CH 51

Chapter 51 – Vertigo Aftereffects

How to write love song lyrics. 

This high altitude test made Fang Juexia feel confused. He untied the rope and returned his feet to the ground. His steps didn’t feel quite right, with each step feeling as if he was still stepping in the clouds, moving up and down, deep and shallow.

“How are you now?” Pei Tingsong walked up to him in a few steps and asked, “Are you less scared now?”

Scared.

After this experience, he had finally managed to calculate  the magnitude of all these dangers. There was nothing that could compare to Pei Tingsong, he was the biggest and most uncontrollable risk.

“Much better,” Fang Juexia looked at the shadow on the ground and answered.

He only had a vague memory of the latter part of the trip to the amusement park, half of his soul seeming to still be hanging in the air 20 meters away for that whole duration. Later on, no matter what they played or did, he only seemed to be vaguely participating. Even the director joked that they seemed to have badly scared Fang Juexia out of his mind. Later, more and more fans had come to watch them, so they had to finish the shoot ahead of time.

After a day of playing, and then even getting to end work early, everyone was especially happy. Lu Yuan went to the company to meet with the choreographer, and He Ziyan also went with him to discuss the arrangement of the music. Jiang Miao’s little sister was about to celebrate her birthday, so he pulled in Ling Yi, who was always good at handling people, to accompany him in buying gifts and ordering a cake for a surprise party.

Fang Juexia’s plan was to go back to the dormitory to take a bath, rest for an hour, and then go to the company’s practice room to practice dancing. However, when he came out of the bathroom, he realised that he and Pei Tingsong were once again the only ones left in the dormitory. The other party was just like him, he had also just taken a bath, and was wearing a set of white cotton pajamas as he took out a bottle of ice water from the refrigerator and gulped it down.

He wasn’t completely over his cold, yet he was already wearing so little. 

However, Fang Juexia didn’t utter these kinds of nagging words, because it didn’t seem to have anything to do with him. He closed the bathroom door and headed straight back to his bedroom. He helped Ling Yi by picking up a Minion doll that had fallen onto the floor and put it on the table before going to bed.

The orange light of dusk climbed from the balcony to his dark blue quilt. He set an alarm and retracted his body into his quilt. The remnant sensations of the high altitude activity—that kind of feeling that the heavens and earth were spinning around— only became more obvious when he closed his eyes. He was very uncomfortable, so he turned over and lay on his stomach, burying his head in the pillow in an attempt to reduce that feeling of weightlessness and vertigo, but it had little effect.

[You’re an adult now, Gege.]

Pei Tingsong’s voice repeatedly echoed in his ears, and his heartbeat was unsettled, just like the man who carried seven buckets up the hill, but then eight down the hill, and he found it hard to sleep peacefully. 

Suddenly, he heard footsteps, and when Fang Juexia turned his head, he saw a pair of long legs by his bed. He was a little startled, and somehow subconsciously pulled up his quilt to cover his head.

“What are you doing?” Pei Tingsong wanted to pull his quilt down. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I’m going to sleep,” Fang Juexia said in a muffled voice.

“Have you forgotten what you promised me?” 

Right. He had really forgotten about it. He was all messed up by bungee jumping and the so-called rite of passage.

Fang Juexia was afraid to face Pei Tingsong, but every time he tossed and turned restlessly, Pei Tingsong would simply appear in front of him again, and he always possessed a strong reason to trouble him in his hands, making him unable to avoid him.

He gave up struggling and let Pei Tingsong pull the quilt away. Half-squinting, he saw Pei Tingsong and the medicine box he was carrying.

He was actually becoming more and more delicate nowadays; before, when he had been actually wounded, with blood seeping out of the wound, he had still struggled against Fang Juexia and wouldn’t let him wrap his wound up. 

Forget it, anyway, however anyone put it, since he was the one who had bit him, he had to carry some of the responsibility. Fang Juexia lifted the quilt and sat cross-legged on the bed. He took the medicine box and opened it to rummage around it in order to find the powder for oral ulcers. He tried his best to imitate the calm posture of a doctor as he instructed, “You sit down.”

Pei Tingsong sat by the bed, and then discovered that a patch of Fang Juexia’s hair had curled up, making him look a bit silly.

