CH 8

[—————No, like I said, coming here just because you want to is just troubling me. Eh? You can’t reach this place from the station? You can’t even use your GPS on your phone? Because of this Dogma Barrier or whatever that is, it’s impossible to get here except when invited by someone? Please don’t say stupid things. That delivery company with the black cat logo can come here though? I know you’re old enough that you’d get embarrassed for being lost but……]

In response to the SOS sent out by Kanon-senpai, who had apparently charged towards the nearest station without telling me first, having been interrupted while I was watching a movie, with a phone in one hand, we repeated this dispute from a while ago.

In the paused screen, although it’s a black-and-white movie, the samurais are fighting with the villagers against the brigands, holding an overwhelming intensity within it.

It’s a really old film, but it’s still a masterpiece that hasn’t faded away, considered a milestone of Japanese cinema by foreign critics, as even a space story in the West has ripped this movie off.

[I have a lot of plans. I have friends too———– How rude. I’ll have you know that I do have a friend. A guy named Watanabe from the same department.]

It was no lie. He was a student who happened to be sitting next to me in the same class, and he was very easy to talk to.

I haven’t heard his first name, nor do I know which kanjis to use to write that “Watanabe” though.

Incidentally, unlike me, who is kind of a downer, Watanabe is a fresh young man with white teeth that sparkle in the bright sunlight and an atmosphere that makes sports drinks really suit him.

In fact, he apparently even went to the national badminton tournament in high school.

Well, that would be a good subject to expand the conversation, but I would have thought that he would be more interested in major sports such as soccer, basketball or baseball. Unlike sports that are more closely associated with a person’s way of life, such as sumo, swimming, or track and field, hearing a sport that is generally in the dead zone of interest, where let along the names of famous professional athletes, even the rules of that sport itself are hazy……

[Hmmm, I guess you must have been popular in high school then, right?]

I had no choice but to respond in a safe manner, to which he replied……

[Ah, no…… I went to a boys’ school back in high school————]

Watanabe answered with a complicated smile.

Ah, sh*t. Me, a guy from a co-ed school, quickly glossed my words over.

[No, I mean. You must have been popular with boys, right? You look like that type of guy, you know? The type of guy who gets chocolate on Valentine’s Day from boys, and some of them would be really serious and give you honmei choco, making you all freak out inside, right?]

I randomly expanded my earlier words and made such an assumption, but it seems like I chose my words wrongly, as I may have hit right on the bull’s eye. Watanabe’s face instantly became incredibly bittersweet, with a mixture of sadness and resignation behind it.

[……Don’t mind.]

And so, as a sign of atonement, I became his friend that heals his broken heart.

[————Anyway, I can’t do it today. No, even if you ask me when it will be okay…… If you persist too much, I’ll go tattle to “a girl I know who has crazy episodes”.]

As if she had been aiming for that moment, my phone rang.

>【[email protected]】

It was a call from the crazy girl.

[Ah, I’ve got a call, so I’ll hang up now. Yes, yes, please do your best rending reality with your signature Tyr*nt’s Eye. ———-See you later then.]

""

I forcibly ended the call and answered Mary-san’s incoming call. She had that currently lost tag after all. I wonder if she got lost in life(?)~~ Did she just realize that now? 

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m now in a dungeon…….”

[……Dungeon?]

“Yes. It’s located near the town. It’s a low-level dungeon with only one underground level, but the maze changes every time you enter it, so you can dive in it even a thousand times……”

[Isn’t that just mystery dungeon, oi!?]

In fact, that dungeon really seemed like it had a similar system as that game.

“The dungeon is designed for low-level beginner adventurers, because if your HP drops to 0 in the middle of the dungeon, you are forcibly repatriated to the entrance, your luggage and weapons gone and your level goes down to 1……”

[Ahh, well, even if you don’t die, losing the levels you’ve gained and the valuable weapons you have hurts.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. However, if the monsters aren’t thinned out regularly, they can sometimes overflow and harm travelers and the general public. And so, they were looking for volunteer adventurers, and for the sake of the world and its people, Mary-san volunteered……”

No good. I must be tired.

For Mary-san to actually say something respectable and work for free….. I feel like I’m daydreaming right now.

Looking up at the ceiling, I rechecked my sanity at the moment.

Thereupon, as if she had been waiting for that moment, that drenched woman hangs upside down.

“How about that? Scary, aren’t I? Fuhahahahaha!”

I could see her laughing loudly right in front of my eyes.

