Chapter 116 - The question

The car sped into the sunset. Across the blazing sky hanged large stripes of gray clouds. They looked like a giant hand carelessly played with a dry brush. I sighed as our complex came into view. We were silent since we got out of the lab. I couldn't get Atlas' question out of my head. It kept turning around in circle poking at me. 'Will you still love your mate without a body?'

-Liliane, don't let him get to you.

My head sprung to the front of the car and found Grant hunched toward me. He was twisted in an uncomfortable posture with his seatbelt tight across his chest. He reached his hand and I took it. That simple contact pushed the devil away. But it only chased it to the back of my mind without a full exorcist. I bet it would stick around the edges in the gloom waiting for the right moment to strike.

-We are getting home soon. I'll cook a nice dinner.

I sighed at the creases on his forehead. He's continuously worried about me. I averted my gaze feeling guilty. What Atlas told me was like hitting an open wound. He punched precisely where it hurt the most. Grant tugged on my hand to get my attention. He pulled at the seatbelt to reached his other hand. Olga gave us a peek over her shoulder.

"I'm ok," my voice sounded fake even to my own ears. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "I'll be ok," this time my tone was strong and determined. Grant nodded once then let go. He gave me one last look before turning to the front. The moment he released my hand, I felt the lack of his touch.

Olga pulled in the driveway and cut the engine. We remained still in the air-conditioned interior. We all had something to add to what happened. But no one wanted to be the first to speak up. Grant opened his door and slipped out. The sound startled me.

"See you tomorrow," he leaned to my side and peeked at me. I quickly got out to join him.

"Liliane!" called Olga. I paused as I shut the door behind me. "I'll see you tomorrow, put on your training gear," oh, yeah our girl time. I nodded at her. The car smoothed down the road, I stood at the gate watching it disappear. When I sprung around I found Grant leaning against the entrance with his arms crossed over his chest. His face said a lot of things, I lowered my head and went past him.

"I don't want to talk about it," I tossed over my shoulder. He hurried behind me.

"Liliane! We have to," I reached for the gate of your house. The plants were withering, the roses hanged limply. Grant followed my gaze and winced.

"I'll water them," he went to the tap found on the corner of the house and pulled on the hose.

"Didn't Demos said to water them in the morning or something?" I grimaced. I can't believe we let his garden die. He will be so disappointed if we don't take better care of it. Grant sprayed the water over the poor plants, ignoring my comment.

"He will be back, right?" Grant slowly turned his head, he studied me then turned back to his task.

"You said you don't want to talk about it," I frowned at the dried leaves laying on the concrete path leading toward the front door.

"I'm scared," I admitted. I heard the tap squealed as Grant cut the water.

"I'm also scared," I looked up at him. His eyes were lost in the distance. He blinked and our eyes met. "I'm afraid, this situation might make you realize that your feelings for us are just how a kid feels with his or her favorite toys," my whole body went cold.

"Wait a sec—" my voice trailed off. I was so angry and ready to rage but then closed my mouth. He tilted his head to the side observation my every move. I shifted nervously on my legs and averted my gaze.

-Was I wrong?

I glared back at him. Of course, he was wrong. I love them, both of them. How could he say this to my face? They are not toys—we had s.e.x, for god sake. My hand shook from contained anger.

"The way you reacted when you first saw the backup unit—you freaked out," tears welled up.

"Of course, I freaked out! Demos—he was trapped in this—this thing," I waved my arms desperately. I took deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. Grant just pursed his lips at me.

"That thing is Demos what saved his data. We are only codes, this body is only the envelope," he pointed at his chest. "The envelope is not us," I just stood there, it took me the longest time to come up with something to say. My mind was just a blank canvas.

"This is what I see."

"Are you saying to can only love what you see? What about Demos? Do you love him less, now that he is a black box?" I wanted to run away, I didn't want to answer him. I gave them everything, access to my house, my heart and my body. How could he doubt my feelings? It hurts, it hurts so damn much. He crossed the distance between us and reached for me but I stepped away.

"Liliane, we were made for you. But I'll be frank, my priority has shifted the day Jay Dawson slashed into my synthetic skin," I didn't want to keep listening. I wanted to press my hands over my ears. I was angry and frustrated—sad and hurt.

-Liliane!

I shook my head and frowned at the concrete path. He was so close I could feel his warmth. He leaned forward the tip of his nose brush against my hair. I closed my eyes and melted against his chest. I was convinced he was using whatever power over me. I rested my forehead over his shirt in a way that I keep his at bay. He raised his arms to hug me.

"Don't," I whispered. His arms stopped midway. "I'm trying hard not to cry. I'm trying hard to deal with my shit—with grief. What you said really hurts. I don't know what I have to do to show you I really care—" my voice broke and took a deep breath. I quickly turned away from him and walked to the door. Jil greeted us with a panic face.

"Master! Master!" I just walked past her and slammed the door of the room behind me. Grant's voice came from the other side of the door.

"I'll give you enough space," I heard his footsteps move away to the living room. I can't believe—we are fighting. I hate this—I miss Demos. But what do I really miss? I sunk against the door and head my head in my hands.

'Will you still love your mate without a body?'

Yes! I still love him. I miss him. I don't care about the technical side of it. What about Grant? I loved him too. The fact that he is too perfect is scary. But I still love, else I will never give him access to my body. If I don't love someone, I don't have s.e.x with them. I heard rustling from the other side of the door. I jumped and wiped the silent tears streaming down my face.

"Grant?"

"Yes, I'm sitting against the door," I sniffed and turned towards the wooden surface. "I'm sorry for hurting you," this is what annoys me about Grant. He always does that is right and is polite—the perfect Mr. Right. He chuckled from the other side. I stopped and listened.

"Trust me, I'm not perfect. Else I wouldn't feel this guilty sitting on this side of the door," from the link, I feel his tension.

"I'm not going to forgive you just like that," I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Fair enough. I can make efforts. Just give me—us, a chance. But Liliane, be honest, fall for us and not just the envelopes."