CH 2

Now then, I finished sorting through most of my stuff, but I noticed that I was missing quite a few small things.

I bought a lunch box, a pair of spare socks, an octopus outlet plug, ear picks, nail clippers, plasters, a stepladder, a robot vacuum cleaner (3980 yen, which was kinda cheap)…… etc., with the money I received as a current living expense, and since I will use it soon, I put them in my backpack with a caster (which I also bought). Catching monsters on my phone as I went back to my apartment, I came across Caretaker-san cleaning the entrance to my apartment.

[Alright. I even got myself a rare monster! As expected of the city, for me to actually catch 10 monsters on my way to and from the apartment……]

[————Ara, were you out shopping, Student-san?]

While I was capturing stray monsters with my phone in one hand, Caretaker-san approached and casually called out to me in a soft voice.

By the way, she’s a woman in the prime of her youth——— probably.

I say probably because she’s always wearing that round upside-down goldfish bowl on her head.

Unfortunately, most of that goldfish bowl is made up of blue-tinted glass, which is almost translucent, but not transparent enough, so I can’t see her face. However, from the slight glimpse of her well-shaped lips, her jawline, the quality of her skin and her voice, my estimate is that she’s probably in her 20s…… and is probably quite beautiful.

I don’t know why such a young woman is the caretaker of this apartment and why she’s wearing that goldfish bowl but———

[The composition of the atmosphere here is different from that of my planet…… Ahh, no, this is actually a custom from my hometown. You shouldn’t pry about this too much or you’ll get abducted.]

She had hinted at such a thing when she first greeted me, so I thought it would be foolish to pry into her life.

It would be rude to stare at that goldfish bowl so intently, so I put my phone away in my pocket and absentmindedly glancing at the chest area of Caretaker-san’s apron that reads “UMA”——— I guess she must like horses (uma) a lot——— I calmly answered.

[Yes, I needed to buy a few things, so I went to the Donki——— Don Quijote in front of the station.]

We didn’t have one of those back in the countryside, so I was very excited when I saw one in front of the station. It’s no exaggeration to say that the fact that I can call it “Donki” in a natural way shows my refined status and the turning point between the generic, countryside farmer and city dwellers (according to my brain’s original content survey).

Also, not like this really matters, but while I was in the middle of shopping, I thought “Whoa, stuff here in Donki is cheap!”, but when I finished checking out, I couldn’t help but think “Arehh? This didn’t turn out to be that cheap? Rather, it feels like I ended up buying useless expenses……”, and secretly be tormented by regret.

……W- Well, I’m now a university student, and I’m planning to start working part-time anyway, so let’s just treat this as celebratory shopping. An investment for the future, perhaps.

[Ahh, Don Quijote huh?]

Caretaker-san nodded in understanding as she looked at my shopping bags.

[Yes, Don Quijote.]

When I nodded back in response, for some reason, she (the atmosphere around her) had a complicated expression on her face. Mhmm, I can’t figure out why……?

[———Well, that’s okay. How is it? Have you gotten used to our apartment?]

[Yes…… Well, I guess so.]

The noise of the students next door, and the crying of the woman in the opposite room, which can be heard over the wall if I listen carefully, can be a little depressing at times, but since the countryside was full of bugs, bullfrogs and biker gangs, I can completely tolerate them.

[Really? Are you sure!? I thought you’d be sick of them. You aren’t going to repack your bags and leave!?]

The goldfish bowl head pulled her face over to me, and for some reason, she obstinately tried making sure of this.

[Yes. I didn’t intend to do that. ……Is there something wrong with this place?]

Her asking me that question made me hurriedly ask that.

Caretaker-san, who immediately held her mouth as if she had just said something wrong, let out a laugh that sounded like she was trying to cover up something.

[Ah, no. That’s not it…… Errr, you see, my apartment is old, and people nowadays, when they move in, immediately say “I don’t want to live in a haunted house like this!” or “Ahh, it’s on the window! It’s on the window!!!” or that one that only said “Itchy…… Tasty……”, before they disappeared after leaving a note———– Anyhow, well, I think that many people these days aren’t so patient…….]

Caretaker-san, speaking about various matters ambiguously, glanced back at the apartment and the bronze Ninomiya Kinjiro statue that sits in the tiny garden for some reason, she sighed.

