CH 5

Rain poured into the carriage.

Ignoring the rain drenching my clothes, I looked at Hadelion for a long time as he held my hand. 

“Are you alright?”

“…Ah, yeah.”

As soon as he left the carriage, I pulled my hand back as if to shake him off. I felt his eyes on me. A pair of pupils were intensely staring my way.

Reaching out to him was an impulsive act, however… 

‘I didn’t think he would really hold my hand.’

It felt weird.

‘Was it because his behavior was unexpected?‘

I unconsciously averted my gaze. I was still a coward.

“Your hands are too cold.” He nodded, exclaiming low.

‘Yeah, it’s because my hands are needlessly cold.’

I turned my head, pondering the conclusion I had reached, and his small voice warmed my ears again.

“If it’s alright…”

“What?”

“Would you like me to warm you with magic? I can still do beginner sorcery…”

He wiggled his small fingers while speaking.

Something suddenly stirred inside me when I saw him smiling awkwardly at me.

‘You don’t even know what I will want from you in the future, how can you be so naive? How can you show favor so blindly?’

I wanted to ask him.

But if I hadn’t been able to control my urges, my efforts to bring him would have been futile.

‘…You’re such a fool.’ It was both a word to him and a rebuke to myself.

The transparent eyes persistently following me pierced my heart.

It felt as if my heart had been crushed under a heavy stone. My already obstructed breathing became even more shallow.

“… It’s fine.”

Without hesitation, I turned around and walked.

I thought I was the one shaking him, but maybe it was the other way around.

‘Such useless thoughts.’

I struggled to move away, and a shadow staggered following me. Soon, a small shadow pursued the receding shadow.

As if it didn’t want to miss it.

I didn’t want him to stand by my side, so I hastened my steps.

He had to hasten his child’s stride and run, but he followed me without any complaints.

“Let’s- let’s go together.”

“Come quickly, your clothes will get wet.”

I couldn’t shake him off, nor did I allow him to be close to me. Nevertheless, he followed me diligently.

Just then, at the entrance of the Castle, I saw the maid Jeya approaching with a fuss. She moved so quickly that her clothes were soaked even though she was holding an umbrella.

“Miss!”

“Don’t complain. As promised, I returned before dinner.”

“That’s not the problem right now.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“His Grace is very anxious!”

She looked nervous as if it were her own problem. She must have been reprimanded badly, still, she worried over me like that, I couldn’t understand her.

“Go and tell him. His daughter has returned safely.”

“I think you should go and see his face. He has been too worried–”

“Worried about what? It’s not like he worries about me anyway!“

“Miss…!!”

I knew very well it wasn’t for me he was worried sick. Not for me, but for Lilian, the original owner of this body. And even that must have stemmed from his guilt over his inability to protect his wife.

Jeya hesitated and opened her mouth, struggling to speak.

“To say such things… His Grace truly cares about Miss!“

I was fed up with the comfort directed to an empty shell. Because I was well aware that even that wasn’t mine.

Even now, I hated myself for knowing my place so well.

The headache that subsided for a while came back fiercely.

“Miss! Are you okay?”

“It’s okay. I will go alone.”

“Don’t do that, let me help–”

“I said it’s fine!”

I aggressively shook Jeya’s hand off.

“M-miss…”

Jeya was shocked by the unexpected behavior and covered her chest with her red hand. I was astonished too but pretended to be unconcerned.

It was amusing, almost pitiful, that I acted in such a way to avoid leaking any useless emotion.

I felt a sudden stinging pain. Things that made me nervous also brought with them pain like a chronic headache.

“Lilian Grey.”

A deep voice cut through the rain. In the distance, Archduke Grey stood still, staring at me with a stiff expression.

“…”

“You…”

Under the shade of the umbrella, he seemed unable to speak.

“I had someone I needed to meet, so I went out.”

“Is that kid really that important? Enough to surprise your own father by going to meet him without saying a word?”

“Yes.”

“…”

“So, please allow him to stay at the mansion.”

As I asked with a voice that sounded unkind till the end, Archduke Grey didn’t even glance at Hadelion.

‘Will he recognize him? Would he recognize this child in front of him is the same Archmage the Emperor is obsessed with?’

I thought about it for a bit and arrived at the answer myself.

