CH 79

Chapter 79: (Extra) Sara’s POV Part 7

If I was to classify the people around me into categories such as “family”, ”friends”, “acquaintances” etc. I wonder what Shiori-san would be in. She is closer to the word “friend” so she no longer fits that category.

If I were to categorize her, it would be more appropriate to create one just called “Shiori-san” and I would display it on the top and most prominent place in my heart.

Recently I finally realized that Shiori-san is that special in my mind, that I can’t categorize her with anybody else.

“That doesn’t solve anything though. . .”

It’s been a week of summer vacation. The first three days were pretty intense, but after that It’s been peaceful, simply doing my chores and homework without any problems. 

My only complaint is that I can no longer see Shiori-san every morning. She still comes on the weekends, but as the meeting decreases my loneliness increases. While I was staying there, we were always together, not just in the morning. I may have been too spoiled.

Before I knew it, I was thinking about Shiori-san like this.

Normally, when I’m on the way to school, I look at the clock and think about Shiori-san. I remember how she’d taught me how to cook, and her soft voice explaining how to solve my homework. Yesterday I even had a dream about her.

Before I knew it, I reached a point where I only thought about her. 

Does this mean that I like Shiori-san? In a romantic sense?

“Do I. . . like Shiori-san?”

As soon as I said that, my heart began to pound, and my body shivered with embarrassment.

Eh, what is this? Nobody is around but I’m so embarrassed! No, it’s even more embarrassing when you say it to yourself!? Either way, I feel embarrassed to death. It was so embarrassing I found myself writhing from embarrassment on the sofa! Don’t mention it again!

It hasn’t been decided I’m in love yet. It might be, because one word does so much psychological damage.

It feels like there is an itch, I like her, but I don’t have a deciding factor to completely convince me. It’s almost there, I’m so close to reaching a conclusion. I wish someone could just tell me. Is this love or not? What should I do to calm down my pounding heart?

But I can’t turn to Shiori-san to help with this.

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I was invited out today by my classmates to go bowling. My score was horrible, I haven’t gone bowling since I came here with my family in elementary school. At first it was all gutters, but in the second half I managed to knock down a few pins. It’s kind of fun when you can knock down a few.

Shiori-san said she was bad at sports, I wonder if she is not good at bowling too. I could imagine how cute it’d be to see her become frustrated when the bowling ball doesn’t roll straight, I couldn’t help but smile. One of these days I’d like to come here with her.

“What are you grinning at? Cute-!”

I totally zoned out as I fantasized about Shiori-san.

Miharu-chan, who just finished bowling her ball, called out to me and sat beside me.

“Hey, spit it out, let me know. Were you thinking about your crush again? You were, weren’t you?”

“Y-Yeah. . .”

“I knew it!”

Until a while ago, Shiori-san was my made up “Favorite person” so I didn’t mind before. But now that she might actually become my “favorite person(Probably)” my fake love stories have become too real, it’s embarrassing.

What kind of face have I had until now? I don’t remember at all.

“So~. Tell me, what were you grinning about?”

“Well, my favorite person isn’t a fan of sports. So I just thought that because they aren’t good at them, maybe they weren’t good at bowling either. I could imagine them becoming frustrated and I thought it would look cute. . .”

“Eh- no way. You were smiling because you imagined that? Sara-chi, you are so reserved.”

“Reserved. . !?”

That’s the first time anybody told me that!

Ah, I was secretly shocked, the other girls then added in saying “What, what happened?””I heard something interesting! Let me in!” Everyone who heard the details agreed that I was being reserved.

Why! I’m sure everyone would at least grin in their thoughts.

But maybe this is my chance to talk about love?

I’d like to discuss these half hearted feelings I am feeling right now. In particular I’d love to ask Natsuki-chan who has a boyfriend, and Akiho-chan who has a crush. I’d like to hear their input on feeling love.

I decided to go for it, so I talked to them about my fuzzy feeling recently growing in my heart, and at the end of the conversation, those four were looking at me with a kind smile.

“Um, so in short? It used to be close to admiration, but recently there have been feelings like it is more like love, and that’s why you are confused?? You are not sure if you like them as a person, or if you are romantically interested in them?”

