CH 42

Chapter 42 (Extra): Sara’s POV. Part 2.

I heard in elementary school that a confession takes a lot of effort for both the person giving and receiving.

A moral class would have been nice. The runner-up is health and P.E. I wish it was taught more and carved firmly into the wrinkles of people’s brain. And if you are going to confess, you should also not eat up somebody’s time doing it under the scorching sun behind the gymnasium. I wish they’d teach that. 

Or rather teach this boy in front of me.

Right now there is something of a confession rush.

After taking Tomoda-Senpai’s advice, since I said I liked someone, the number of confessions I got had dramatically decreased.

I was thrilled that such a simple thing made my life easier, but the number of confessions have recently increased.

“Please go out with me.”

“Sorry.”

No matter how many times I’ve been through it, this exchange was tiring.

Some people say they are envious of people who get confessed to, but every time I refuse. I don’t want them to be overtly disappointed or hateful after my response. But I do want to know why they believe that? Did you really expect that someone would suddenly like it being confessed to by someone whose name you didn’t know even until a second ago.

If so then you are gullible.

And it was this person in front of me who was the definition of that.

“You don’t have a boyfriend, right? Then how about trying it with me?”

This kind of advance has happened many times in the past. Still most people would withdraw if I refuse again. However, this one is annoyingly persistent.

“Okay, If we do, I could also tell my friend I got a girlfriend. Can’t you help me.”

Huh? No!!

Where do I even start? There is nothing good to take from this. I don’t even understand what you mean. I want you to go away, have some shame, but if I said that I’d be in a bad position. There is nothing else to say, so I put up with it.

“Date me.” “I’m sorry” “Date me” I have somebody I like” Date me” ”Not possible”

This exchange carried on for about 30 minutes, repeating the same points. It was like they were trying to trick me into saying Yes. As expected of a Tsubakigaoka student.

However I got angry quickly. I’m mad at the word “Dating” now. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard it!  At the time it was beginning to build up, I heard a familiar voice “Sara-chan” from behind.

“Tomoda-Senpai!?”

“Sara-chan was late, so I came to pick you up.”

“Um, I’m sorry. . ?”

She stroked my head as I thought about what she was talking about, but I quickly understood she was helping me. 

“I don’t want to keep Senpai waiting any longer, so I’m leaving.”

“Ah, no um. . .”

“Persistent men are annoying. Let’s go Sara-chan.”

Tomoda-Senpai handed over some advice to the boy as he was stumbling over his words.

She pulled me over to the vending machine next to the cafeteria, and after that I could finally buy a sports drink and drink it without hesitation. I can relax now. 

Unfortunately the cafeteria was closed, so after moving to the shade we sat side by side on a bench.

“Haah, I’m saved. Thank you very much.”

“Ahaha, that was a disaster, although summer vacation starts tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’m tired though. . .”

It was hot, I’m hungry, and I probably tanned. I’d be even more exhausted If Tomoda-Senpai hadn’t come.

“It was a coincidence that I was there. A member of the athletic club glanced over and saw a shadow talking to a pitiful Sara-chan.”

“Eh~. . .”

“But I thought the number of confessions you got decreased, yet they’re still coming.”

“Maybe it’s because it’s before summer vacation. Hoping that it could happen during summer vacation, and if your rejected you could use the long vacation to reset. . .At Least that’s what my friend said.”

So that’s why I was relieved it was the closing ceremony today. I’m looking forward to being free from all love talks once I get over today. This is the last one.

“So I’m guessing, You still don’t have a favorite person?”

There was nobody around us, but Tomoda-Senpai asked with a small voice.

“Well. . .Yeah. I don’t if I’m good with romance, even to this day I don’t see the merit of it. Ever since I reached 10 years old, I only have bad memories because of it. It made it where Boys are scary, and talking to girls still makes me nervous.”

“I see. Around girls still?”

“Yeah I know. I said talking to girls makes me nervous, but I can talk to Tomoda-Senpai without being nervous.”

I inadvertently said something like “I’m nervous to talk to you.” I have to deny that here.

I mean, she is one of the few I can talk with relaxed. Currently it’s only Shiori-san and Tomoda-senpai. 

However she is a Senpai from my school.

I can’t say she is a friend like Shiori-san is. Though secretly I think of her as a friend.

Sadly I didn’t have any decent friends for years. I’m a beginner in friendship, so I don’t have the capacity for romance. Far from dating, it’s too high of a hurdle to have any romantic feelings for anybody, I couldn’t imagine it.

“Geeze! Tell me something cute! Ah, I’m happy that summer vacation is happening, but I’ll miss Sara-chan. Do you want to make any plans this summer?”

“Well it is a trip away. . .Ah, but I promised to go to a firework display with Shiori-san! Also I get to wear a Yukata for the first time!”

“Huh, you’d look nice in a Yukta! Sara’s Yukata, I want to see it too! Show me a photo!”

“Okay, I’ll send it.”

She stroked my head saying good luck. It made me feel like a pet dog.

By the way, recently I haven’t been hugged by Tomoda-Senpai. There used to be so many skinships. Is it because it’s hot? Shiori-san has only hugged me that one time, so I feel a little lonely.

“Now that you mentioned her, Sara-chan is on very good terms with Shiori-san. I often hear that name from Yoko too, but what kind of person is it?”

