Chapter 66 - 66

Chapter 66

Most people, when they woke up in their apartments, thought about what the day would bring. Their jobs, what chores they had to do, if it was a day off what they wanted to do for fun.

When you were a Chaos, trapped in an anime world, and woke up in your apartment... especially when the last thing you remembered was Battle City AND stopping a multiverse tyrant... your thoughts took on different pathways.

"Aw fuck!" I groaned as I looked down and confirmed that yes, my pajamas were Halloween themed ones (with happy little ghosts and pumpkins on them). "Another fucking holiday filler arc?" I rolled onto my side and pulled the blankets up around me. "I don't know why this keeps happening but if I were an anal retentive piece of donkey butter reading this as a free fanfic I'd be pissed that the story didn't get moving! I'd also be concerned about the sudden 4th wall breaking!" I closed my eyes, wondering if I could will myself asleep and just skip the damn thing... that tended to happen in some anime, where the main character got some time off... maybe let a side character have some fun?

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you!"

I squeezed my eyes shut as my alarm went off.

"Fuck me in the ass!"

"Oh, really?"

I sloooooooowly turned to find Selene standing in the doorway, wearing a see through nightie, a naughty little smirk on her face as she slowly raised one leg up, rubbing her calf with her bare foot.

"...I know you are greek, I know in my previous life I was greek, I know there are a ton of ass fucking jokes out there about those two facts, and while I am more adventurous than a lot of men... no."

The goddess merely sauntered into the room. "Come now lover... I know you like what you see." She slowly trailed her finger up her side and then down again before sliding down on the bed, her other hand walking her fingers along my chest. I noticed that the nightie literally left NOTHING to the imagination. "You're a man... I'm a goddess... don't you think-"

"We're in a filler arc," I grunted, trying to mentally make a certain part of my body STOP obeying her hints. "It won't count."

At once Selene's smile fell and she waved her hand, the nightie turning into an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "Ugh. Another one? My Mai self can deal with this." With that Selene stomped off, her hair already beginning to curl and her body losing a few inches as she let Mai take back control.

'Holy fuck that worked!' I thought to myself in shock. 'I managed to get the immortal goddess to not want to have sex with me! Woohoo!'

I blinked.

'...I live a weird fucking life.'

~MC~MC~MC~

"I ordered breakfast," Mai said as she heard Edwin finally make his way out of his room. She, for her part, didn't bother to look away from the television, a folding TV Tray set up with the Styrofoam container that had her scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage links inside. Where before she'd always tried to eat healthy in order to maintain her figure realizing she timeshared her body with a goddess that would never let her gain weight meant she could indulge. Of course, the moment that thought entered her head... "Hey, are you into big beautiful women?"

"Only occasionally but it has to be in Porn With Plot fanfics," Edwin replied as he grabbed his own container and made his way over to the couch. "Honestly I like my ladies tall and athletic."

"Good to know," Mai said with a smirk before stabbing at some sausage, relieved that she wouldn't have to worry about Selene porking her up just to entice Edwin; Mai took pride in her curves, sure, but also liked being fit. "So, mind telling me how I ended up here in my pajamas?"

"Selene," Edwin stated as he looked over his hash brown, smiling that it was just firm enough that he could eat it with his bare hands. "I learned not to curse using any reference to fucking my own ass."

"...smart," Mai said. "So how did you get her to back down?"

"Pointed out we're in a filler arc and she decided it wasn't worth the trouble."

Mai just chewed on her eggs before finally asking, "This is another thing connected to you being from another dimension, isn't it?"

"Yup."

"Do I want to know?"

"The short recap?" Edwin asked, getting up. "Coffee? Hot coco? Orange juice?"

"Orange juice," Mai said. "I know you don't like coffee kisses."

Edwin smiled. "I'll manage if you brush your teeth afterwards."

"Still orange juice. I don't trust you make it."

Edwin nodded and set about pouring her orange juice, getting into the freezer to get some orange juice ice cubes he always had on hand, before moving to make his coco. "Anyway, the short recap is that in my world all of this Domino stuff..." he waved his hand about, "is broken up into three kinds of events. First is the canon stuff. That is the major events that threaten the world and our lives. Duelist Kingdom, Battle City..."

