CH 1

Even though I had failed four times already…… I somehow succeeded in getting into the university of my choice, and this spring, I moved from the rural regions of Tohoku to Tokyo to start living alone.

Although the university campus is in Tokyo, the apartment I was able to rent is in Saitama, across Arakawa River, but it makes no difference for country bumpkins who think that Kanto = Tokyo = Stylish.

So, bringing my luggage in, and after my father and mother, who had been anxiously following me————- leaving me with parting words “We’re going to see Takarazuka and go shopping in Ginza on the way home to buy souvenirs”, which made me wonder if they really had been worried about me————- had left, it happened at that night. In the messy room with only the bed and TV set up, I wondered what I should have for dinner.

Since cooking after moving is troublesome, I was thinking of just eating a cup of noodles I had brought with me, or go explore outside and eat at a nearby eatery…… when I suddenly received a call on the phone I had in my pocket.

I looked at the number and didn’t recognize whose it was.

Is this one of those sales pitches? A scam, perhaps? They did say the city is a scary place. If I took the wrong approach here, I would probably end up in trouble.

And so, I just left it ringing, but the calls never stopped coming in.

Five minutes…… Ten minutes…… Fifteen minutes……

Ahh! All that ringing is annoying! Urged by all these bothering, I picked up the phone.

[Yeees! Hello———–]

The voice that answered my angry voice was that of a young girl with a voice that seemed to stiffly resound.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in the rubbish.”

[……Haahh~~?]

“I’m Mary-san. The doll you threw away.”

As I was struck by a chuckle that echoed eerily in the background, I recalled it.

“The Doll, Mary-san”. It was a doll that had been in our house since some time ago, a doll that was a portrait of a foreign girl. It was the doll that I had thrown away when I moved to Tokyo while I was organizing my belongings.

In other words————

I hurriedly hung up the phone.

Immediately after, through the thin walls of the quiet apartment, I heard a commotion from the room next door, who also seemed to be occupied by a college student.

“Chug it up! Chug it up!!! Chug all that gyomu super mayo (1 kg) up!!!”

“Oooooohhhhhhhh~~~!!!”

……Tokyo is one scary place. I can’t stop breaking out in a cold sweat, in more ways than one.

I never thought that on the day I moved in, I would get a prank call from someone who knows about the trash back in our home. I wonder if what my grandma kept warning me about is true, about how I should be careful about my personal info being leaked in Tokyo……

I think it would be better if I don’t go out tonight. I guess I’ll just go with cup noodles for the day…… or so I was planning, but just as I was getting things ready, I got another call on my phone. It was the same number as before.

It was a hassle, but it would be bad if I don’t punctually deal with it.

And so, I picked up the call———

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in the station…….”

[We’re all good!]

I feel like I heard the sound of a train and the noise of the platform in the background.

Good grief, she’s really persistent. It’s quite surprising that she would make sales calls while moving all the way from one place to another.

However, since I had firmly refused the call, she would probably not call me again. With that in mind, I unpacked my luggage and searched for the kettle.

……is what I was thinking but————

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m on the train, at Hamayoshida station……”

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Komagamine station……”

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Haranomachi station. They’re selling souvenir hagi no tsuki here……”

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Namie station. Dash Village should be around this area, right……”

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Tomioka station. Speaking of which, I wonder how the decontamination effort they had here was like now……”

Don’t tell me your location at every single station!

Heck, is she riding the slow train!? Take the bullet train or the limited express train, why the heck did you take the Joban line!? Heck, even Tohoku main line is even faster!!!

I tried to tell her that, but she didn’t even respond.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Yokutsura station. I can see the sea. The sea is nice, isn’t it……”

You just wanted to see the sea!?

Either way, at this pace, it will take her seven or eight hours to get here. Ahh, I can’t keep up with her antics.

Let’s just turn off the phone.

The merrymaking in the next room seemed to be at its climax, as the situation there seemed to have developed into some sort of hidden talent contest.

“Number 9 here, I’m going to perform the UFO summoning dance!”

“Oooohhh~~~~~~~~~!!!”

” ” ” Ventura, ventura, space people! Ventura, ventura, space people! ” ” “

……The lives of city people must be quite boring. Having such a thought in mind, I pulled the futon over my head and went to sleep.

Morning comes early for country people. I wake up before the sun rises, usually around 4:30 am this time of year.

I’m sure I’ll get used to the rhythm of the city in time but———– not that it matters, but why do people in Tokyo walk so fast? I wonder if they’re that pressed in time———– I woke up at the usual time, and as a precaution, I turned on my phone and found, as expected, a large number of missed calls.

Heck, I even got a new incoming call just now———– Haahhh……

[……Yes, hello?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in Tokyo station……”

[Hmmm.]

Picking my nose while responding to her words, the self-proclaimed Mary-san fell silent.

“………………”

[If you have nothing else to say, I’ll hang up.]

“———–Wait! Aren’t you in Tokyo?”

