It’s still the first round though. Well, I actually didn’t think that we could win.”

Even people who I’ve never talked to gathered around me.

Suddenly, they made a way for someone to go through. Godou approached me.

“I-I did my best.”

He told me to do my best, so I did.

I didn’t know if it affected the match as a whole, but I wanted to let him know that at least I did everything that I could do.

When I told him that, he blinked before laughing.

“Good for you.”

He placed a hand on my head and gently stroked it.

I almost let out a dumbfounded sound. What was this guy doing out in the open like this?

It felt embarrassing, but at the same time, it felt good. I wanted him to fawn over me forever.

No good. If this kept up, I wouldn’t be able to give up on him. The more I interacted with him, the more fond I grew of him.

I really wanted to be his lover.

If possible, I wanted to bask in this feeling for as long as I could. But at that moment, my eyes met Kirishima-san’s. She let out a sad smile.

Almost immediately, I pushed Godou away from me. The atmosphere instantly froze.

“Sorry… I don’t think I can be your friend anymore…”

When I told him this, his face turned sour.

No, you weren’t supposed to make that kind of face. Sorry.

I just couldn’t stay with you anymore.

Or else I wouldn’t be able to contain this feeling.

That was why I couldn’t afford to be your friend.

It would be too arrogant and selfish of me to be, who always brought you unhappiness, to wish to stay by your side. Though, this kind of wicked feeling was something that a former witch like me could have.

Thanks to you, I finally could taste what happiness tasted like.

So it was your turn to be happy this time.

There was already someone who could make you happy.

You wouldn’t need me.

If you were to stay together with me, you’d shake my resolve.

The feelings that I had sworn to bury deeply inside my heart would start to swell several times over.

That was why I couldn’t be with you anymore…

*   *   *

Godou’s PoV

The day after the tournament, Shiina didn’t attend school.

Because this happened right after that thing the other day, everyone was staring at me.

“Godou?”

“…Sorry.”

After that thing happened, Shiina left the place and the whole place turned silent.

Everyone was looking at me, their gazes were telling me that I f**ked up somehow.

What was originally a fun tournament turned into a depressing s**tshow for me.

In the end, our class got the overall second place for the whole tournament.

Hina was trying to cheer me up with that fact, but I was out of it for the rest of the day.

Since Shiina went home early yesterday, I thought about apologizing today, but…

“Hah…”

I hung my head down.

Like what everyone thought, I f**ked up.

The atmosphere made me get carried away and made Shiina feel uncomfortable.

Even though I told her that I’d give up on her, I still did something like this…

Still, I didn’t expect such blatant rejection from her.

It was laughable. I could feel that everyone was secretly laughing behind my back.

I felt like the dumbest person in the world.

Especially when I still felt that I could fix everything if I were to give her some time to cool down.

Just my luck, she didn’t even come to school today.

I told myself that she was probably overworking herself the other day and she got sick or something.

But she still didn’t come to school for a few days after that.

Everyone who was snickering at me because of the mess I made, turned to look at me with worried gazes and started asking me questions on whether everything was alright. Our homeroom teacher said that Shiina was absent because she was sick, but I kinda doubt that was truly the case…

In any case, my worries grew as time passed by.

However, I was afraid that if I were to visit her right now, it’d have the opposite effect instead.

After all, there was a big chance that I was the reason why she was absent in the first place.

As that thought came to my mind, my body became as stiff as a rock.

I couldn’t do anything for her. If I were to do it, it’d just hurt her even more than this.

…There really was nothing I could do for her.

The day after that, she was still absent. The atmosphere in the class turned even heavier than before.

Math class. I was looking out the window. It was raining heavily outside to the point that I could hear the sound of the droplets hitting the ground even though the windows were tightly shut. The damp air was sticking to my body closely and it felt uncomfortable.

I found myself moving my gaze toward Shiina’s seat.

The girl who usually would be taking her notes during this time of the day was nowhere in sight.

Gradually, daily lives without her had started to become our new routine. I hated that. 

But, what could I do about it? I caused the whole thing.

“Have you heard anything from Mai-chan, Godou?…”

After class was over, Hina came over to my seat and asked me.

Her voice was weaker than usual.

“…Nope.”

That said, I still had to give her treatment for her curse.

I really should contact her soon.

But, should I really? Wouldn’t it be better if I were to wait for her to contact me first instead?

“You didn’t contact her?”

“…I don’t want to hurt her again.”

I laid my body down on the desk as I said that. When she heard my words, Hina yanked my hand and pulled me up.