"The other things you refuse to tell me," Mai said only to turn back to look at him. "I'm kidding. I know that Selene will most likely punish you if you reveal too much." When Edwin and her had talked about everything he'd confessed that his biggest fear was that Selene would find ways to punish him if he tried to let Mai know about events that might ruin all her plans. "Okay... what's next?"

"Us having normal days where nothing happens? That's 'offscreen'."

"Because this is an anime," Mai said, still trying to wrap her head around the idea that Edwin had watched about a year of her life. Of course he'd also stated that him doing that was why he'd been so nervous about their relationship... which Mai had told him was fucking stupid. She'd then called his dad and gotten so many baby stories from the man just to prove her point. "And anime doesn't have simple family moments."

"This anime, at least. And unless it is a filler arc episode," Edwin told her, the microwave dinging. He went to the cupboard and pulled out a box of cheap store brand hot coco mix and poured a pouch into his heated milk before finally returning to the couch with their drinks. "But for us the filler arcs seem to only happen with holidays and those are designed to have me face idiots in duels or battles, not have nice relaxing modern couple fun days so... yeah, its Halloween so we are fucked."

"...I followed about 10% of that," Mai admitted.

"What is the last thing you remember us doing?" Edwin asked.

"Heading towards the finals for Battle-" Mai eyes suddenly went wide and she began to look about rapidly. "Wait... how... we..."

"Welcome to my fucking world," Edwin said, taking a sip of his hot coco.

"But... but we... I don't-"

"Selene! Calm her down!"

Mai blinked and looked down to see that the foam containers had changed to fine dining ware and that she'd just lost five minutes... and Edwin looked rather rumpled. His pajama shirt was off (and Mai took a moment to admire that) and there was lipstick not just on his neck but also marks that trailed down to his- "Did you just use my goddess side to stop me from having an anxiety attack?"

"To be fair I don't plan to do it again," Edwin said, swallowing. "I think she managed to lick my small intestine." He shuddered before looking at her. "You okay though?"

"...yeah," Mai said, finding she was a lot calmer now. "Still... it is freaky to know that suddenly everything can shift."

"That's why I don't let anyone else know about it," Edwin said. "Probably let Renard know, as I'm sure he'll go with us... not sure about Yuri as she might not want to leave Tea..."

"Go with us?"

Edwin nodded. "If I ever figure out a way to get back to my home dimension."

"You... you plan to take me with you?"

"Only if you want," he said, suddenly nervous.

Mai, for her part, pushed her tray away and crawled on the couch so she could curl up on his lap. "I ever tell you how sweet you are?"

"I'm sure you have," he said with a smile, leaning in and kissing her neck. "I ever tell you that for all the sexy expensive clothing... I love you dressed down and casual?"

"You just like me slumming it."

"No," Edwin told her, "I like that you are so comfortable around me that you are willing to dress like that."

"...I want to tell you how much I love you but I think it would come out far too sweet and sugary." She dragged her tray over to her but remained curled up next to him. "So, filler arc?"

"Yeah and its Halloween so that can mean craziness. Last time I became a power ranger."

"I remember that. I had to gargle for an hour to get the cigarette smoke out of my mouth."

"Let me advise on your costume this time. If we're lucky we can get you some cool power of your own." Edwin reached over and grabbed the remote, clicking it on before Mai could ask him to keep it off they could enjoy some quiet breakfast-and-cuddle time.

"Its time to recap last night's episode of Survivor: Amityville Edition!"

Edwin changed the channel.

"Blanche, I can't believe you are dating Count Dracula!"

"And why not, Dorothy? We have so much in common. After all, we both love to suck."

Changed again.

"Welcome back to the Playboy Channel. Up next, some hot Werewolf on Zombie action."

"...god damn filler arcs," Mai and Edwin said at the same time.

~MC~MC~MC~

The door chime at the Kame Game Card shop and Yugi winced as someone came in only for a high pitch scream to fill the air, making the customer jump. Yugi, for his part, merely flashed a weak smile before he got back to sweeping the floor.

