CH 149

His Soft Heart Would Kill the Other Man

"Emperor still doesn't understand, it's not that this small immortal won't let you see the General, it's that the General doesn't want to see you." Lian Bi raised her hand to avoid Yan Yuan's hand.

"You have come this far, there was no turning back long ago. Those wounds, you cannot erase them from the General's heart by enduring them all over again. If you were more unrestrained, perhaps the General would still look at you a little higher."

"Please go back, Emperor."

Yan Yuan's hand dropped and he fell back to the ground.

He had come to this point, not by choice, but because Heaven was pushing him from behind, towards a path from which there was no turning back. At the end of that road was a fork, dividing it into two, one leading to life and the other to death, and he chose the latter because he saw hope in the road to death.

A man who is not even afraid of death does not care about decency. He didn't want Xuan Long to think highly of him; stripped of his heavenly god's shell, he himself was an ordinary, common man, and he had no way to be unrestrained by such deep feelings.

"I won't go… If I go, I won't be able to see him." Yan Yuan bent his legs, resting his arms on his knees, his sightless eyes gazing ahead, and he murmured. "I'll wait here... If he doesn't see me, I won't leave."

"You!" Lian Bi gasped.

Unable to see, Yan Yuan let her stare, sitting motionless on the ground like a wooden statue.

"As you wish." Although Lian Bi had never looked kindly at Yan Yuan, there was no way for her, an ordinary immortal, to drive the Emperor away, so she simply went through the door and entered the house.

The tent was drawn up and hung on both sides, and the man sitting on the edge of the bed was wearing a robe, his icy turquoise pupils lost in thought as he gazed at the sleeping face of the little one on the bed.

A'Zhi was tired from playing this afternoon and had not woken up after sleeping for a long time. Xuan Long did not want him to hear the argument between the adults, so he set up a boundary to prevent him from being woken up by the people outside.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, Xuan Long turned back.

"Has he gone?"

"No." Lian Bi shook her head, not as arrogant as she had been a moment ago, and her eyes contained a bit of worry. "Lian Bi is useless, I've said everything I need to say, but the Emperor still refuses to go."

Xuan Long lowered his eyes and was silent.

The candlelight painted a faint shadow on the man's lowered eyelashes. He had lost a lot of weight these days, and his body was getting thinner and thinner beneath his basalt robe, which made Lian Bi very sad to see.

How could the General not be upset when he found out that Yan Yuan had abused his body like that? Why didn't his pig-headed man realise that the General would even risk his own life to save him? How could the General accept his confession and enjoy his company for over a hundred years with peace of mind and then watch him die?

Those who leave are able to walk away with both hands, but what are those left alive going to do?

The mere fact that Yan Yuan would be restrained if he came near the General was enough to make the General ruthlessly hide away. The relationship he wanted was never based on the other person's pain.

"General, what should we do?..." Lian Bi asked.

Xuan Long shook his head.

It would be great if he knew what to do.

Why must Yan Yuan be so stubborn, preferring to make things difficult for both sides? Wouldn't it be good to spare himself and spare him...

"Lord Yan Jing has personally gone to seek the method to repair the Emperor's Star. Don’t worry General, he is the Emperor of the Heavenly Realm after all, he won't die so easily. He wants to wait, let him wait, he will naturally give up after waiting for a long time." Lian Bi said.

Xuan Long knew that Lian Bi was reassuring him. If Yan Yuan had made it this far, how could he give up? If he didn't do something, Yan Yuan would definitely continue to pester the immortals and stand outside all night like he did last time.

This was not the right solution.

In the end, he decided to go out and see for himself.

When the door was opened, he saw the man sitting on the ground with his back to him. Yan Yuan's ears were completely deaf and he did not react at all when Xuan Long walked out, it was only after he reached him, probably because he felt a little wind blowing against his cheeks, that he had a slight reaction and tilted his head towards Xuan Long, saying uncertainly, "A'Po...?"

"Is that you..." Yan Yuan reached out and grabbed, catching a cold piece of clothing, and his pale face was tinged with some delight.

Originally, he was able to sense the other party's divine breath, but his qi was so damaged that now he was no different from a useless person.

Xuan Long saw Yan Yuan sitting on the ground with his hair dishevelled, and his lips were covered in dried blood which he did not know to wipe, just like a wild beast. He had managed to save Yan Yuan from the blades of the Heavenly Way, and this was how he had trampled on his own body.

Heartache, disappointment, sadness, multiple emotions swelled in Xuan Long's chest, tightening his throat so that he could not speak. When he managed to squeeze out a sentence, it was hoarse and incomparable:

"I told you to leave, why didn't you listen?"

The voice transmission technique landed in Yan Yuan's head and he staggered up from the ground, smiling with red eyes, "I miss you... I won't be able to see you when I leave."

Xuan Long: "...... You always go back on your word, both before and now. You said you would stay away from me and never appear in front of me again. Yan Yuan, have you ever done any of the things you promised me?"

Yan Yuan became anxious and bent down to grasp Xuan Long's hand, the real touch reassured him, but also cut his heart like a knife: "What I failed to do before, I will try my best to do in the future. A’Po, you must believe me… It's different from before. The Heavenly Way can no longer influence me... If you stay with me, you won't be grasped by me... It's different from before. The Heavenly Way no longer has the power to influence me, you are with me, you will not be restrained if you are with me. My fate is weaker than yours now, if you want restraint, it will be you who restrains me. Don't you hate me? It is good, the closer you are to me, the worse it will be for me, so you should be relieved..."