She was staring at me with a serious expression.

“Do you think all this is okay?”

“No, but there’s nothing I could do.”

Hina nodded before continuing,

“Didn’t you say you were going to show me something cool?”

“…Sorry. I’m not cool enough of a person to do that. I’m the worst…”

The only thing that I managed to do was to hurt the girl I liked.

What former hero? What was that bulls**t about making her happy?

I could only swing my sword around, the same sword that I used to hurt her.

It couldn’t be used to protect her.

Even when I got reincarnated, I still did the same thing. She was unhappy to the point that she decided to sever ties with me. I didn’t deserve to be with someone as kind as her.

After I tidied up my desk, I said my goodbye to Hina and tried to go home.

“…Godou.”

Hina called me, but I didn’t turn around.

Since I forgot to bring my umbrella, I decided to walk under the rain. In no time at all, my whole body was soaking wet.

In the end, I had to take shelter on a bench in a park on the way home.

The roof above me was leaking, but it didn’t matter when my clothes were this wet.

As I stood by idly while waiting for the rain to calm down a little, I sensed someone approaching me from the side.

I didn’t need to turn my gaze around to know that it was Hina.

At times like this, she would be the only person who’d do something like this.

She always had my back. It had always been this way.

“Godou…”

When she called out to me, I turned my gaze to her direction.

She was as soaked as I was.

“You’re going to catch a cold.”

“We’re both going to catch a cold.”

“I didn’t bring my umbrella, but I have my towel with me.”

“No. You wiped your sweat with that towel, didn’t you?”

“I already washed it, so it’s fine. We’re childhood friends, so don’t mind it that much.”

I took a towel out of my bag and threw it to her.

Since my bag was waterproof, the contents didn’t get wet.

The towel landed onto her face. Then, she used it to wipe her hair lightly.

“You’re soaking wet too, you know?”

“I don’t feel like drying myself. Anyway, where’s your umbrella?”

“Here it is.”

She took out a folding umbrella from her bag.

Since she wasn’t riding her bike right now, she probably went to the school by bus.

It seemed like she knew that it was going to rain today.

“Where’s your bike?”

“I feel like walking.”

“Where’s your umbrella then?”

“I want to feel the rain directly with my body.”

I left my bike in the school’s parking lot.

“I see. Same.”

The rain weakened down a little. The downpour had turned into a gentle drizzle.

“Godou, is the reason why you are like this because Mai-chan rejected you?”

“Why else?”

“Why do you think she did?”

“I don’t know… Maybe because I disgusted her. She seemed to hate me.”

That would explain why she treated me like that.

Her hatred toward me probably ran very deeply to the point that it was hard for her to contain it anymore.

“Well, it’s true that you patting her head out of nowhere would make her uncomfortable, but…”

“Ugh…”

Instead of comforting me, her words just dealt more elemental damage to me.

I didn’t want to say that scene out loud because it pained me to even remember it. I hope that she could stop bringing it up.

“Still, that isn’t the case when we talk about Mai-chan.”

She looked confident when she said that.

“How did you know that?”

“Because she is easy to understand… Also, I understand her feelings really well.”

Easy to understand? Shiina?

I couldn’t even figure out what was happening inside that girl’s head.

“Mai-chan is kind. Too kind. I can’t believe that someone could be that kind. She has no self-confidence for some reason, even though she is that pretty.”

That was partly because of her previous life’s memory.

“…That girl used to be hated by everyone around her because of something that wasn’t her fault. She was stuck in self-blame all her life, that’s why she has no self-confidence. That’s also why she always tries to treat everyone who treated her warmly as kindly as she can.”

“…Mm.”

That explanation seemed to convince her.

“…That’s why she gave up her feelings. She did it for me.”

I could hear her murmur, but I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Godou, can I tell you something?”

She got up from the bench and stood right in front of me.

With the rainy park as the background, she looked dazzling.

There were drops of water running through her cheeks.

Were they rain water? Were they tears?

But why would she cry?

Just as I was thinking about that, her next words reached my ears.

“I like you.”

The look on her face told me that she wasn’t joking.

As dense as I was, I knew that she didn’t mean that she liked me as a friend.

…Though, I was aware of this.

After learning about love for the first time in my life, I understood what love felt like.

At the same time, I noticed feelings that I had never noticed before.

Looking back, she left countless hints for me to notice.

That was why I knew that the feelings she had for me were the same feelings as the one that I had for Shiina.

“…Will you go out with me?”

But, why did she confess to me during this time?

