Chapter 237 - Godhood: A game of patience.

{AN: Made a discord server with the help of my friend, here is the link:

discord.gg/ZCX5F5cfKq

Don't worry I will also post the link in the comments session.}

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After my mother went away I lay there in my bed for a few seconds. Suddenly felt an urge, something I didn't have for a long time. The urge to go to the bathroom. Well, since I acquired a [Sage Body] a lot of normal things weren't necessary anymore, going to the bathroom was one of them. Yeah, it's weird I know, but I had more than two millennia to get used to it, so going to the bathroom si the normal thing for me right now.

Thankfully there weren't any machines connected to me or something like that, and if my mother is right the medics already gave me the green light to go home. With some effort, I sat on the border of my hospital bed, and then I got up. And for the first time in ages, I felt heavy.

Don't get me wrong, my actual self is way heavier than my past self. My weight is usually measured in tons, due to how dense my real body is, it was like that that I developed the habit of always using my natural flying ability to not break the floor by simply walking. But even with my real body weighing tons, I didn't really feel all that weight due to how strong I am, on the contrary, I usually felt like I weighed nothing.

But my previous body is another thing entirely if I am not mistaken I weigh something around 160kg, which is pretty heavy. Thankfully I am very tall roughly 1.90 meters so all this weight is fairly distributed, and yeah it's pretty obvious that I am fat that isn't a secret to anyone. But compared to my current body that is 2.10 meters tall and weighing 999... Okay, I know comparing my past normal self with my nearly god-like actual self is kinda unjust.

So going back on the subject, even if my past body is smaller and lighter than my actual one, in terms of strength it doesn't come even closer. By simply getting up I felt like I was inside of a bog submerged in mud and trying to move, it felt clunky, unsynchronized, heavy, slow, and overall difficult action. And that is just the act of getting up. It will get worse, won't it?

I went walking to the bathroom door inside of my room. Walking was strange, too f.u.c.k.i.n.g strange. With my actual body, I could go through a kilometer in less than a single step, heck I could traverse the total of the Shrek castle in a single step. But right now I am walking as slow as new created Morrowind character, and that is mind-numbing infuriating.

There is also the stamina aspect, I barely walked less than ten-steps towards the bathroom and I can already feel I am getting winded. What the actual f.u.c.k? I was really bad in my past life, wasn't I?

Entering the bathroom the first thing I looked towards was the mirror. Well, I am not ugly per si, but I am incredibly average, painfully average. My brow hair and brown eyes aside, you could search for the average face on google and my face would appear there. That would be my face normally, but right now it's even worse. Sunken eyes with dark circles clearly showing a lack of rest and a good night's sleep, slightly longer hair due to me not getting a haircut for a long time. lowering my vision to my jaw and mouth I see a pathetic example of a beard, well is more accurate to say it's just a bunch of patches of hair that grew on my face. My lips were dry and slightly crack showing that it has been a pretty long time since I drank some water. The problem is that I am this way simply because I didn't care about it, I have all the tools and I know how to take care of myself, but I guess at the end of my previous life, I didn't care much.

My clothes were kinda normal. A blue t-shirt with Superman symbol on it, sadly the beauty for the shirt is lost due to the fact that it was stretched so the symbol showed some cracks and faded paint. I also wearing some wide cargo shorts, and if I saw everything correctly my mother also brought my flip-flops to me. I guess if you give me sunglasses, a Monster drink, and some decades I would become an exact copy of the Boomer Mixed with the Doomer, or kill myself on the way. Yeah, I was down pretty bad at this time.

Pissing was a strange thing after such a long time, it was weird, really weird. When you pass more than 2000 years without needing it, it would undoubtedly be weird. Having to take a shit will probably be way worse...

Cleaning my hands thoughtfully, I toss some water and also give a quick clean to my face. Exiting the bathroom I put on my flip-flops and exited the hospital room. Exiting the room a nurse stopped me to ask some questions, I explained what I've been told and she quickly confirmed it and let me go.

