CH 88

Even at a moment like this, Gu Yan was still very restrained.

He didn’t even forget that he was still having a fever and had the possibility of spreading his cold, so this touch just stopped at the corner of the lips. 

He had even left leeway to refuse, so if Yan Suizhi really was resistant and repulsed by it, he would act like nothing had happened on this night, and the person departing the next day could still carry his luggage off to someplace far away from him.

He had even set the stage for him…

With this extreme restraint, after this light kiss, Gu Yan moved a slight millimetre away. He cast his hooded gaze down on the line of Yan Suizhi’s nose and lips, paused, then gently brushed the corner of his lips again, like an impulse he tried to suppress but ultimately wasn’t able to.

To Yan Suizhi, at least, this interwoven restraint and impulse was inexplicably moving. 

It was as though someone had nipped the tip of his heart, the pressure exerted neither light nor heavy, yet, in an instant, his heart was brimming over with multifarious emotions.

When encountering those burning passions in the past, he would often find countless ways to turn them down, easily brushing it over with a joke, even getting the other party to swallow down the words before they could leave the tongue. But no matter how he did it, there were two intrinsic reasons behind it that no one could get around—if it wasn’t spurred by the moment, then it was that they had placed him on a pedestal.

But these two reasons didn’t apply to Gu Yan at all. He never would have acted on a passing fancy, nor did he look at him through rose-tinted glasses.

But it was very strange. Gu Yan, coincidentally, was the inverse of those two.

And even more strangely, Yan Suizhi didn’t even seem to consider any reasons or ways to refuse…

He was only startled for a brief moment, raising a hand to touch the corner of his lips that was dyed with Gu Yan’s warmth. His gaze hung down on his fingers; he rubbed them together absently, then, all of a sudden, laughed dumbly. “Is this what you meant last time, about the… absurd ideas?”

Gu Yan gazed at him for a long time, then responded in a low voice, “Mn.”

All of those repressed feelings never spoken in his school days that writhed wildly and soundlessly like the creeping of ivy, petering out into nothingness; all of those absurd thoughts that secretly gleamed in the glass windows in the office, in the sunlight on a corner of the table, in the brilliant flecks of light that illuminated the city from the balcony—traversing ten long years, only to be wrapped, simply and calmly, in this single syllable. 

Gu Yan turned to look out of the window. The lamp pines and the dancing lampfly embers were still flickering, fluttering in the night.

In actuality, he never expected this. Back when he got Joe to do him a favour, he had actually forgotten that Yan Suizhi’s stay was only temporary and that he would eventually move out in the end. He also didn’t expect that the delivery of the lamp pines would arrive ever so coincidentally…

If it weren’t for his business trip causing Yan Suizhi to stay a day longer, if it weren’t for his fever disrupting the other’s plans, then perhaps, when these lamp pines were planted, Yan Suizhi would’ve already no longer been here.

He could’ve been sitting alone in this wide living room, silently facing the mountain-high stack of documents from his photon computer, then, occasionally, in between breaks, raise his head and glance at the soundless glowing embers… 

But that was his own business, and wasn’t supposed to become a reason for someone to stay or leave.

Gu Yan’s gaze once again fell on Yan Suizhi. “I’ve taken medicine, and the fever will go down soon. Those lamp pines don’t bother me; you don’t have to concern yourself with any of these.”

He eliminated all these sundry distractions for Yan Suizhi and, after a spell of silence, he spoke heavily. “But I might be even bolder than before…”

“…So, are you still leaving?” 

Yan Suizhi looked at him. After a moment, he said, “Actually, I’ve already packed my luggage.”

“…Also, though it doesn’t quite look like it now, I’m still your former teacher.”

Gu Yan uttered a short “mn.”

“Due to some… reasons, I’ve actually never imagined what it would be like for me to develop a more intimate relationship with anyone.” Yan Suizhi mulled, “Let alone that the other party also being a student I had once taken on.” 

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Yan Suizhi looked into his eyes which were concealed in the shadows. After deliberating for a moment, he finally continued, “…But it’s very strange. Right now, I actually feel that this is something that moves my heart.”

Gu Yan was stunned for a beat, then he suddenly lifted his eyes, his dark irises gazing unwaveringly at him.

Yan Suizhi let him stare for a while, then turned his head away, the corners of his lips lifting in fond helplessness. “Don’t look, I’m not leaving. Go sit at the table, your porridge is seriously about to turn into mush.” 

At this time, who would have the mind to care about the porridge?

But the esteemed Professor Yan swiftly added, “I’ve been boiling it for an hour. If it really turns to mush I’m going to storm out in a rage. Since this is your house, I can’t make you storm out, can I?”

With that, he even grumbled in mock sternness, “Your fever hasn’t gone down at all, but you’re already coming to the kitchen to make trouble.”

Gu Yan, “…” 

What atmosphere? It was all ruined by the possibly mushy porridge and someone’s caustic tongue.

Gu Yan felt that his fever was possibly burning a few degrees higher.

However, this did also remind him that he was still sick after all. It was for the best that he didn’t spread his germs when he hadn’t gotten better yet.

When the aroma of porridge diffused into the air, Gu Yan obediently left the kitchen. 

Yan Suizhi watched him walk in the direction of the dining room, then shifted his gaze away. He huffily turned off the switch under the stone pot. Fortunately, the porridge wasn’t overly mushy, just hovering on the borderline, and still smelled fine when the lid was lifted. The broth and ingredients were simmered inside, rich and fragrant.

