Chapter 13: Man vs Garden

Chapter 13: Man vs Garden

Basil gave Shellgirl a tour of his basement.

The longer she examined his wares, the more her excitement grew. She inhaled and exhaled in shorter intervals. Her shell trembled in anticipation. Her slimy fingers softly touched potion bottles as if they contained liquid gold.

Youve got a big house with a lot of precious stuff. Shellgirl rubbed her hands, her eyes burning with greed. Im digging it

If she asks me to marry her for the house, Im throwing her out, Basil thought. He had to put the conversation back on track.I cant sell too many potions. I have a limited supply of raw material and I still need to complete my lab.

A lab? You want to Shellgirls grin became downright frightening. Scale-up your production?

This is getting disturbing, Basil complained. Tell me what items you want for the halberd and go.

Wait, wait! Shellgirl corrected her expression until she looked normal again, or at least less frightful. I have a proposal! Hey, how about we start a a

After struggling to find the right word, the mimic retreated back into her shell. Basil waited patiently as he heard her flip the pages of an invisible book.

Ah, here it is! The clam snapped open to reveal Shellgirls bright smile. A holistic international joint venture!

A business deal? The proposal didnt surprise Basil in the slightest. He expected her to try to sucker him on the profit part though.

You make the products, I sell them, and we split the profits! Shellgirl grinned wickedly. I would say eighty percent for me, twenty for you is a fair price.

I knew it. As a new merchant, Shellgirl was utterly predictable.

How about the other way around? Basil asked mirthfully.

Hey, Im taking all the risks there! Im the one venturing into the world, chatting up customers, grinding it out!

But Im the one covering the production expenses, Basil pointed out. And profit doesnt interest me. Im looking for tools to improve my teams day-to-day life, not to accumulate money for its own sake.

Shellgirl looked at Basil as if he had grown a second head. You dont want to get rich?

Never did, and I want it even less now that the world ended, Basil replied with disdain. He already considered the lure of money an illusion getting in the way of happiness before the apocalypse and didnt change his mind afterward. Whats the point of being rich nowadays if you cant trade money for anything? You didnt even accept my currency.

Wealth isnt about utility, Shellgirl argued, its about bragging rights!

Exactly. I dont need a mountain of cash to feel happy and confident.

His point flew over Shellgirls head.

Thats perfect! For me! She joined her hands, her fingers intertwined. Then I have a counter-offer. You said you were looking for specific items? I can stash up to six items in my shell for now, which isnt enough space to accumulate a hoard.

Basil crossed his arms. Go on.

Ill stock the bounty of our joint venture in your basement warehouse. The company will lease you the items you need or find interesting, while I keep the money and profits! I can even look for specific stuff to obtain! How does that sound?

Basil had mixed feelings about the proposal. On one hand, he needed medical supplies to find a cure to the petrification ailment and Shellgirls trade trips would help him scout for information. On the other hand, regular contact with the outside world increased the risk of enemies discovering the house. Shellgirl didnt strike him as particularly stealthy either.

Basil checked his Perks and confirmed the existence of a potential solution.

I find the proposal agreeable under one condition. Basil raised his index finger. You must join my party.

Uh? Shellgirl tensed up. Why?

My Tamer Perks will kill you if my HP hits zero. That way you wont be tempted to pull a fast one and lead monsters to my houses location.

Shellgirls smile faltered. I dont see how thats a win for me. If you want this business relationship to be exclusive, youve got to make it worth my time.

My Tamer class will grant you stat boosts on level-ups and a unique Perk as long as you remain in my party, Basil tempted her. You get to keep both even if we split and go our separate ways. Consider them stock options.

Mmm Shellgirl considered the proposal for a moment. Then she retreated into her shell to read her business manual. Stock-options I see so instead of a joint venture, we would merge our corporations and split the partys shares?

Yes. Basil tried to translate the arrangement in economic terms. The party will cover your food and sleep expenses in the house, give you medical assistance, and a few other associate benefits.

If I leave, will I keep the money I made during our association?

Shellgirl has joined your party![Monster Charmer II] Perk activated! Shellgirl learned the [Moneymaker] Passive Perk!Passive Perk: Moneymaker: Double the chances of a dead monster dropping valuable items if Shellgirl participates in the battle.Your Intelligence stat is insufficient to analyze this object.Pink RibbonFamily: Accessory (Hat)Quality: DEffect: Increases the wearers chances of avoiding attacks by 10 percent.A pink little ribbon that makes the wearer beautiful and adorable and cute and lovely and if you hit them youre a heartless monster!Secrets of the Grind: A guide to business and personal fulfillment.Family: BookQuality: EThe worst possible mix of self-help propaganda and common business advice pretending to be profound. Rated R for Ripoff.

The System had ruined Basils daily routine and forced him to deal with crisis after crisis. Megabug, the Unity, Shellgirl each time he thought he could find a degree of normalcy in a world gone mad, a new problem arose to ruin his hopes.

