Chapter 216: The Naked Ape

Chapter 216: The Naked Ape

Laney crouched and started moving clockwise around Biadet, who stood still, tracking Laney with her eyes.

As Laney edged her way around, she crouched lower and lower until it seemed like she would soon be crawling like a crab. Biadet stood straight, the humongous axe resting on her shoulder, her face betraying zero emotion.

Take a good look, Gabor, said Laney in a playful voice. Tell me what you think. What are my odds?

The two men who had been fighting alongside Laney when we arrived, were watching with what looked like amusement. The taller one, who was called Roland, had donated his weapon to Biadet so he obviously had nothing against girls fighting to the death. Very egalitarian.

The shorter, stockier one was apparently called Gabor. He scratched his chin with a gloved hand and said, It does not look good, Im afraid, little lady. You might win this fight, maybe, one in a hundred.

This assessment produced a very slight twitch in Biadets left eyebrow region. Im not an expert on female facial cues, but I think the general gist was that she thought the odds were a slightly generous towards Laney.

Keukeukeu, snickered Laney, running the tip of her sword over the grass at her feet. So, I do have a chance, albeit a small one. She was now circling around to Biadets rear.

Biadet switched the axe to her other shoulder and kept turning her head, but making no move to engage Laney.

My whole life, people have been telling me what I cant do. Not now, Laney. Youre too young, Laney. Leave it to someone who knows what theyre doing, Laney.

It sounded like very good advice to me.

Are we going to fight, Princess? said Biadet. Or just dance?

Patience, Biadet. Remember how hasty you were back in school? Remember what happened because of your impatience?

Biadet face seemed to fall into shadow, even though there were no clouds in the sky. She dropped the axe off her shoulder and held it with both hands.

That girl, said Gabor, shaking his head, she would even give you a close fight, Roland. And then she would beat you.

Ha! said Roland. One of your wires must have come loose. Check your calculations, my friend, you must have missed a decimal point.

My calculations are perfect as always. She is something unnatural, I think.

You can calculate whos going to win a fight? I asked Gabor.

He turned to look at me like he had no idea Id been standing there for the last five minutes. I see it play out a thousand different ways up here. He tapped the side of his head. The outcome depends on many things. There is never a guaranteed result, but this one is as close to that as you can expect.

Youre Visitors? He seemed to be talking about a special ability, which suggested to me that he was also from Earth, but he must have arrived well before us. He looked like he was in his forties. One of those wiry guys who ran every morning and rode their bikes in skintight lycra and pro-biker helmets through rush hour traffic.

Visitors, yes. We came here from Hungary. Long ago. You?

Britain. Just recently.

And you are friends with monsters?

Yes. Some of them. They arent all that different to us.

Gabor gave me an acquiescing tilt of the head. Indeed. In some cases the only difference is better clothing. And sometimes no clothing is the better option, eh, Roland?

Roland laughed so loudly I flinched away from him.

What do your calculations tell you when you look at me? I asked Gabor.

He looked me up and down. You are still alive. Sometimes the odds can be beaten.

I think his ability was telling him I should have been dead by now, which was a fairly reasonable assessment.

Dont worry, said Gabor, as though he had read my mind, we also are only here because we beat the odds. Knowing you are at a disadvantage is also an advantage.

Laney had started closing in on Biadet, who was still standing in the same place looking mildly bored.

Without warning, Laney rushed forward, her sword leading. Her footsteps were a blur as she closed in.

Yes, I said, what does that mean? Naked on a spit over a fire?

No, said Claire. Naked and... doing stuff. With her. She pointed at the ogre again. Doesnt mean he actually did anything, Claire added quickly. Its just what shes thinking about.

Flossie stormed up to the female ogre. Wheres mah Dudley, you giant tart?

The ogre looked confused. There was quite a large discrepancy in their heights, but Flossie wasnt intimidated at all.

Fifty-fifty, said Gabor.

Laney and Biadet had paused their duel for the time being, and Nyx was petting the dragon which was still suffering from its wounds. He had a handful of arrows he had removed from the dragons body. It seemed like an opportune moment to get some healing in. I moved over to the dragon and checked its injuries. There were nasty gashes in its side and one wing was torn in several places.

You want to look after your dragon before he keels over? I shouted at Flossie.

She looked over at me, her face still twisted with anger, and her expression softened. She said something to Keezy, then came running over. She cradled Vikchutnis head in her arms as I healed him. I could feel the energy leave my body, but we would probably need the dragon in the near future.

It didnt take long but I felt woozy when I finished. I opened my eyes to find everyone staring at me.

Yo need a haircut, said Flossie. Thank yo.

Vikchutni mooed at me.

I brushed the hair out of my eyes and realised I couldnt see Jenny anywhere. A sudden rush of fear ran through me.

Im here, said Jenny from behind me.

Relief surged through me and I let out a sigh. Jenny did the same. Then she turned to Flossie.

Im sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you, or your dragon.

Flossie was clearly struggling to control herself. Ah know you didnt mean it, she said in a whisper. Youre not yourself. She rubbed her arm where the arrow had struck her. The sleeve was ripped open, but the wound was gone. She gave Jenny a long, dark look and then kissed the dragons snout and walked back towards the ogres.

Jenny shivered. I thought I only had access to your feelings.

No, mine are just the strongest, because you love me so very much. I smiled at her. She didnt smile back.

Flossie was back in front of the female ogre. Wheres Dudley? Dudley. Dud. Lee. Claire was beside her, staring up at the ogre who was watching Flossie with her large, misshapen head tilted at an angle.

This went on for a few minutes with Flossie occasionally looking at Claire, who would shake her head. And then, out of nowhere, the female ogre slowly opened her mouth. Duuuuh lee.

Flossie turned to Keezy. Did she say Dudley?

I dont think so. They cant...

Duuuudley, said the ogre.

Yes, said Flossie, getting excited. Dudley. Wheres Dudley?

Duuuudley, Duuuudley. The ogre began slapping her giant mitts together and jumping from foot to foot.

Flossie started mimicking her. Dudley, yes, where? Where Dudley?

Watching them bounce up and down was kind of mesmerising, but it wasnt getting us any closer to finding Dudley. The other two ogres were watching just as miffed as the rest of us.

Duuuudley, Duuuudley. The ogre started pointing into the trees.

That way? Dudley that way? Ah think she knows where he is!

The female ogre ploughed into the forest, leaving a trail it would be impossible to miss. The sound of crashing trees also helped to point the way.

Lets go, said Flossie. She charged after her competition.