Chapter 67 - 67

Chapter 67

Everyone needs to calm down!" Renard said, holding out his hands in an attempt to get the panicking teens to actually take a breath and stop freaking out. It was rather unusual in terms of panic attacks seeing as half of the people throwing fits couldn't actually talk anymore. Though the group had found that if they focused REALLY hard they could make out the snarls, growls, groans, moans, and other sounds for what was truly being said. One had to really pay attention but it was possible.

"Easy... for you... to say," Tristan managed to get out, taking a lumbering step forward and slowly raising his hand to point at Renard. "You're... still... human."

"Technically all of us are human," Edwin point out. "Just some are transformed humans or dead humans or cursed humans."

"Uh... uuuuh (Not helping, Edwin)," Mai moaned.

"Tristan does have a point," Duke said, his voice tinted by a heavy Hungarian accent. "You are just someone who had some facial scarring. You got to keep your color too!"

Renard frowned, looking down at himself. He was wearing evening wear, all of it rather colorful... almost too colorful. While his tux and dress shirt were black and white, his jacket had reds and blues in it, but it was too perfect. Like someone using a marker to color it in, not realizing that there were shades and shadows that made fabrics not have one standard color running throughout them. He had on a flat-brimmed cap but most striking was the white mask that covered up most of his face save for his mouth.

"I guess the Chaney Phantom didn't count as a classic monster," Edwin said. "Though it would have been funny for Renard to have to hold up black place cards with what he was saying.

"Captain, we are stressed enough as it is," Renard stated.

Edwin held up his hands in defeat. "Sorry, sorry. I'll just blend back into the woodwork." He paused before snickering. "Get it?"

"Grrrr (someone hit him)," Yuri snarled, lips curling back to reveal her fangs, even as she reached up and scratched at the fur that was growing up over the collar of her basic button up shirt.

Mai reached over and whapped Edwin only for her hand to fall off.

"I got it, sweetie," Edwin said with mock politeness, reaching down and handing Mai back her hand. She glared at him as she worked to try and reattach it. "And Renard does have a pretty messed up face. So it's not like he got out of this scot free. And he has to listen to opera!" He laughed at his comment.

Tea merely shot them both a look. "HIIIISSSSS! (At least you two can talk normal! Do you know how annoying it is that all I can do is make this stupid noise? Where is Parker, I am so punching him in the nose the moment I find him!)"

"We'll find Parker and all take turns beating him up," Edwin stated cheerfully. "But let's do a roll call, just to make sure we're all here, okay? We don't want to leave anyone behind. Yugi?"

"Here," Yugi said, his voice sound harsh like he had come down with a sore throat. Which made sense considering he had been turned into a mummy. He reached up to where his hair should have been and let out a small whimper.

"We know Tea is here-" Edwin pointed to Tea who had been stuck as the Bride of Frankenstein, twisting her head in jerky motions every time there was a sudden sound, "-and Mai." His girlfriend waved her now floppy hand at them... though the limb was still able to twitch and move. "Joey?"

"Grrrru, (Man this bites!)" Joey proclaimed, his gills flaring slightly as he gurgled at them. He was probably the most radically altered, having been turned into the Gill Man. "Grrru (Why am I the only one without clothes!?)."

"Tristan?" Edwin said, pointing at the already tall teen who had only ended up FAR taller after being turned into the Frankenstein Monster.

"I'm not... sure... if... this is... better... or worse," he managed to get out, waving his hand at Joey.

"Yuri, you good?" Edwin asked.

"Grrrr (We find Parker before I have to try and shave my legs)," the Wolfwoman declared, folding her arms over her chest.

"...you look like one of those flat faced puppers Karens love," Edwin said with a tilt of his head. "But still feeling fine? I need to take you out for walkies? HA!"

"I feel pretty good Edwin," Serenity said with a sweet smile. Other than being incredibly pale and wearing a long white dress she was the least changed of everyone. "Oh! Look at what I can do!" She pushed away from the pillar, lifting her dress up so everyone could see her bare feet gliding smoothly along the floor without her even needing to move her legs. "It's actually kind of fun." She did a little spin, giggling in delight.