Well, no more! Basil had planned the perfect post-apocalyptic routine! He would wake up at eleven oclock, do house chores before his meal, study holy books in the afternoon, dine with his pets, and finally go to sleep after a TV or video game run. Eventually, he would find a cure for petrification, the French army would repel the Unity, and Basil could go back to paying his taxes without worrying about the future.

A simple plan for a quiet life.

Mister? Rosemarines voice grew worried. Mister?

I shouldnt tempt fate like that, Basil told himself. He glanced at the plowed rows of the garden. The earth trembled as dog-sized creatures emerged from underground to embrace the sunlight. It never goes well.

Basil didnt know whether he should blame Rosemarines pollen or the power nutrient. Perhaps it was the combination of both on top of the dungeons leftover radiation. Whatever the case, the results were nothing short of spectacular.

A dog-sized pumpkin was the first to rise out of the earth. It let out a fearsome cry with its maw and unleashed a burst of flames with its burning eyes. Fanged tomatoes emerged from the garden after it, followed by onions with spider legs, tiny humanoid beans, and strawberries with frightening eyes all over their skin.

Ghostie PumpkinLevel 1 [Plant/Undead].Demon TomatoLevel 1 [Plant/Demon].Bean NinjaLevel 1 [Plant]Onion SpiderLevel 1 [Plant/Bug].Strawboogie BerryLevel 1 [Plant/Fairy]

Rosemarines seeds bloomed by the dozens into tiny newborn monsters. The cacophony of their screams made Basil wince. Yet the sight filled him with perverse satisfaction. His experiment had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

Can I adopt them, Mister? Rosemarine asked, hectic with joy. We will raise a plant army and eat the world!

Ive made something better than a monster flower hedge. Basil smirked in triumph. A self-defending kitchen gardeargh!

A fanged tomato leaped at his face with a hungry roar. Basil swung his hoe on instinct and sent the creature flying into the houses fence. A pumpkin monster followed by trying to bite his ankle and received a kick to the teeth for its trouble.

Basils joy at raising a vegetable army proved short-lived. The monsters snapped their fangs at him and some even salivated with hunger.

No eating the Mister! Rosemarine roared, her cute little voice turning from concerned to angry. Bad seeds! Bad seeds!

I am your creator! Basil shouted to his wayward vegetables. You must obey me! Submit, and I shall water you each morning!

The System translated his words to the rabble and some of them listened. A few of the vegetables broke ranks to join Rosemarine, the plants forming a defensive barrier around Basil.

Alas, most of the newborn monsters refused to bow and leaped at the loyalists with murderous intent.

Is this a revolt? Basil ground his teeth. I prefer meat first and foremost

He swung his hoe and baptized it in pumpkin blood.

But I know vegan recipes.

After he wandered deeper and deeper into the woods with nothing to show for it, Plato realized that he had done it.

He had slain all the forests bird monsters.

Wow, I didnt think the day would come. Plato sat in the shadow of a tree in disappointment. I feel empty inside.

The forest was still teeming with critters like rats, mice, and squirrels but killing them felt different. Amusing, but not as pleasurable as watching the light go out of a birds eyes. Nothing could beat a close-up murder in intimacy, especially when the target didnt see the fatal pounce coming.

How am I supposed to contribute now? Plato muttered to himself. These exercises were training for hunts and battles, to bring meat to the kitchen table, and to make his party stronger by shoring up experience.

Plato understood that as a pampered cat, he was mostly a burden for Basil. His owner tapped into his food reserves for his sake, treated him when he was sick, and removed parasites from his fur when he came back with ticks.

Rosemarine healed wounds with her pollen and Bugsy contributed like a work animal, but the only things Plato was good at were hunting and reconnaissance. With no monster left in the forest, what purpose did he serve?

Plato knew Basil would never consider him a burden in his mind, but his cat pride wouldnt let him act like a like a human NEET!

I could always scout the citys outskirts and snatch boxes of medicine. Plato picked up the distant sound of trees falling down to earth. Bugsy sure cant approach the place undetected.

Platos amusement morphed into concern. They were far from the house. Why would Bugsy travel so deep into the forest to chop wood? He could pick trees by stepping over the fence.

The rumbling noise grew closer.

Realizing the danger, Plato hid in the tall grasses. His eyesight was terrible, but his ears picked words spoken aloud and his nose smelled steel in the wind.

Are you kidding me? Plato whispered, half in fear and half in disbelief. An enormous shadow walked between the trees, causing some to fall with each step. Damn it.

TARGET UNDETECTED! The gearsmans voice boomed across the forest. A group of watchers flew between the trees to patrol the area around their larger brethren. MOVING ON TO A NEW SEARCH ZONE!

After making sure the robots wouldnt see him, Plato rushed in the houses direction as fast as his tiny legs could carry him.