Chapter 323 – Turning Point V

Chapter 323 – Turning Point V

CHAPTER 323 - TURNING POINT V

My head against the wall of the shower. The usual comfortable caress of the water against my skin felt cold, empty and void of any safety. The sound reverberated through my tiny stall, so quiet behind the ringing in my ear. The endless blare usually wasn't this loud. Noticeable, yes, but this was the loudest it had been since my eardrum had burst. It was there, constantly nagging, pestering me even if I plugged my ears. Sometimes I'd close my eyes and try to imagine today hadn't been real. If I hadn't gotten ahead of myself and not offered to spar, Maylene wouldn't have fallen on top of me. Our eyes wouldn't have crossed for so long, and I would not have seen the love take shape within her right then and there.

The problem still would have remained, yet I would have been ignorant of it. Sometimes, that was best. Maylene probably would have kept hurting, which... wouldn't have been ideal, but it wasn't as if she wasn't hurting right now, was it? Forced into what I'd realized had kind of been a date, from her point of view. That must have been why she'd been so nervous near the start and asked about how she looked.

And my actions, God, my actions. Complimenting her looks, holding her hand that long, indirectly calling her cute— and that was just today. So many of our interactions since we'd come back from saving the world had been laced with these... innocent games from my point of view, but hope from hers. Odds were I'd given that crush life when I should have smothered it from the beginning. Instead, it had been watered, cultivated, tended to, and allowed to grow unchecked; fuck me, I was dense! If I'd stopped it from the beginning, then it would have been so daunting to burst. Not so damaging to all of us.

I clenched a fist, contemplated slamming it against the wall before figuring that would be really fucking stupid. If I'd been in Maylene's position— actually, I didn't even have to shape it that way. Back in Eterna City, when Cece and I had been on the cusp of dating, I'd believed she hadn't liked me back, but it was the little ways she'd go out of her way to stay with me and her actions that kept the ball rolling in the back of my head, that told me that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

Though our circumstances had been different, given that I'd known her engagement to Louis had been a sham rather early. Still, how long would I have contented myself to get crumbs of her affection if it hadn't been? To bask in the occasional ray of sunlight she'd afford me before turning back to Louis every day if it had been real?

Weeks? Months? I would have given up, eventually, or at least I believed so, but not right away.

The water from the shower cutting off interrupted my train of thought— I must have gone over my allotted ten minutes. I wrapped myself in a towel and paced toward the Pokemon Center's girl's changing rooms to put on my new clothes, ignoring the glances and the murmurs from the other girls who'd been using the washrooms. Not like I could hear whatever they were saying without my hearing aid in, but I imagined they must have been surprised to see me here. Cecilia had told me about some of the speculation about our involvement in Coronet, but 'luckily' the trainer community had settled on the narrative being that we'd only been there as support in Coronet's lower levels and that Craig, Cynthia and the Elite Four had been the ones who had made the real difference.

Normally, I would have found this irritating. To have done all of this with none of the credit, when I would rather have my Role within this story ignored than misconstrued. Today, I was too preoccupied to care. Once I was changed into traveling clothes (thick pants, boots and a simple blue shirt) and had my hearing aid back in, I found myself sitting in the Pokemon Center's lobby, contemplating what to do.

I'd dressed to go to route 215 and see Bellatrix and Night, but part of me wondered if I shouldn't just text Cecilia right now and go back to the League. The awkward part was that I'd have to go back to Maylene's Gym to ask to use her Kadabra, but maybe I'd manage to avoid her and get a League Trainer to help me instead. As Cecilia had learned from communicating with Maylene, current protocol meant that only the Gym Leaders had the authority to move their Kadabra around due to their current scarcity, but I was hoping I was a common sight and that they'd just sweep it under the rug, maybe...?

"Hello?"

No.

No, that was stupid. One, it'd get that particular employee in trouble, and two, Cecilia had just gotten Scizor and Toxicroak back from the Pokemon Center. I'd do well to let her have these few hours of peace before I dropped all of this on her. Arceus, tonight was going to be miserable. My body was already shaking at the uncomfortableness that was to come. How was I supposed to tell Cecilia that I wanted to keep seeing Maylene regularly and that I didn't like her back? How would she take it, if I told her the truth? That Maylene was the only person who currently could give me pure, carefree and unadulterated happiness not weighed down by how broken we were? It hadn't been set in stone before today, but now I knew.