"Won't be when the sun comes up and we burst into flames," Duke said, tugging on his cloak. Serenity gasped at that, hands placed over her mouth. "And why do neither of us have fangs?!"

"Dracula actually didn't have fangs in the movie," Edwin said helpfully. "They weren't allowed to show them. The one time he moves in to bit someone he actually extends his lips down to hide his teeth... it looked like Tommy Pickles getting ready to gum someone. You might be able to turn into a bat though."

Duke considered that before holding out his arms... and turning into a bat, fluttering about the room before turning back to normal. "Well, that was interesting."

Edwin nodded. "And I'm the Invisible Man. And considering being Invisible slowly turned Griffin crazy you all might want to work fixing this." He bobbed his head back and forth. "After all... the Invisible Man has the highest body count of all the classic movie monsters."

"Gru? (Seriously?)" Joey asked.

"Oh yes. Killed at least 100 people in a train alone, murdered police officers... he was rather savage and monstrous. No pun intended!" He let out a cackling laugh before smacking his own leg. "Okay, focus focus focus. I can go mad with power later. We need to find Parker and kick his ass." His voice took on a slightly more sinister tone. "And then a few other people... maybe find Marik, wait till he is taking a shit, then cut his cock off... assassinate a few-"

Mai's severed hand rushed up and covered Edwin's mouth.

Tristan frowned. "So at... min-i-mum... we need to... fix this... before Edwin... goes fully... insane."

"I'm not sure about beating Parker up-" Yugi began.

"HISSSSSS! (I am, Yugi! I can't even get through doors properly with this hair! Parker turned us into monsters because of some delusional fit he's having and he is going to pay for that! And that involves beating him up! I call first dibs!)"

"-but I do know we need to find him so we can get ourselves turned back to normal," Yugi said... before the puzzle suddenly glowed and he transformed into the Pharaoh...

...who was bandage free but had the same wrinkled gray skin and sunken corpse-like features. He was wearing a long robe-like garment and while his head was still bald like Yugi's had become he had on a fez.

"Whatever he did must have a way to be reversed and- what is it?" he noticed everyone staring at him.

"Huh," Edwin said, Mai having released him. "Mummy Version 1 is Yugi, 2 is the Pharaoh. Interesting."

"...you're thinking of how to use him to take over the world, aren't you?" Renard asked.

"No!" Edwin said with a laugh that didn't convince a soul. "No no no... yes."

"Uhhhh (Edwin, sweetie?)" Mai said gently (or as gently as a low moan from a brain-hunger monster could be). "Uhhhh! (I know you are the only one being affected mentally by this so this isn't all your fault but do shut up.)"

Edwin huffed. "I'm just like Hawkeye Pierce! Not respected in my time, annoying as shit, and taking creative control of the show at the end."

The others just started at him before deciding it might be a good idea to ignore him.

"But how do we find him?" Serenity asked, gliding over to Joey (honestly she wouldn't mind keeping the gliding powers, as they were rather fun).

Yuri shook her head. "Grrrrr (I think we should split up and search for him)."

"Jinkies!" Edwin exclaimed. "Scoob's right!"

The others just stared at him.

"Oh come on, that one isn't even from invisibility serum insanity! You all were thinking it to!" He huffed and slouched in the chair. "You monsters are no fun!"

"...the captain's comments aside," Renard said, realizing he needed to take control seeing as Edwin, who was the one that usually came up with the good ideas, was currently going crazy, "I believe Yuri is right."

"So how do we pair off?" The Pharaoh asked.

"Well," Duke said, "of the 10 of us we have 4 who can't talk properly. I don't know if we'll find anyone else in this place but it might be a good idea that those four don't get grouped together."

Joey nodded. "Grrru! (Yeah, I don't feel like tryin' ta play Charades with'em!)"

Edwin tilted his head. "Why does Joey have a Brooklyn accent but Serenity doesn't?"

"Uhhhh! (And if we do run into someone we'll want to bluff our way out of it)," Mai added.

"So have costumes that make sense being together," the Pharaoh stated. "Or as close to it as possible."

"Seriously, Serenity talks just like you guys," Edwin continued on. "Why does Joey have an accent but Serenity doesn't?"

