CH 43

Chapter 43: A Grave.

Filled with urgency, I left the classroom to rush to Sara’s house. After I found out she was still at school I asked if she wanted me to pick her up, however she told me I didn’t have to go that far. So I just waited at the nearest station by Sara’s house.

I sat on a bench by the platform, waiting for the train carrying Sara to arrive. After a passenger train completed its stop I could see people streaming out from the exit, and that’s when I saw her. 

Despite her being far away, I could clearly see she was depressed. With shoulders low, She walked dejectedly down the path shoulders were. She had a gray background behind her, it was like a manga or anime. With a stiff expression I called out to her as she walked, she then raised her face in a hurry as I quickly approached.

“Sorry, Shiori-san. Calling you out so suddenly. . .”

“It’s okay. If you’re in trouble, I’ll always rush to you.”

“. . . . Thank you.”

I wanted to reassure her like she was sick, so I reached out to stroke her head, but her shoulders tensed.

No, she’s definitely scared. I don’t know what’s happening. However I do know we can’t talk about it here.

“Shall we go home?”

“. . .Yeah.”

We carried our bags while we silently walked down this familiar road.

Glancing at her, she is in an expressionless state. She was steadily walking, no tears or grumbling. Something must have happened, but right now she seems despondent.

She was just happy to talk about summer vacation plans on the morning train. Now it’s different.

Finally after a longer than normal walk we arrived at Sara’s apartment.

Pardon the extrusion, as I went inside and put my luggage down.

I was eager to begin our talk. But what I saw as I turned around startled me.

“S-Sara!?”

About three steps going inside the house Sara began silently crying.

It must have all hit her when she arrived. Immediately I moved closer, however like a child she grabbed onto my clothes. Then her tears started to pour harder.

Her shoulders shook, as she shed tears and tears. Only her voice didn’t leak.

Although it was still clumsy crying. It seems that she was earnestly crying now. If I wasn’t here she would have wet her pillow alone.

“You’ve been holding it in, haven’t you?”

“. . .Yeah. . .”

I felt guilty about touching her before, but now isn’t the time.

I pushed away my unrequited love, I rushed forward and hugged her as I lightly stroked her back.

What happened?

The last time she cried it was in relief, but now it’s something different.

I know something has happened, however she is still in the midst of sadness.

I waited for her to settle down, and once it was now a sob, I guided her to the sofa to let her sit down.

“I’m sorry I lost my control. . .”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. When you calm down, could you tell me what happened?”

“Yeah, actually. . .”

I didn’t expect to hear it all. However she surprised me about how much she actually gave me. I quickly learned she was confessed to by a girl, but little by little I finally got a somewhat full picture of the situation.

“I see, it was Tomoda-san. . .”

It felt like a truck hit me when I heard a girl confess to her. But I could understand why when I heard it was Tomoda-San.

Tomoda-San was the driving force behind helping Sara get out of her isolation. I heard that she always doted over her and cared about her as well. Sara must have trusted her alot.

That’s why. . .Ahhhh!—–!

I understand why Tomoda-san did that, if anything I sympathize with her alot. I painfully understand that feeling. Sara is cute! I don’t know if Tomoda-san originally liked the same sex or it was limited to Sara. If such a cute girl always let her guard down around you, and you began to harbor those feelings as you shared skinship. It’d make sense why she’d be head over heels.

“Hey, why are you crying? Were you shocked because you were confessed to by another girl? Or do you feel like you were betrayed by Tomoda-San.”

“U- wah. I don’t think it’s uh. . .something betrayed. . .”

“Ok. Then why?”

“. . .I wonder why.”

I’m listening.

It’s not easy to consciously cry. It’s hard to understand when various emotions are mixed together, and many reasons pile up in your head. Some people cry even if there is no reason.

Still I wanted Sara to organize her feelings, so I asked this question.

Mostly it’s for my ego, but a little for Sara.

“Tomoda-san was different from the other people. . .Because she took care of me alot, she knew about my faults, yet she still said she liked me. . .”