I went to the reception hall and the first thing I did was get a cup of water. Well, I almost dropped the cup because I didn't use enough strength to grip it, and I moved more awkwardly than I would like to admit. But I guess that is kind of understandable, even if this is my past life body I still passed way more time with my actual one, it's actually kind of a miracle that is till remember a lot of those details of my body.

But something about this body bothers me the most, and it isn't my old fat self, it is my brain. It's slow, muddy, and sometimes downright uncollaborative, it's like my own brain is working against me sometimes and I've only thought about simple things until now. How the f.u.c.k I lived my whole past life with this shit is anyone guess.

And seeing it's still afternoon I have some hours to burn until my father arrives to pick me up. I could use a bus or an Uber to go home but I don't have my wallet or my cellphone with me, so my only option is waiting right now.

I chose a seat in the reception hall sat there rather comfortably closed my eyes and tried to meditate. At least meditation cam easily to me, heck I can do it even while fighting or moving so it's no surprise I can do it in my past self's body too.

Sadly none of my powers are present here so I could only meditate on my own memories, it was a good thing because it made both the time pass relatively fast and it enabled me to get used to my old brain again.

When the night was drawing around my father arrived, how do I know it's him? the honking sound of his car is pretty unique, so the first time I heard the honking sound I opened my eyes and looked outside, and yep it's him.

Entering the car I greet my father.

"Hello, Dad. How was your day?"(Aizen).

"Fine. And you? Are you okay? are you alright?"(Dad).

"I am dad. The medic said it was just stress."(Aizen).

"How come you are stressed? You quit college, you don't exercise, you didn't go outside, you pass the whole day in your room doing God knows what. How the f.u.c.k are you stressed?"(Dad).

"Calm down, I ain't lying to you, the doctor really said that."(Aizen).

"Sorry son... work was pretty hectic today, and then there is this economical crisis... Boss has been putting us under too much pressure."(Dad).

"Hah, at least it isn't as bad as mom. Working at the bank really sucks the soul out of someone."(Aizen).

"Well, I can't argue against the truth. But try to not say that close to your mother."(Dad).

"Don't worry, I will refrain from pointing out the obvious."(Aizen).

There was a little bit of silence and my father seems to be concentrating on driving the car, but right now is rush hour so I bet we are going to enter a traffic jam soon enough. And was proven right when five minutes later we all but stopped. Father maintained his silence for a moment before talking out loud.

"Son... You can't continue like this..."(Dad).

"I know."(Aizen).

"You quit college, you don't work, you do nothing all day. You can't continue like that son, the world continues spinning you liking it or not... I don't really know what to do with you..."(Dad).

Normally here I would answer with my well-crafted excuses, we are in a crisis so I can't get a job, college is impossible for me, and a bunch of other things, false promises for me to be left alone, and a bunch of other things.

"I understand father. Don't you ever thought I might-... *sigh*forget about it."(Aizen).

My father looked at me incredulously but soon went back focusing on the traffic. I thought for a moment if I should explain to them what I was passing through or something like that, but that would be a waste. First, I have already dealt with it so fussing over my past self problems would be useless and a waste of time right now. Second, my country is pretty backward when it comes to mental problems, so most people go by if he looks fine there is nothing wrong with him. So very few people really care about depression and the whole lot of problems I used to have. Yeah, third world countries.

"Father, I was thinking about it and I decided I want to go to another country."(Aizen).

"Another country like the U.S. or Canada? Like an exchange program or something?"(Dad).

"Nah, nothing that expensive and fancy. I want to go to our brother country Tchola and try living there for some time."(Aizen).

"Are you certain? That is a pretty big leap you are doing there."(Dad).

"I know. But I thought I need a change. If I am building such levels of stress on my own room here a change of place completely would be good for me."(Aizen).

"Well, you are a man right now. This decision is entirely yours."(Dad).

"I tough Tchola would be a good start, even if they are overseas the country of Tchola was our settlers so getting double citizenship is easy."(Aizen).

"I see, so you already thought that far. Your mother won't like it. But you have my support."(Dad).