Well, the building itself is old, but it has been renovated, and it’s a cheap apartment with a kitchen, bath, and toilet and is close to the station, so I have no problem with a little bit of noise.

My father did tell me, “Be careful, city people complain about the noises in the apartment”, so I guess there are a lot of highly-strung young people in the city. I suppose Caretaker-san had a hard time with this matter too.

[I see. That’s quite a problem, isn’t it?]

[You said it. When people move out, we would normally have to pay for house cleaning. All of them always just leave abruptly……]

Caretaker-san, looking depressed, blurted out her rather frank opinions.

[Heehhh. I don’t really feel any inconvenience. Well, it’s only my second day here, so I don’t really know my neighbors yet.]

[They are all very nice people.]

A moment after Caretaker-san said that with a smile, the scream of what seemed to be a lover’s quarrel between a young man and woman echoed from a room in the apartment.

“Shou-chan! I thought it was strange that you suddenly said you wanted to get a pet, but I never thought you would have such a relationship with a pet!!!”

“Y- You’re mistaken! T- This is just a little bit of skinship……”

“With your outfit, what skinship are you saying!? Above all, it had to be with a monster like this!?”

“Uwaaaa———- Stop! Uwahh, run, Kyuu-chan!”

“Even after all I said, you still cared more about your pet than me!? You pervert! Pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert!!!”

“Uuuu…… Uwaaa———- Thank you very much!!!”

[ [ ………………….. ] ]

Me and Caretaker-san only exchanged silence.

They’ve gone and done it, in more ways than one……

[……They’re all very nice people, everyone is. Everyone punctually pays their rent.]

Caretaker-san continued as if nothing just happened.

……No, well, I guess it’s alright.

[Hahahaha. Speaking of which, I’m looking for a part-time job, but do you have any good work opportunities you could recommend to me?]

Noncommittally changing the subject, I casually asked Caretaker-san, who seemed to know a lot about this area.

[Part-time job? If I’m not mistaken, I think the one on the first floor, room D is looking for a merchandise salesman……]

[Ehh? What exactly are they marketing?]

[If I remember correctly…… Errr, “Drinkable Kitchen Sanitizing Bleach”.]

Yes, that completely screams like a religion-related MLM.

[I heard they sell well. Among certain manic consumers, they apparently “taste like a JS’s school swimsuit when diluted with water”.]

[How high level are the manias in the city!?]

Heck, I’m surprised that they have a constant amount of customer that there was a mania about this thing!

[……Is there any part-time job that’s a little softer or more carefree?]

When I asked that with such thoughts in mind, Caretaker-san pondered.

[If you go to Doctor’s office in the neighborhood, you can easily sell eyeballs, kidneys and other body parts to him. They aren’t licensed though.]

[That isn’t the soft I’m talking about!]

As I gave my all-out tsukkomi, I suddenly received a call on the phone in my pocket.

>【[email protected]】

“Idiot! It’s the idiot! The idiot has called~~!!”

Immediately after, the phone’s notification ringtone rang out with all its might.

[———–Wha…… What’s that!?]

[Ahh, I’m sorry. I forgot to put it on silent mode.]

I hurriedly took out my phone and put it in silent mode.

I downloaded this app that I thought was amusing earlier, but for some reason, I couldn’t change what I had set on Mary-san’s calls no matter what I did.

[Well then, see you later———!]

""

As I closed the door and left my luggage by the entrance to make a call, I heard Mary-san’s voice, which sounded somewhat tired.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in the meadow just outside of the forest……”

It seems that she had successfully killed the Goblin this morning.

As I had such a thought in mind though……

“Kuhh, I broke my knife again. It has a tough skull…… It’s troublesome……”

The sound of banging on a rock or something continued, then it changed to something soft and squishy, and along with a grating sound that seemed to shave my sanity, I’m starting to unable to take it anymore and was about to hung up and go tend to what I shopped earlier, when she said she had successfully completed her mission and went out to a different field.

