CH 9

At witching hour (2:00 – 2:30 am), when even the plants are asleep, I noticed that my phone under my pillow vibrated, notifying me of an incoming call.

[Hello……]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san……”

What the heck does she want, calling at a time like this? Having such a thought in mind, I raised my upper body up my bed.

[Did something happen?]

I asked in a normal tone, but for some reason, Mary-san stayed silent for a while. Thereupon, she suddenly let out a crazy chuckle, followed by a solemn, threatening voice……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m right behind you!!!”

[ ! ! ! ]

When I reflexively turned around, what was reflected in the darkness was that translucent drenched woman with an eerie reproachful expression on her face.

Her accidental appearance at that moment was so great that I couldn’t help being taken aback.

At the same time, continuing from the other side of the call……

“————–Just kidding. It’s a lie but……”

Mary-san spoke in her usual tone.

On the other hand though, that hallucination woman’s expression turned into surprise at my reaction for a while……

“I did it! I did it! I finally freaked you out! Yay! I win! I win! It’s my win~~!!!”

She then happily jumped around before disappearing into the darkness.

[No, wait! That just now doesn’t count! Time out, that’s invalid! Come back here, that was just an accident!]

I shouted at the woman, who even though had disappeared from sight, I could still feel her excitement drifting about.

Kuh…… Even though I know she’s just my hallucination, seeing all that happening is kinda vexing.

[What does that mean!?]

With all these emotions not having anywhere else to direct them to, I shouted to my phone.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Mary-san has been in a trance from living here in another world, but I thought I shouldn’t neglect my main business, so I went back to how I usually am……”

[Since the store is closed and there’s no business to go back to, wouldn’t it be a good idea to use that motivation elsewhere? Why don’t you fold the noren and devote your attention to adventuring? I mean, if you really want to do that “Ghost Story: Mary-san’s phone call” so much, why don’t you do that to the people of that world?]

“That’s impossible!”

[Why?]

“Because there’s no phone to call in this world!”

[……Ahh……]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. There’s that annoying witch, so I gave her a string telephone and tried calling her with my usual “Hello, it’s Mary-san……” greeting, but not only did she look at me with strange eyes, there was that weakness of the string telephone which I’m unable to take a distance except within the limits of the string, so in the end, I was at a standstill……”

She did try to make the effort huh.

I can somehow imagine what happened there.

Carrying the string telephone, Mary-san comes tottering towards said witch……

[I will now conduct a cursed phone call on you! Tremble in fear……]

Saying this, she handed one side of the string telephone to the witch, and taking a suitable distance away and making sure the string was firmly strained……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m in front of a street stall across the street……”

[Unnn. I can see that.]

“………………..I’m going to adjust the length of this string, so wait a bit……”

""

Pulling the string from her side, Mary-san started getting closer to the witch she was supposedly cursing.

However, while she was waiting for Mary-san to adjust the string telephone, the line was instantly cut by a passing carriage.

[ [ ……Ah. ] ]

After a moment of silence, the witch calls out to her from across the street.

[What do we do now? Should we start from the beginning again~~?]

[Naggy! I don’t need your pity……]

Thereupon, Mary-san threw her paper cup at her feet, feeling irritated, and indignantly left the place.

Looking at it from the side, it would have looked like a phone call-make-believe game by a child, and rather than being scary, that scene probably looks charming instead.

I mean, I think Mary-san’s Ghost Story was more about the curse than the phone call, and she doesn’t really need to fuss over the form in which she curses someone, but it seems that Mary-san had mixed up her means and her purpose.

I probably should have pointed this out to her, but she’s a miraculously amusing idiot, so I didn’t point this out and just appreciated the unusual sighting of an extinct creature————– In reality, she’s a legendary being shrouded in mystery in the real world, but all those mysteries and legends disappeared at the speed of light before the person herself————– So I can only watch.

[Rather, there’s someone in that world that’s referred to as a witch huh. That world is a place where you can do magic if you just pay money, so I thought that distinctions like that would be fuzzy.]

“That was basically the case. So to speak, she’s like one of those foreigners who has passed Kanji Kentei Lv 3, and he’s proudly boasting to the Japanese, saying “You can now refer to me as Prof Kanji~~ Yay!”, while the people around just look at them with warm eyes……”

(T/N: Kanji Kentei has 12 levels, levels 10 through 3, pre-2, 2, pre-1 and 1, with level 1 being the highest. Levels 10 – 4 are primarily taken by children up to 12 y/o, while Level 3 and above are taken by high-school students and adults.) 

When Martians see a panda for the first time, I can imagine them being deeply moved emotionally.