"She won't like it? That is the understatement of the f.u.c.k.i.n.g century, she freaked out when I wanted to go to a sleepover at a friend's house. If I say I want to go to another country she was going to explode. Heck, remember Marcus?"(Aizen).

My father basically winced at that. He definitely remembers some of that bullshit that happens. Yeah, I may have forgotten to say it but even if my mother is most of the time more worried about her job than her kids, when she is home I guess she tries to compensate for that so she becomes a helicopter mom of a high caliber. Marcus was a "friend" of mine I had before high school, and when he invited me to a sleepover party, mom kind of freaked out and started investigating the boy and his family; surname, family members, their jobs, their situation at the bank, their religious beliefs and seeing as she is a devoted(read: fanatic) catholic, you can already see where this is going.

I am just thankful that her job is sometimes more important than God for her, so I don't doubt she would try to hammer her fanatism in my sister and me when we were younger.

"*Sigh* I was even friends with his dad.. and now we can't even look at each other in the eye. And who would've thought Marcus's mother Karen was like that..."(Dad).

Yeah, Marcus's mother ended up being a Karen of a high caliber. So you can already imagine where this is going right? My mom overcompensating and acting like a helicopter mom, and Marcus's mom being a Karen... it was like a clash of titans, King Kong vs Godzilla. A true battle for supremacy. And in the aftermath, Marcus changed schools, never talked to me anymore, and I became some sort of pariah on my already small circle of "friends" of that time. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

"Don't worry dad, let me talk to mom."(Aizen).

"Are you sure son? I don't mind helping you."(Dad).

"Don't worry. I can deal with it."(Aizen).

Ops... ended up using my general voice again. The problem is that I kind of got used to people rarely doubting my capabilities, so when they do it and I try to enforce something I unconsciously use my serious voice. My father looks a tad bit surprised.

"I see... I remember when I told my parents I was going off alone, I had the same fire in my eyes that you have now. I understand you son."(Dad).

Yeah, dad, it is kinda difficult to not get a little bit of confidence when you can destroy a planet. Shit like that will give a little bit of confidence to almost everyone. But I guess he kinda confused my serious tone with fire in my eyes? what is this? a shonen anime?

"Changing the subject for a bit... Are you following the champions league?"(Dad).

"Nah, you know I was never that much into soccer."(Aizen).

"Ah you won't believe it-"(Dad).

Then dad went off talking about all kinds of different things about the champion league. It's one of his few hobbies so he is quite passionate about it. We spent almost 2hrs in the traffic jam but eventually, we arrived home. Putting the car in the garage, my father unlocks the door and we are now in the kitchen.

If you are curious my house has two floors and a garage. On the first floor is where the kitchen, the living room, bathrooms, dining room, the washhouse, and the tools room stay. The tools room is a place where my father keeps his tools and the things he uses to give maintenance to the house, just last week if I am not mistaken he repainted my sister's room, which was previously white-colored and now is a low shade of lilac.

The second floor is where all the bedrooms are, my sister's bedroom, my parents' bedroom, my bedroom, a guest bedroom, and two bathrooms. The funny thing is that I can only use one bathroom inside of the house, it the right bathroom upstairs, my mother has forbidden me from using any other bathroom inside of the house because according to her I am too "smelly" and "dirty". Well, concerning my past self she is technically correct, I am pretty smelly and dirty. But hearing that from your own mother when you are young hurts.

Entering the home I saw my sister watching Tv in the living room, she sat on a small green sofa that I am forbidden on sitting on because I am too heavy and too sweaty. Now that I think about it these forbidden things are pretty weird... like really, really weird.

My sister was basically a female version of my past self that has gone right. She is athletic, smart, gentle, and an overall great person. And she probably can easily kick the ass of my past self, she is into martial arts and has already a black belt in karate and is training to get her second one in jiujitsu. She is 1.79 meters tall,16 years old, and slaps me every time I ask about her weight.

Wait... my previous self may not have noticed, but I am finally connecting some dots here. I am the shame of the family ain't I? Heh, now that I think about it, it f.u.c.k.i.n.g makes sense. I was a loser in every sense of the world and I sincerely doubt my parents held an iota of pride for me.