Which was easier said than done considering the bulky brown inflatable t-rex costume Yugi was wearing.

"Ah, hello there!" Yugi's grandpa said, entering wearing a Batman costume. "What can I do for you? Here to take advantage of our Halloween sale? 25% off all Zombie and Fiend Type cards!"

The young man smiled. "Was actually looking to get some card sleeves." He began to browse the selection. "You guys really get into Halloween, huh?"

Solomon smiled. "Of course! Important to celebrate and have fun!" Yugi chuckled at that; his grandpa also dressed up in hopes of getting people to notice the store.

"Well, I love the T-Rex costume," the customer said. "And you make a great Goth Taylor Swift."

Solomon's face fell. "I'm not Taylor Swift."

"Katy Perry if she only had black clothes?"

"I am not a female singer," Solomon said far more sternly.

"Oh! Of course! How silly of me!" the customer said with a laugh. "It's so obvious! You're Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan!"

Yugi hurriedly rushed over to his grandfather and pushed him towards the store room, desperate for him not to say a word. "Just remember the money, grandpa, just remember the money!" It took a few moments but Solomon finally calmed down, allowing Yugi to go ring up the guy's purchase. "That was close."

"What was close?" Tea asked as she walked in, making Yugi gulp as he saw her wearing a Lara Croft costume. "Yugi?"

"Oh... uh... someone didn't know what Grandpa was dressed as."

"Yeah, that's been going around," Tea said with a roll of her eyes. "I swear if one more person calls me 'sexy Indiana Jones'..."

"How could anyone think that?" Yugi asked before he stammered out, "the Indiana Jones part! Not the sexy part! I mean... that is..."

Tea smiled and leaned down, planting a kiss on Yugi's cheek... or where she assumed it was, thanks to the costume covering him head to toe. "I know what you meant." Ever since their double date with Edwin and Mai the two best friends had been slowly easing into the transition from merely friends to a couple. Both didn't want to ruin what they had by rushing and thanks to Battle City really hadn't been able to go on a second date. But Tea still did hope that her and Yugi would get some more time to explore their budding relationship and was rather hopeful the upcoming evening would give her a chance to do just that. "So I guess that costume works with mine..."

Yugi blushed again, not that Tea could see it. "I'm going to change into my costume soon. Grandpa didn't know who Nathan Drake was so he had me switch into this. He wanted to make sure everyone knew I was wearing a costume."

"I guess that makes sense," Tea said as the door chimed and both teens looked up to see Joey enter wearing an old fashion suit, a bowler hat on his head.

"I do say Holmes this is an interesting collection of suspects!" Joey said in an utterly horrible British accent.

"Yes, I suppose you are right, Watson!" Serenity said with a grin as she walked in, wearing a deerstalker cap and the traditional Sherlock outfit. She held up a magnifying glass, Tea giggling as Serenity looked her over. "But I do wonder who our culprit is!"

"Where did you get those outfits?" Tea asked with a laugh. "They look great, by the way!"

"Thanks," Serenity said. "We shopped at several second hand stores to put them together."

Joey nodded his head. "I wanted to go with something a bit more action-packed but when Serenity said she wanted to be Holmes... well, even I know that Holmes needs Watson!"

"Thank you Joey," Serenity said sweetly before looking at Yugi. "So, is that your costume, Yugi?"

"No, I'm going as Nathan Drake from Uncharted. Edwin approved."

Serenity frowned at that. "Why did we need to get Edwin to approve our costumes again? Not that I don't mind, he was all for me being Holmes..."

Tea sighed. "Last year some guy turned us all into our costumes. Edwin luckily didn't buy his costume from the shop we did so he was able to remain in control of his mind and body."

"He did more than that!" Joey exclaimed. "He managed to find some awesome Power Rangers morpher so he could morph!"

Serenity's eyes went wide. "Oh! And he's worried it might happen again?"

"Doesn't hurt to be prepared," Yugi reasoned. "He asked us all to think of heroes who would give us abilities that could be useful, just in case we get trapped in the same situation we did last year. Honestly I don't mind as the choices were all really good and it wasn't like he didn't have a point."