"So Tristan and Tea should be one group," Renard said.

"Works... for me," Tristan got out.

"HISSSS! (Works for me too. Tristan can talk for me and let people know what I'm saying. Maybe we can claim we're method actors or something. Or that we were hired for a haunted house and that we don't want to break character!)"

"I should go with Serenity then," Duke said, a touch too eager for Joey's liking.

"Grrrru! (Hey, hold the phone there! She can come with me!)"

"There is no Bride of Gill Man," Duke said with a smirk.

"Grrrr (It's just a costume!)" Joey complained. "Grrru (And maybe there is a Bride of Gillman and no one knows about it!)"

"Uhhhhh (Joey, think about what you just said and how it relates to your sister)."

Joey thought about that for a moment before the fins on the sides of his head wiggled. "Grrru. (Ugh)"

"I mean is it her?" Edwin asked. "Or is it Joey? Did you CHOOSE to have that accent?"

"Why don't I go with Joey?" the Pharaoh stated. "My vocal cords seem to work so long as I am in control of Yugi's body..."

"Grrru (Thanks man)."

"And how will she use it to torture us!"

Duke frowned. "I can literally turn into a bat." He did just that, flying about the villagers... only for one to dismissively swat him away, sending him crashing to the ground. "Ow."

"Duke!" Serenity exclaimed. "Are you okay?" She moved towards him, doing a little spin.

"360 degrees!"

"She'll destroy us all!"

"What the heck is going on?" Duke moaned.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Grrrr (I hate you)," Yuri snarled.

"Shhh, they are buying it," Renard said as he waved to the peasants. "Hello there, fellow opera lovers!"

"Hello there," a man dressed for a night on the town said, doffing his hat in Renard's direction. "How are you tonight, good sir?"

"Oh, quite well, quite well," Renard said. "Just taking my dog out for a walk."

"Grrrrr... (I am going to tear Parker apart)," Yuri complained, fighting the urge to rip off the rope Renard had fashioned into a crude leash. She continued to move on her hands and knees, gritting her teeth as Renard made small talk. "Grrrr (I bet no one else is having any problems!)"

~MC~MC~MC~

"UHHHH! (Edwin, stop!)" Mai begged as she passed by another of the citizens she REALLY hoped was just unconscious.

His demented giggles were the only response she got.

~MC~MC~MC~

"(-only has to look at the tragedies that have occurred in the world because we are not open to people being different! How many have died because of our fears of the unknown? And yes, the unknown can be scary and frightening... no one is denying that! It is built into our very genetics to be fearful of the unknown because it protects us from dangers. But we can not allow such things to govern how we live! Just as one shouldn't race into dangerous situations we can also not be cowards. Moderation... that is the key. Now...)"

Tea clicked the small remote she had and the projector Tristan had wheeled out showed a pie chart with different sections... all gray but in different shades of gray.

"Hiss. (As you can see from section 6 here there is a direction correlation between hate crimes and societal stagnation. We only grow and evolve as a community when we are open to outsiders joining into our social groups. These new ideas help improve things but also help spread what works. There is a fear of a loss of tradition but tradition can't exist if we do not have a way to share it! By allowing others who do not know our traditions into our community we offer them a chance to learn from us just as much as we learn from them...)"

"Are you following any of this?" a peasant asked.

"No but I feel bad interrupting her," another said, Tristan merely rolling his eyes.

~MC~MC~MC~

Joey carefully looked over his hand, thinking about his choices. He could tell the game was nearing its end and if he made the right move here he could lock in his victory. But it all depended on what his opponent had in his own hand. If he had a counter if could mean a lot of trouble for him...

"Grru (Plus 4,)" Joey said, slapping the card down onto the pile. "Grrru. (Red.)"

"Challenge!" the swimsuit wearing scientist declared.

Joey happily showed that he hadn't had a blue card in his hand, the scientist grumbling as he now had to draw 6 cards.

"Gruu (You're move, Pharaoh)," Joey said.

The Pharaoh looked over the twenty cards he had in his hand before looking at everyone else who only had at most 7. "I don't know how I got stuck in this mess but I trust the heart of the cards to guide me!" He selected a card. "Plus 2 blue!"