I may have talked a lot about my mom and some of her negative qualities. But I am no saint, and like everything in history, there are more than two sides to everything. The fact that my mother became a helicopter mom may be due to the fact that I didn't show any signs of being someone responsible or mature, maybe my relationship with my parents deteriorated because I acted like a piece of ungrateful shit. Maybe I was blocked from going to these bathrooms because my old self was really a dirty pig and cleaning only one bathroom is easier than cleaning four. Maybe no one wanted for me to destroy the sofa in the living room with my radioactive sweat. I was no saint, and neither are my parents or my sisters, we all had or down and lows and my past self problem was probably because he had too many lows to his highs.

I am kind of ashamed that it took me more than 2000 years to consciously realize that. May my unconscious had already reached this conclusion and that is why I worked so hard on changing myself in my next life. Now, this test is making more sense by the second, I am barely here for one day and I already realized a bunch of things about my past self that I never thought about.

Maybe for me to reach godhood I need to know myself? No, that still felt a bit off. Maybe for me to reach godhood I need to truly master myself, both the past, present, and the future. At this moment I could swear a saw myself being illuminated by a golden light, but this golden light was coming from me, thankfully no one noticed as my father was busy picking some water in the kitchen and my sister was paying too much attention to the TV.

Good, golden light is practically my jam right now, so this means I am going in the right direction. Seeing that whatever my sister was watching finished I plopped down on my allowed couch and greet her.

"Sup sis. How is it going?"(Aizen).

She looks at me strangely. I and my sister didn't have the best of relationsh.i.p.s, besides she being a popular and athletic girl and I am the 24 years old fat v.i.r.g.i.n wasting his life, we were opposites in most of the things besides our like of martial arts, sadly I kind of gave up on that a long time ago in this life. I was a pretty mean brother when she was younger, and I am definitely not proud of that.

"Fine?? And you? you were literally in the hospital today."(Sis).

"Everything is okay, the doctor said it was just stress building up. Nothing to worry about."(Aizen).

"You, stressed? As if. You are the most chill and lazy person I know off."(Sis).

Sister, please don't confuse my dead and depressed tone with being chill. I probably wouldn't care if the world was exploding at that point, but for entirely different reasons you are thinking about. The lazy part is probably true, principally when it comes to physical activities in this body. But I already said how shitty this body si to do anything physical, so that is not a surprise to anyone.

"I am just repeating whatever the doctor said to me. So what were you watching?"(Aizen)

"Yeah, I was finishing Supernatural. the series was pretty good, the only sad thing is that they stretched it way too much for my tastes."(Sis).

"You and everyone sis, you and everyone."(Aizen).

"Did you watch it?"(Sis).

"Yeah, I watched until the Nephilim bullcrap started, after that, I kind of got bored and stopped. Did you forget that was me that recommended this series for you?"(Aizen).

"You did? Who would've thought? I normally ignore all your recommendations, but I guess I should've paid attention to this one. I just watched it because my friend Alex recommended it to me."(Sis).

Sister, why are you so blatantly admitting ignoring me when I talk to you? Before I could answer anything, my sister started getting up and said something to me midstep.

"Well, I have some more important things to do. See you later."(Sis).

Well, I guess I kind of deserve this? I always liked sharing what I thought about a series or a doc.u.mentary I watched with my family during dinner or something. But I guess no one really cares.*Golden Light*.

My left eye was twitching on a clear show of controlled anger. I swear... this shitty golden light didn't waste the opportunity to mess around with me.*Golden Light*. F.u.c.k.

I went to the right bathroom upstairs. The first thing I want to do is take a bath, but my shitty runt of a beard, cut my hair and clean this smell of sweat that somehow permeates my being.