Sara talked little by little. I understood it more. I was ready for a lot of bombshells based on how she looked, but it wasn’t that deep. She was unfamiliar with relationships, uninterested in them, and didn’t have any special skills regarding it, so therefore she never thought she’d be the target of love from somebody that knew her.

That’s why she was confused when someone she’d never expected said they liked her. She was shaken that this close relationship could be broken just like that.

“And I don’t know what it is. . .If the same sex also see me as a target of love, I’m afraid that someday my other friends might feel the same. . .”

“That is. . .Well, I can’t say.”

She wouldn’t ever dream that one of them was right besides you. What would happen if I expressed my feelings now? I’m curious but I won’t put it into practice.

As she leaned down, I put my hand and stroked her head. She started and stiffened just like at the station.

“Do you not want me to touch your head?”

“No, I don’t hate it- – -It just reminds me of Tomoda-Senpai.”

“Oh. . .”

Tomoda-san’s impact must be large.

What to do? I could comfort her and say “You can still return to being close friends again”  but I don’t know if that can actually happen. And with Sara’s confusion it may be more difficult.

However it can be said that Tomoda-Senpai isn’t a special case, and that there will be others in the future.

Of course Sara is cute and attractive, but this is originally a Yuri game world. Just looking around there is Yoko, the President, Tomoda-san, Koharu, and other yuri characters everywhere. Oh, and me too?

The possibility in this world that same sex could easily fall in love can’t be ruled out.

I do wish Sara would like another girl. Or rather, I wish she loved me, but that’s near impossible.

“Um well Sara. I think it’s time you become aware of this, so I will tell you- – -You’re a very attractive girl.”

“Eh, w-why all of a sudden!?”

“It’s not sudden. I’ve always thought you were very cute, honest, kind, hardworking, with a charming smile, and a very wonderful girl.”

“- – -oh, Shioris-san, that’s.”

A pang hit me as I saw Sara swallowed her spit and stared at me with a terrified expression.

Ah, Dammit. Did she understand? Saying it like this can’t be helped, so I guess she’d misunderstand. I was careless.

Ah, but. . . I don’t want to say it.

“It’s not a confession. . .I-I’m not looking at you as a love candidate, so rest assured. We are friends?”

I think I was able to make her smile. I pushed aside the pitiful voice, I think I could salvage this conversation.

However after she heard my words, Sara showed an obvious relieved face. Seeing that stabbed and shredded my heart.

I don’t intend to confess, I don’t think this love will ever be returned. Although she didn’t in her own words deny my feelings, it is easy to imagine how it will go. Whether said in words or not, the conclusion is clear. I can’t confess.

“I want to say that Sara is a wonderful girl, so you need to be confident and aware of it. Before you used to say that you had low self-esteem, but you can’t return to that.”

“But That. . .”

“There are no buts. At least from my point of view you are that kind of girl. Maybe to Tomoda-san too.”

“. . .Understood.”

I gently pat Sara’s head as she reluctantly agreed. She didn’t seem to be shooken up this time.

“I don’t think it’s easy to change your self-esteem, but you must keep in mind. You are attractive, so it can’t be helped for both men and women to fall in love.”

“Isn’t that too narcissistic?”

“So what.”

I gave a funny shrug in response, and she finally giggled. Has she calmed down a little? That face at the station seems to have disappeared.

I watched closely, until she finally gave a big sigh and rested her head. She dove her head onto my lap.

I couldn’t do anything but give a small laugh.

“I wanted to do this one day.”

“. . .Oh, when you’re tired or depressed, you want a lap pillow?”

“Yeah. If I feel any depression, I am going to ask for Shiori-san’s.”

“Well then, please help yourself.”

Like in those stories, if you get a lap pillow when you’re weak you’d also fall in love?

I wish it was that easy, but in the first place you wouldn’t coax a lap pillow like this if you had romantic feelings.

Ah– — It’s hard! I chose this path, but it hurts too much!!

I could praise my self-control though, as I stroked her hair with a nonchalant face. Her hair was smooth! She feels warm! Her sigh was thrilling!

“Thank you, Shiori-san. I love you!”

“. . . . Yeah. I love you too.”

Haahh. Not like I love you.

From the bottom of my heart, I love this cute, lovable, and cruel child.

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