[————–Thank goodness. I really must be tired and my mind’s turning crazy.]

Relieved, I pressed the play button on the movie.

“Whoehh? Why do you look as refreshed as a guy that had their evil spirit exorcised……?”

Following the sound of that random auditory hallucination, from my phone, whose call was still connected……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. To be honest, that was just a front, and the fact that I just wanted to test the sharpness of my new <Empera Sword II> was a secret……”

Ah, thank goodness. It’s just the usual Mary-san.

[In that case, whether it’s meat or fish, you should just buy something and borrow the inn’s kitchen, couldn’t you just prepare those with your knife?]

“That’s no fun. I’m going to try out a Holy Sword, so I’d like something that breathes out of its mouth, is warm to the touch, has red blood running through it when I cut it, and preferably something that moves, so I can test its sharpness……”

Ah, it’s Mary-san with her usual antics again.

[And so, you went to the dungeon huh. You got recruited at the Adventurers’ Guild, which means you must have teamed up with some people to dive it, right?]

On the screen that resumed playing, I could see that the samurais’ leader had gathered seven comrades and was getting ready to fight the bad guys.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I did, but they expressed their reluctance for Mary-san to join them. With grim looks on their face, they said [We have three boys volunteering at the moment, so it’s not a good idea to have only one girl in an all-male group……]”

[Ahh, so you got ostracized……]

It stands to reason why.

“They’re just being mindful! For a pack of hungry wolves in the throes of puberty, Mary-san’s voluptuous body is too stimulating ……!”

Mary-san roared over the phone. As to what the other side was being mindful of, it’s probably about Mary-san being more than a bloodthirsty beast, but there was no point in pointing out this and that over the phone, so I went on with the story.

[So, what happened in the end? If Mary-san is in the dungeon at the moment, then Mary-san should have called out to someone————- Ahh, I guess you don’t have anyone to call out huh.]

“What!? Mary-san is charismatic among some adventurers! When I’m walking around town, people will casually call out to me, saying things like “Hey girlie~~” or “Fuhihi, I’m infatuated yet again”……”

[Unnn, those aren’t your friends. If they ever call out to you again, report them. Also, do you not know the word shame?]

Mary-san doesn’t answer what I asked, and instead returned to the story of how she was recruited by the Adventurers’ Guild.

Also, in that world, age is almost equal to a person’s level, so the three newcomers were around Lv 15-16.

Of course, there are some monsters who are Lv 50 at the age of 20 or so, and there are also those whose experience and skill are more impressive than their level, so there are some aspects that can’t be measured by numbers.

As for Mary-san, as she’s living a life like a bear in a zoo, eating and sleeping as of late, her current Status doesn’t look much different……

Mary-san   Decapitation Doll (♀)   Lv 7

Class: Hero / Bum

HP: 12

MP: 31

SP: 11

STR: 8

INT: 1

END: 9

MND: 13

AGI: 9

LCK: -29

Skills:

Spiritual World Communication

Unlimited Kitchen Knives – <Sashimi Knife, Carving Knife, Noodle Knife>

Attack Resistance 1

Stat Ailment Resistance 1

Swordsmanship 5 

Milk Magic 1

Equipment:

Embroidered Taffeta Dress (Children’s Formal Wear)

Bolero (Red)

High Socks with Laces (White)

Loafers

Kinchaku Bag (Dark Blue)

Annihilation-Type Mobile Heavy Armor

Neko-san Pajamas

Bewitched Holy Sword <Empera Sword II> 【※Originally a Holy Sword, due to handling in a way against its original purpose, it had been altered into something that had strayed off the right path. It takes away the sanity of the user, but this effect doesn’t apply to innocent children and lunatics.】

Licenses:

License for Full Mastery of 1st-10th Class Destruction-style Swordsmanship (Correspondence Course)

Blessing: – Blessing of ●纊aU●God:【纊aUヲgウユBニnォbj2)M悁EjSx岻`k)WヲマRフ0_M)ーWソ醢カa坥ミフ}イウナFマ】

Just as usual, her Status makes me question her sanity.

“However, excluding Mary-san, there are only three volunteers. That dungeon would still be difficult for a party of Lv 15s, so the Guild recruited again. However, no one came forward to replace Mary-san……”

Well, that’s probably the case for volunteer matters who are basically low-level, non-urgent and don’t expect a return for their risk.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. And so, with an audacious change of mindset, I proposed that Mary-san take over as the substitute……”

[————Are you an idiot!? Mary-san’s already no good, so Mary-san applied to be the one acting in her stead!!!?]

