CH 20

“Dad, where are you?! Oppa is having headaches again right now…!”

The sound of Yi-Jin’s urgent phone call seemed to hit his headache-filled head several times. The high-pitched sound of irritation and anxiety combined with the headache, and made Yi-Gyeol even more distressed.

In Yi-Gyeol’s eyes, as he held his head with both hands, he could see the few butterflies that had been trampled on mercilessly. It was completely crushed and twisted, and at first glance, you wouldn’t even know that they were butterflies.

At that moment, a mechanical sound of the door lock being released from the front door was heard.

“Yi-Gyeol-ah[1]!”

A heavy voice approached, and the body that had been lying on the floor was lifted up. He saw his father with a tired look on his face.

“Eeurgh…!”

“Are you all right?! Let me look at you!”

His father, who looked at Yi-Gyeol’s pale complexion, said ‘This won’t do,’ and embraced him.

“Yi-Jin-ah, get some outerwear for Yi-Gyeol, hurry!”

“Okay!”

While Yi-Jin entered the room and packed Yi-Gyeol’s clothes, his father called his mother, who was at work. When his mother didn’t answer the phone, probably because she was busy working, his father contorted his face and spit out a short curse.

His father, who received the coat from Yi-Jin and wrapped it around Yi-Gyeol’s shoulder, held his light body. Then he told Yi-Jin to prepare and follow him.

Yi-Gyeol, who was lying in the back seat of his father’s car and groaning, felt his mind getting distant from the headache.

“Aish, what the hell’s this on the day before the college entrance exam!”

“Shut up, and just call your mother. If she doesn’t answer, at least leave a message.”

Hearing the conversation between Yi-Jin and his father, Yi-Gyeol tightly closed his eyes.

He became a burden again. This isn’t what he wanted to happen.

⋆♚⋆♛⋆♚⋆

It had been a day and 10 hours after Yi-Gyeol woke up.

He knew it as soon as he looked up at the ceiling. It’s the hospital and not their home.

As soon as he realized that, his head throbbed as if an aftermath of the headache was left, and the back of his hand with the IV was burning as if it was on fire.

He was lying in a daze thinking about what happened the previous day, and the nurse who belatedly came to check the remaining amount of drip found that he had woken up and contacted his father. An hour later, in a suit, he came to pick up Yi-Gyeol himself.

After finishing the payment process, his father, who put Yi-Gyeol on the passenger seat, drove the car without saying a single word. Yi-Gyeol asked with a smile on his lips, while only rotating his eyes in the heavy atmosphere.

“Are you…going to work?”

“I already did, but I came out for a bit because I had to take you home. The manager’s gonna say something again for sure.”

The last words pierced his heart. It came as such great guilt that his father would hear criticisms at work just because of him.

“…I’m sorry.”

“….”

His father turned speechless again. Instead, he sighed deeply and looked straight ahead.

It was no less than a thorn cushion. He lowered his eyes, and habitually flicked his fingers weakly on his knees. If he didn’t do this, he’d feel like his mouth was blocked due to total paralysis.

His father, who turned his head to change lanes, saw the hands on Yi-Gyeol’s lap constantly moving. As soon as he saw it, he crumpled his face and said in a loud voice.

“Don’t move and stay still! Do you want to collapse again and go to the hospital?!”

Surprised by the sudden shout, Yi-Gyeol’s shoulders shrank and his eyes trembled as his complexion became even paler. Before he knew it, his trembling fingers were stiff.

“I’m…sorry.”

He apologized again and bowed his head. He heard his father clicking his tongue next to him.

‘It’s my fault.’

The headaches had already disappeared due to sufficient sleep, and such flickering hardly uses muscles to move. But even that must have been a concern for his father, who must have been surprised by his collapse, and it must have been difficult to run out like this in the middle of work.

He muttered to himself several times.

It’s all my fault. I’m the problem.

He shut his mouth tightly and pulled some strength out of his body. After that, he didn’t turn his head or move his fingertips until he got home. He didn’t want to do anything that would make his father even a little bit concerned.

As he sat down playing dead and was holding his breath, they finally arrived in front of the house. His father held Yi-Gyeol’s body without any words and climbed the stairs with difficulty. It happened to be a villa without an elevator, so they had to walk up to the third floor.

His father’s breathing gradually became harsher. He already feels sorry to go to the hospital regularly once every two weeks, but now he feels like he was guilty of death. After all, he had to go to the hospital again because he collapsed this time. He wanted to wipe the sweat off his father’s forehead, but he stayed still for fear that he would get yelled at again if he moved. That was the least he could do to help.