I couldn't.

"Are you okay? You're Grace Pastel, right?"

Could this girl take a fucking hint?

Lanky, short brown hair, doe-eyed like she hadn't had a bad day in her life, and with a Dratini coiled around her neck. That last bit gave me a pause. Those were extra rare, even in Indigo, their country of origin. Denzel had wanted one, once.

"Sorry, I'm preoccupied right now." I was short and to the point, allowing a bit of frustration to leak into my tone.

"I bet you are!" The girl laughed, petting her Dratini, who cooed back at her. "You were looking at that phone like you wanted to kill it."

"Right," I grunted. "Anyway, I'm leaving."

I shot up and made my way to the exit—

"Wait! Could I please have an autograph? My little brother's a big fan!" she asked, pulling out a badge-case from her backpack. "It'd mean a lot to him."

Groaning, I speedwalked toward her, snatched her badge-case and a marker out of her hands and signed its back. She smiled as if I'd just made her day, which was enough to get me to calm down, if only slightly. Normal. This was normal. I had fans. It just was unusual after so long.

"Sorry for bothering you! If you see Denzel, you tell him Ashley hopes he's doing okay!" she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth.

I hesitantly nodded before remembering that there'd been a girl Denzel had gambled with at the Game Corner back when it had still been open. One who had beaten the odds and gotten a Dratini. In fact, he'd told me they'd helped each other because they'd both wanted one.

Small world. He'd probably be glad to see she was doing fine after the bombings.

Now that I was free from the shackles of social interaction, Cassianus popped out of their Pokeball with the device's familiar hiss. The fact that I'd been so panicked I hadn't walked to the Pokemon Center with them spoke volumes of the gravity of the situation. What if someone had attacked me? With bleary blinks, the psychic observed the world around us. After rummaging through my bag for a moment, I handed them my straw hat. With a happy, artificial cheer, the Claydol levitated it on top of their head.

The decision had been made. I was going to see Bella. While I doubted a Pokemon as wild as her would have any advice for human relationships, we hadn't seen each other in a long time and I missed her and Night. My leg muscles were strained, but just walking shouldn't be that bad, especially after that long break in the Center.

Once we got to a more deserted street, I spoke up. "Sorry I've been silent. Something happened... something really difficult to deal with."

It is true that you appear preoccupied by something. I wanted to wait until you brought it up on your own. If you hadn't, it would have meant you did not desire to speak of it, Cass said. Clearly, they had a lot of learning to do about people, still, but they were doing their best. It is difficult to quantify emotion, but I would say you appear 68% more morose than usual. May I know what happened?

Hesitation gripped me for a moment, but what was the harm in telling them, anyway? I explained the entire situation from start to finish, including the fact that I'd had no idea of it until an hour ago.

Cass' hands rotated and hung close to their body. Ah, I see. Well, my King, your predecessors would sometimes take concubines that they would see romantically even while being married. Occasionally, you had women who all got along very well despite—

"It's not like that with her," I interrupted. "Also that's just not... I don't think I get those, anyway, but yeah, it's not like that."

Pauline, Emilia and Denzel's attempt at polyamory and it collapsing, taking Pauline and Emilia's relationship down with it was still fresh in my mind. I'd still rooted for them despite not exactly getting it, but one couldn't ignore the fact that these things were dicey and dangerous. Imagining Cece with another girl made my skin crawl with doubt. I assumed it was kind of taking a leap of faith. As I was now, would she even stick around? Especially after tonight?

Sure, I had believed Maylene to be romantically interested in Cecilia, but that hadn't bothered me because I already knew Cece just did not look at her that way at all. On the contrary, before 'figuring it out' and even after that, I'd wanted them to get closer so Cecilia would have someone else to rely on.

"Even if I was in love with Maylene, I definitely wouldn't do it. Cecilia wouldn't agree to it, and I've seen what forcing two people who don't want this leads to. There'd be three, in this case; that was a hypothetical."

Of course, Cassianus said, their eyes dimming. It was just a suggestion, you do not have to think anything of it. The vast majority of the time, this arrangement was forced on these women anyway. Some of them led miserable lives! That would be your right, of course, but—

I softly clicked my tongue. "You're thinking like these are old times again, Cass. We don't do that anymore."