She was smart and perceptive, she knew that I liked Shiina.

As long as this feeling remained, I wouldn’t be able to answer that feeling of hers.

“…Sorry, I can’t. I have someone else that I like.”

If I went out with her, maybe this feeling would eventually disappear.

Maybe there would be a time when I’d finally fall for Hina.

I knew that if I were to stay with her, I’d be happy.

After all, it was this sweet girl who had been staying by my side, supporting me without asking for anything.

She was too good for me. I should be the one who confessed to her and begged her to stay by my side.

I knew that, but I couldn’t lie to myself. So I apologized to her.

“Then, why are you giving up? Don’t give up that easily!”

Said Hina suddenly, as if she was waiting to say those words.

“Don’t you like Mai-chan?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then at least ask her directly about her true feelings! It’s not like you to leave her on her own like this! If you think that you hurt her, apologize to her! How long are you going to be depressed like this?!”

There was a desperation hidden in her voice.

Every word she uttered was for my sake.

Even though I clearly dumped her just now. Even though it was alright for her to swear at me in this kind of situation.

And yet, what came out of her mouth was words of support for me.

I wanted to know why she went this far for me?

But I knew the answer to that. She loved me that much.

She loved me as much as I loved Shiina.

“Be the cool Shiraishi Godou I’ve come to love.”

Within her tears, she let out a smile.

“Show me your cool side.”

She said the same words as she said back then.

Even though I showed her a lot of my lame side, she still believed in me.

That was why I wanted to answer that expectation of hers. Not out of obligation, but as something I truly wished for.

Honestly, I knew that there was something wrong with Shiina’s behavior lately.

But, I was too afraid to admit it. I pretended not to notice and kept averting my eyes.

I ended up being depressed while doing absolutely nothing.

And that shouldn’t be something that the cool person who Hina fell in love with do.

“I’m going to meet Shiina.”

I stood up.

Under this rain, I looked forward.

“Can I say something?”

When I passed Hina by, I could hear her weak, trembling voice.

I pretended not to notice the sob in between her words.

“…Your happiness is my happiness… So, go get your happiness, okay?…”

I ran. I ignored the rain as I ran forward.

I wanted to be the cool Shiraishi Godou who Hina fell in love with.

*   *   *

Hina’s PoV

I watched Godou’s back until it disappeared from my sight.

My ten years of love was over… Was it ten years?

I realized my feelings for him when I was six, but I probably had started to love him even before that.

“Ah… Why am I always like this?”

I knew that I would be rejected if I were to confess to him now.

I always knew that he loved Mai-chan that much.

If I hadn’t helped him, I probably had a chance.

I knew that this would happen if I gave him a push.

…I knew that, but I still did it anyway.

“What a bad role to play…”

The sudden voice startled me.

I turned around to see Shinji, who was standing nearby with his arms crossed.

“…Since when were you there?”

“Since the beginning. I got curious because I watched you chasing him, so I followed you two here.”

He shrugged. I wanted to lash at him because he was stalking me, but I couldn’t exactly do that since I did the same thing to Godou just now. I guess that was why he openly announced his presence like that. Kudou Shinji was always that kind of person.

“…I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

“If your goal was your own happiness, yes, you are.”

Said Shinji with a blunt tone.

“But that isn’t the case. Your goal is his happiness, isn’t it?”

Yeah, he was right. If my actions could make him happy, then it was worth it. There was no need for me to be depressed.

“…Yeah. I don’t mind as long as he is happy…”

“I don’t care what you’re trying to tell yourself, but it’s okay to cry.”

As long as Godou was happy, nothing else mattered. It didn’t have to be me who made him happy.

…No, of course not. I didn’t want that.

I wanted him to look at me. I wanted to be the reason for his happiness

I wanted him to stop thinking about Mai-chan. Whenever he was thinking about her, it always made me feel lonely.

Wanting his happiness? Wanting him to follow his feelings? Those were all lies, I didn’t want those. But at the same time, I didn’t want him to leave Mai-chan by herself. I wanted Mai-chan to be happy too.

That was why I had no regrets.

If I were to turn back time and were put in the same situation again, I knew that I’d do the same thing again.

“I know you didn’t want to cry in front of him. That’s why, cry your heart out here.”

That was unfair, Shinji. You couldn’t say things like that out loud.

But, I didn’t have the will to argue against him. My vision was blurred and I couldn’t say anything without letting out a sob. The stream that came running down my cheeks kept coming out despite my efforts to make them stop.

I wasn’t crying. It was the rain.