CH 5

When I opened my eyes, bright light hit my retinas, and warmth surrounded me.

I looked around and saw a charming room decorated with antique paintings and eye-catching crafts everywhere. And a girl with dark blue hair and bluish-white horns was sleeping while lying her face down on the bed.

She was covered in bluish-white scales, and strangely, now I didn’t feel that intense disgust or repulsion which I felt when I first saw her. Rather, the bluish-white scales now looked divine and beautiful to me, but I knew that later she would become a complete dragon and shed her scales of her own will.

Will I ever be able to witness the sight?

I forced myself to stand up and thought that it would be painful because my whole body was in poor condition, but it was fine, I didn't feel any pain in my body. It was not possible to survive that cold with my weak body.

She must have used healing magic on me.

Being of dragon blood, Adilun was well-versed in all types of magic, so I knew for sure that she was the one who saved me.

I grabbed my head and said to myself that,  I made a big mistake again.

Even though the apology I made to her yesterday was polite and I was determined, but if I had died there, this would not have ended as a simple matter.

To apologize and do a foolish thing like this. From Adilun’s point of view, I must have been a terrible and foolish person.

But nevertheless, judging from how she healed me, it was clear that Adilun had a good disposition as well. 

No, is this speculation? Maybe she simply didn’t want to bring unnecessary trouble to her family.

But I believed option one, that she is a kind and good person.

And it wasn’t just because of what I saw in the novel, It was because I was able to see how kind and intelligent she really is with her actions, now in my eyes, she shone brighter than ever not because of her appearance or beautiful face but was because of her actions and existence itself.

“Um......”

Feeling that I was tossing and turning, she opened her eyes.

“ah… ?”

“Good morning.”

I smiled and said to Adilun with the brightest face I could muster.

She barely woke up, looked at me with a puzzled face for a moment, then said.

“Good morning... what... ” 

I laughed and said.

“If it’s okay, I will go right now, because I know you don’t want to see me.”

“All right, but previously…”

At Adilun’s words, I got out of bed and bowed my head to thank her.

“Thank you for saving me.”

As if all the strength in her body was drained by those words, she said in a panic.

“You know what? You are truly terribly selfish. If you apologize like that, you might feel at ease but did you not know or even understand what troubles Rodenov might have been in if you had died?”

“sorry.”

I had nothing to say. She was right that time I did not think about any consciousness and even with my personality changed I was acting selfishly for my own feeling of guilt, So I just hung my head and said sorry.

“Now go back quickly because as you wished so much, the request for divorce will be dismissed. And…”

She said to me as if to shoot at what was inside.

“Now you pretend to be all nice and good, pretend to be pretentious. You are now apologizing to me out of the blue, forgetting that horrible attitude of yours and the disgust and contempt in your eyes from the first day you saw me. Did you think I would accept that?”

I looked at her with a puzzled expression. She spoke to me with even more indignation, perhaps seeing my complex expression.

“Don’t make that face. Just looking at it makes me angry. I will never trust you no matter what you say or do! therefore… Just Go back quickly.”

Oh fu*k, it’s already too late.

Even if I succeeded in reversing the breakup, what would be the meaning here?

In my past life, I wished her happiness. But in my current life, I brought her misfortune.

So my apologies did not reach her.

* * *

I returned to Ortaire city with no idea what the hell I was thinking, and seeing my dejected expression, my father asked.

“How did go?”

“For now, she will not break the engagement.”

With that alone, my father seemed to have guessed what had happened.

“For now... Didn’t she accept the apology after all?”

“Yeah...”

“You foolish man!!.”

It was a word that he spat out as if he was despondent, but it came louder than any scream.

“Go and rest. You must be tired, that's why you must be making this kind of expression. One year from now, figure out what you need to do and put it into action.”

“All right.”

“It’s not just Princess Rodenov, this city is also full of people who have suffered damage because of you. So you will have to ask for forgiveness from all of them.”

“Yeah.”

I answered my father in a complicated way.

“Your behavior may have improved but such a change is not something easily believable and you have never been sincere before.” After a brief pause, my father spoke to me again. “So this is your last chance. If you don’t change this time, I will give up on you. But, if you change… I will trust you again.”

“I will keep that in mind, father. I will not disappoint you.”

“Good. Now don’t waste your time in vain.”

I lost my direction. I, who could do anything in my previous life, disappeared, and only I, who was engulfed in violence and stubbornness and only hurt others, remained.

Will I sit down because of that?

No.

I have to stand up, I have to act again and change like I did in my previous life. Didn’t I move only for the benefit at first in my previous life? People don’t change easily, but they can change if they want to.

After leaving, I checked the things I had to do.

I should apologize to those who have been harmed by my mistakes, discipline myself, and help those in trouble.

And when I can confidently claim that I have changed, I should apologize to Adilun again.

There was no time to waste.

I immediately found the butler.

“butler!”

The change had to start now.

* * *

This is what it is. I will no longer have to worry about Physis Ortaire.

Yes. This is an arranged marriage anyway, we don’t have to trust each other.

But why is it so complicated?

Were his words sincere, or was it a well-packaged pretense?

No. There is no point in making such an assumption. He hurt me deeply, and I was free to accept his apology and forgive him. so it's all my choice to forgive him or not.

I will never trust him again. No, I won’t trust anyone except the people around me.

Because I’m too tired to trust anyone.

No matter what he does, I will not believe him.

It was enough to hurt someone’s trust once, and once was enough to hate and contempt. Every time he cast disgusting glances at me, I hated myself.

I didn’t want to hate myself anymore.

I didn’t want to betray the value that my loved ones gave me. I wanted to believe that I'm a person of value.

Therefore I just wished,

"Please..., may Physis never appear in front of me again at any moment before marriage."