The psychic hummed. My apologies. Updating memory banks.

"No worries, pal, you're still adapting to modern life." I patted their body and smiled. At least it was only my human relationships which were on fire.

Then I remembered Cecilia would have to deal with both soon and guilt tunneled into my heart. It was a claw digging through my chest, almost painful enough to make me physically react. I adjusted my collar and gulped.

The rest of the road to route 215 was largely silent, save for Cassianus asking about a few new things they saw on the way there. Perhaps they knew I didn't feel like talking, or that they wouldn't be able to offer much help, or a combination of both. Still, there was companionship in silence, and that was the kind of support I needed right now. Anyone other than Buddy would have been desperate to dig into my worries to find a solution to my issues right this instant instead of letting it simmer in my head. Honestly, I wished I could just ignore it, but it wouldn't be right. I had to be a good girlfriend to Cece.

Stepping through the gate brought back a lot of memories. It was this very moment, where I'd brought hundreds of wild Pokemon only a few hundred feet away from Veilstone, that had set me on a collision course with Maylene. Without the pride, ego and the fae ways my first stay with Bellatrix had offered, our battle might not have been anywhere as harsh. I did not fault Bella for this, for Pokemon were fundamentally different from people, and she had offered me guidance when I had been lost in the wake of Solaceon. She had allowed me to rediscover myself as a person.

Rain softly pattered against the barrier Cass had raised encompassing both me and them. They hated any form of water. Even rain proved too much for them. The deeper we stepped into the woods, the quieter things became. The world felt heavier, as if I was wading through thicker air. Bella's domain was in full effect, here. Occasionally, Pokemon would stop to look at us. A group of Burmy hanging from a tree branch to our right greeted us with a cheer, a Spinarak scuttling across the floor crawled up to me to ask if I needed directions, a Spearow asked to land on my shoulder to speak about her troubles. Here was where my title was at its strongest, but it wasn't the only reason why Pokemon were so friendly.

Bella's route was simply a lot more communal than most. Possibly more than any route in Sinnoh. Word about me had spread and basically every Pokemon here knew of me. Bellatrix had practically turned this place into another home for me, and I felt so at ease. The quiet, which I thought would be disconcerting, allowed the ringing in my ear to nearly fade. It was as if this whole thing with Maylene had just been a nightmare and the world was right again.

They remembered.

"You've never met her before but she's nice," I continued explaining to Cass. "Or, I guess she's nice if you're on her good side. Strict, but follow the rules and you'll be golden!" I raised a finger. "Just follow my lead. Since you're with me, you should be safe."

The ground type wavered in the air. Should be? May I get the odds in number, please? I would like to know how likely I am to cease existing today.

"Will be! You will be safe!" I quickly rectified. "Sorry, I worded that weird. You have nothing to worry about, Cass! She tolerates Sunshine, and you're a lot more easygoing than he is."

Ah, then I shall survive the afternoon. A cheer, dulled by the domain, emanated from their body, and multi-colored light shone out of their eyes. Anyone who can handle the Enforcer for more than twenty minutes has a tempered soul.

"I wouldn't go that far..." I muttered. "Where is she, anyway?"

It'd been forty minutes since we'd entered the route, which was twice as long as it had taken Bella to get here last time. I wasn't worried— if something had happened to her, then the effects on the route would have fallen as well. We meandered through the woods without a goal in particular, crossing into off-route territory while I recounted the many lessons the Hatterene had afforded me in the time we'd known each other. Cassianus seemed interested enough, though the more I spoke about her, the more terrified they got. If anything, it kept my mind off Maylene for the time being.

It took another twenty minutes for Nightstalker to show up. The Decidueye first announced his presence by letting sunlight peer through the canopy and wresting the rain clouds away from us. With a loud thump that left a pit in the earth, Night landed as suddenly as ever. Cassianus' hands jumped away from them and an alarm sound blared out of their body. Their hat slid in front of one of their eyes, as if that would hide them at all.

I supposed that if someone hadn't been expecting that, it would have been scary. "Relax, this is Nightstalker, the Decidueye I spoke to you about." Though their nerves were clearly frayed, they blinked and bobbed their head, slipping their hat back on.