"If you want to go see the sea, I will accompany you. I can accompany you wherever you want to go. As long as you still want to see me, I can do anything... I am fine with dying. Don't worry, I will die, I will live for a hundred years at most, and I will die when I have done all the things I promised you before. You mustn't miss me..."

At the end of the speech, Yan Yuan no longer knew what he was saying, and he expressed himself in an incoherent manner. He had previously thought that he must not lose his composure in front of Xuan Long, but he had burst into tears without realising it.

The longing was driving him mad.

What frightened Yan Yuan even more was that he could not see Xuan Long's expression and could only feel the hand that he was holding in his palm pulling away a little. No matter how hard he tried, he could not hold it.

"A'Po..."

"Don't call me that, you don't deserve to." Xuan Long's low, hoarse voice rang out in Yan Yuan's head.

"You are not worthy to be the emperor of the Heavenly Realm, you are not worthy to be A'Zhi's father, you are not worthy of me having loved you once."

"Yan Yuan, you have truly disappointed me too much."

Yan Yuan looked down at his empty palm, although he could not see anything: "Yes, I am not worthy to be the emperor of the Heavenly Realm, not worthy of such a sweet and loving child like A'Zhi, not worthy of you loving me once, but I don't want to... I can't help waking up every day, my mind is full of you, full of you treating me well, laughing with me. I even dreamt of you dying in my arms ten thousand years ago, and you told me not to cry, and that when you fell into reincarnation, I should go to the mortal world to find you."

"I listened to you and went looking for you, but how could I have mistaken you for someone else? I love you so much, I love you more than I love my own life... Tell me, why did I identify the wrong person?" Yan Yuan's tears fell on his pale palm, and he raised his head to face Xuan Long with hollow eyes, hissing:

"If I could do it all over again, I would not confuse you, even if the Heavenly Way turned me into a fool, I would remember your face firmly, remember that you are A'Po, Yan Yuan's most important beloved. But now, since long ago, there is no turning back, I can only continue to go forward... to find some not so clever... I can only move on and find some not too clever ways to undo the wrongs that have been done."

"I blame you for treating me too well and indulging me too much, so I can't let go of you. Whether you hate me or are disappointed, it doesn't matter, I don't dare ask for your forgiveness. As long as you're willing to let me make amends, I'll be satisfied... okay?" As Yan Yuan spoke, he went to grab Xuan Long's hand again.

This time Xuan Long did not break away from his hand, but remained silent for a moment before saying indifferently, "But I don't need that anymore."

"You should have heard that I am with General Huo."

Yan Yuan was stunned, his figure swayed as if he was about to lose his footing, and he coughed out a mouthful of blood, which splattered on Xuan Long's lapel. He casually raised the back of his hand and wiped it, laughing, "Then take pity on me, will you? It's not that you need me, it's that I can't let you go..."

"I only have a hundred years left anyway, a hundred years is so short, just take pity on me. Before I die, act with me again. After I die, I won't be able to see who you love and who you will be with..."

"Okay..."

Xuan Long remained silent and did not reply to him. The smile at the corner of Yan Yuan's mouth could not be maintained. He covered his mouth and coughed, his body trembled incessantly and it was difficult to stop. He grabbed Xuan Long's arm and shook it gently, just as he had done before when he was acting spoiled towards him.

"A'Po... you have a good heart, you were always soft-hearted towards me, just be soft-hearted towards me one last time, okay...""

"Please..."

"Please...." The blood dripped from the corner of his mouth and no one wiped it for him.

If Yan Yuan could see, he would have seen Xuan Long's icy turquoise eyes blurred by a hot mist long ago, the clear liquid falling silently down his cheeks.

Unfortunately, he could not see it.

Xuan Long would not let him notice even the slightest difference.

"If I were to go soft on you, what would General Huo think?"

"You know that I always treat people wholeheartedly, when I am with you, and when I am with others."

"I don't need you to make amends. Don't appear before me in the future, just live well, that is the greatest amends you can make."

"Go away." Xuan Long struggled with his arm, but did not break free. Yan Yuan's body was so weak now, how could he not break free?

Yan Yuan shook his head and cried like a child: "No... I won't go..."

"The words you said were all lies, you lied to me. You are afraid that I will die if I stay with you, so you deliberately lied to me, otherwise you would not have saved me, would not have blocked the heavenly punishment for me. You still care about me, right?"

Xuan Long: "Don't make a fool of yourself, saving you was only because you are the Emperor and it is my duty to protect you."

"If it weren't for that, I wouldn't want to take one more look at you." Xuan Long managed to pull his hand back this time, with such force that Yan Yuan took several unsteady steps backwards and fell down the steps.

There were six flights of steps, and Yan Yuan rolled down, hitting his forehead on the jade steps, causing blood to appear on his face. Xuan Long subconsciously tried to help, but Yan Yuan had already slowly crawled up, sitting on the ground and muttering: "I don't believe it... I don't believe it... "

Xuan Long averted his eyes, unwilling to look again: "It is useless to say more, let's leave it at that."

Yan Yuan sensed that he was going to leave, so he panicked and scrambled to get up and chase after him. However, before taking a few steps, he tripped over the steps and landed on his knees. For a moment, he thought he would not be able to stand up, so he resorted to crawling.

"Don't go… A'Po, don't go..."

Xuan Long turned his back on him, his nails deeply embedded in his palms, and he did not turn around.

His soft heart would kill the other man.