Upon arriving at the house, his dissatisfied mother only glanced at Yi-Gyeol’s face and went back into the kitchen. As he lowered his gaze without raising his face, he saw a cylindrical trash can near the wall. It was filled with something white mixed with some small pieces of garbage.

Yi-Gyeol’s eyes shook finely.

The white things in the trash can were the butterflies he had painstakingly folded. It has never been unfolded and some of them were crumpled mercilessly. As soon as he saw it, his vision immediately blurred. He treated himself coldly, saying, ‘Wake up, it’s your fault, so don’t dare cry like a child.’

When he got back to his room, he couldn’t fall asleep right away. His mother sighed deeply and set the table for him, but the food wouldn’t go down his throat. He feels like if he forces everything in, it would all come out.

As he barely ate any rice and left it behind, the nagging of his mother’s pains ensued. She also said, ‘Are you protesting because we’re not taking good care of you?’ and ‘If you eat like this and something goes wrong, everyone will blame it on themselves again.’ She even shed tears and choked up, and said she was sad that he kept making them a mean person when they were all doing their best.

All Yi-Gyeol could do was apologize. He couldn’t do anything but that.

Every time he said he was sorry, he felt like a thin string somewhere deep down there was scratching painfully. He doesn’t know what that string is, but it felt like something big would collapse if it ever broke.

He was barely holding on to the string when he heard the door open. Beyond the wide-open door, Yi-Jin wearing a school uniform could be seen. As he lifted his head to greet her brightly while calming down his gloomy expression, Yi-Jin’s face, who met his eyes, wrinkled as if in anger.

Yi-Jin threw the bag she was carrying on her back and strode towards Yi-Gyeol, who was lying in the room. Her momentum was so fierce that it felt like she was going to step on Yi-Gyeol’s head.

“You…arrived?”

“….”

Without answering, Yi-Jin stared at Yi-Gyeol with her face contorted. The atmosphere was so bad that he forced himself to smile while rolling his eyes, thinking about what to do.

“Did you do well on the exam yesterday? You’ve worked hard. I should’ve told you to do well on your exams….”

The night before yesterday, the day before the college entrance exam, he collapsed just before he could tell her to do well on the test. The fact that he couldn’t say a word of encouragement properly brought Yi-Gyeol a great sense of shame.

He couldn’t even make eye contact properly because he felt really sorry, but then he heard Yi-Jin’s sharp voice.

“Wow, Oppa. How can you act so easygoing? Did I do well on the college entrance exam?! Are you kidding me?!”

When he opened his eyes wide in surprise at the venomous words, he saw Yi-Jin’s fierce eyes watering.

“I ruined the college entrance exam because of you Oppa. You broke the rhythm of my review the day before the test, and it was already past midnight when I came back from the hospital. Even then, I tried to hurry to see even one more letter, but what can I do when I took the test in the worst condition.”

Yi-Jin’s behavior of blaming everything on Yi-Gyeol was a bit unfair, but he couldn’t say anything. He knew how important the CSAT exam was to her, and it was he who broke her flow.

“I cried a lot when I got home. I messed up every subject to the point that I don’t even think about checking the scores. Now I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to the university I wanted. How are you going to compensate for this? What would you do? I’m about to retake the college entrance exam because of you, now what are you going to do?!”

Yi-Jin’s grating voice pierced his heart.

“You may as well be useless, but you shouldn’t be a hindrance. Are you trying to keep me from going to college? Do you hate it that much? Huh? Are you trying to make me not go because Oppa was stuck here even though you got accepted into a good university?”

“No…, That’s not it….”

That wasn’t true. Instead of him, he actually wanted her to go to a good university and have a fun college life.

Yi-Gyeol raised his voice as if he had not heard Yi-Jin’s small allegations.

“Why are you trying to ruin my life just because your life is ruined?!”

“I said I’m not!”

Unable to endure any longer, Yi-Gyeol yelled loudly and scrunched his eyes. Tears quickly filled his eyes.

“I’m really… Sorry. I didn’t mean it to turn out that way…. I… Yi-Jin-ah, I really just want to tell you to do well… I just want to encourage you….”

“Do well? Yeah, I would’ve done well if it weren’t because of you, Oppa.”

Yi-Jin put Yi-Gyeol’s face into her angry, watery eyes and murmured as if grinding her teeth.

“Can’t you see yourself right now? Just who is encouraging who.”

After saying those words, Yi-Jin ran out of the room. The door closed with a loud bang as if to show her anger.