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"At that time, I was too young, and everything he said was very abstract to me. Whether my mother read it to me or he came to explain it to me occasionally, I was very confused.

That father has always been a wise man. Of course, he found that I didn't understand him, so he gave me a friendly personal experience. "

Pei Tianlang had a strange smile on his face and said to himself, "I was about six years old at that time. My father put a small hamster in my hand. It's very small and it's full of food. This is the first time I touch them, the first time I touch the fresh life. "

Pei Tianlang stretched out his hand and curled his fingertips slightly. His eyes were pitiful and strange, as if there was a hamster in his palm. Then he held the hand with his other hand.

"My father's hand held my little hand in this way, which was very similar to the beautiful moment of an ordinary family. But suddenly his hands clenched mine like two pliers.

That hamster in my hand crazy struggle, keep scratching, I am at a loss, but he pinched my fingers, I was scared, crying, as if I was pinched by the neck. I wriggled to escape, but he held me down

"And then..." Pei Tianlang's voice even had a weeping tone. "Then I heard the last dying cry. When I opened my hand again, it had not moved."

"My father squatted behind me, holding my shoulders in his hands, and said," you see, life and death are not as loud as people's exaggeration. They often end up in silence. Now you are the master of life and death. How does it feel when you think about life and death? "

"Don't worry about what other people say. The so-called laws and morals are used to restrain you. Only by jumping away can you really surpass others in all aspects, and there will be no pain or trouble."

Pei Tianlang imitated his father's tone and finished those long speeches, "these words were just going in and out to me at that time. But I'm very conscious of one thing, I'm the hamster in my father's hand, the life that will be crushed at any time.

From then on, no matter what he asked me to see him do, dissect, make specimens or anything else, I tried my best to comply with him. Mother is very sad, many times I saw her sitting by the bed, looking at me with tears in her face when I was half awake, and my indescribable determination was flashing in my eyes.

When I was about to start school, my father asked my mother to read some books to me, such as the old man and the sea, John Christopher and the count of Monte Cristo.

People can be killed but not defeated. Ha ha Pei Tianlang sneered as if he didn't care about it.

"She is very angry at my indifference. I don't understand why she is angry. My father is holding me and her life. Shouldn't she obey him? Why did she do such a fearless struggle? But I can still feel my attachment to her. I'm afraid that my father will kill me if he is not satisfied with me somewhere. "

Pei Tianlang's tone returned to calm. "She can feel it, too, so she takes care of everything about me every day, from breakfast to bedtime.

My father was not satisfied with this attachment. I told him about other people's mothers intentionally or unintentionally. He realized that in order to maintain his image, if his wife died and married another one, he might not be so obedient.

So for the mother's plan, he temporarily shelved. It was my first invisible resistance, and I was very excited, as excited as I had saved the world. "

"My mother is very happy about it. She thinks she has changed me. But I still think her resistance is very stupid. There is nothing wrong with what her father said and did. Why can't she be as obedient as me, so that I can have a perfect home. "

Pei Tianlang didn't care whether Gu Qianyou was listening or not. He fell into deep memories.

"When I was ten years old, I was still a hamster. I started to kill it step by step. My father was very happy and had a meal with me, but my mother cried at the dinner table. Her spirit was getting worse and worse. Last time I went to the parents' meeting, she began to shed tears for no reason.

My father was happy with this, and I knew he was destroying her in another way. I don't think so. I'm obedient to my father, and my mother can't resist. How nice such a perfect home is.

Later in life, I often saw her pacing anxiously in a certain place. I just thought that her condition had worsened. Finally, I found that it was one of the few times when she was sober. "

Gu Qian was completely stunned. This was the darkness she had never touched and imagined.

"She cried more and more. In the last few years of her life, even when my father deprived her of her life, she yelled and stopped her. As a result, she was beaten severely. A few times even serious enough to send to the hospital for emergency treatment, I saw more than ten times, even I feel a little tired.

I remember that it was a sunny day. When I came home from school, I saw a figure standing on the roof. She stood on it with her arms open. She looked happy and relaxed as never before. She saw me, waved to me and jumped down.I don't know how to describe the feelings and pain at that time? Sadness? fear? Maybe both, but I think something tore me apart. This is the first time that I have seen human life disappear in front of my eyes. In a very heroic way, I have turned the original bright body into minced meat. "

When his mother died in front of him, Pei Tianlang still seemed to recall the scene. "The servant of the family rushed up, and I passed my mother's body. I sat alone in the empty house for a long time. In a trance, I saw her coming to me with a fruit tray. When I was about to pick it up, she disappeared again. I suddenly realized that my mother was dead She's dead, dead in the real sense. "

I questioned my father for the first time. I didn't mean that her life was controlled. Why did she leave without permission?

after a long time, it was dark and the father came late. When he came back, even the blood stains on the door were washed away. He came back in a hurry, but the corners of his eyes and eyebrows were smiling. He said to me, "are you happy, let's go The only person in the know who can't control himself is going to ruin. "

Although he did not say it clearly, I know that there must be his handwriting in it. I looked at the person I was afraid of and suddenly wondered why he was not sad? Later, the police came, and he suddenly pretended to be melancholy and lonely. I began to be confused. When should I use what kind of expression? "