CH 45

(This is Makoto’s POV)

I modified my bookshelf and added a locker after I realised my feelings for Mai. So I can store some items for my plan when I needed… like gifts for her. Please read this at ChocoCats.

But what was now locked away in the bookshelf were chains, handcuffs, and sleeping drugs.

It was a tool to put Mai to sleep and chained her to this room. I had planned to execute this during summer vacation, but my parents suddenly went on a two-night, three-day trip, and the plan was accelerated.

Mai and I would be alone. It was a perfect opportunity. Nothing can intervene against us.

In those three days, I would kidnap her by force, break her, and make her love me.

I was anxious, but it has already been proven that creating pseudo-love was possible by pushing people to their limits. It may be categorized as a symptom, not an effect, but I couldn’t question the means.

I wondered if the Mai I would recreate is the one I love, but it was better than losing her completely. That time… just like when she was hit by a truck, rather than letting her disappear far away, it was better to break her and hold onto her broken remains to fill this emptiness. Please read this at ChocoCats.

T/N: Ugh, I hate to admit but I find this side of Makoto a bit hopelessly romantic and it melts me.

Even though I decided on this, my heart never settled until the very end. Even though I should have fit the pieces of the puzzle firmly, an uncomfortable feeling comes up, floating awkwardly.

To fill the uncertain emotions inside of me, I stayed by Mai’s side. But every time I saw Mai, my heart would become more and more disturbed.

Every time I saw her, I wanted to hug her. I wanted her to accept my love. I became so thirsty that I couldn’t help but think of wanting to cling to Mai.

While yearning for a sweet illusion, I had been dreaming of killing Mai, up until two days before my parents left on summer vacation. 

In the dream, Mai was chained and rejecting me, so I tightened my grip around her neck. Her eyes, which had been shining, began to cloud over, and her limbs, which had been moving so well, drooped down lifelessly. I stabbed Mai, who was frightened by me, on her stomach, blood flowed out, staining the floor a darker red than Mai’s lips.

Then I woke up in the morning with trembling arms. All that remained in my heart was regret and prayer that I didn’t want to kill her. 

T/N: ;w; dang Makoto…

There was a time when I was deeply attracted to life and death. I used to think it was okay for Mai to die too. But not anymore. Even so, if I couldn’t have her heart, I feel like I could even kill her body. But I didn’t want to kill her. I didn’t want to, but if things continue like this, I will definitely end up killing her, because the feeling of wanting to kill Mai still lingers. Please read this at ChocoCats.

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T/N: Hello, this chapter is pretty short so I can immediately translate it and update.

This chapter… is a bit dark, idk but when I was translating this, my heart beats loudly, like, whoa Makoto is sure deep, he’s a complex character, his description of killing Mai is really clear and made me shiver. I’m amazed by how complex he is.

Anyway, see you in the next chapter, and have a great day.