“Shiori-san? That’s a difficult question to answer, but she’s a very nice person. She’s beautiful, kind, has a good fashion sense, is good at teaching, and has amazing cooking skills.”

It’s difficult to explain a personality verbally. All of them are true, but it’s vexing none of them really convey her real essences.

Tomado-Senpai laughed at my explanation. Saying “That’s amazing, a true superhuman,” It is right, but that isn’t the only reason Shiori-san is amazing.

“She is my hero. . . she’s been a very important person ever since she cried and struggled for me to help me out of my deep isolation.”

It was probably at that time Shiori-san became my ”special” person.

She cried with a pitiful face, her nose was red, and she didn’t look cool at all. Her appearance wasn’t like a hero, but she reached out while only thinking of me. She was definitely my hero.

If I ever fell in love with someone, I’m sure the best person in my head would remain Shiori-san.

“By the way, the other day Shiori-san was also confessed to on the morning train. It was from a student from our school.”

“Huh, how bold. What was her reply?”

“She refused him. Saying there was someone she already liked.”

“Hm, is there?”

“She didn’t say anything, but. . .”

She is a wonderful person, so she can’t help but be popular. I think the boy confessing to her was also better looking than the people who confessed to me. But at that time. I couldn’t help but think about what we talked about.

If Shiori-san had a boyfriend, she’d spend less time with me. Suddenly that chat felt so real.

It might have been a lie, but I was surprised when I heard from Shiori-san’s mouth that there was someone she liked. It’d be too overbearing as a friend to ask them not to have somebody they like, let alone have a boyfriend. Even as a novice to friendship I know that much.

After talking about that I exacerbated myself. I groaned while looking up to the sky. Will that eventually happen?

“You must really like Shiori-san. I’m jealous.”

“I really like her, but. . .”

“I’m really jealous. I can’t win.”

Tomoda-Senpai gave a long sigh with a bitter smile.

I gave an exaggerated laugh, but Senpai’s eyes looked at me with humorless eyes, she was completely serious. The smile disappeared from my face, as an unpleasant air slowly crept in.

“I can’t laugh at the boy who confessed to Sara-chan’s face. Yoko told me about you, and when I saw Sara-chan’s happy smiling face. I couldn’t help but like it. Because I fell in love with it.”

“Um, thank you very much. . ?”

I don’t know why she had to say the last part, usually she’d say like or cute. But Love? I thanked her while tilting my head, but that bitter smile got deeper.

When did she smile like that? I looked through my memory, but I remembered only her bright cheerful smile. Even when we talked about serious things she always had smiling eyes.

“I like Sara-chan in the same way as the boys who confessed to you. I “love” you, not “like” you. Do you understand what I mean, not love you like a friend, but something more?”

“. . . .Eh?”

Do I understand? No I don’t.

“Love” not “Like”

So romantic, not friendship.

I understand the meaning of the words, but the impact slips through my hands. It’s as if my head is breaking down.

Because both Tomoda-Senpai and I are girls.

I know that there are same-sex couples, and people who are attracted to the same-sex, but I have never thought about them. Because it didn’t relate to me.

In my case, I thought romance was between a man and a woman. So therefore, I thought if I limited any contact with boys I’d keep away from romance as a whole. And if I kept away from romance, I could develop friendships with girls. . . I never thought I’d be seen as a candidate for love from a the same sex.

“I’m sorry. . .”

I surprised myself, I only gave a small pitiful voice, it was so small I was worried she couldn’t hear it.

It’s the only answer I managed to get out of my panic state. I wasn’t in love with her. Aside from the other undigested parts, I gave my usual shallow response.

Yes, like always. Like those whose names and faces I don’t remember.

Still I shook the person who has helped me many times, and it confused me after knowing her well, I gave my usual fixed phrase.

There were alot of things I wanted to convey, but none of them I could say. It’s a bit too harsh, too hard to say that it was a fixed phrase, but it always came out of my mouth.

“Yeah, I understand. I’m sorry for saying something so hard- — Now I’m also a member of the confess before summer vacation, I’ll reset my feelings properly after the vacation. So we will just be good seniors and juniors again. . . I wonder if it would be too difficult for you to get along with me?”

A senior looked at my face and patted my head to comfort me. I wonder why I’m the one being comforted?

It was the first time I was confessed to by a close person. I don’t know what to do in this scenario. I knew that the people who receive the confession were also shooken, but the order of magnitude between a stranger and Tomoda-Senpai is immense.

I like you, even though you are an important person. I’m sorry but I can’t return those same feelings.

“Sorry.”

She apologized once again, saying it was a selfish confession, and then my senpai left.

No one was around me. I could only hear the voices of the remaining students in club, the sounds of practicing musical instruments in the distance, and the sound of the cicadas.

I can’t stay here forever. Go home, change clothes, eat food, and. . .do I want to spend my time alone in my room?

I’m used to living alone, but now I don’t want to be alone in that empty room. The summer vacation I was so excited for suddenly felt terribly lonely.

“Shiori-san. . .”

At these times, there is only one person I want to be by my side. My hero that is kinder than anyone else. 

It may be a nuisance calling her on a closing ceremony day, but I really want to see her right now. I want to hear her say it will all be alright with her gentle voice.

With a desperate feeling I took out my smartphone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~