It was a suggestion so audacious that I was so overwhelmed. Heck, her way of thinking diverted so much that we’re back at square one!

“Because there’s no substitute, Mary-san came forward to replace them! I’m not saying anything strange……!”

[No, you’re not saying anything but strange things. I mean, Mary-san, if someone asks you to do something that isn’t strange, you’d probably do something strange instead.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. What you’re saying is so complicated that I don’t understand……!”

While soothing the shouting Mary-san, I urged her to talk about what happened after that.

In the end, the Adventurers’ Guild compromised and made Mary-san accompany them. In addition, it seems that a certain Mr. Angus, one of the instructors of the Adventurers’ Guild and a former high-ranking Adventurer of Lv39, will act together with her as her watcher to prevent any unlikely events.

Incidentally, Mr. Angus is a muscular middle-aged man who looks and feels like a picture of a free-spirited guy, as even when they first met……

[Gahaha! I’m not good at formalities. You lot, even though I’m older and an instructor in the Guild, don’t you force yourself to use honorifics.]

[In that case, you use honorifics when talking to Mary-san instead……!]

[ [ [ [ How the heck did you arrived at that!!!? ] ] ]

[Eh? In exchange for me not using honorifics to the older instructor, he would use honorifics to the younger and lower-leveled Mary-san. Isn’t that how barters go……?]

[ [ [ [ No, no, no, no! That reasoning of yours is strange! Rather, stop being strangely fixated on balancing things! ] ] ] ]

[Then, let’s break that balance and have all of you use honorifics only for Mary-san……!]

[ [ [ [ Like I said, how the heck did you arrive at that!!!? ] ] ] ]

……Unnn.

I could certainly see what was going on there as if I were witnessing it myself.

Even though the Adventurers’ Guild went out of their way to appoint Mr. Angus, their good intentions were all in vain.

[A- Anyway, even though the dungeon is low-leveled, you can never know what will happen in a dungeon. Everyone, follow my instructions. Especially you, little lady, you should never keep your distance from me. Because once you get lost, we can never meet inside again.]

[I understand. Thinking that I’m about to ride the Titanic, you can count on me……!]

[ [ [ [ …………………. ] ] ] ]

[Everyone make sure you keep an eye on her! Don’t let her walk off somewhere as she pleases! Also, be careful not to smack the little lady on the head! Any more damage on her head than this would just be……]

[ [ [ Roger!!! ] ] ]

No, no…… It’s not like she became crazy from punch-drunk syndrome because she was hit on the head too hard. Mary-san has just always been crazy by nature.

""

Whatever the case may be, this was the moment when everyone’s hearts, except Mary-san’s, were united.

The difficulties must have fostered unity in the hearts of the young people.

The problem lies in the fact that that problem child in their own group is more troublesome than the difficulty they were about to face. It’s like putting the cart before the horse, making the situation a seriously unreasonable game……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. And so, I’m now in the dungeon, but before I knew it, everyone else other than Mary-san got lost……”

Unnn, it turned into a situation where Mary-san swiftly got lost.

[Mr. Angus and the others must have turned pale by now……]

“That’s right. If there’s a missing child corner somewhere around here, I could have called them by air, but there’s nothing like that at the moment, so I’ll have to do something on my own……”

As we speak, Mary-san seems to be wandering about aimlessly.

“It’s a slime again. Slashing them feels like I’m slicing a water manjuu, so it’s no fun……”

She slashes the monsters that appear at the edge of her vision.

I’m not sure if it’s just because she’s in a low-level dungeon or it was because of the reforged Holy Sword <Empera Sword II>, but so far, she seemingly just passes through them with a single attack against monsters. As a result, it seems like she was in a state of automatically killing everything that appeared in front of her, wandering around the auto-generated map aimlessly looking for prey.

Who is the idiot who released such a dynamic stray child into the dungeon?

[———–Ahh! Speaking of which, don’t you have any of those standard dungeon escape items?]

“I do have a <Repatriation Stone> in my Kinchaku bag just in case……”

[Then, why don’t you just go back with that? Mr. Angus and the Guild people should be worried about you…… Ah, I think it would be better if Mary-san, the leader of the group, went back first and reported that everyone had gotten lost, don’t you think?]

Selfish brats like her will get cranky immediately if I don’t cajole her and keep her pride up.