Ahh, this guy must be under the mistaken impression that me studying in a university in Tokyo = being in Tokyo. I see that she too is a country bumpkin. As I, the guy who was already two days here in the city, was soaking in superiority over her ignorance, I suddenly realized something.

[……Wait, are you trying to come over to my house!?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. That’s right. Give me your address.”

Uwahh, seriously!? Is this guy stalking me!? Scary!!!

Maybe I should call the police~~. However, I wonder if the police will even take up the case of a guy (possibly) being stalked by a girl. I have a feeling they won’t even listen to me~~. Grandpa did use to tell me that city police officers are incompetent and lazy, and that even if there’s a case, they pretend not to look at it because it’s too troublesome.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Come on, hurry up! Hurry up!”

[…………………]

I wonder why? Being pressed on by a girl’s urgent voice, telling you “Hurry up! Hurry up!” makes me feel rather strange. ———Wait, is this that honey trap I’ve heard so much about!? T- This is definitely a badger game.

T- That was a close call. However, I’m a college student now, albeit at Bakada University, and I’m not gonna show any openings.

Instantly realizing the other party’s intentions……

[……Ahh. Alright, alright. The address of my apartment is House 1 of 1-1, Chiyoda, Tokyo.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m going to go there now……”

As a satisfied Mary-san made an ominously clear sound, as if she had intercrossed something metallic———– more specifically, a kitchen knife———– She hung up.

""

[………………..]

I wonder, is everything alright? There’s no way she’d actually break into the address I gave her———– to the Imperial Palace with a kitchen knife in hand., right? No, no, even a stupid child would have noticed that I gave them a wrong address from the moat surrounding that place.

Wondering why am I even worrying about all that, I just decided to have breakfast outside to refresh myself.

Three hours later———– 

This time, I received a call from a number different from Mary-san’s.

“———–Ahh, hello. This is the Imperial Police. Your sister tried to break in the main gate of the Imperial Palace with a kitchen knife, and we’ve secured her but…… You can’t do that, Onii-san. You shouldn’t tell your sister strange lies!”

A moment later, the udon noodles from Marugame Noodles, the shop I found earlier while taking a walk, almost regurgitated. (What a surprise, they were actually open at 7:30 am in the city!)

[No, no, that girl isn’t my little sister! That’s just a little dimwitted girl!]

I desperately tried to deny their words, but the old man who claimed to be from the Imperial Guards kept his tone of suspicion to the very end.

“Anyway, we’ve designated you as her guarantor, so I’m afraid you’ll have to come! Good grief, it was a good thing this happened so early in the morning, as who knows what would have happened if the media had gotten wind of this. We’ll just chalk it up to a kid’s prank and deal with it privately this time!”

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. If I just know Onii-chan’s address, I can go there by myself.”

Mary-san is on the other end of the line, sounding really auspicious.

“……Good grief. Well then, say it so we can jot down your address. I’ll say this now, but it’s a crime to lie about this, okay? If we really want to find out about this, it would be easy for us to know.”

Gununununu……

I involuntarily grinded my teeth, and as if I was there myself, I felt like I’m seeing Mary-san giggling behind the officer’s back.

Thirty minutes later———–

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Trying to find my way is troublesome, so I’m taking a cab to Saitama……”

Saying this, I heard giggles and felt like she had this triumphant smile on her face.

[———–Tsk!]

I clicked my tongue.

I just checked the route from Chiyoda to here on my phone. It says it will take her 30 to 40 minutes to get here. Surprisingly close. If this were in the countryside, this distance would have been within biking distance.

And after 40 minutes———–

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I could already see your apartment, as I’m at the Gekkyoku Parking Lot……”

[Isn’t that Tsukigime Parking Lot, right?]

“………………….”

[………………….]

“I- I was just a bit nervous. I know you can read it that way too……”

Sounding rather embarrassed, Mary-san abruptly hangs up the phone.

At about the same time, the occupant of the room next door and their friends who had been staying over seemed to have woken up, as I could hear them noisily descending the stairs of the apartment.

“Alriiiiight! To freshen ourselves to a new morning once again, let’s dedicate a prayer to God first thing after we wake up!”

” ” ” ” Ooooohhhhhh!!!!! ” ” ” ” “

I guess city people are surprisingly religious too.

I was so deeply moved that I remembered my grandma in the countryside who prays towards the family shrine and the Buddhist altar early in the morning———–

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in front of your apartment now……”

——When such a call arrived.

At the same time———–

” ” ” ” ” Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn! Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! ” ” ” ” ”

(In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming! I hunger! For the grace God has given me!)

I heard strange prayer words from in front of my apartment.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. What is this……?”

[Probably a custom city people have, don’t worry about it.”

“Do city people really wear black hoods in the morning, drawing a magic circle on the ground, and chanting with Akro-language……?”

[Afro-language? Sorry. I’m really clueless about foreign languages.]