Tea nodded, shuddering slightly as she remembered seeing footage of herself as the Baroness at the last Halloween party. While she hadn't harmed anyone she had threatened Edwin and if he hadn't had his Key she might have done far worse. If she was going to become her costume again she'd much prefer being a cool artifact hunter.

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Yugi's grandpa asked as he came back from the storage room.

"Well, we're a bit limited by Ed being a baby," Joey complained.

"He doesn't like scary stuff, Joey," Tea reminded him. "That isn't a bad thing."

"Come on!" Joey complained. "Its Halloween! Its all about scary and spooky stuff! Ed not wanting to do anything scary is like... Christmas without the presents!"

Serenity though merely smiled. "I'm actually glad that Edwin wants to do something mild. I wasn't looking forward to getting scared tonight..."

Joey's mood instantly changed. "Of course not! I'd wallop anyone that tried to scare ya, sis!"

Yugi shook his head which made his dinosaur costume bob about before looking over at his grandpa. "We're thinking we'll head to the Domino Museum. They set up a 'History of Horror' event where there are exhibits about classic horror films."

"Classic... as in boring!" Joey whined.

"There will also be plenty of food and candy," Tea said, trying to rally the blond.

Joey though merely sulked. "Not enough..."

~MC~MC~MC~

"So..." I asked, looking Cassie up and down.

"Not. One. Word." The Industrial Illusions Lore Mistress grumped.

"Fine, fine," I said, holding out my hands in surrender... only to smirk. "Don't let Renard see you though. I think he's only into mammals but you never know..."

Cassie glowered at me before letting out an annoyed sigh, running her hands over the maid's outfit she was wearing. It was utterly out of Downton Abbey except she had cloth wings on her arms, a long dragon tail hanging off the back, and some horns attached to her hat.

"It couldn't even be Dragonmaid Sheou. Then at least I could say I was just a dragon like Aria."

"I'm a night fury!" Aria called out, the newly prompted head of the R&D Testers wearing a black onsie-style costume with Toothless' head done up as the hood. "Scalies for life!" She held up her fist for Cassie to bop but the other woman could barely muster the energy to do so. "That was weak."

"I'm not a true scaly. I'm just a waifu." Cassie let out a grumpy huff. "Stupid bet."

"A bet?" I asked, shifting my ranger helmet under my arm (after last Halloween I was forever staying morphed whenever I needed a costume) while reaching over to snag a pumpkin shaped sugar cookie from the table.

"Yes and I don't want to talk about it," Cassie growled.

"Whhhhhyyyyyyy?"

Camula frowned. "No. I made an appointment for 3pm."

Seto sighed. "Right, I forgot about that because of this stupid party." He walked over and held out his hand. "Give it here... the duel ends in a draw because of faulty equipment." He motioned for Cassie and Martin to clear off a spot on a table, Mokuba running to get his tools. "I warned R&R that we needed to be careful with these custom Bat Wing Duel Discs; the thickness of the material can cause overheating. I'll fix it right now and then fire some people for not listening to me."

I just looked around, baffled.

"Good, then I should be able to make it to my date. Let me just call him." Camula took out a phone. "Solomon? It's Camula. Yes... yes... oh, I'm glad Yugi is doing well. Listen, I should be able to make it on time."

"...what?!" I screamed.

~MC~MC~MC~

"You know you're going to have to carry that thing around all night," Duke pointed out, reaching up and adjusting the ear piece he was wearing. He'd wanted to look dashing a cool and had been hoping to get Joey's sister as his partner for the costume wearing deal the gang had come up with. Everyone was partnered with someone and the idea was to wear a duo costume. But Serenity had gotten Joey and he'd been stuck with Tristan, who had decided he really wanted to go as one of those old timey American baseball players. The ones that had muttonchops and huge mustaches. As such Duke had decided to go as his security detail, which allowed him to dress in a suit with sunglasses and an earpiece.

"I'll be fine," Tristan said, shifting the bat he was carrying. "Worst case I get Edwin to teleport it back to his place."

