CH 1.4

With those last words, Chaewoo ran outside. Hyungwook didn’t even seem in the mood to wipe his nosebleed at his sudden departure. Seeing him get dumped in front of Sejin’s eyes made him feel relieved rather than sympathetic. Maybe that was how it was. Among the many people, why did Sejin go to pursue Chaewoo? He pursued with all his might, but stumbled on his foot and rolled down the stairs. Even though his pants had holes and he was bleeding, he looked for Chaewoo with his eyes.

He got out of the church and ran into the alley. As he wandered around, he saw tiny toes peeking around the edge of the wall. He was squatting on the cold floor with his head bowed between his knees. He stuttered and stood in front of him.

Chaewoo only gave a cold gaze to the uninvited guest, but did not get up and leave. Sejin sat down next to him and leaned back against the wall. This time, there was no response from Chaewoo. Breath exhaled from each of them gathered in the cold air. The drifting wind whirled through the air, picked up the breath and left.

It was strangely comfortable in that moment without any conversation. Perhaps Chaewoo was feeling the same way, seeing that he didn’t get up from his seat. Sejin placed a piece of glass lying on the floor on his palm and held it up to the sunlight. He looked at the cold colour and said abruptly.

“I’m in the next class.”

Chaewoo unexpectedly answered.

“I know. Grade 1 class 2.”

Sejin’s eyes widened at the unexpected answer.

“Then do you even know my name?”

“Jang Sejin.”

“Then do you know that I don’t have a mom? That my dad’s in the hospital? About my hyung’s cognitive impairment?”

Chaewoo nodded his head diligently. Naturally, Sejin thought he didn’t care, but he surprised him with the consecutive nods. Since he didn’t need to introduce himself, the mood changed again. Sejin glanced at Chaewoo. From a distance, he seemed to be swept away by the wind, but when he looked closer, his eyes seemed to be determined. However, the mirage-like atmosphere remained the same. So maybe that was why Sejin really wanted to ask before Chaewoo disappeared.

“Since they said that even the dead can stand upright after your songs, why don’t you sing? If you do well, it’ll be exciting.”

Chaewoo answered with silence, but there was no sharp reaction like before. Sejin decided to stop his curiosity because he didn’t have the guts to forcefully bring up what the other person didn’t seem to want to talk about. Sejin fiddled with the hole in his pants. As the back of his nose froze and his butt tingled, Chaewoo spoke.

“I can’t sing.”

Sejin asked carefully again, in case he disappeared somewhere after saying that again.

“Why?”

“Because my brother told me not to sing in front of other people.”

“Why?”

Instead of answering, Chaewoo smiled faintly. Neither laughter nor crying, but the expression on his face could make one’s heart ache. Chaewoo leaned his head against the wall. And then he started telling a fascinating story.

“My mother used to work in a restaurant. When I was in 5th grade, my mom’s friends came to my house to hangout. I had an uncle who worked on a construction site and an aunt who worked at a bar. She was drinking and was bored, so she made me sing to her. I just sang whatever came to mind, a nursery rhyme, and went into the room.”

“… And then?”

“But they came to my house the next day and asked me to sing a song. And the next day too and the following day… Some people cried for hours while listening to my songs, while others held my ankles and said strange things. My mom told them that they had to pay to listen to my songs as a joke, and they paid without a fuss. One uncle came with a month’s salary, and another auntie gave a gold necklace instead. Mom kept gaining money.”

Liar! Sejin managed to hold himself from blurting out. Offering your salary and belongings just to listen to children’s songs… no matter what Sejin had gone through, he couldn’t take that ridiculous story seriously. But Chaewoo’s eyes were serious.

“From then on, my mom quit the restaurant job and she told me to leave early every day. People kept coming to me without going to the hospital even though they were sick. Strange people often came…”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. They start feeling better when they just listen to my songs.”

Sejin asked after contemplating.

“Then the one who fixed Hyungwook’s mother’s back… It was you… with a song?”

Chaewoo shook his head.

“She will be in danger sooner or later.”

“Danger? What kind?”

“I don’t know either. But if you keep listening to my songs, like them… you will become strange.”

“…”

“My brother said both my mother and those people were crazy. So my older brother was stubborn and moved here. I changed my name in case they would come after me… .”

“Name? What was your original name?”

“I don’t even want to think about my old name. I want to throw it all away…”

Chaewoo just put on a sad expression. So all the people who came in and out of the house tried to listen to his songs… As Sejin wondered if he should believe this story or not, his mind got complicated. On the other hand, Chaewoo, who knew nothing and was swayed by adults, was pitiful. He even gave up his name and ran away from the past, but in the end, the same thing happened again because of his mother.

“So that’s why you hate singing?”

“I’m more afraid than resentful. People will still be waiting for me. I don’t want to go back to a home like that.”

Chaewoo then covered his ears as if trying to escape the noise. He pulled the hem of Sejin’s clothes out of nowhere.

“You must never tell anyone about this. Understand?!”

“What if I keep it a secret? You must have told Hyungwook.”

“I didn’t. He doesn’t know anything.”

To share a secret that even Hyungwook doesn’t know, Sejin somehow felt like he was standing on top of Hyungwook.

“Yes. I will keep it a secret.”

After being promised several times, Chaewoo smiled faintly. He also seemed a little relieved to have confided the secret he had buried only in his heart. Sejin thought that he was the most pitiful person in the world, but seeing such a Chaewoo made him feel sorry. Sejin raised Chaewoo to his feet.

“Follow me.”

“Why? Where are you going?”

“My house.”

All he had was his brother and mold in his house, but he was sure it would be better than Chaewoo’s house.