CH 62

Perhaps knowing that Ji Yao and Jiang Heng had something to discuss, XiaoTong considerately didn’t rush them to come downstairs for dinner.

Ji Yao held onto Jiang Heng tightly, as if he were clutching a piece of driftwood in the river of life.

It took him a long time to recover from the initial resistance that was driving him crazy, and he hung limp in Jiang Heng’s arms.

Jiang Heng leaned against the balcony railing, embracing Ji Yao’s waist and supporting him, continuously sharing their body heat.

After what felt like an eternity, Ji Yao finally laid his head gently on Jiang Heng’s shoulder and tightened his arms around him.

“Do you know my parents?” Ji Yao spoke softly.

Jiang Heng nodded.

During the three years of their initial relationship, Ji Yao’s parents’ names had been mentioned numerous times to Jiang Heng – a highly educated family, a scholarly background, a match made in heaven, and even free love. They should have been a perfect couple, but the family atmosphere was terrible, as if they could never find happiness together, and Ji Yao suffered as a result.

“They actually had a very good relationship at first,” Ji Yao said. “My mom wasn’t that strict from the beginning.”

When he was a child, Ji Yao had seen old photo albums of his parents, and during New Year celebrations, he had heard his relatives talk about their early days.

It was said that they originally met through mutual friends, but once they saw each other, they fell in love at first sight and quickly entered into a relationship.

Ji Yao’s father admired Ji Yao’s mother for her straightforwardness, and Ji Yao’s mother was charmed by Ji Yao’s father’s stability and responsibility, so they quickly fell in love.

Their good educational backgrounds made their conversations broad and diverse. Ji Yao’s father was a knowledgeable man, and no matter what topic they discussed, he could offer unique insights within his field. When Ji Yao’s mother occasionally mentioned those days to Ji Yao, she had once described Ji Yao’s father as her “soulmate.”

“At that time, they had compatible education levels, stable jobs, so they got married quickly,” Ji Yao said.

Ji Yao’s mother initially believed that marriage would mark the beginning of a new and happy life, but soon after, she gradually discovered that Ji Yao’s father wasn’t exactly the man she had thought he was.

Marriage is a process of adjusting to each other, and during the dating phase, both individuals have enough time and space to present their best selves. However, after getting married, personal space disappears, replaced entirely by family time, and it becomes difficult for them to consider each other’s feelings when all the emotions are directed towards each other.

Ji Yao’s father was a typical traditional man who didn’t put enough emphasis on family and his wife. He lived a very self-centered life. After the initial passion faded, he preferred to remember all the types and specifications of fish food instead of recalling to buy salt on his way home.

The stark contrast between the passion of love and the reality of marriage took a toll on Ji Yao’s mother. She attempted to make her husband invest more effort into her and their family, but every attempt failed.

Ji Yao’s father could never remember the things Ji Yao’s mother asked him to bring, turning off lights, or even taking out the trash when going downstairs.

He always said “yes” but then continued doing his own thing, ignoring her.

These were all very, very trivial matters, but accumulated over the years, they became the straws that broke the camel’s back.

Ji Yao’s mother was a strong-willed person, and her feelings and responsibility towards the family became imbalanced due to this long-term erosion. She couldn’t accept Ji Yao’s father’s negligence and indifference, so she began setting strict “family rules” to prove her existence.

“After she established these rules, whenever my dad broke them, my mom would explode in anger,” Ji Yao said. “But it was useless. My dad could never remember. He wouldn’t even argue with my mom; he’d just say, ‘You’re becoming more and more neurotic,’ and then he’d walk away, waiting for the next time to make the same mistake.”

No one is naturally “neurotic.” Perhaps it was in the repeated situations where her anger was ignored that Ji Yao’s mother transformed into the extreme character she had become.

“Didn’t they consider getting divorced?” Jiang Heng asked.

Maybe influenced by XiaoTong, Jiang Heng’s first reaction was to cut his losses.

Ji Yao shook his head and said with a bitter smile, “Divorce? On what grounds? My dad doesn’t smoke or drink, he comes home after work, doesn’t gamble or visit brothels. Everyone praises him as a good man. With this image, how can my mom get a divorce? Not only can’t she get a divorce, she has to act like a loving couple in front of others.”

In Ji Yao’s fuzzy memory, not long after he started elementary school, his mother had once gathered the courage to threaten divorce.

But it didn’t work out in the end.

Because her reasons were all considered “trivial” and she was accused of wanting to divorce just because “the good days had been enjoyed enough.” So, her idea of divorce received no support from anyone and she was severely scolded by Ji Yao’s grandfather.

After that, Ji Yao’s mother never mentioned it again.

After the final struggle, the atmosphere in their family slid into a deep abyss of mutual torment. Ji Yao’s mother couldn’t convince herself to become a purely submissive wife and mother, ignoring everything about her husband. Still, he couldn’t change anything either. Therefore, she ended up becoming what she was now.

She tried to establish her presence through various strict “family rules,” but besides Ji Yao, who was increasingly ensnared by these rules, it seemed to have no effect.

“Many times, I wanted to rebel, but I couldn’t,” Ji Yao said. “My dad had already hurt her. Should I also hurt her just like my dad?”

Rebelling against his mother would have been simple if she were a control freak. He could have easily resisted her, argued with her, and rejected her unreasonable demands without worrying about hurting her. But she wasn’t like that.

When Ji Yao was very young, his mother had been a very kind mother. She would tell him stories and step in to mediate when Ji Yao’s father scolded him without reason.

Because Ji Yao knew how his mother had gradually changed into what she was now, he couldn’t bring himself to rebel or blame her.

A victim couldn’t blame another victim, so he had to bear all the family’s harm by himself.

Jiang Heng sighed deeply and held Ji Yao tighter.

The sky had grown dark, and the temperature had silently dropped a few degrees. Jiang Heng, leaning against the railing, shielded Ji Yao from most of the cold wind.

He wanted to comfort Ji Yao with a few words, but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Family matters were so private, and others’ casual comments couldn’t heal the wounds or bring solace.

“I love you,” Jiang Heng finally said. “You don’t have to be afraid. I will love you forever.”

“I know,” Ji Yao said. “I have never doubted that from you.”

After breaking up with Jiang Heng, Ji Yao had considered starting over with other people, but he hadn’t succeeded.

In this world, there seemed to be no one like Jiang Heng, who could selflessly spread love as if it were an endless resource, as if it had no end.

Ji Yao didn’t believe baseless promises. Under the influence of dopamine, people could easily make promises they couldn’t keep. Such promises lacked credibility.

But Jiang Heng was an exception.

Because he had experienced that endless love during his previous relationship with Jiang Heng, Ji Yao knew that when Jiang Heng said it, he truly meant it.