And now, as the urban legend Mary-san sees the witch that was being treated like a rare animal…..

[Birds of the same feather flock together after all……]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Don’t misunderstand! That one just talked to me on her own and one-sidedly poked her nose into Mary-san’s business……”

For her to actually step on such a landmine, I wonder if that witch is suicidal or something?

“I was having dinner at the restaurant for today’s lunch……”

[I thought you had used up a lot of your money, but you still have AC in your account?]

“I’ve still got around 300 million AC left……”

[How the heck did you have that much!? It wouldn’t have been strange if banks chased after you with that amount of money!!!]

“I’m not really sure, but the merchant who had to finance me———— Mash of the Enboca Company, a man who looked like a merman———— Bringing up how I had apparently broken an annoying sword, he gave me more financing. Thanks to that, I can splurge as I please. It’s fine and all to resent someone when they’re financially well off, but don’t you think it’s stupid to worry about them……”

From the stuff I heard from Mary-san’s bourgeois remarks, it felt like she had unknowingly awakened waves of evil.

“Errr, at lunchtime, I was eating at “Bikk*ri Donkey, enjoying the luxury of eating cheeseburger steak, Caesar salad, fries, corn soup and rice, and matcha parfait for dessert……”

The hurdle for luxury in her mind is so low. I would have felt envious if she had said she went to a sushi restaurant she couldn’t visit during the day……

[……Don’t go terrorizing me with food porn in the middle of the night.]

———but the contents were so easy to imagine that it makes me feel hungry at this time of the day. In a sense, that was no different from torture.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. While I was eating, Mary-san’s signature line was suddenly spoken behind me, saying [Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m right behind you……], making me nearly choke on the burger steak I was eating……”

Well, that ain’t surprising.

Below is a reproduction of the situation at that time based on the story I heard from Mary-san.

[Kukukukuku. From the looks of it, there’s no mistaking it, you’re the well-known Mary-san from “Mary-san’s Phone Call”?]

With a chuckle, a black-haired woman wearing a black dress and a long cloak sat down on the seat across from Mary-san’s table, who was catching her breath after drinking cold water.

[Mnghh…… Do you know Mary-san?]

[Of course. There should be nothing I don’t know about.]

“Kukukukuku……”, the woman meaningfully laughed. She looked like someone in her late teens. A young girl who’s not yet in her 20s, but Mary-san doesn’t recognize her.

The <Strong NEET Town> is basically a town of rascal adventurers, so there are hardly any women around. 

No matter how old or what kind of person she is, she would have ended up being treated no different from a Princess in a geek’s club.

However, in Mary-san’s case, since she looks like a young girl, not only men, but single women and elderly women (it’s not hard to imagine that she felt more like a pet), and it seems that Mary-san herself takes care of the children younger than herself, acting as their older sister.

[That’s unexpected. You can actually look after children……?]

“How rude. Mary-san is good at taking care of children. I dote on them very much. I dote on them so much that children vomit from stress and start turning bald……”

[Are you seriously doting on them!?]

I couldn’t help throwing a tsukkomi in the middle of the story. In any case, that woman is someone that even such a Mary-san had seen for the first time.

Rather, with her saying that she knows that Mary-san is the leading role herself in the ghost story “Mary-san’s Phone Call”—————

[If you’d like my autograph, you’d have to consult my manager……]

[It’s not like I would call out to you for that! I know that you’re a legendary being that came from another world. For I, the wielder of the Spirit Eye that sees all creations, am a Transcendent who was summoned from the far side of the world by the guidance of a Heroic Spirit. People call me Olive “Deep Sorcerist” Tusa!]

With a theatrical gesture, the self-proclaimed <Deep Sorcerist> stands up and flutters her cloak.

Mary-san, who got tired of her speech along the way, stuffed her cheeks with fries and frowned in annoyance.

[You’re scattering the dust, so I’d like it if you stop moving around in front of me……]

Similarly noticing that the customers and staff in the surrounding seats were staring at her with cold eyes, the <Deep Sorcerist> hurriedly amiably smiled, and lightly bowing her head, she took a seat.

[Fufufufu. Even when I’m trying not to be conspicuous, whether I wanted to or not, I couldn’t help attracting their attention. This is but the fate of those born under the karmic stars.]

[Ah, Waiter-san. I think it’s time for me to have my dessert……]

[———–Ummm…… Are you listening to me~~? Mary-san. Seeing as the two of us were from the same place, can I tell you a little bit about who I am and some important information about this world?]

