CH 124

Mayer’s face darkened as he saw that I was unwilling to reveal the source of my information. Taking in such a roundabout manner was frustrating, but it wasn’t like I could expose the truth of this world. How could I tell Mayer that this world was a game and I was a player who had ended up possessing Jun’s body? That that was how I knew everything? If I did, he might ask who the protagonist was, and with Mayer’s reasoning skills…

…he would quickly realize that the protagonist was Fabian.

If the situation ended there, it would be a relief. But if I slipped up and he found out that his fate was to lose control over himself and become the final boss… Going by how delicate he was inside, he could end up hurt, possibly doing something very foolish. An ordinary person’s silly actions could be dismissed casually, but Mayer wasn’t ordinary. The impact of his actions would be big, both physically and socially.

Judging that it was too early to tell him the truth, I wet my dry lips and tried to persuade him. “But I have my circumstances. Later… Um, once we’ve defeated the demon lord for sure. Yes, I’ll tell you then. And, of course, I’ll share my information directly with you, Captain.”

Wouldn’t Mayer’s delicate nerve cords have thickened a bit by the time we end the demon lord? The relief of having defeated his hated nemesis may allow him to accept the other trivial possibilities of the future. I nervously hoped for the man to stop being stubborn and accept my postponement.

After a long while, he said, “I did not mean to make you so cautious. I just…”

So he was aware I was tiptoeing around him? Realizing he had put down his obstinacy, I sighed in relief.

After trailing off, Mayer gazed calmly at me, golden eyes still like pooled honey. Then they flashed like lightning in the sunset sky. As if confessing his hidden true feelings, he whispered in a barely audible voice, “If you wish to keep it secret, then you are free to do so. If you cannot trust in me, then you do not need to force yourself.”

Mayer released his grip on my arm and tightly interlocked his fingers. But, for some reason, I felt as if I was trapped in his palms.

“However, Jun. What you keep a secret to me must also be kept a secret to all others. And if you cannot trust in me, you must not trust anyone else. Do you understand what I am saying?” Mayer’s adamant words rang heavily in my chest.

“Even if I do not have your faith, I must be the one closest to you. I am fine with that. Not Fabian, not August, not Axion, but me,” he finished and stared at me. The fixation in his eyes made me want to turn away, but I felt petrified by his gaze. I was helpless but to stand still and listen to Mayer’s sincerity that sounded like a confession.

“That is all I want to ask of you.”

* * *

After that, I couldn’t quite remember how I got out of Mayer’s room. When I regained my senses, I was already frantically crossing the hallways, led by my feet. The conversation with Mayer echoed in my mind. It was fine if I didn’t trust him, but I couldn’t trust others either? Mayer’s request was easier to accept than if he had asked me to trust him.

For some reason, though, I didn’t feel completely good about it. Maybe because he was right on the money? Yes. That could be it. Perhaps I was uncomfortable because it felt like my distrusting nature got exposed.

After having my trust in Fabian betrayed, I was more comfortable trusting people less. I was wary of being betrayed at all times.

Then it hit me. I figured out why I was feeling so ill at ease—Mayer hadn’t even desired my trust that deeply in the first place. He must have always thought that I could be distrusting of him, yet he acted like he wanted to buy my faith when he didn’t even want it so much!

But that wasn’t the thing bothering me. It was because Mayer Knox was like someone who had never received trust from anyone before. That seemed to be why he didn’t truly expect trust from me.

It was bothering me, and the fact that it bothered me was irritating. The liquor in my belly lit a hot fire as I quietly clicked my tongue. The soles of my feet clung to the floor like a shadow snatching at my ankles.