[Great, you did well. As expected of Mary-san (lol).]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. That’s natural. Mary-san is a girl who can do things if she wants after all……”

I can picture in my mind Mary-san with a smug look on her face.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Incidentally, I’m the type who grows with praise, so you can praise me as much as you want……”

[Yes, yes. You’re really amazing. If it’s just one Goblin, I’m sure that will be easy peasy for Mary-san.]

It was already noon when she called back though.

“There wasn’t just one Goblin, there were two. And then, while I was fighting them, a Goblin with a wand appeared, throwing fireballs and numbing smoke into the air……”

[Ahh, a Goblin Mage huh. Guess those would appear too.]

Just as I was thinking her battle dragged on for a long time, it seemed that a higher-tier Goblin appeared.

[You did well killing it. Did you learn any tricks or skills from killing the first normal Goblin?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I used the same plan as when I fought the first Goblin. Ignoring the flames and smoke, I went at it, stabbed it with a knife and finally smashed its skull with a stone……”

As expected of Mary-san, she punched through the situation with the intelligence of an insect.

As I was about to noncommittally congratulate her, telling how that must have been rough…… Thinking of punch made me remember the lunch box I bought at Donki, so I took it out and prepared to eat it with the bottled tea I had also bought.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m hearing rustling there, what are you doing……?”

[Hmm? I’m hungry, so I’m about to eat the lunch box I bought.]

“……………..”

[What’s up, Mary-san?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. While I was fighting here to the death, you went to buy lunch……?”

Immediately after, I heard a frightening voice with unprecedented vindictiveness.

[No, no. I also had it rough over here. I encountered and captured 10 monsters on my way to the shop and back.]

“Ten……!? Hello, it’s Mary-san. There are that many monsters like youkais in the city……!?”

[I wonder. I’m not sure myself, that’s probably just here in my area.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Speaking of which, I felt a strange magnetic flux and aura around that apartment, so wouldn’t it be better if you move out of that place……? It would be troubling if another stray youkai or some other sort of monster kills you before Mary-san gets back……”

It seems that Mary-san had some misunderstanding towards the wrong direction and got worried (?), but it isn’t like my life is being inconvenienced here in any way, and with me proudly responding to Caretaker-san like earlier about how my life here has been alright, I will not be able to move out that simply.

Above all————

[That might be the case, but even though it’s only a six-tatami room, 5000 yen a month for a room with a kitchen, bath and toilet is a bargain.]

“F- Five thousand yen……!? A 5000 yen per month property in the city……!!!?”

For some reason, Mary-san sounded like she was really at a loss for words on the other end of the phone.

After a while……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Are you stupid……?”

[The heck do you mean by that!!!?]

Being treated like a dimwit by the idiotic Mary-san doesn’t make any sense at all!

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Well, it’s fine if you yourself are alright with the place, but to be honest, but as the hungry Mary-san who’s been moving around since last night, my grudge against you has increased……”

[Eehhhh…… Wait, that means you could actually eat?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Isn’t that obvious? To maintain this gorgeous body of mine, I would need to orally replenish my energy. By the way, what are you eating for lunch……?”

[A large serving of yakiniku bento.]

A moment later, I heard the sound of gulping from the other end of the call. The sound of a grumbling stomach too.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Protein…… Not tree roots or bitter grass, but warm meat……”

It seems like she’s currently on a more miserable diet than I thought.

[Ahh…… Then, how about you have that? Go eat the flesh of those dead Goblins, I mean.]

Well, as expected, that’s just not possible. Even if I’m just giving that as an example, eating the flesh off of a humanoid creature that had some intelligence is just a no go.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’d rather take a bite out of a tree bark than eat something that tastes so bad……”

She actually tried that out!?

“I’m at a level where rotten food scraps seem like a three-star restaurant treat. Not just cats, even cockroaches and Tomoy*ri Takahide would stomp on something this bad……”

[You’re going that far!?]

However, with her talking with me with that much composure, it seemed like she was improving at a brisk pace.