"Plus 2 green!" the aristocrat declared.

"Grru (Plus 2 red)!" Joey said. "Grrru (And Uno)!"

"Plus 2 yellow."

The pharaoh grumbled as he drew 8 more cards.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Any lucky?" Renard asked as the group regathered in the main lobby of the mansion they'd become trapped in.

"No. The heart of the cards failed me." The others looked at the Pharaoh who had the must put upon look on his face.

"Gru! (Eh, your just made I beat ya! King of Uno Games!)" Joey celebrated, Serenity gleefully clapping her hands.

The Pharaoh, for his part, gave Yugi back control of their body, turning them again into a standard mummy.

"Hiss! (Well I think I managed to change some hearts and minds!)" Tea said happily.

Tristan merely shook his head.

"Uhhhhh (Edwin is gone)," Mai said, very worried about her boyfriend. "Uhhh (we need to find Parker and get him to undo this)"

"Oh?" the deranged little man that had caused the entire mess called out from the balcony. "Are you finally realizing what I have been trying to get across?" He lazily began to pace, trailing his fingers along the railing. "It's all well and good to root for the monster but when you see how horrible they are... how disgusting and vile... you realize that we as a society should be demanding their destruction! Not making them out to be the love interests in romance novels!"

"Grrrr (I hate the Twilight Books as much as the next person-)" Yuri ignored Tea's gasp (er, hiss) of horror at that, "Grrrr (but you do realize that none of us did anything evil, right?)"

Tristan nodded. "That's... right man... we... were... attacked... because of how... we looked!"

"Because you are monsters."

"Hiss- (Well, let me-)" Tea began only for Tristan to cover her mouth.

Parker sighed. "Well, if you haven't learned anything then I guess you'll have to stay like this until you do!"

"I have no problem with that," Edwin whispered in Parker's ear. The man stiffened as he felt invisible fingers wrap around his throat. "This is really been a delightful experience. Know that all that happens next? All the death and destruction and... hehehe... chaos that I cause? All thanks to you."

"I... I didn't..." Parker gasped out, clawing at the hand that was slowly squeezing his windpipe.

"Edwin!" Yugi called out. "Stop this!"

"Shhhh!" Edwin taunted. "We're getting to the good part. Have you seen those classic movies, Parker? Maybe... but I doubt you paid attention. Victor brought a man back to life. That is what he did... he didn't make a monster he made a human being. Well... at first. But then he decided he didn't like that man and allowed his assistant to torture him until the man snapped and became a monster. That's how it is in all those movies. A priest wants to be with the woman he loves but the Pharaoh curses him and dooms him to die the most horrible way possible. Dracula feeds on poor Lucy and turns her into a monster. Talbot is cursed because a gypsy woman wasn't willing to do what needed to be done. The Gillman was just living in his river and then scientists invaded. Time and time and time again... monsters aren't born. They are made."

Parker gurgled.

"Just like you made me," he hissed. "Everything I do is because of-MMmmmphf!"

Parker instantly collapsed and the gang saw Mai's severed hand hanging in the air... wiggling back and forth... fingers grasped...

Joey covered Serenity's eyes.

"Uhhhh (It's a filler arc this doesn't counter)," Mai said. "Uhhhh (Now, I might be good at prolonging things but you mind...)"

Parker quickly nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I get the point. Plus I really need to get back to the prison. A promise is a promise."

There was a great flash of light.

~MC~MC~MC~

I blinked as I slowly came too, looking around to find myself standing in the museum exhibit that we'd all meant to go to in the first place.

"So... dream right?" I asked the others as they all slowly got up.

"Uh... I don't think so, Edwin," Tea said, covering her eyes.

I looked down to find my Ranger outfit at my feet... my bare feet.

Along with my bare everything else.

"Huh," Yuri stated, "so that's what Edwin's penis looks like."

"Its... average," Renard said, tilting his head. "I was expecting a gag penis, honestly."

"I expectin' smaller," Joey said, still covering a confused Serenity's eyes.

"Take a picture, it will last longer!" I snarled only for the gang to take out their phones and begin snapping away. "GOD DAMN FILLER ARCS!"