“That’s troublesome. Besides, so far, the ones I’ve slain have been slimes, matangos, and big grasshoppers. Every single one of them is not very interesting to slice……”

(T/N: Not sure, but I think the matangos mentioned here are fungus-type monsters)

Mary-san, however, seemed to be dissatisfied with that idea.

Sensei~~! Goblin-sensei, Kobold-sensei, Orc-sensei! It’s your turn! Quickly come out and offer your blood already! Otherwise, the well-meaning adventurers will only needlessly suffer!!!

I couldn’t help but praying as such but—————

“Appearing this time is a Golem made of mud. It’s too troublesome using a knife against an enemy like that, so I’ll just smash it with a rock……”

It seems that my prayers haven’t reached the Gods. Or perhaps, it was just the influence of her -29 Luck, as all that had appeared were monsters that weren’t to Mary-san’s liking, and she seemed to be getting more and more frustrated.

Over the phone, I could feel Mary-san’s displeasure and her getting crankier.

[Ahh…… It seemed like the result of the randomized dungeon you entered this time was a failure, so it would be better if you just reroll. I think that if Mary-san returns, the others will also be able to go back to their lives comfortably.]

“This being the case, I’ll put my hopes in the Boss room! Them being adults already, I’ll just give them mental support so that they can do their best wherever they are……”

[No, no. They’re your comrades, you know? They did say how a meeting by chance is preordained, and Mary-san doesn’t have such animosity toward Mr. Angus and the others, right?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I certainly don’t feel animosity against them, but I don’t like them enough to kill them……”

The unfriendly Mary-san responded as such but……

[No, no! Does your affection always have to include murderous intent!?]

This guy got the wrong definition of affection.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. That’s obvious. Affection without murderous intent doesn’t exist……”

[Wait, the moment you embrace that murderous intent, I think that would make it into something that isn’t affection!]

“Don’t say stupid things like that. I had once met the ghost of a person named Yamamura-san. He was once cheated on by his beloved wife, deprived of all his property and parental rights, without even a trial, he was sentenced as someone that committed Domestic Violence, was socially erased, was seen as a human scum by his parents and siblings, and committed suicide. Such a Yamamura-san has told me, [Pure love and murderous intent are two sides of the same coin. I love, so I hate. I love so much that I want to kill. That’s what it means to be human!]……”

[Like I said, properly pick your friends!]

While that conversation was happening, as if their spawn rate was locked on, the monsters that appeared are either inanimate objects or a parade of insects.

Mary-san, who was irritated about this, ended up wandering all night…… I think. I fell asleep halfway through the story, so I’m not sure. When she’s hungry, she eats the snacks she has on hand, drinks milk generated with Milk Magic, and when she’s sleepy, she puts a pile of kitchen knives summoned around her and sleeps in her own safety zone.

And during that time, the troubled Angus-san and the others went out of the dungeon once with the <Repatriation Stone>, confirmed that Mary-san hadn’t returned yet, and wondered if she had somehow gotten involved in some unthinkable trouble. Filled with determination, the rookie trio almost didn’t sleep as they searched the dungeon over and over again, from one corner to another, worked together to defeat the Boss monster and in the course of tracking down Mary-san…… they literally cleared the dungeon a hundred times.

So, around dawn.

Protecting the youngsters who had reached the limits of their stamina, in the midst of the dozens of battles with the Boss monster (It was apparently an Orc King), Mr. Angus made an unexpected mistake and ended up defeating each other.

Fortunately (?), the wandering Mary-san had joined up with the rookie trio.

Confirming her appearance, the three injured youngsters bowed with tears in their eyes as Mr. Angus was forcibly repatriated to the exit with a look of relief on his face.

As a result, Mr. Angus, who became Lv 1 and lost his favorite weapon and armor for many years, resigned as the instructor of the Adventurers’ Guild and returned to his hometown to start farming with his wife.

In addition, the three young adventurers who were working together used this failure as fuel, and telling themselves that they aren’t going to believe in women anymore, they would form a hard-line party with a strong bond for a long time, and all three remained single for the rest of their lives. In the end, it’s said that they became adventurers whose names were known even in the royal capital, but that is a story for another time.

As for Mary-san……

[Even though the Orc King appeared, I wasn’t able to slash it! I’ll do my best, and get it next time……!]

Although she was quite resentful about this matter for a while, it seems that she has never received a call from the Adventurers’ Guild for a dungeon-clearing quest again.

It’s a wise decision they made.