CH 15

XV Recollections

He brushes his fingers slowly over my face. “Could you tell me the things you’re hiding inside and let me help bear some of their weight?” He turns my head to face him and stares intently into my eyes.

Could that be…sincerity in his eyes?

I rub my eyes. I must be too drunk. Just as I try to get up, he pulls me from behind and I topple over into his arms. 

He sucks my earlobe. “No running. You won’t be getting away this time.”

His hot breaths that hit my neck make me feel tingly all over. I can’t help but shudder and start breathing more hastily.

“Murong-.”

He closes the gap between us and kisses me without giving me any chance to escape. The next moment I feel his burning lips, his strong arms, his solid, sturdy chest and his scorching breath on my face. Our lips and tongues dance and intertwine while I’m completely trapped in his embrace. My head seems to swirl with heat and my body is becoming hotter. Without much thought, I grab onto his collar as I let his hands, tongue and lips do as they please with my body, not able to resist one bit.

“Mhmnn.”

He mumbles with my lip in his mouth, “No talking.”

I think all the alcohol I have drunk is coming back to me in an instant. We’re tightly pressed against each other. I’m already breathless and my mind is barely hanging on. I close my eyes, my head a spinning mess.

This kiss is so tender, so gentle, so…sweet.

A strange emotion presents itself and muddles my mind to the point I forget where I am.

This kiss is a kiss, nothing more. A kiss full of fondness, adoration, and care. A kiss only between lovers.

Snap! I’m left bewildered as something seems to have shattered inside me. A wave of unfamiliar emotions comes roaring out and drowns me.

This kiss is so wonderful, I think to myself as I lie in his embrace.

He bites hard on my lips, immediately bringing me back to reality. He smiles triumphantly and lets go of my lips.

“No thinking of other things while I’m kissing you,” he whispers.

I pant and try to calm my racing mind with the cold air. The evening breeze blows past my face, reminding me how flushed my cheeks are.

I really wish I was completely drunk—even better if I was unconscious—then I wouldn’t be in this embarrassing position, cheeks burning hot, clothes undone, eyes unfocused, and panting uncontrollably.

He still hasn’t let go of me. I look up and say in the flattest tone I can manage, “You’re the one who’s drunk.”

“Oh, really?” he sneers. His eyes never leave me, dangerous embers flickering in them.

I face away and catch my breath. “Yes.”

His glaring look unsettles me, even making me nervous to the point I don’t know what to do. He puts his hand on the xiao and slides down to wrap around my hand.

“Why must you always be so distant?”

A silence.

“I’m not.”

“That’s just for show. The real you isn’t like that.” He comes in close and places his lips on my cheek. “Tell me, is there really no one you can fully trust?”

“Hmm.” I think while trying my best to ignore his scorching lips. Sure, there used to be—like Maid Xiu who used to hold me; like Uncle who would sometimes be nice to me. Like…well, I don’t think there are any more now. I don’t want any either because…because there is no need.

“But aren’t you the same?” I scoff. “Not much better than me, I’d reckon. With a status like yours, with a world like this, you’re destined to be lonely for your whole life, aren’t you? I mean, you don’t even trust your own father.”

I hear him sigh. “In Father’s eyes, I am only half-Yan, even though my surname is Murong.”