‘No, he won’t. Because he doesn’t know that Hadelion’s magic exhaustion aftereffects are different from other wizards.’

It was a secret that his mana deprivation manifested as a physical change, not a cold-like pain.

The only person in the Empire who knew this secret was the Emperor. It was because he was the one who secretly exploited Hadelion to extract his mana.

Except on special occasions, the Emperor locked him in the dungeons in the Northern Tower, where only the Emperor had access. It was a place plastered with ‘mana control stones.’

The people of the Empire believed that an archmage, no matter how good, would be unable to use magic in a place covered with a magic control stone, much less escape. Of course, Archduke Grey was no different.

‘You probably just think of him as a child who looks creepily similar.’ I could guess that much from the fact that he paused for a moment when he saw Hadelion. After all, he did know the face of the so-called Great Wizard.

But his mana potential far surpassed what they expected. Thanks to their foolish pride, Hadelion was able to escape the dungeons. Grand Duke Grey was one of those foolish men who underestimated Hadelion’s magic.

‘So of course, he would never have suspected the identity of the little boy his own daughter brought home.’

“I won’t allow it.”

“Why?”

“I can’t bring in a strange kid to stay by your side without even knowing his name or family.”

“Hadelion.”

“What?”

“If he needs a last name, I’ll give him mine.” *

“Lilian.”

His eyes were bloodshot. His forehead was clearly wrinkled, and his expression was sorrowful. So without realizing it, I opened my mouth.

“I really need this kid, father.”

“…Lillian.”

“Please.”

“…”

“…I’m back home.”

Even wearing an awkward smile, I was their ‘real’ Lillian.

“Lily.”

Archduke Grey, who was like a wooden stone, tossed his umbrella, ran towards me, and held me tight in his arms.

‘…He’s wet.’

I also got soaked because of the rain.

His heart pounding wildly near to my own heart felt somewhat surreal.

“Your Grace!”

Surprised, Jeya approached and tried to cover us with an umbrella, but he didn’t seem to care about getting drenched under the rain.

Archduke Anderson Grey. I looked up at him holding me silently for a long time.

Tightly closed eyes. Silver hair, wet from the rain, clung to his white cheeks. The hands wrapped around my back trembled slightly. Even ‘The Slaughterer of the North,’ the man who conquered the northern region, couldn’t avoid such behavior.

If it wasn’t an illusion, he was trembling in fear.

“It’s a relief. Thank goodness you came back safely! It’s really…”

“…”

“You don’t know how worried I was to hear that you seemed to have become a completely different person after remaining unconscious for a month!“

“The maids said that?”

“Yeah, I thought I would go crazy after hearing that! I thought that I might end up losing you too… I was terrified.”

…Fear. I wasn’t mistaken.

Rain-soaked Grand Duke Grey gently stroked my cheek.

“But now that I look at you, it’s not that at all! You’re my daughter, my Lillian! The maids must have misunderstood.”

Eyes filled with affection scanned me.

‘Did I go crazy after possessing someone else’s body?’

Archduke Grey’s appearance made my stomach churn.

Jeya, Hadelion, and even Archduke Grey.

The warmth of those strange people was piling up one by one, digging into my heart and wearing down the embedded tip of reality that had been piercing me all this time.

So, I said something I shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry for making you worry.”

It wasn’t hard to come up with what the real Lillian would say.

“Let’s hurry and go in, Lil! You’ll catch a cold at this rate.“

“Father, what about Hadel?”

“Bring the child in for now. I’ll let him stay in the Castle until you find his guardian. It doesn’t matter now you’re back safely.”

As if to reassure himself, he didn’t let me go after a few ‘I’m so relieved,’ and ‘thank goodness.’ He said ‘Thank goodness’ until his lips wore out. Even though he wasn’t speaking at me directly, I could feel his heart sinking slowly.

“Let’s go, Hadel.”

“…Yes.”

Hadelion had been nervously waiting, and when I reached out my hand he rushed up and grabbed it.

I felt an unfamiliar peace settle on me.

The shadows attached to us united more tightly than they had in the beginning.

The end of the rainy season was approaching.

Gina’s Corner:

*Only nobles had a last name, this meant they had a somewhat ‘good’ family. Commoners, bastards, or slaves didn’t have one, implying they didn’t ‘belong’ to aristocratic society.

Lily, ma’ baby.