CH 41

When a Virtuous Lady Advances (1)

Fang Yuke was drinking coke and sat victoriously at the side of KFC. Sunlight filtered through the glass and shone fully on his body, as if he was Buddha or Jesus and he was just waiting for me to go and confess my sins to him.

I don’t know which part of my crazy brain thought this up. It was possible that it was due to Fang Yuke’s gaze or the confident aura that he exuded, which exasperated me. I felt that, from beginning to the end, I didn’t do anything wrong. On what basis did I have to endure his resentment? Thus with large strides, I walked to the space opposite Fang Yuke and planted my buttocks down. If not for the fact that it was inconvenient to do it in a skirt, I would have placed one foot on the chair, forgetting all the tender words that my mum had said on QQ. If it was in the ancient days, I would be like a governing official, with a long double-edged sword on my side, with an extremely lucky dantian with good qi, patting the empty desk, “Waiter, bring the wine!” It was a pity that this was the twenty-first century KFC. In front of the restaurant, Dian Xiao Er, were troops that were paired in a similar fashion as a pair of shoelaces. Without having even a cup of tea, I sat down empty-handed and lost the battle of grandeur by more than half.

Fang Yuke’s slender fingers were playing with his straw. He raised his head, looked at me and asked, “Who spoke on your behalf on QQ just now?”

Because I was too surprised, I momentarily forgot about my pretentious arrogant attitude and spat out, “How did you know it wasn’t me?”

He laughed lightly, his pitch black eyebrows danced lightly, “It is more difficult for those words to come out from your mouth than for you to score full marks in an exam.”

I pouted unsatisfactorily.

Fang Yuke pretended to oblige me, “I didn’t mean to mock you. I just meant that it’s impossible for a bad person to say good words [1].”

I glared at him resentfully. If I had a double-edged sword in my hands, I would have raised the scabbard to release a murderous aura.

Round 1: 0-1, Fang Yuke takes the lead.

I laughed coldly, “The one who spoke with you is my family’s esteemed mother. You’ve met her before. I never expected that you loved speaking with mothers. So you have this hobby, you should have said so earlier.”

Fang Yuke’s face twitched a bit. Haha, you must have calculated hundred and thousands of times, but you never would have expected that my mother would be the one to interfere.

However, Fang Yuke quickly regained his composure, “I never expected that Auntie’s inner-self would be so youthful. Did she really give birth to you? Auntie speaks in a way that is much more youthful than you.”

Round 2: 0-2, Fang Yuke takes the lead.

I had very little face left, “Are there people like you who attack me so ruthlessly? So petty, are you sure you didn’t say the wrong thing that day? As long as one works hard, a couple for a day means a hundred days of love, don’t you know this? How can you not remember my good qualities and only remember all the things to begrudge me?”

Fang Yuke let out a loud laugh, “Who’s a couple with you for a day? How could I not know how how much effort you put in? Actually you’ve lusted after me for a very long time already right?”

Round 3: 0-3, Fang Yuke takes the lead.

I turned my back, lifted my hand and swore secretly, “Father in heaven, if I ever manage to win in a battle of wits and intellect, I can sacrifice an entire month of laziness.”

Fang Yuke suddenly said firmly, “When you’re speaking with others, you have to first use your brain, do you know or not? Others dig a pit and you jump inside it. Is there anyone as stupid as you? How did you test into Beijing University?”

I bit my lower lip, and looked at him with grievance, “It’s not like they tested on how to dig pits during the test. I chose to study German; it’s not like I’m studying Civil Engineering, how would I know when someone dug a pit?”

Fang Yuke laughed, “Do you have any reasoning at all? Forget it, forget it. It’s okay to be a little stupid. Between the two of us, as long as one of us has a brain that’s enough. Oh right, in the future when you’re interacting with Xiao Xi, I’m afraid that the red apricot tree will grow too fast and I won’t be able to build a wall in time [2].”

I shook the cup of Coke in his hand, and purposely said in a loud voice, “What is this pitch black liquid? Why does it smell so sour? It turns out that Fang Yuke likes to eat vinegar [3]!”  I laughed proudly until my whole body shook.

Fang Yuke’s face turned completely black and he slapped my head, “Stop twisting around, if you keep twisting, I’ll end up seeing everything that I’m not supposed to see.”

I quickly nodded my head, and I saw that my chest was totally revealing a hint of spring. My small bra was mischievously exposing its intelligence. I quickly covered it, “What are you looking at? Careful or you’ll get a eye-sty.”

TLN: Spring can refer to sex

Fang Yuke shook his head and sighed, “Idiot, I accompanied you for swimming classes. Unless you strip completely naked, I’ve already grown tired of seeing it.”