“I guess that’s pretty much it, isn’t it? So what could you tell me? How do you know if this feeling is romantic. . .?”

Although I asked her for it, After I heard Akiho-chan’s summary, it seemed so childish.

I know that even a kindergartener can understand the feeling of love, but for me to need to ask this question is shameful! I understand why they are looking at me like a child.

“So pure. . .”

“After all those confessions, how did you live without getting dirty? This girl. . .”

No no no, I’ve seen plenty of the dirty parts of love, I think I’m dirty enough. I couldn’t stay pure. 

I was so busy trying to wipe off the garbage that it rained down on me that I didn’t have time to look at my own love life, that’s why I am in trouble now.

“But you know, these feelings are very hard to explain.”

“I know. Do you want to date them, or kiss them?”

“Do you want to do something for them?”

“Do you find yourself thinking about them all the time?”

“Do their flaws make them look cuter?”

Everyone had their own input, but what should I do? Almost all of them are true. 

I would do anything for Shiori-san, and lately all I can do is think about her. I’m not sure about kissing or going out with her.

Kissing or going out. . .No, that’s too embarrassing. My brain refuses to imagine it.

“Sara-chi’s reserved face is coming out.”

“Did you imagine kissing them or something?”

“I didn’t imagine anything like that. . .It’s impossible.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, I covered my face with my hands, and then the people around me reached out and patted my head. I’m pretty sure I’m being treated like a child. I wonder if it’s okay to stop bowling after this?

“There is an inverse factor to this too. It’s not just what I want to do with them, but what I don’t want them to do. I don’t want them to have a girlfriend, or how I don’t want them to have someone who is closer than me.”

“I see, I see. I know it’s not good to think that way, but it’s natural to get jealous-.”

I know exactly what she means, and if there is a hole in the ground I want to crawl in it. Everything everyone has said is true.

I don’t really feel it yet, but the outer moat of my mind is being filled with “It’s love.” more and more. 

“Thank you. . .It was helpful.”

“You’re welcome. Well with that way you’re feeling, If left alone I’m sure you will know for sure soon in the near future.”

Yeah, I think so. But even if I will find it out on my own soo, it still bothers me, and I wanted to hear other people’s opinions.

Still my friends are so sweet to think together to help me answer questions a child would ask.

Until spring, I couldn’t imagine playing with friends and discussing love like this during summer vacation. I never thought that a day would come where I would ask for advice with love. . . I’m so happy right now.

“Ah, Sara-chi is smiling again.”

Mafuyu-chan looked at me with an expectant face asking “what now?”. I put my hand over my mouth. I unconsciously let my guard down. Miharu-chan put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Fess up.”

“I’m not thinking about anything strange. I was just happy that I’m friends with everyone.”

A few seconds later, everyone fussed over me so much that my hair got messy, but I was having so much fun it didn’t matter. The five of us laughed so hard.

I wanted to share this with Shiori-san, but I can’t tell her why it happened, so I’m afraid I have to keep it a secret. I’m sure she would be as happy as I am.

Someday, I can talk to her about what I talked about earlier, that time- – –

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After bowling, we enjoyed some tea together at Starducks before heading home.

I saw a sign near the cash register saying a limited time offer of the Honey Lemon Frappuccino at StarDucks, coming soon. I want to comeback for that drink soon. I wonder if Shiori-san would come with me if I invited her?. . .I’m thinking about her again. It has become a habit.

As we left and walked to the station while chatting. Natsuki-chan, who was walking a little ahead of us, seemed to have noticed somebody. She raised her hand and said “Long time no see!” and went to them.

“It’s been a long time since graduation! How have you been?”

“It’s been good! So what are you up to, on your way home after hanging out?”

“Yeah, I’m with my high-school friends.- – -Ah, sorry. This is my friend from Junior high.”

Natsuki-chan turned and introduced a child I couldn’t see before, but I instantly recognized them.

She must have too. Because her friendly eyes were directed straight at me instead of the other three.

“Nice to meet you all, I am Aoi Shimamoto, I went to the same junior high school as Natsuki!”

A cheerful smile. A pleasant greeting. A healthy and refreshed atmosphere. No matter how you look at it, you should get a good first impression, but why then?

From the first time I met her, I couldn’t help but be afraid of her.