Well, before entering the shower I went to cut both my hair and my beard. Thankfully, I have a barely used hair cutter for cutting both the beard and hair. The beard is pretty easy, just simply pass the hair cutter, and puff the beard is gone. Cutting my hair is a little bit more complicated, I normally can easily cut my hear whatever I want, but I have nowhere the precision o pull something like that with this body. But I guess I can pull off the simple military haircut, my mother doesn't like when I cut my hair that short, but I've long since stopped caring about other people's opinions. Allessa doesn't count, she literally has the opinion I value the most.

After cutting my beard and my hair I went to take a shower. I've cleaned myself truthfully, and I can say with utmost certainty, I f.u.c.k.i.n.g hate my old body. Man, it's almost impossible to get rid of this sweat smell I have, I took almost an hour to feel clean again. And I never noticed that shitty smell in the past... It was probably there, but I got used to it...

Thankfully I remembered to pick up clothes before entering the bathroom, so I exited my shower feeling refreshed and with nice and clean clothes. I barely exited the shower when I was called downstairs for dinner. I am not expecting anything outside of fast food for today, due to my episode in the hospital, I doubt anyone had time for cooking. So I wasn't that surprised when dinner was some BK burgers and fries. Yeah I know, the fat guy eating shitty junk food, what a surprise!

I just calmly went to the table sat and started eating. The funny thing is that my sister, my dad, and my mom, keep looking at me like my skin is green or something. Must be because of my new haircut.

"How many times I said that I don't like this kind of haircut."(Mom).

"Good evening mother, how was your day?"(Aizen).

My sister almost spits her drink due to the way I talked. I used pose and excessive pompous way when talking, and the fact that my mother didn't even greet me only make things much better. Normally it's my mother that is always correcting us about politeness, but I guess my haircut was triggering enough for her to forget that. Father showing how dead tired his job makes him, just simply sent a tired stare at the things happening.

"Don't avoid the subject. Why did you cut your hair like that? you know I don't like it. And when did you have time to go to a barber?"(Mom).

"I guess with 24 years old I can choose my own haircut. And no I didn't go to a barber, I cut it like this myself."(Aizen).

"You can't do that-"(Mom).

"I just did."(Aizen).

"You-"(Mom).

Interruption what would probably devolve in one of our shouting matches, my father tossed a bomb at the table.

"Our son wants to say somethign. And it is important."(Dad).

This was enough to gather everyone's attention. My father is usually the one who has the least patience with "useless" topics, so when he labels something as important, it normally is pretty important. Different from my mother who was going to make a fuss about something like my haircut.

"I am going to Tchola."(Aizen).

"What??"(Mom/Sister).

"It's one of the best destinations due to it being a brother country, so acquiring citizenship there is pretty easy. Their economical landscape is also a little bit better so I think I can find an easier job there. The best thing is that you don't need to spend a single scent."(Aizen).

"What do you mean by that?"(Sis).

"Well, I will be using my own money."(Aizen).

"You don't work, you don't have money."(Sis).

"Yes, I do have money."(Aizen).

I said that with my no-nonsense and serious voice. That quickly shut up almost everyone at the table. They don't know this serious and firm side of myself. My previous self was always low on self-esteem, so I had a hunched posture, never look at anyone in the eye for too much time, rarely stoop up for myself because I never thought I had self-worth in the first place.

So when their son, with a straight posture, a firm and no-nonsense voice, looked at them in the eyes and said what he wanted to do. They didn't know how to react. The surprising thing is that I could almost detect a pride-filled gave my father sent me, guess he is really proud of me for not half-assing this. Find authorized novels in , faster updates, better experience, Please click #._51715530570136468 for visiting.

And yes, I do indeed have some money. My past self may be a loser in a lot of aspects but he wasn't a spender, he didn't drink, he didn't smoke, he didn't do drugs, and he always saved money when he had the chance. No because of some material objective or anything of the sort, my past self simply didn't have any motive to spend it. He just rarely spend it on books or games that took his fancy, but that was few in between. So he invertedly saved quite a good sum of money, my past self may be a loser, but he at least was not that much of a loser.

Don't get me wrong, I drink casually, or when it suits my fancy. But I never felt the urge to smoke or to use drugs, never saw the appeal of losing my mind and going crazy. So I never got drunk or high. But thankfully I am not like those bothersome people that keep shouting that to the world.