When I asked her that……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. After I killed the Goblin Mage, I heard a strange sound and the display appeared, and then my strength got restored a bit, so I’m in great shape……”

Ahh, I see, she leveled up huh.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. By the way, the display that appeared was like this———-“

<Mary-san’s level went up from 1 → 2! HP went up from 5 → 7!>

<Hidden Stat: Recklessness increased by 3! Hidden Stat: Cruelty increased by 2! Hair has grown a little longer! Loveliness decreased by 5! Decency has disappeared!>

<In addition, STR went up from 3 → 4! END went up from 4→5! INT dropped from 2→1!>

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. And so, here’s the overall result……”

Mary-san   Calamity Doll (♀)   Lv 2

HP: 7

MP: 24

SP: 7

STR: 5

INT: 1

END: 5

MND: 10

AGI: 5

LCK: -29

Skills:

Spiritual World Communication

Unlimited Kitchen Knives → Unlimited Santoku Knives (new!)

Attack Resistance 1 (new!)

Stat Ailment Resistance 1 (new!)

Equipment:

Cloth Dress

Enamel Shoes

Santoku Knives (x5)

That’s no good!

She totally became a musclehead! Also, are those santoku knives supposed to be a higher grade version of those deba knives she had before!?

(T/N: Forgot to add it before, but deba knives are apparently for cutting fish and light mincing. Meanwhile, her new santoku knife is a versatile knife for slicing, chopping and mincing.)

[……Ahh…… Well, having that Attack Resistance 1 and Stat Ailment Resistance 1 added to your skill set is certainly effective but……]

That Attack and Stat Ailment Resistance is probably because of what she had just eaten. From those words, I’d say those are skills that probably reduce the damage she received.

As I was guessing what the effects those skills could have———–

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Ara? I pressed the “new!” button and a detailed explanation appeared……”

Saying this, Mary-san reads out the explanation.

Attack Resistance 1 : Insensitivity to Pain (new!)

【※You receive damage like normal, but you don’t notice it! The time you fall is the time you die!!! At Rank-2, pain becomes pleasure. At Rank-3, you go into invincible mode and won’t feel pain until you die!】

Stat Ailment Resistance 1 : Idiots Cannot Catch Colds (new!)

【※Even if you get sick, you can’t be aware of it! If you don’t go to the hospital before your sickness becomes irreversible, you will die! At Rank-2, you would be so high that you can’t distinguish between reality and hallucination. At Rank-3, you would burst open like a candle before it burns out!】

[That’s an extremely no good progress———–!!!]

I couldn’t help but exclaim.

Why the heck did she only grow in such a disappointing direction!? If this had been one of those character-leveling games, I’d have already reset and started a new run!

[Uuuu…… Unnn, well, it’s Mary-san after all.]

Though I said that, it’s not like I can do that in this situation, so I just forced myself to accept this.

[Speaking of which, where are you heading towards, Mary-san?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m going toward the northern capital where the Demon King is……”

Here comes the Demon Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing――(゜∀゜)――!!

Wait, the heck is with that!? After she killed Goblins and a Goblin Mage, how the heck is her story leading directly to the Demon King!?

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. This was something I heard from the Goblin Mage when it was about to die. “Even if you kill me, there are still the Four Heavenly Goblin Kings. On top of that, there’s the Goblin General and Goblin King. Moreover, there are still the Orcs, the High Orcs and the Orc King……” and such grumbles, ending all that with something it called Demon King, and since fighting all that is troublesome, I’ll just head to their boss and get all the EXP……!”

No, no, no, no! I think you’d usually chop this up into more detailed steps! After fighting Goblins, you’d fight the Goblin King, then the Orcs and so on! You don’t challenge the Last Boss Demon King while Lv 2 just because you found it “troublesome”!!!

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. However, when I said that, that Goblin Mage seriously said “You’re crazy” with a straight face……”

Unnn. I totally agree with that guy here.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. For the sake of justice, I’m going to defeat the Demon King……”

She seemed to be saying good things with determination, but her actions sounded like she did all that for her own personal gain……

I mean, I haven’t felt a shred of justice in Mary-san’s actions so far though?

I mean, I don’t know what position that Demon King has in that world, but with them calling themself a “King”, isn’t the act of beating them up without any question the act of a terrorist?

Well, I guess that really isn’t something I should be concerned about. Not bothering to say anything to persuade Mary-san, who was recklessly charging forward, I silently hung up the phone and began to eat my lunch.

She may be an idiot, but her determination is amazing. Doesn’t change that she’s an idiot though.

Calmly reflecting on this matter, I turned my undivided attention to my lunch.