He took a ladle, skimming the surface to fill two bowls.

But when he turned his head over, he saw Gu Yan walk over from the staircase, take the two bowls of porridge, and set them on the dining table.

“You went upstairs just now?” Yan Suizhi sat across from him, mixing the glutinous soft porridge, asking casually. 

Gu Yan hummed without elaborating, his attention on drinking the porridge.

Yan Suizhi tasted a bit. Although he didn’t do this often, he felt that his own cooking skills were still passable.

Not a peep came from Gu Yan; despite being unwell, he was still fastidious about table etiquette. After the last spoonful, he glanced at Yan Suizhi and said, “It tastes very good.”

At first listen, his words were atypically tolerable. But to people with high fevers, food would taste bland no matter what was eaten. They couldn’t taste shit; what was he going on about, please. 

Yan Suizhi played along with his lie, and said half-seriously as he arched an eyebrow, “Really? Then eat more.”

“…”

The distinguished Lawyer Gu silently stared at him for a moment, but still ended up getting up to get another serving.

Some people had poor appetites when they were sick, and due to the blandness of the palate, would only eat a little, which wasn’t conducive to recovery. It was rare for Gu Yan to fall sick, but when he did, he was one of those people, barely eating anything the entire day. But now, he had met someone who would keep an eye on him, making sure he ate. 

However, Yan Suizhi himself wasn’t a big eater either; his appetite was better suited for smaller but more frequent meals. He only ate half a bowl of porridge, even eating exceptionally slowly, spending more time keeping pace with the person seated across from him.

When Gu Yan set down his spoon, Yan Suizhi had just finished his last bite as well.

The decontaminating dishwashing cabinet in the kitchen was actually segregated into different compartments. Under most circumstances, there was no need to be too particular, but Gu Yan carefully kept the two people’s utensils in two separate compartments.

Yan Suizhi glanced at it and didn’t speak of it, only urging Gu Yan to return to his room and rest, and let the medicine take effect. 

He followed Gu Yan up the stairs, and, sensing their movement, the sensory lights in the kitchen and living room downstairs went out one by one behind them.

After walking up a few stairs, Yan Suizhi felt like something was niggling in his mind, but was just out of reach. He didn’t come to at first, but after another few steps, when he glanced at the corner of the wall next to the staircase out of his peripheral vision, he suddenly thought of it—

The luggage that he had readied and put over there had disappeared.

He froze momentarily, and when he walked up to the third floor, he discovered that his luggage had already been returned to his room. Only then did he understand why, when he was boiling porridge, Gu Yan had not walked over from the dining room but from the staircase. 

Yan Suizhi looked at his luggage for a while, and, suddenly feeling an itch to tease him a bit, unhurriedly walked down to Gu Yan’s bedroom and knocked on the door.

The door wasn’t tightly shut; these knocks nudged it open.

Gu Yan was drinking water by his bed. At the sound, he looked over.

He had a tall figure. When turning over slightly like this, the folds of his shirt perfectly silhouetted the musculature at his arms and his waistline in an aesthetically pleasing visual. 

“Student Gu.” Yan Suizhi casually leaned against the door frame, sweeping a glance over him, a knowing lilt in his smile as he asked, “When did you secretly collect my luggage?”

“…” Lawyer Gu set the glass down on the nightstand, his face calm as he flatly denied, “I didn’t.”

“If it wasn’t you, could it have grown legs and hopped up by itself?”

Gu Yan indifferently said, “I didn’t do it secretly, I did it in passing.” 

As he spoke, he walked to the bedroom door.

However, Yan Suizhi had come also only to poke fun at him with this one sentence and didn’t have much else to say. So he lifted his chin at him. “If you say so. Wash up and go to bed, I’m heading up now.”

Gu Yan’s fingers, hanging down by his sides, lifted, as if he wanted to do or say a little something, but again, lowered with slight hesitance. In fact, he had been this way all night, deliberately angling his head away by a tiny margin when speaking, and was, even at his most impulsive moments, taking care to not pass his fever and cold to Yan Suizhi.

And Yan Suizhi had carefully taken in all of his subtle attentiveness. 

In the end, Gu Yan didn’t do a thing, only saying in a low-pitched voice, “Goodnight.”

It was a simple, singular word, yet Yan Suizhi’s gaze jolted, as though lost in thought for a split second.

Perhaps it was the lowlight of Gu Yan’s bedroom, that was at just the right dimness; perhaps it was the various minute details that grazed across his heart, imbuing it with some indescribable emotions; perhaps it was also because he hadn’t heard someone tell him goodnight in many, many years…

Yan Suizhi looked at him for a while. Then, his eyes suddenly curved and he beckoned a finger at him. “Lower your head, I have something to ask you.” 

Gu Yan subconsciously lowered his head a little, a hand pressed against the door frame.

Yan Suizhi said, “I might not be too good at it, so just bear with this for now.”

“What?” Gu Yan couldn’t make sense of it, his tone questioning.

And with the fading of his voice, Yan Suizhi leaned over to kiss him… 

“Your teacher’s immune system is pretty good; I won’t fall sick from just this.” When Yan Suizhi spoke, his breaths fell gently next to Gu Yan’s lips, sweeping away the last remnants of his restraint.

Gu Yan averted his head by a tiny angle, turning back in the next second, his thumb stroking Yan Suizhi’s lower jaw, their breaths intermingling. Then, he kissed him, even more deeply.