CH 29

[Yamamoto's POV]

The office of Gold Coin, an entertainment agency, was a cozy affair occupying a room in a condominium. A 15-year-old rental condominium rising in a perfectly residential area. A short walk from the station. 

The rent is surprisingly cheap, Kanako laughed as she offered me a cup of coffee. An old table in the living room. I sat down on the chair and looked around the room. 

It was a nice two-bedroom apartment. It was a little too spacious for one person. 

"Here is the contract. Sign and seal here." 

"........." 

I miss it. It was like this when I signed a contract with my previous office. I came to Tokyo alone from Hiroshima and finally grabbed a ticket to my dream while working part-time at a clothing store in a shopping mall. Anyway, those days were full of hope. 

I never dreamed that I would have to give up that ticket myself. 

"Miina." 

"Ah, yes!" 

Because I was thinking back, I ended up speaking louder. Kanako looks at me like that and asks me to let go of the pen for a moment. 

"I'm going to ask you one last time, are you sure you want to do this?" 

"Eh......?" 

"Sign here and you are now an exclusive talent. I will make a full-fledged run to market. Once that happens, you aren't allowed to quit on your own." 

An ex-idol like me. Normally, I don't think they would even call on me. Because once a person runs away, they repeat themselves. Not only with idols, but with anything. It's the employers who suffer the most damage when they get into the habit of running away. That is the entertainment industry. 

"......" 

"Are you ready for that......?" 

She is in no way threatening. She is just saying what is very natural in being an idol. 

And yet I realized that the reason it sounds like a threat is because...... I'm not prepared enough. 

"Um...... can I ask you one thing?" 

"Of course. What is it?" 

I decided to pause to let my thoughts settle. There was something that had been bothering me as well. It was a simple, but the biggest question of all. 

"Are there any other talents who belong here......?" 

The doubt that was in the corner of my mind was about to become a certainty when I came to the office. For an entertainment office, it was too small and plain. There were no files with documents tucked in here and there. 

It was as if...... it even looked like a home. Kanako smiled a little and said a few words. 

"No." 

I shake my head a little. I felt uncomfortable after she approached me and found out that she was the president of an entertainment agency. It finally connected the dots. 

Gold Coin is, let's say, a newborn. An office that has just been established. 

I thought she told me something like that on that rainy day, but my consciousness wasn't on her, but only on him - who I had talked to just before. 

"I told you before, I want to market you. Not an idol, but a girl named Miina Yamamoto." 

"......It's too much to buy." 

Ah, yes. I think I heard those words that day, too. I was in such a high state of excitement that I had forgotten the details of the conversation, but when she said it, a piece of it that had been lying dormant at the bottom of my memory came to the surface. 

Kanako was a freelance stylist who had set up an agency to market me as an idol. I had forgotten such an important thing because there was something more than that in my head. 

"Can I do that?" 

"You can....... no. We can." 

"We......?" 

"Yes." 

Gold Coin has only one president, Kanako, and no employees. However, if I am the only talent belonging to the company, there is nothing I can't manage. 

It's impossible for me to handle everything from promotions to getting onsite, but I'm sure she has a lot of ideas on how to do that. 

"You have that much charm. He's not creeped out either." 

"Oh, Araki-san isn't like that......." 

I denied it without thinking, but I wonder what Kanako thinks of him. No, I wonder what kind of eyes she would look at him. 

If she thinks he is an obstacle, then I feel that he is a little less venomous. I guess I don't have too bad an impression of him. I'm not sure what I really think of him. 

"Hey, Miina. What kind of idol do you want to be?" 

She asked me that. I try to remember the feelings I had back then when I once aspired to be an idol, but it's not the first thing that comes up. 

"When I was in...... Sakura Romance, I just wanted a lot of people to see me sing and dance, and then--" 

"Then?" 

I was at a loss for words. The reason is very simple. 

"I had to pull the members......." 

My true feelings. Emotions that had been locked up inside my heart. I confided them to someone for the first time. 

As an idol, my heart ached that I hadn't been looking out for my fans. But I couldn't let go of the hands of the girls younger than me. Every time I saw a voice on the Internet bad-mouthing those girls, my heart ached, and I wanted to somehow make them look back at me, so I even mentored them. 

A heartless voice really has the power to stop a person's heart. I cared about my members. I was too close to them. 

As a result, my heart was broken. 

I got sick of singing, dancing, and all of it, and I got desperate. I got him, the fan, involved. 

"Miina." 

"Ah......" 

Kanako's hand wrapped around mine. Because I was shaking unconsciously, I could feel the warmth of her hand. 

"You are a sweet girl. I saw you like that, and I knew it was making my heart ache." 

"Eh....." 

"So, you don't have to be tied down by anything. I want you to be alone, and I want you to be as attractive to yourself as you can be." 

Her voice was gentle. It was so warm and gentle that my heart melted, and the waves of emotion subsided. 

I wasn't cut out to be a group idol. I remembered that they had said that to me with sarcasm when I quit my previous agency. They must have been really irritated to say such a thing to me as I was leaving, even though they were the ones who had launched us as a group in the first place. 

Kanako said the same thing to me. She was so much kinder and took it in a more positive way than I could ever compare it to. 

"I'm sorry you had to come, but give it another day to think about it." 

"Yeah, so, but......." 

She gently admonished my reticence. She said, "You are wavering in your will now." 

It was pathetic. I thought I had clearly recognized my will in front of her, but now I was afraid to face her. 

"Don't worry. I'll wait. It's for your own good." 

The year has come and gone, and I will be 28 this year. A tough age to be an idol, to be honest. She told me she doesn't mind, but in the public eye it's painful. 

Kanako would want to move forward as quickly as possible. Even if she were to release her debut song, I doubt she would be able to release it by the end of this year after preparing for it now. Even if she were to release a song, she would have to sign a contract with a label, and she would first need to find a creator. There is a lot of work to be done. 

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." 

"Kanako......" 

The air is a little warmer, perhaps because the evening sun is shining into the room. No, this identity is not the sky, but this person in front of me. 

She was just like a mother, enveloping me. I haven't been back home for a while, so I wanted to see their faces for a while. 

My heart calmed down a little, so I got up from my seat and left the office as Natsunako urged me to do. I took the apartment's slightly old elevator to the ground level. 

The street was tinted with the color of sunset, and I felt like crying even though I had been holding back. When I want to cry - I want to see him. 

Because I'm sure he can take all my complaints. No matter how cryptic I am, he will laugh at me. 

I felt the taste of that pancake spread in my mouth. Sweet and bitter. 

With my gaze still on my own shadow stretching into the sunset, I put my phone to my ear. It was a little hot because I was charging it using a portable battery. It was almost burning out of my face, and it was defying the winds of this winter. 

"......Araki." 

He seemed surprised. A little cute. 

But there's no need to be surprised. I wish he would at least take a phone call from a friend. 

Despite these thoughts, the heat in my body rises. My heart is pounding. It rocks so hard that it tears through this quiet residential area. 

Anyway, now-- 

"Can we meet now?" 

I need you to push me.