I was thinking of taking Chinese as my second foreign language in college, while my English is just barely enough to get me by, so I had no way to answer when asked about the language of a third country.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. No, that’s not what I meant……”

And then, as if overshadowing the call from Mary-san, the voices of the neighbors echoed through the door from inside and outside the phone.

“Ooohhh~~~!! Behold! That little blonde girl shall be our sacrifice to our Evil God!! Everyone, put your heart and soul into it!!!”

” ” ” ” ” Iä! Iä!! Cthulhu fhtagn!! ” ” ” ” ”

(I hunger! For the grace God has given me!)

The sound of a small child hurriedly rushing up the stairs to get away from the heated chanting resounded.

""

You can do it, Mary-san!

“Haahhh, haahhh…… H- Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m outside your room right now……”

Mary-san is breathing heavily.

I felt like she was irritating and being antagonistic towards her since last night, but when I calmed down after a night’s sleep, I found myself having affectionate feelings, like congratulating a child who has just completed her “first errand”.

Well, since she had come all this way here, let’s at least give her a bottle of juice.

And so, having such a thought in mind, I took out a bottle of juice from the fridge and said……

[Alright already. Hold on a minute. ———–Here, thank you for waiting~~]

Just as I undid the chain locking the front door———–

” ” ” ” ” Iä! Iä!! Cthulhu fhtagn!! ” ” ” ” ”

(I hunger! For the grace God has given me!)

With those prayer-like words reaching its climax, I felt like a flash of light appeared in front of me…… but it seemed like it was just my imagination, as when I rubbed my eyes, I saw nothing but the same old daily life.

Also, by the way, there’s no one outside the door.

“Whohooooo~~! We did it! The sacrifice has been delivered to our God!!!”

Outside, the group of college students, probably still drunk from yesterday’s alcohol, were cheering.

Just after I closed the door, thinking it really was just someone’s prank, I received another notification of a call from Mary-san.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in another world……”

[……………..]

I’m already getting tired of her persistent use of the same gags.

Having such a thought in mind, I silently hung up when my phone vibrated again immediately.

[Oi, it’s about time you stop with the———]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m telling the truth!!! The scene in front of me suddenly changed with a bang, and I’m now in the middle of a forest……”

[Hmmm……]

I picked my nose as I waited for her to continue.

“Just when I think I saw a horned rabbit hopping away, a midget with the same height as Mary-san with a scary green face beat it to death with a stone hammer and ate it raw…….!”

[Ahh, that’s probably a Goblin.]

Well, that certainly is a standard in other worlds.

Even so, she’s gonna change into that route huh. Well, the classes haven’t started yet, so I guess I’ll just go along to pass the time.

[What’s your Status? Try chanting “Status Open” and check your Status.]

“Eh? Hello, it’s Mary-san. S- Status Open? ———Kyaaah! Some kind of transparent screen appeared in the air……”

Mary-san sure is on a roll~~

[What does it say?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Errr……”

Mary-san   Cursed Doll (♀)   Lv 1

HP: 5

MP: 24

SP: 7

STR: 3

INT: 2

END: 4

MND: 10

AGI: 5

LCK: -29

Skills:

Spiritual World Communication

Unlimited Kitchen Knives

Equipment:

Cloth Dress

Enamel Shoes

Kitchen Knives (x3)

""

Umu. As expected, her intelligence is low. We’ve got an idiot over here.

[Rather, you still have your kitchen knives huh. I thought those policemen would take them all away.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Women had a lot of secret places we could hide things in……”

[Yes, yes. For the time being, how about you kill that Goblin and try leveling up? Is there only one Goblin?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. As far as I can see, there’s only one Goblin. It’s eating the rabbit with its back to me……”

[That makes it convenient then. Just stab it in the back and try leveling up.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. If I were to do that, would I be able to go back……?”

[Right, right. If you continue leveling up like that, it’s a given that you’d eventually be able to go back.]

That’s how it goes in mangas and novels, I mean.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I understand. I’m going to level up, go back to that world, and carve your face while you sleep……”

[Ohh, good luck with that. Ahh, when it comes to opponents of the same stature as you, you shouldn’t try to poorly slash with your knife, but instead, just like yakuza lackeys, hold the knife with both hands next to your waist, and strike with your whole body. Otherwise, you will not be able to kill it with a single blow.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Well then, I’m off to kill it……!”

[Ohh~~ If you kill it properly, Mary-san would be on the path to being a full-fledged yakuza…… no, Adventurer!]

The sound of Mary-san’s dashing footsteps echoed through the phone as I cheered her on.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Eat——- this……!”

At the same time, I can hear what seemed like the graphic sound of flesh being torn and a muddled scream that I can’t bear to hear.

“Kuhh…… It’s tough!? Take this…… and this…… Kyaaahhh! Ouch…… D*mned beast!!!”

I can hear in real time that she’s having a rough time.

Speaking of which, I was still in the middle of organizing my belongings.

Having remembered this, I recharged my phone and using the sound of Mary-san’s struggles as BGM, I started sorting my stuff from its cardboard boxes.