Night's tight, leaf hood was more tattered than usual, and his gaze wasn't as piercing as I'd grown used to. His feathers weren't as well taken care of, either, as if he'd stopped grooming himself. The ghost type nudged his head at me with a deep caw that resonated through the woods, welcoming me into these Sacred Woods once more.

"Thanks." I walked up to the owl and wrapped him into a tight hug. His feathers were prickly. "Night? Everything okay?"

His gaze grew softer as he told me that everything was more than okay.

Bellatrix was expecting.

—

The Fae were creatures fueled by belief. With mental strength and the ability to trick themselves into believing something, the world followed along with them. In a way, they had learned to use the inherent rules of the universe and push that to their advantage further than any other type. That was why they were most familiar with domains and how they worked, though even then, trickery and subterfuge would bring them nowhere. Attempts to pierce the veil and to game this system would not bring them anywhere closer to immortality and power. Artisans of stories, they were, but just like everyone else there was a limit to how far their skills could bring them.

Nightstalker warned us, lifting one of his wings up ahead. Feathers dotted the area in front of us, sharpened like glaives and embedded in the dirt, tree bark or bushes. They glowered with a menacing purple that was unsettling to look at for too long. It was reminiscent of the Distortion World, but obviously nothing compared to that hell. It was easy to see how ghost types drew from that world now that I'd been there and back. I glanced at Cassianus, who looked half fascinated and half terrified of those feathers.

"What's that for?" I asked in their stead. "Some kind of protection for her?"

Night nodded, explaining that he'd arranged his feathers in a ring around Bellatrix. Should anyone cross the threshold without his permission, even from above, countless spirits under his authority would swarm the intruder and render them unconscious, giving him time to fly over and inspect them to see if they were an actual problem or a wild Pokemon who had made a mistake. Normally these would have been invisible to the naked eye unless you were in tune with Distortion as a concept, like Honey was, or a ghost yourself. Fortunately for us, turning it off required Night to gather the spirits back into his feathers, which gave them that nefarious purple glow and had them emanate that smoke. He'd done all of that without breaking a sweat when the perimeter he'd set was huge. Such fine control, both over TE and what must have been thousands of spirits. It was another reminder that there was a reason why he was Bella's partner. Noticing my impressed stare, Nightstalker hooted, saying that we were lucky Turtonator wasn't present, or he would have demanded a battle right this moment.

—

The dreaded hour had come. I'd recalled all of my Pokemon for this, even Meltan.

I had manage to get home by asking for a League Kadabra instead, since they were freer in the evening. Honestly, once the ones from Kanto-Johto would be there sometime this week, navigating the region and getting places would be so much easier without that bottleneck on teleporters.

I heard her coming in first, and it made me feel like my entire body was being squeezed out like a cork. My hands lay flat on our dinner table to stop them from trembling, and I took a deep breath before calling her over. It crushed me seeing her so happy knowing what I was about to do to her. She must have had a relatively good day with her team. Phone still in hand, she snaked her arms around my neck from behind, and leaned down to kiss me on the cheek as she slipped Sweetheart's Pokeball back onto the table.

Fuck.

"Is something wrong?" She must have noticed I hadn't been as into it as usual.

My heart was going to explode. I was going to die. "Hey. You should, uh, you should sit," I dryly said. "I have... news regarding Maylene." This was the right thing to do. I couldn't chicken out this time, or it would be ten times worse when she figured it out on her own and realized I'd kept hanging out with Maylene.

She hesitated, grabbing onto her arm and squeezing it tight. "I was talking to her earlier." A void formed in my stomach, and nausea took a hold of me. "She told me you had a good time. Are your legs okay?"

"Cece, this is important."

Once, she could ignore, but twice? Cecilia steeled herself with a hardening gaze that felt like a thousand pounds laid upon my shoulders, and she sat opposite of me with her legs crossed under the table.

"So it is," she declared with a defeated sigh as if she'd known this had been coming. She moved her arm subtly next to the purse she'd been carrying, and Scizor was summoned with a flash of red. "For tough conversations, I need someone to tell me if I'm slipping. I hope you understand." Scizor looked at me with a few confused blinks, but settled into his role immediately, fitting in behind Cecilia like a missing piece of the puzzle despite his clear, lasting ire toward her.