"I will never get used to that being something we can rely upon," Duke said as the two of them crossed the street to the museum. They saw a bunch of people, both in costume and not, lingering about but they had their eyes on one particular group. "Hey guys!"

"Hey Tristan!" Yugi said, adjusting the leather harness he was wearing. It had a squirt gun in it, same as Tea with her holsters. "Great costume!"

"Thanks!" Tristan said, looking at everyone. "Hey Mai, who are you supposed to be?"

"Ranger Slayer," she said, adjusting her grip on the pink and black helmet she was wearing. "Edwin suggested it because he's a nerd."

"And proud of it," the blond said, wearing the ranger outfit he'd donned last Halloween to take out that freak that had turned them all into their costumes.

Duke, recognizing the outfit as well apparently, leaned in and asked in a softer voice, "is that-"

"Yeah. The Morphers still work."

"...next Halloween?" Duke asked.

"Yup. Maybe we can get an entire team."

Duke grinned, remembering how powerful he had felt as the Black Sentry Ranger and deciding right there that he couldn't wait for next year.

"Where are your shadows?" Tristan asked.

"Already here!" Yuri called out and Tristan turned only to blink in surprise at the sight of Edwin's bodyguard and Tea's sister. Renard was wearing regular clothing, which was odd for him to say the least considering he usually looked like a pirate, but he did have facepaint on that made him look like a fox. Yuri, for her part, had on a beat cop uniform and bunny ears.

"...Judy Hoops and Nick?" Edwin asked.

Renard bowed slightly. "But of course!"

"Pull it off good," Mai said before looking about. "This is everyone, right?"

"Except Bakura," Tea said, biting her lip. "You think he's okay?"

~One Hour Earlier~

"Hey Bakura," Edwin said over the phone, "need to talk to your hijacker."

Before Bakura could say a word the Spirit of the Millennium Ring took control. "Chaos. Come to beg me to not target you with my newest fiendish-"

"So its Halloween. Filler Arc. Last time we had that duel, you remember? The one where I used my Ghostrick deck and drove you insane? I figured we could make that a regular thing so when you and Bakura show up at the museum-"

The Spirit hung up the phone and decided to watching some nice, safe cartoons for the rest of the night.

~MC~MC~MC~

"I'm sure he's fine," Edwin said. "Let's get moving. The exhibit isn't going to view itself."

"But what if it could?" Joey asked.

"I... what does that even mean?"

"That the exhibit could view itself. That would be spooky!"

"I don't... what?"

Mai wrapped an arm around Edwin as they made their way towards the main entrance. "It must be so odd for you not to be the confusing one."

"Ha bloody ha," Edwin said with a dark look and a smirk.

"Bloody, because of Halloween," Duke commented.

"Let's go with that," Edwin said, already reaching into his pocket and pulling out his credit card; the gang no longer argued with him when he paid for things, understanding that since Edwin now had more money than he knew what to do with thanks to his job at KaibaCorp that he liked to spend it on outings such as their Halloween night.

However he didn't get a chance to even hold the card up before Alan, one of the museum's best archeologists and the guy Edwin had gotten in contact with concerning his deck and the Millennium Items (and Yugi and his friends had admitted they REALLY needed a meeting with him themselves), waved him off.

Which was funnier than it should have been, what with him in a giant inflatable Clafairy costume.

"On the house, Edwin."

"You sure?"

"You donated half a million bucks to the museum... I think we can waive the cover charge to enter. Classic Monsters Exhibit?"

"That's the plan," Edwin said as Nikolas, Mai's old dueling rival, walked out of the museum with James, the head of security at CCN. The former was dressed as Achilles while the latter was dressed as a wizard. "Before you say it, James... yes, we shall pass."

"That meme is overplayed anyway," James commented anyway, giving Edwin a wave before heading off with Nik.

"They know each other?" Tea asked.

"Everyone knows everyone in this town," Renard pointed out, a bit distracted as he spotted several kids wearing Corpse-Man costumes.

Yuri nodded. "It's true. Honestly it's surprising for a town this big how many people know each other."