This time I was the one whose face turned completely black.

Fang Yuke was too lazy to care about my sullen expression and said, “Sit here and don’t move. What do you want to drink, I’ll go and buy it. Next time in this public area, don’t wear this kind of revealing clothes or you’ll catch a cold.” After saying this, he walked to the food stand with large strides, leaving me, this young married woman, all alone, covering my chest and looking at the setting sun.

As such, Fang Yuke used his poisonous tongue to safely control me. On the other hand, I , who was talented at committing crimes and the such, if one day I was unable to receive his phone call, I would be flustered. It turns out that masochism is something that can be developed later on in life.

I really had to thank Tan Yi, a year had gone by but he had not forgotten to contribute without holding anything back. When Fang Yuke and I had become Tan Yi’s teacher and guardian, it set up an opportunity for Fang Yuke and my feelings to become increasingly resolute.

I leisurely lay down on the redwood bench in Tan Yi’s living room, grumbling that the couch was hurting my butt, while cracking melon seeds while watching Fang Yuke tutor Tan Yi in chemistry.

To me, Chemistry was already a secret that had been lost in some distant and remote place. As I heard some alien language flow unceasingly from Fang Yuke’s mouth, my eyes started to blur. My oral cavity started to involuntarily secrete this substance known as ‘saliva’. It’s true, a man who was serious had a special kind of charm. The way I looked up to him was like I was looking at a God. Even though, right now my posture was like Stephen Hawkings’ paralysed body and could not fully portray my sincerity.

Tan Yi could no longer stand my high electrical charges. He said discontentedly, “Xiao Ke sister-in-law,  I beg you, can you please stop the way you always look so love-struck? The way you look, it’s as if you can even see what color our underwear currently is right now, okay? I don’t want to be the light bulb that has such a high voltage.”

Fang Yuke’s lips curved into an extremely attractive arc, “Currently, your sister-in-law is secreting some excess hormones, please do not mind her.”

I continued to lie paralysed on the sofa, broken in health but not in spirit. I smiled sweetly and replied, “In what way are you a lightbulb? You are manganese (iv) oxide, you’re our catalyst. You catalyze oxygen and bubbles.”

I’ll admit that I was really cocky right now. So cocky that all my hair was blooming like a sunflower that opens proudly in the height of midsummer. Even all my blood vessels were wild and unrestrained. In comparison, Fang Yuke was really calm. The majority of the time, under my laser, he would continue to bear it with composure. This really angered me endlessly.

I had some regrets. At that time, why did I not pressure him for more answers but I had even stopped. One sentence ‘I like you’ was able to move my stupid heart. After that my head was spinning and then what happened? He had not yet given me any love letter, nor sent me any roses. Not even a decent candlelight dinner. I really wasn’t this kind of tacky person, but–I could feel wronged and let myself be tacky for a while.

I decided that when I went back to school, I would discuss a countermeasure with my girlfriends. The goal was to subdue Fang Yuke under my evil clutches for me to step over and trample. With one hook of my finger he would have to jump over. With one twitch of my mouth, he would have to carry water to me. Without one raise of my hand, he would offer up a warm towel. In a nutshell, I wanted to be a dowager!!! However, without the official system of being able to discuss these wanton ideas with my girlfriends, I allowed myself to break out in a love-struck expression and greatly appreciated my thick skinned and cheesy words. Whilst Fang Yuke calmly faced my sweet words that were dripped with honey, releasing pink bubbly electricity waves, I continued to savagely increase my efforts in saying cheesy expressions to curry favor with him. I, who was afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome, continued to fantasize. It was a game in which in order to capture, one first had to let loose.

For example, currently, I was using my limitless IQ to think about what kind of pet name would be able to properly represent my identity. Ever since Ru Ting left, I raised my eyebrows and let out a sigh and straightened my waist by more than a little. Considering that Fang Yuke was really a feast for the eyes, at all times he was in danger of being eaten up by others. I had to let all those who lived under the sky, for all those who were under the age of 60 and above the age of 6, know that he was a piece of grass that had an owner. People from the ancient times had told us to be vigilant even in times of peace and to show gratitude for all blessings. Thinking back on how Fang Yuke and I were together, all the moments of passion possessed an extremely strong possibly of being reproduced. As such, I decided that I had to stick a label on Fang Yuke’s body, that screamed Zhou Linlin. The label had to contain the words “Not For Sale”, in order to prevent other people from thinking about him.

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[1] It’s impossible for a dog’s mouth to spit out an elephant’s tooth.

[2] symbolic of a wife having an illicit affair.

[3] eating vinegar means ‘jealous’ in chinese. It’s a pun.