"Yeah, I get it." My words had too much power over her, after all. Each breath was tougher than the last. The effort to open my mouth, a herculean one that made sweat pour through the pores of my skin. My palm, already slick with sweat, slid against the wooden table. It was as if every instinct, every part of my body was screaming at me not to do this, but it was too late. I had jumped off the metaphorical plane, and now I could only hope I'd stick the landing. "So, um." Teeth sank into my cheek so hard I tasted metal. "Maylene likes me. She's in love with me."

The tension was so thick you would choke on the air. "Did she confess to you?" Cecilia asked with rising anger.

"No. I just figured it out because of how she kept looking at me," I quickly said. God, the last thing I wanted was for Cecilia to blame Maylene for this. She relaxed, if only slightly. "Long story short, she... looked at me in a way that only someone in love with me would. I've worked it in my mind over and over, but that's the only way this situation makes sense to me, even if I wish it wasn't real. But that's the thing, Cece. I don't— I don't see her like that."

"So? What did you say? She seemed quite unphased this evening."

I licked the blood off my inner cheek and bounced my leg against the floor. "I don't like her like that," I repeated. "But I didn't say anything."

Cece's eyes widened, but then she broke into a sad smile. "...I figured it would come to this." Her legs uncrossed, and she rose from her chair.

I shot up from my seat. "Cece, let me explain—"

She laughed. "Clearly you like her. You just don't realize it yet—"

"No! Listen to me. I am dense, I admit it. I should have figured this out sooner and done something about it, but I know my heart. I know what it's like to love someone. I feel it every day with you. If I loved her, I would have told you. I'm laying all the cards on the table, aren't I?"

Narrowing her eyes at me, Cecilia stayed there, her hand flat against the table as she contemplated leaving. Scizor hissed at her, telling her to say something, and she shook herself out of her stupor. "You're telling the truth. So then why?"

"Because I—" How I phrased this was going to be the difference between disaster and not. "Look, no matter what I say, I don't want you to change your plans to leave, okay? I need you to promise me that."

Cecilia drummed her fingers on the table, but thankfully sat back down. "That depends on what you say. I can't in good conscience agree to that."

Scizor and I shared a look, and he nodded behind her. Good enough; he would push her to leave regardless. "Right now, I don't think I am capable of not rotting away in my bed in a depressive spiral if neither of you are here for me."

"I knew it." She angrily jabbed a finger in my direction. "I knew it was worse than you wanted to show—"

"Of course, Cece! Because I have to hide it, because you'd stay if I didn't and I want what's good for you!" Both of our tones were rising, edging close to the point of no return. Desperate to find a compromise, I gripped my shirt in an attempt to calm down. "And listen, I know this is selfish of me. I know I'm kind of leading her on; I'll try to stop doing stuff that can be interpreted wrong. Maybe when you come back, I'll have gotten better and I'll be able to tell her that she should give up on me."

Another deep breath as she gathered the strength to answer and not fold with a soft, yet irritating buzz from Scizor. "Look at this situation. Really look at it. Tell me that if things were reversed, you would be completely okay with this," she demanded, her voice a low, threatening whisper.

"Honestly? Yes, though I can't know because I'm obviously not in that situation, but I thought she had something for you and I wouldn't have minded you getting closer." I meant it from the bottom of my heart, too. If I knew she needed someone else, be it Chase, Maylene or anyone, I'd let her do it so long as it didn't get beyond that. Granted, just like her, maybe I'd start doubting, and it'd nag at me until I broke. "At the end of the day, this is your decision. If you want me to tell her no, I'll tell her. I'll tough it out for the weeks that you're gone. I'll have my parents, and Denzel is waking up soon."

Cecilia looked at me;

Shook her head;

Rose again.

"Oh, no. I understand."

I blinked, incredulous. "I told you it's not like that!" Was she really going to do this? "I don't like her. It's entirely platonic from my side, at least!"

"I... acknowledge this, as I acknowledge your right to crave her presence. As I said, I understand." She turned away from me and strode toward our bedroom. I followed her, calling out her name louder and louder. "That doesn't mean that I'm not hurt by it." She opened our closet and ransacked through her clothes, shoving them in tight bundles inside the bag lying next to the bed.