Looking at my mother her surprise kinda wore off and she was with a calm expression, my sister is basically the same the surprise wore off and she continued eating as nothing happened. Why are they reacting like that? why they aren't bombarding me with questions? why was mother not freaking out? Simple, really. They don't believe it.

I guess this needs a little bit more context. My announcements and promises don't have any kind of weight in my family. And that is entirely my fault. I have said multiple times that I would lose weight, get on a diet, do that specific sport, exercising that specific way, so these new announcements I make are normally as believable as any conspiracy theory. So they probably think this is simply another of the strange phases that I will stop halfway like before. Only my father was smiling as he knew the truth, as he said before, he can recognize the true fire in my eyes. So he has more confidence in me.

There was an awkward silence like there always is when I do something like that. Even my mother has seemly forgotten about my haircut issue, and my sister is more concentrated on her burger than anything else. But silence must be a disease or something because my mother with the delicate subtlety of a sledgehammer brought up another topic that always devolves into another shouting match. I swear this woman must have a shouting fetish or something, how could someone always so surgically bring the topics that always devolve in shouting matches.

"When are you going to get a girlfriend?"(Mom).

"Yeah. Seriously bro, you are 24 and nothing. If you are gay, you know we got your back, you don't need to be afraid of getting out of the closet."(Sis).

My father remained silent, he probably has the same concerns. But seemly in the respect of the decision I made today, he remained silent.

"I already have a girlfriend."(Aizen).

" You know that your right-hand doesn't count right?"(Sis).

"Yes, I know. But I am talking about a real girl here. And I clearly love her."(Aizen).

"Stop with your delusions. Why don't you try with Stacy she is a pretty lovely girl."(Mom).

" I don't care if you believe me or not, your lack of faith is none of my business. But stop trying to control my love life, if you pull something like you did with the prom, I won't forgive you."(Aizen).

Suddenly the room grew colder, it was like there was a strange heavy pressure here making it difficult to breathe for everyone. The cold and steel filled tone I used is something alien to them, they didn't know how to react to that. Normally it devolves into a shouting match, but not this blatant murderous intent I showed, they should be thankful that I am not in my body, if I was they would've already died.

I don't care what, or who you are, if you mess with my Allessa I will f.u.c.k.i.n.g kill you. People tend to forget that I am a cold-blooded killer that was part of the ANBU black ops, you don't f.u.c.k with that.

Guess that needs a bit of explanation. My mother basically chose everything for my prom, from my haircut to how long the nails of my hand would be, it was hell, to be honest. But worst of all, she was the one who invited my prom pair. It was extremely awkward, she was friends with Stacy's mom and basically cornered the poor Stacy into accepting going with me to the prom. Stacy hated every second of it, thankfully she wasn't that unreasonable, so we simply arrived together at the prom, then separated and never talked with each other ever since.

But my mother keeps trying to set me up with her. And I f.u.c.k.i.n.g hate it, First: Stacy is a beautiful girl but I don't like her, Second: Stacy is lesbian. Yeah, it's that bad, you can already probably feel the awkwardness from just reading this.

Fun fact: I discovered that Stacy cried herself to sleep when she was inadvertently forced into going to the prom with me. Thankfully one of her friends went to talk with me about that, with that info that I decided to propose such an arrangement to Stacy. Man, I never saw a girl becoming so happy with such a simple conversation in my life. I just feel kinda bad for Stacy for having to deal with something like that, but she was kind of powerless there as her mother is a control freak, and then her mother teamed up with mine, and thus the shitshow happened. Thankfully it all ended well, and Stacy was able to go on her own way and have her fun night, while I just sat at the corner like brooding emo in the making.

I just shook my head like I was disappointed with them, picked up the rest of my food, and went up. If my mother or my sister pushed enough and inadvertently said something they shouldn't about allessa I may have attacked them, so it's better if I got o my room.

But they are your family, why would you do that? They aren't my family for more than 2000 years, Allessa is.