CH 39

Chapter 39: Tears

At first it was a simple effort of wanting to help a girl avoid a bad ending. Once we met again, I thought we didn’t need to stay connected. However sub-conscious, that happiness I got from her kindness was immense.

Before I knew it, I just wanted to protect her from everything that made her sad. Soon I wanted her to be with me. For her to look at me more than anybody else.- – – I found myself looking only at her.

When? Why? No matter how I thought about it, I found no answers.

Before I knew it, I was already entranced. That was it.

Digging deeper into the past didn’t change my feelings. I don’t know what I should do from now on.

The first thing I thought was to keep my distance from her. Summer vacation is just around the corner. However it may be difficult to not meet at all, although we are far it hasn’t stopped me so far. Though perhaps I can use that as an excuse to re analyze our situation.

However Sara is surprisingly sharp. She will soon realize that empty spot besides her. Yoko pointed out how obvious it was. If she notices that I’m trying to get away she will get hurt. Or on the contrary, she may notice my feelings.

I want to prevent that.

So the remaining choice is to confess or hide them.

Thinking about confessing makes me scornfully laugh. That would be the most unlikely option. Also what did I learn from that dream in spring? Even if Sara is a sub-heroine of a Yuri Game, Sara herself is not gay. Being in love with Aoi in the game was a tough decision for her, she simply didn’t want to be lonely. If confess, Sara would definitely be shocked. I’m not fully confident, but now I’m “Special” for Sara. 

She trusts me, relaxed and depends on me, we slept over together, and now I look at her with romantic feelings, that would horrify her. She’d be placed in a really difficult spot.

“. . . I have no choice but to hide it.”

If possible, I’d want to make this love come true. Tell her I like her, and have her truly reciprocate those feelings.

But that’s impossible, I can’t, knowing the confession would lead to a relationship where we are unhappy with each other. I choose to stay silent, and make her smile without knowing anything.

Both the feelings to cherish Sara and the feeling of greed are both aspects of love. I want to give her only the cherishing feelings. I want to be able to protect Sara’s smile.

It’s okay, I can do that well.

I’ve read many Yuri works. I can’t say it was as simple as I thought. The similarity to a trope is right on. The story of falling in love with a girl who never thought about the same sex.

But I didn’t know how those girls in the stories felt. I read those stories countless times and yet I still didn’t realize how hard it’d be. Do others feel this? The heart wrenching feeling thinking about getting their heart broken? How do others forget, and find their next love? If there is a way to let go of these feelings, please let me know.

My field of view gradually blurred. Before I knew it, it was too late, and my teardrops wet the floor. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I slumped onto the ground and silently cried. 

Crying doesn’t help. Nothing will change. It’s pointless to do. Yet they won’t stop.

How long has it been since I cried? Cried with all my feelings? 

My bag near the sofa made a noise. It was the sound from my trembling smartphone.

I dragged my numb legs up to attention. I took the phone out of my bag and checked.

There were five calls from my mother. Reality quickly came back to me. I checked the time to see it was 8:00pm

–   – Shit!

I’m supposed to be home. I was so upset about my love for Sara that I forgot to contact my home. How long have I been crying?

I was wondering what excuse I could make, when my smartphone once again signaled an incoming call. Of course it was my mother.

“H-Hello!”

I reflectively blurted. My mother on the other hand was unexpectedly laid back “ Ah, Shiori~?”

She wasn’t angry. I had imagined it was something like “You are walking around without contacting me, AT THIS TIME!? Come back right NOW!”

“Um, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you. I was in a hurry so I forgot. . .”

“Honestly, I was worried. Where are you now?”

“I am at Sara’s house. She got a cold so I came to deliver medicines and other supplies. . .”

That alone shouldn’t have taken me this long.

–   – It’s strange. A little while ago, I was crying as if I saw the end of the world, but when I heard my mother’s voice I was brought back to my daily life. The endless tears stopped.

A mother’s powers were too great.

“Ah, Sara-cham, you said she lived alone. Is she okay?”

“Yeah, maybe. She took the medicine and is sleeping now, so I thought of making her porridge.”

“Eh? Since when could you make porridge? I never cooked it at home. Don’t practice on the sick.”

“I’m about to hang up!”

Cooking is an innate knowledge for me, it’s from my previous life so my mother has never seen me cooking. Before my memory returned, I never helped with cooking even after my memories returned. It’d seem strange I suddenly got better, so I didn’t dare to help.

She’d think it was a joke if I told her I was teaching Sara how to cook.

“Well, if that’s the case it’s okay to be a little late. Call me before you leave.”

“Okay, Understood. Thank you.”

“Yeah yeah. Please take good care of Sara-chan. . .Oh one more thing!”

“Hm, what is it?”

Before I could hang up, my mother’s voice jumped up as she remembered something.

I wonder what it is?

“Summer vacation is coming up, so please spend time with us next time. I also want to see Sara-chan.”

She said something out of the ordinary.

Mom, wait a minute.

I don’t think you know this, but I just realized my unrequited love for Sara, this will be pretty awkward.

I was thinking about keeping a little distance during summer vacation, so why did you have to say this now of all times? Are you a demon?

“Asking a friend to come visit my home during summer vacation. . .”

“I don’t care if Sara-chan isn’t enthusiastic about it, bring her, so please tell her when she is better.”

My mother hung up in a good mood. I put my smartphone away in a daze.

Ask Sara to come to my home during summer vacation? You have to be kidding me?

I cried so much before my head hurt, but now I have a headache for another reason. I wonder if this shouldn’t be kept from Sara.