CH 63

63 – Ortaire (5)

[Adilun's POV]

To be honest, I could have created a magic barrier to block the rain, but I intentionally chose not to.

I just simply enjoyed spending time with him.

I leaned on him... because I liked the time when he embraced me tightly.

Our bodies were touching each other, but my heart was still reaching for him, and it saddened me that our hearts couldn’t reach each other.

Even so, the fact that our bodies were touching gave me hope that someday our hearts would also touch each other.

Despite this, I hold onto the hope that one day our hearts would meet, just as our bodies were touching right now.

Perhaps, the thought that he might also have feelings for me, to some extent was also swirling inside me.

Otherwise, he wouldn't have treated me so kindly.

Even when I caught a cold, or when I shed my scales... He had always made me his first priority ever since the day he apologized to me.

'If so, can I have hope? If I confess to him someday, wouldn’t he answer my heart?'

In fact, even my actions right now… …clearly showed that I have feelings for him. What woman in the world would embrace a man she didn't like? Especially in this manner, whenever the opportunity arose.

He wasn't someone who was unaware...nor was he stupid. Maybe he knew my feelings too.

That was why I had to be even more cautious. I was afraid that if I confessed too hastily, even this relationship that was gradually getting closer would fall apart.

He referred to himself as a coward in my dream. Maybe... it unveiled my own true nature. I was a coward as well. I was afraid of rejection, so I couldn't gather the courage to speak up. I was that kind of coward.

The possibility that I might not be able to embrace him like this put up a thin wall in front of me.

But...I couldn't break through that thin wall. I was afraid that the warmth of his embrace, the tenderness he showed me, and the sweet dreams I had made would all disappear.

So I couldn't take even one step forward.

For the first time in my life, I had a desire for something. Even though I had never felt that way before...I couldn't act properly like a fool.

If I were to approach him more aggressively, would he accept me? It was uncertain.

However, I could only hope... That he liked me too...  He was hesitant because he was also afraid that our relationship would become awkward… 

If so, it would be nice if this relationship could be maintained.

The thin wall that separated us would eventually wear away with the passage of time… … and beyond that wall, we would be able to face each other and laugh together.

But maybe it was an impossible dream.

Such thoughts transformed the excitement in my heart into a sharp ache. I couldn't predict if another captivating person might appear and whisk him away from me.

I had always emphasized the importance of respect and being seen for who I truly am. I tested him with these convictions.

And those tests... were now testing me in reverse.

'Have I ever respected him?'

'Have I genuinely acknowledged his current state?'

The answer was no. I had just accepted the kindness he showed me. I had exploited his guilt and his desire to assist me.

As soon as I realized that fact, I felt a chill run down my spine involuntarily.

What was different about me now compared to the way I used to be?

Was this just me playing with his heart?

I only ever said thank you to him, but I never did anything that he would truly appreciate.

The one-year period I talked about before...

Now, with less than eight months left, that time and the words I said to put all of our debts to each other behind us and start anew... It applied to me too.

Would he really like the woman who only took his dedication for granted and just threw a single word of thanks to him?

'Will the thin wall that I cannot overcome crumble over time?'

After thinking deeply while in his arms, I concluded that it was not going to crumble on its own.

It was something that I had to work hard for. Hoping that the wall would crumble on its own was, in the end, tantamount to doing nothing.

Therefore... I had to approach him. I had to do something for him too. For the eight months of mutual confidence, I had to dedicate my heart to him.

If we continued this relationship of dedication to each other, the debt between us would eventually disappear, and trust in each other would grow in the empty space, and that trust would bloom into a flower called love.

'Let’s not wait, Adilun.'

'I have to go to him directly. That's the only way I can tell him that I like him.'

As I was lost in such thoughts, Physis ran faster and got us out of the area where it was raining. 

The soft sunlight was dazzling.

"Fortunately, it's not raining here. Thank goodness.

He said to me with his wet hair.

"Yes. That's right."

“I’m sorry. I never thought it would be like this.”

"It's okay. It was beautiful. Especially...I've never seen a scene where it rains in an area where the sun is shining. Wet clothes will dry. But...I don't want to dry off right now. Anyway, please let me down now."

I smiled brightly at him as I got out of his arms. So that he could feel relieved when he looked at me.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. It's a new experience for me too."

"...Yes. I see."

“Physis.”

"Yes?"

"When you were running with me in your arms, I thought about it carefully."

"What did you think about?"

“I thought I might be a really mean person to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The promise we made for a year… … During that time, I told you to devote yourself to me. But...”

“Yes...”

“But is that right? Maybe I am using the guilt in your heart to satisfy my own self-interest?”

“… …No. Absolutely not. It’s something I like to do. I did not move for you out of a simple sense of guilt.”

"Then... ...Can you tell me why?"

"Initially, it was a sense of guilt. It felt like my insults had obscured your light. So, I wanted to restore that light. But as I spent time with you... I realized something."

"What?"

"That you are already a shining person. That's why I made a vow to myself. To see how far you can reach."

"I shine?"

"Yes."

"No, I'm just a cowardly woman who only takes advantage of you?"

“If you just taking advantage, would Princess Isla want to be friends with you? At the social gathering, though it was a minority, didn't some of the princesses admire you? You haven't reached your full potential yet. Because of me."

“… …hmm.”

Was this how he saw me?

It was funny. I had never thought of myself as a remarkable person, but he oddly saw me as someone special.

The fact made me so happy.

Eventually, I took out one of the bricks from the thin wall.

“You know. I have something I want to tell you honestly.”

"...Yes."

“I want to be with you all the time.”

"Is that...a confession?"

I shook my head. No, this wasn't a confession. Just.... ...a vow to myself.

“It’s not a confession, it’s a promise.”

“What promise?”

“I’m determined to find out a little more about you. So I won’t say that I like you yet. Have I told you before that I need to be sure about you?”

“… …Yes.”

"That applies to me too. I need to be certain about myself. To find the answer if I am qualified to stand by your side. And when I find that answer, I will gain the confidence to be with you."

"I see."

"Yes, so for now, I won't say that I like you. But..."

“But?”

"I will stamp it, at least once."

He looked at me with a puzzled expression as if he heard an abrupt comment. Well, saying something about stamping was sudden. It must have sounded like nonsense.

Rather than giving an explanation, I went straight into action.

Like a dream I had a long time ago, instead of grabbing him by the collar, I pulled Physis' neck towards me and kissed him on the lips.

I thought about sticking my tongue out, but I didn't. For now, it was just a stamp.

Later, when he and I had confidence in each other, we would finally send upright affection toward each other.

Then it wouldn't just end with a stamp.

After an eternity-like moment passed, I released my arms around his neck.

He looked stunned.

"Oh, Adilun?"

I looked at him as if nothing had happened and playfully smiled. The momentary ecstasy signaled regret in my mind, but I tried to control it, hoping that this fleeting ecstasy would become a happiness that permeates life in the future.

'Yes. Right now, just this much.'

"Yes?"

“This… …”

"This is... a stamp. It's a stamp to prevent other princesses from flirting. I will restrict every woman who approaches you from now on and burn all the letters they send."

“A stamp... I see. Are you telling me not to look elsewhere?”

"Yes. To keep your heart from wandering elsewhere. I won't do that when I have confidence in myself. "

“The reason… … May I ask?”

"No. Think about it yourself."

I inwardly repeated the reason why I didn't answer him.

'Anyway, when that time comes... you won't even notice any other woman besides me. Cause you can’t help but love me.'

Therefore… … The reason was a secret.

'I’ll tell you later, Physis.'

At that moment, I smiled like a desired fox more than anyone else.