"Then ask me. Ask me to never see her again, and I won't!"

"No. If I have to ask you, Grace, you will grow to resent me for it. If she can give you something I can't, then I have clearly failed somewhere along the line. I suffer for my sins. I suffer for waiting too long. It is what it is."

I scoffed, struggling to register what I'd just heard. "It is what it is? You can't just sum up this past year with an 'it is what it is' just because you like to distance yourself from things that hurt you, Cecilia. You can't."

When she did not respond, I threw everything at the wall. Everything. Said I'd do anything to keep her, said that we were leaving soon anyway and that the crush would fade, that I would rebuild myself, that I thought Maylene liked her instead, forgetting I'd already told her, that I would block her—

"No need. She shouldn't suffer because of us. The decision has been made, no matter what you do. Do me a favor and help her with her father when I'm in the wild. I will keep helping her until then; do not tell her about this, she will blame herself."

"W—what? That makes no fucking sense! You're speaking in tongues right now!"

Did she want me not to talk to her, or did she want me to help her? I couldn't wrap my head around her thought process. So then, desperate to cling to her, to understand her, I gave in to anger.

"Don't be all holier than thou, anyway. I saw it on your face when I told you!" I yelled so harshly my throat hurt. "You knew about this, and you didn't tell me anything! This isn't just on me!"

Mistake. Scizor stood in-between us, threatening me with his claws, and I nearly let my powers flare up to get him the fuck away. Nearly.

"I know," she replied, zipping up her bag. Her shoulders hunched together and she kept not wanting to look at me. "This isn't just on you. I never claimed it to be. This is what I believe is best for the both of us."

"Then talk to me—"

"I can't do that, because every time I go against you I get the urge to drop to my knees and beg for your forgiveness, and I have grown tired of it." She shrunk as soon as she realized she'd raised her voice. "This isn't even just Maylene. This is just the straw that broke the Camerupt's back. I can't take much more of this, or I'll lose myself forever. I'll just become a puppet whose only goal is to please you."

I broke down into tears. "Are you saying I'm like Abel to you?"

Just when she'd been about to give me the time of day, Scizor bumped her back with a claw. "That's not— it's not what I said. Don't put words in my mouth."

I tried. Tried, tried, tried until I was empty. Nothing ever worked. I wish I could know what she was thinking so I knew exactly what to say to get out of this unscathed without breaching her privacy. Desperately, I threw in a last ditch effort when she was nearly gone.

"Is this it, then? Are you abandoning me? After everything?" I sobbed. Snot had joined in the mix; I must have looked terrible, but it didn't matter.

It was difficult to tell with how blurry everything looked, but her gaze softened. "I—I could never do that." She held out a hand toward my cheek. It froze in mid-air, and it retreated back at her side before it could touch me. "I think it's best we... go on another break, Grace. Figure ourselves out."

"Don't do this. Don't do that thing where you take a drastic decision because it makes you feel in control, please," I begged, unable to stop the tears. "We can talk this out. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I'll fit into that Role." I collapsed on my knees at the entrance of our condo, unable to gather the strength to stand.

"You need this just as I do, love." She crouched at my side, grabbed my hand and placed it against her cheek after kissing it softly. "I love you, Grace. But loving you hurts, sometimes." Her tone was as unwavering as a glacier, but tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, but maybe this is for the best. Even if I want to rip out my tongue for saying such words." She stood back up, opening the door. "You can stay in the condo. I'll—" she sniffled, "sleep in a Center. Talk to the others; focus on your team; I'll have Chase to help me. Again, I'm sorry."

The door slammed shut.

Yeah.

Against the floor, I stared at the ceiling.

"Did I just... get dumped?" She'd called it another break, but it felt so much more serious than that.

It was so quiet. I could only hear my heart, defeated and bleeding, against my ribcage, the blood pumping in my ears as the adrenaline slowly drained out of my body, leaving me a tired heap barely able to twitch.

My ears started to ring until they encompassed everything within the confines of my head.

Today felt like it wasn't real.

"I gotta pick up Princess tomorrow."

My voice was so vacant it was barely audible.

Maybe sticking around with my parents for a while wouldn't be so bad.