“You’re sleeping now, so you won’t sleep at night?”

He found it. Fang Juexia took out the box of powder and shook it. “I’ll sleep for a while and then go to the practice room. I won’t come back at night.”

“You’re not afraid to break your waist if you practice like this day after day ah?”

“I already have a waist injury.” Fang Juexia spoke of it as if commenting on nice weather. He took out a long and thin cotton swab and dipped it in the powder.

But upon hearing that, a bad taste formed in Pei Tingsong’s mouth. He had clearly been interacting with Fang Juexia for two years now, and he hadn’t even known about his waist injury. He glanced at Fang Juexia’s waist, and with no rhyme or reason, he suddenly recalled what Fang Juexia had looked like when changing in his apartment before. Pei Tingsong flung his eyes open and said, “Then you need even more rest.”

“Everyone wants to rest. But for things like dancing, even a  day’s rest will make your body lag behind for a day. People who rest too much will become rusty and turn stupid onstage.” He drew closer. “Stick your tongue out.”

Pei Tingsong did so. Afraid of blocking the light, Fang Juexia tilted his head to get closer, his eyes fixed on the little white spot at the tip of Pei Tingsong’s tongue — the root of all evil. Fang Juexia’s mood turned a bit strange when he thought about how this little white spot was caused by his own teeth. He couldn’t really describe it.

He shouldn’t think deeply about it, he was afraid of revisiting the night of that incident.

The cotton swab dipped in that powder was dabbed on that spot very lightly and slowly. Seeing the tip of his tongue shrinking back, Fang Juexia raised his eyes and observed Pei Tingsong’s expression, asking, “Does it hurt?”

Pei Tingsong pulled back the tip of his tongue and looked blankly at the person in front of him. He felt like he had made a wrong decision. He had plainly intended on teasing Fang Juexia with this, but right now, the one feeling unsettled was actually himself. After seeing Fang Juexia lying on the bed, he had instinctively lightened his steps, and when he heard that Fang Juexia had a waist injury, he started to feel guilty and worried.

When he saw Fang Juexia raise his eyes, his heart started to pound. Dusk had made his eyelashes half translucent, and they seemed to be flickering slightly.

Whatever had been applied to his tongue wasn’t some panacea, but just a peaceful butterfly. It paused for a bit, before fluttering away again. 

“Does it hurt?” Fang Juexia asked again. 

Pei Tingsong blinked in confusion. “A little bit.”

“Endure it ba.”

He could only stretch his tongue out once again, and his eyes fell on this face that was so close to him. Whenever Fang Juexia was serious, his eyebrows would twist slightly inward, his lips would open slightly, and he could see the moisture inside his mouth. That could count as being a place familiar to him, after all, he’d been in there once before. 

Pei Tingsong felt that he should just endure it, so he tried to divert his attention.

The tip of his tongue was being stimulated by the powder, like a slight, thin needle pricking at his heart. He gradually started to fall in love with this slight pain; the scent of shower gel on Fang Juexia’s body smelled very nice, clean and comfortable, similar to that of anesthesia.

Even though he had witnessed many open and free friendships, Pei Tingsong also knew that there should be no kissing between friends, let alone deep kisses. Being a friend should be simple and natural, with conversations and chatting, understanding each other’s preferences and lifestyles, and sharing in each other’s joys and pains. There would be no burdens while communicating, and when hugging, it would be like you were holding your right hand with your left hand. That was a friend.

But alcohol had taken its turns in capturing their minds, and they had shared surprise kiss after surprise kiss, these kisses stacking up on top of each other. It seemed that from the beginning, this friendship wasn’t pure. 

Yet, he truly felt that Fang Juexia was good, and really wanted to establish a friendship with him.

His eyes floated back, and Pei Tingsong accidentally saw the neckline of Fang Juexia’s pajamas slip down, revealing to his view a field of snow-white skin that he could see completely clearly. He drew the tip of his tongue back into his mouth and coughed violently a few times after turning his head.

“Your throat doesn’t feel good?” Fang Juexia asked.

Pei Tingsong straightened himself in a rather unnatural manner, while also helped Fang Juexia’s shoulder go up. “Don’t always slouch, isn’t your waist sore?”

