Chapter 70 - 70. tired...

The ringing went on for two years...his life had a basic routine now....waking up-eating-fight to kill-being hung in the darkroom to 'strengthen his body'-sleep and the same thing looped for a whole of about 2 years...

In between these years he saw his mother's health breaking-down slowly, he who had learned a lot in the years knew it was slow poisoning but he acted as a bystander watching everything from a glass wall, he had lost his warmth and emotions the day Yun was killed....he was living just for the sake of living, even revenge needed emotions for it, which he buried with Yun... he was unable to show or feel any emotions these years.

The only reason he wasn't 'dead' yet was only because of the soft inkling in his soul that there was someone waiting for him, even he couldn't describe that feeling...it was mystical,.... or maybe, he was just waiting for the day when he could feel his emotions again and was just giving excuses. The human species are selfish, you see, they can make a lot of excuses just to prove themselves right ma.

He was a walking killing machine by the day, he killed without emotions just like a cold blade.....his hands were stained with the blood of many but nothing mattered...each passing day, he just felt his heart go colder and colder, the people around him started to stay far away from him and by night he became a heartless soul, he saw his mother dying before his eyes, he hadn't tried to talk to her after that day and he knew it was probably killing her too, but compared to the soul-wrenching pain he felt that day, it was a much easier death, at least, she didn't have to live in her fantasy anymore, after death, she will be free.

He was her flesh and blood, but if asked, she never did something that could prove the fact so, he didn't want to waste his breath on her.

He suffered from ADHD, though his IQ was found out to be so that he would be called a rare genius, it was hard for him to stay in classes for a longer time and killing became a part of his life, if he didn't do anything he would start to get 'anxiety-attacks', nausea and whatnot, killing made his heart clear and calm, the only way for him to continue living....

He didn't attend classes, he stayed most of the time in the underground basement and rarely went home, whenever he went back what welcomed was the frail body of his mother suffering from an 'illness' which couldn't be cured, it seems she had accepted it as her KARMA.....she never thought about the real reason...but Mu Xuan didn't care, even though his mother's body was getting weaker and thinner by each passing day, he didn't have it inside him to care anymore...he was too tired of trying to use his emotions....

But in the last few months, a few things have changed....

The number of time someone came to pick him up decreased, it became from 7d/week to 5d/week, well he couldn't do anything about it...so he fought more on the days he was called, many of the men were injured beyond recognition by him, but ah~ well, it was just his pent up frustration from the days he wasn't called.

Even though he stayed at home or sometimes went with his mother for her daily checkups which later turned into her being admitted to the hospital permanently, few things never changed...

For the last two years, he had a type of selective heating disorder except for the times he took orders for kills, his ears were continuously ringing but it didn't bother him...as expected, the death of YUN had hunted him for the last two years, waking up screaming or sub-consciously crying had become a regular thing for him, it wasn't a conscious and that made the difference, his soft features had long become stiff because of his all-year -round cold face, he felt his mother looking at him but he treated her like thin air, every part of his body had turned into something indescribable, he could kill without thinking and feeling anything, it seems unrealistic but his life had just become that.....it was living hell while feeling that he wasn't living....

Finally, the day came.

His mother was on her death bed..she was dying but still, he showed no emotion.

For the last three days, no one came to pick him up to go 'there' and truth to be told, he was actually having some withdrawl symptoms....well, now the only thing he could do was sit like a doll beside his mother and watch those people in white occasionally pass by and giving him a look of pity but after three days had passed they were treating him like a monster as he just didn't care about anything and even if his mother was dying, he wasn't sad at all...he was just cold and distant..his eyes,.... dead.