Mai looked at Edwin, rather oddly in Yugi and his friend's opinion. "Almost like an anime where the crowds don't even have speaking roles?"

"Almost," he replied with a faint smile.

Deciding that this was just another case of Edwin being Edwin the gang shrugged and headed into the museum, waving goodbye to Alan as he headed off (mentioning needing to meet up with Mako of all people for drinks, proving Renard's point).

"Yugi, do you know your grandpa is dating a vampire?"

"Camula or Lizbeth?"

The entrance to the museum and its first main room look like any museum one might find: super tall ceilings, information desk in the front right as one walked in, signs letting visitors know which way to go to see the classic paintings or the dinosaur bones or the samurai armor. The major difference though was where the Ancient Egyptian Exhibit had been last time there was now the Classic Monsters Exhibit. The entryway had a large red curtain in front of it, which opened automatically when someone stepped close to it, flashing lights going off while the Swan Lake Overture began to play. A group of moms dressed as the Ghostbusters let out laughs at that before heading inside, giving everyone a brief look inside. Gray walls, a lot of interesting lighting, large hanging images on wood panels, and glass display cases.

Just the perfect thing for a non-scary night.

"Oh!" Serenity said in delight. "That looks so cool! It reminds me of that summer we spent in Oregon, Joey!"

~Several Years Ago...~

"And this is a fake rock that looks like a rock!" a man in a fez with an eyepatch told a group of tourists. "It's a rock but it looks like a fake!"

"Gruncle Stan," Little Serenity said, tugging on the man's jacket, "we accidently released that guy with stars in his eyes that was in the snow globe down in the cellar."

"You released Morph-" Stan turned and looked down at Little Joey and Serenity. "Wait, you aren't Mabel and Dipper."

Zeus chuckled. "Heh, we're so in an unapproved crossover, dude."

~Present~

"Hmmm," Edwin said, "my Uncle Bill always told me never to trust people named Stan."

"Darn right, Edwin!" a small yellow triangle with a single eye and a top hat declared, doing a fist bump with Edwin before leaving the museum. "You have fun!"

"Are... are we going to talk about that?" Duke asked, concerned.

"Filler arc!" Edwin and Mai sang.

"Alright, anyone want to see anything else before we hit the exhibit?" Tea asked.

"Nah," Joey said. "We all have seen these how many times thanks to field trips? Let's see somethin' new! Then I want to get as much candy as I can before we go watch the movie!"

With that the gang hurried over to the entrance, stepping on the triggering spot and watching at the curtains opened. They quickly hurried inside... only to stop when the lights flashed again and they found themselves NOT in the exhibit but someplace else entirely.

"Edwin..." Mai whispered, grabbing his hand.

"Not me or the Key," he said as he looked around the old English foyer. Literally old, as it was covered in dust, cobwebs, and all other manner of decay. Wilted flowers sit on a worn table in the center of the room. The stairs that led up to the second floor had cracked wood. The windows so filth covered that it was impossible to tell what the outside world looks like. An old grandfather clock chimed from somewhere and wind blew against the side of the house, causing the building to moan and groan. The air smelled stale, having not been disturbed for centuries, and the candles, freshly lit yet caked with old dried wax, flickered all around them.

"Joey... I don't like this," Serenity said, grabbing her brother's arm.

"Edwin?" Tristan said. "Mind getting us out of here."

"Love to," Edwin said, turning to activate the key... only for a cackle to fill the air.

"Leaving so soon?" a man said and everyone turned to see a rather familiar figure standing on the balcony, wearing an old-fashion black tux.

"Parker..." Edwin growled as he spotted the man that had caused so much chaos during the last Halloween. He took a step forward only to frown. "Wait... how the hell are you here? You were arrested!"

"Which admittedly is odd for bad guys we face," Tristan admitted.

"You think a prison can hold me?"

"...yes! It's a prison! It's supposed to hold you!" Edwin flapped his arms about in frustration. "What did you do, duel your way out?"

Parker grinned.

"...oh my god you dueled your way out."

~Earlier...~

"And that's the duel!"

The warden sighed. "Fine, you can leave. But you have to be back by November 1st!"

