CH 21

It was only after the room was filled with silence that a groan-like cry came out through Yi-Gyeol’s teeth. Tears streamed endlessly from his closed eyes.

An uncontrollable sense of shame and guilt overtook him. In his head, all of Yi-Jin’s words played back one after another without missing a single word.

The string deep inside him ripped and ripped, again and again.

Dad, Mom, Yi-Jin.

The bright faces of the three people who were the only ones by his side were getting darker, more exhausted, and angrier as the days went by. The more he thought of their faces, the more dangerous the string inside him seemed as if it would break off at any moment.

The butterflies that were trampled and abandoned in the trash came to his mind. One of them seemed to be himself.

A tattered useless piece of paper. A faded butterfly abandoned without a word of encouragement.

There was no way to stop the negative thoughts that came like crazy to Yi-Gyeol’s mind. The low-lying depression, which had already grown beyond his control, endlessly lowered Yi-Gyeol into an infinite abyss.

The string that had been barely holding on from deep down inside him ‘snap’, the sound of it being cut was heard.

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Yi-Gyeol closed his eyes hoping he’ll never wake up. Usually, the OOBE phenomenon was possible when you fell asleep hoping for it, so he didn’t wish it on purpose. He hoped that he would fall asleep deeply like this and did not think about anything else.

He felt his body floating. He instinctively knew it was the sign of his soul withdrawing from his body, but he deliberately didn’t open his eyes. Today, no, he doesn’t want to move anymore.

However, his soul left his body at will. He tried to go back in and sleep, but that didn’t work for some reason.

Therefore, Yi-Gyeol had no choice but to sit still in his room and look at his body.

He had a skinny skeleton-like face. The tightly closed eyes were still moist with tears and the pale complexion was comparable to a corpse. A faint sound of breath escaped through the bloodless lips, which were white all over.

‘Really ugly.’

He watched his body and weakly mocked himself.

He wasn’t really skinny from the beginning. In the past, he had a pretty good physique, and he often enjoyed exercising.

When he had Rostov Syndrome and could only stay awake for two hours a day, he initially devoted all of that time to eating and exercising. The hospital also said that by doing that, it would be possible to minimize weight loss and cover nutrients. When he was still able to move, he tried to be as active as possible without overdoing it.

However, he had to wake up three times in time for the meals, ate in a hurry, and had to fall asleep immediately after a short workout, so he often missed the time because he couldn’t adapt to it. Thanks to this, in the early days, he had to visit the hospital frequently because of terrible headaches due to activities that lasted over two hours.

Later, he skipped breakfast, eating only lunch and dinner, and stayed up twice for an hour each. Being drunk on sleep, he had no choice but to gradually decrease the amount of activity even during waking hours.

Then one day, because of the huge amount of hospital bills, not only his father but also his mother started going to work in the evening. Yi-Jin, who is a junior high school student, and himself were the only ones at home, but because of her brother who slept for a long time, the time she spent alone quietly until late at night by herself increased. As a result, at some point, Yi-Jin started to distance herself from him. She acted indifferently when he called her, and seemed annoyed and bothered if he said something long.

It was around that time that his body started getting sick. As his father and mother were at a level where they only slept for almost only a while at home, Yi-Gyeol often missed meals and slept for a long time, and as this continued, he lost weight and lost muscles. As for the activities, excluding meals, it was only a few dozen minutes, so it wasn’t very helpful.

Seeing Yi-Gyeol lose weight, his mother somehow took care of his dinner, but in reality, that meal became his only meal of the day because his body was not moving properly.

The body, once it started coming apart, quickly dried up. Not only did his body stop moving properly, but it also dried up so rapidly that it would not be strange to die at any time. It was easy to see why people with Rostov Syndrome were all left with nothing but bones.

‘You’re holding on quite well.’

It was as if he was seeing something that had nothing to do with him.

‘If I don’t wake up like this, will I die?’

He smiled bitterly as he asked himself that. He wishes he could die easily and comfortably.

‘A useless bastard like me should be gone….’ 

As he was staring at his body with a burning feeling inside, something golden suddenly popped out.

-…You’re even coming inside the house now?