Fang Juexia also sat up straight and asked with a flat tone, “What are you always caring about my waist for?”

“Who cares about your waist?” Pei Tingsong’s didn’t accept this, and even his voice grew loud. 

This person’s clothes were too loose, and he just had to look down to see everything clearly. Also, when he changed clothes, he didn’t know that he should duck away, and he also always looked at others with those kinds of eyes, completely unaware of what effect they had on the onlooker.

Listing down Fang Juexia’s many sins, Pei Tingsong seemed to have discovered a way to vent. Right, it was all his fault. If, at the very beginning, Fang Juexia hadn’t gotten drunk and hadn’t kissed him, he wouldn’t have returned the favor while being drunk himself. Without the interference of this entanglement of lips and tongues, he wouldn’t be twisting himself into knots over the purity of their friendship.

Clearly, he had been unfettered since he was a child and had never cared about anything, but now, he had to start worrying over these little things.

It was all Fang Juexia’s fault. 

“Done.” The person who had started it all, and who didn’t know anything, gently created a breeze with his palm to help Pei Tingsong relieve the pain at the tip of his tongue. “Drink more water and take some vitamins.” After saying that, he lowered his head to find the bottles of vitamin B and vitamin C tablets in the box, and then stuffed them into Pei Tingsong’s hand along with the powder.

He didn’t want to apply the medicine himself; he still wanted Fang Juexia to apply it for him.

“This medicine is applied three times a day, and if your tongue hurts badly, you can also apply it some more.”

But with what standpoint would he demand that? They were all adults.

“Okay.”

Upon hearing Pei Tingsong utter that ‘okay’, Fang Juexia was a little surprised. It was rare that he was so obedient. 

“Go to sleep ba.” Pei Tingsong stood up and took the medicine box away, but then heard Fang Juexia say from behind, “I also can’t seem to sleep very well. I feel dizzy, and it’s hard for me to close my eyes.”

Pei Tingsong replied, “It may be because of the after-effects of your fear of heights, you may dream of being high up when you sleep, and it will feel even more uncomfortable at that time. Don’t go to sleep for now, find something relaxing to do.”

After saying that, he left. Fang Juexia’s room suddenly became empty, so he simply got up, went to the balcony, picked up a watering can, and watered his flowers and plants. He had bought a cactus at a roadside stand a long time ago, and it wasn’t a ball cactus type, but a long one. He squatted down and plucked some thorns from the cactus.

He had seldom watered it before and had never cared about it. Fang Juexia raised the watering can and sprinkled a bit of water on it, not daring to give it too much. 

Do something relaxing.

Fang Juexia took out his Sudoku book and sat on the lazyboy placed in the balcony. This way of calming and concentrating his mind had once been 100% effective. However, this time, as he held his pen, those numbers gradually started to shake and jump around in the empty space. 

Could it be that he was too tired recently?

He closed his eyes and opened them again. His eyes scanned the first row and first column, trying to figure out the answer. Yet, he kept being distracted unconsciously, his soul spiraling out of control just like in a sudden fall. 

When he came back to his senses, what had been written in the book wasn’t a number, but a person’s name.

Pei Tingsong went back to his room and turned on his computer. He wanted to finish writing the lyrics he hadn’t finished before, but as soon as he opened it, he saw his fjx folder. He couldn’t help but click on it again, and wore headphones to listen to Fang Juexia’s ballad demo once again.

He had never written lyrics for a love song, and he always felt disinclined to write them. Most love song lyrics were boring in his eyes. Two or three hackneyed and stereotypical lines would get chewed over repeatedly, and there was no essence left in the song, just dregs. 

But this song was a love song ba.

Even if it wasn’t a love song, he could hear a love song-like feeling from it. 

Pei Tingsong held his pen and quietly listened to Fang Juexia’s voice. The scene of him laughing suddenly appeared in front of his eyes, as he said to him in the sunny amusement park, ‘This is your first time, are you happy?’

The sounds of the piano and humming flowed slowly, subconsciously controlling the pen in Pei Tingsong’s hand, and it made rustling sounds as it wrote on the paper—

[A dreamlike amusement park with thousands of lights in view

Wooden horses chasing each other, an old dream coming true

Bundled into admission is the sunlight

Helping me give the corner of his eye a love bite]