"That's fair."

~MC~MC~MC~

The gang watched as Edwin banged his head against a wooden pillar. "I. Hate. This. Fucking. World."

"What is it you want from us, Parker?" Tea demanded, taking a step forward, her hands on her hips.

"What I want is revenge for what you did to me! You turned me into a villain!"

Everyone just stared at him before, at once, they all began yelling and screaming about he did that to THEM first. How he had thrown a tantrum because some people dressed up as villains for Halloween and that had made him decided, of all things, to invoke dark magic to actually TURN them into their costumes just to then defeat them by turning himself into a hero. How EVERYTHING was his fault because he couldn't see that people liking a villainous character didn't mean they were evil monsters that would loot and pillage.

Edwin just kept hitting his head against the pillar.

"ENOUGH!" Parker roared, the group quieting down. "I will make you pay for what you did to me! Each and every one of you!"

"Serenity wasn't even there!" Tristan complained, waving his hand at the confused girl. "I don't think any of us even told her what happened!"

"Was he the snowman Edwin had to duel?" Serenity asked, tilting her head, befuddled by the turn of events.

"...I don't care!" Parker shouted.

Edwin's banging grew more frequent.

"And now you will suffer the wrath of my tiny rod!" Parker said, reaching down to his pants... and pulling out a small magic scepter.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"You won't feel good for long! Not when you've witnessed just what my tiny rod can do! No one feels pleasure when faced with my tiny rod!"

"HEY!" Sterling Archer said, popping in through a side door. "Phrasing!"

"Fucking. Filler. Arcs." Edwin moaned, Mai now joining him in bomping her head against the pillar.

"With my tiny rod I shall ensure you know only disappointment when I thrust it at you! LIKE SO!"

"He didn't even set us up for 'that's what she said'," Yuri complained, it clear Edwin was rubbing off on her, just before the small scepter glowed and struck them all with a blast of magic that knocked them all out.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Ugh," I groaned as I slowly came to. My head had a mild throb and I didn't think it was because of the pillar at all. Slowly reaching up I moved to rub my temple only to frown when I found fabric touching fabric. "The hell?" I muttered as I looked down to find myself in a completely different outfit. My ranger outfit was gone, leaving me in old fashion pajamas that were in various shades of gray. I also had on a bathrobe of some kind... though looking at the gray fabric and seeing how nice it was I began to wonder if it was actually a smoking jacket. I also had on thin gloves as well, different from my ranger outfit's gloves.

I touched my face again only to find that my head was wrapped in bandages. My glasses were different too; they had sides to them that pressed into the wrappings.

"What the sweet hell?" I repeated before hearing Mai groan. "Hey, careful there," I said, hurrying over to her. She was wearing a gray dress that was in a 1950s style but more concerning was that her skin was a pale whitish gray as well. "Mai... get up slowly... Parker did something to us."

"Uuuuuh?" she said as she slowly pushed herself up, turning to face me... and revealing that part of her cheek was rotted away, revealing her jaw bone and teeth. I flinched but Mai merely stared at me in confusion, tilting her own head as she took in the odd sight that was me. "Uuuuh," she moaned, blinking before clearly trying again to say something. "Uh. Uh." Her eyes went wide as panic began to set in. "Uh! Uh!" she said rapidly and despite my earlier shock I quickly grabbed her and pulled her close.

"Calm down. Calm down. Just breathe." I did my best not to shove her away when I felt how cold her skin was.

"Guys?" Yugi said, his voice raspy. "What's going on."

I turned to see Yugi... also wrapped in bandages only they covered his entire body, the fabric dusty and worn and crumbling. His skin was gray as well but horribly wrinkled, bits of wrapping having fused with his flesh. Next to him Tea slowly got up, wearing a white dress, her hair standing straight up with a shot of white running through it, her alabaster skin marred by scars.

"Tea?" Yugi asked.

Tea... just hissed, her hands going to her throat as she did so.

I slowly let go of Mai and reached down, tugging at my glove, fingers wiggling.

Not that I could actually see them.

"Aw fuck," I muttered as I stared at my invisible hand.