A golden butterfly flapped its wings in front of him. Whenever that happened, beautiful golden powder fell into small pieces and scattered into the air.

-Did you come to pick me up?

It was the golden butterfly that was always waits in front of his house and never came in. Today, for some reason, it came into the room and stopped in front of him flying. As if it’s covering his skeleton-like body with its own tiny body, and persuading him to go.

-I don’t want to go….

He muttered sadly. Sethian’s face came to his mind, but what his family showed him that day was clearer.

-I… I’d rather just stay like this….

Even in the soul state, he’s just a useless person. He couldn’t hug anyone in his family, and he couldn’t even say a word. He was an incompetent baggage whose only wish was for them to remain loving him even just a little.

Then, the normally quiet butterfly flapped its wings unusually wild. It spun around in place and flew in a large circle. Then it kept pacing, going to the door and coming back again and again. It was clear that it was persuading him to leave.

Yi-Gyeol, who was quietly watching the scene, had no choice but to head to the door. Looking at the butterfly, Sethian’s face came to his mind more clearly. Since he was the only person Yi-Gyeol has helped, it should be okay to at least say goodbye to him, right? Sethian is a strong and great person, so he probably really doesn’t need any help from him, but he thought it might be okay to say that he was also useful sometimes.

-I’ll just… Say goodbye and come back.

After saying that he was glad to meet him, and that he had a great time when he was with him, he’ll leave a short goodbye and come back. It would only bother him to be with a lump of baggage like himself, and he also doesn’t know how to do anything to help him.

‘What would Seth say?’

He was sharp and scary at first, but when he thought about the time they spent together, he realized that he was a warm person. Whenever they meet, he makes time for him and listens to all his stories. He also answered anything he was curious about in his world and spoke freely as if he was actually next to him, whether there were people or not.

Occasionally, even if the knights or servants by his side gave strange glances, he didn’t seem to care at all. On the contrary, whenever Yi-Gyeol keeps his mouth shut while looking around, he will ask him why he’s keeping quiet just because of people who he couldn’t even have a conversation with and told him to speak comfortably at any time.

He guessed that’s why he keeps thinking about Sethian. He looks the coldest among the people he met, but he is the sweetest and kindest person to himself.[1]

His father, mother, and younger sister. No matter how much he looks at their faces, they seem cold, and only Sethian seems to be the only one who feels warm.

Yi-Gyeol followed the golden butterfly outside as he recalled Sethian slightly raising the corners of his mouth or bending the corners of his eyes.

He’s been waking up in the evening and falling asleep at night recently, so it’s dark outside every time he goes out. But now, it was daytime, so there were more people coming and going than at night.

Seeing a white butterfly flying through the crowd from time to time made Yi-Gyeol feel sad one more time. The pile of butterflies in the trash can, which had been fading thanks to Sethian, came to mind again.

Even though he was in the soul state, he held back his tears and looked only at the golden butterfly.

It was for the last time he’s meeting him, so he doesn’t want his feelings to be revealed to Sethian for nothing. Maybe he’ll say goodbye in his usual dry way of speaking and that’s the end of everything, but still, he wanted to smile in front of him. He doesn’t want to force himself to smile but instead does it because he likes to.

Just as he was thinking about what to say when he met Sethian, the golden butterfly reached the mysterious alley. He thought he could remember the way because it was broad daylight, but quit in the end. It was a road that he doesn’t have to memorize since he’ll never pass here again, and maybe this could be the last time that he’ll go out of his body. He only purposely followed the butterfly today in order to not leave any regrets.

The place where the butterfly stopped was still a dead end. He originally knew it as a wall covered in darkness, but now he could see that it is just an old stone wall with painted graffiti. There were long blooms of irises beneath it, which might have been planted by someone. It was a flower that only bloomed around spring, but strangely, it was blooming brightly until now in mid-November.

Seeing the purple petals reminded him of Sethian again. If he had known earlier, he would have told him that he saw flowers with the same color as his hair when crossing the dimension.

With such useless thoughts, he followed the butterfly through the wall. Soon, a familiar landscape appeared in front of his eyes, the same as it had ever been.