[I’m not interested……]

[No, no. You’re Mary-san, right? It’s your job to curse certain people to death with a phone call, isn’t it? Isn’t it kinda weird that you’re sitting here indulging yourself in parfait? If it’s me, I can help you with your revenge. Now, why don’t you offer Onee-san steak set and a strawberry parfait and we strike up a deal!]

[Revenge and grudges are meaningless before burger steak and parfait. It’s true that Mary-san was like that in the past, but there are no saints without a past and no sinners without a future. Mary-san realized that we all have burger steaks and parfaits equally in our hearts……]

[It sounded like you’re talking about something philosophical, but doesn’t that just mean you don’t want your meal interrupted!?]

As the woman let out a scream that struck the bull’s eye, a man who seemed to be the Area Manager, with a fierce look on his face, intercepted her.

[……Customer-sama. I’m sorry to disturb you, but you are disturbing other customers. Also, have you decided what you want to order?]

[———–Eh…… No, umm……]

Thereupon, the <Deep Sorcerist> started looking suspicious.

[Ahaha, ummm, I’m talking business here. I’m trying to have this girl here…… treat me……]

At these words, the <Deep Sorcerist> looked at Mary-san as if she were asking for help from her friend.

[She’s a complete stranger.]

Mary-san, who has an established reputation for being a little girl who can’t read the mood, not even looking up from her matcha parfait, curtly replied.

[In other words, we don’t need to treat you like a customer. ———–Take her away.]

[Wait……!?]

In that instant, the store’s bouncers quickly restrained the <Deep Sorcerist> and disappeared directly into the back of the store.

[———–I’m sorry for the disturbance.]

The Area Manager then graciously bowed.

“Hello, Mary-san. I thought that settled it and I wouldn’t have to deal with her again, but that witch persistently followed Mary-san after that……”

Not like I really care, but I think there’s a piece of very important information hinted at in her story that she seemed to have skimmed over, or was it just my imagination? Also, can’t you hide the fact that you’re that Mary-san, Mary-san?

“Even when I’m eating a crepe during my three o’clock, saying [With my hidden power and wisdom, I may be able to find a way to return you to your original world. If you were to offer me a banana crepe now———— Ah, wait……!”], she appeared and pestered me again…..”

[That kinda feels like a déjà vu.]

“Even when I was trying to have yakiniku, saying [This path, you’re heading for Joj*en, right? Isn’t it boring to eat yakiniku by yourself? Let’s talk while eating together! After all, this is a secret, but Onee-san here was also a Japanese that got transferred to this world, having the real name of Satou Rio.], she kept on following me around and kept on annoying me……”

She’s gotten so desperate that she almost spoiled her own story.

Even so, “Satou Rio” huh. If you read it backward, that would be “Oriutosa”, which should be where she derived that “Olive Tusa”.

“She just read her name backward to make it sound like that. There’s no twist at all……”

[Yeah.]

I thought there was some sort of hidden meaning behind it, but I see, it was just from her name huh. ……Well, “Satou” is the most common surname in Japan after all. I’m sure there should be dozens of Satou-sans summoned or reincarnated into other worlds every year.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’ve only thought of her as troublesome, but after hearing the witch say [It seemed like Mary-san has been corrupted by the peaceful life.], I understood what she meant after taking a bath……”

[You understood what she meant after taking a bath? Could it be, you got fatter?]

Even though her personality is getting more distorted, it seemed like the abundant food made her grow plumper.

” ! ? ————-I- I’m not getting fatter! My growth rate is normal! I’m currently in my growth spurt, so this much is within the margin of error……!!!”

Ahh, she must have gained a lot of weight.

“And so, Mary-san decided to go back to her roots……”

Just when I was wondering what tonight’s phone call was about, it seemed like it was the result of some incomprehensible witch spouting off some unnecessary nonsense.

[—————I mean, I don’t really think you going back to haunting me with that ghost story would restore that negligence you had with your stomach.]

“Saying stuff like that to a girl is rude……!”

[That aside, I’m sleepy already……]

While we were talking, my eyelids were shutting away without me knowing, and the drowsiness I had earlier started returning.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Mnghh…… Then, Mary-san will call again tomorrow. I’ll show you a serious scare next time……”

[Yeah, you do that. Good night……]

“Good night……”

The moment I exchanged goodbyes with her, put down my phone and laid down on my bed———– I thought that we had a rather lukewarm relationship now. In that case, wouldn’t what she’s doing be too late already? …..but well, I didn’t bother thinking any further than that, as I immediately let sleepiness embrace me.

Needless to say, when I woke up the next morning as usual, all I remembered was a vague memory that I had exchanged a phone call with Mary-san in the middle of the night.