CH 119

What Did The World Give Me?

Kyrie smiled and whispered to Nathaniel.

“Next time….Think about what she likes. I’ll think about it with you. I hope you make up.”

Nataniel barely smiled after gritting his teeth.

[See you later.]

“Yes!”

[Remember what I said. You…..]

“Whose world am I going to be?”

Kyrie smiled broadly and whispered again in Nathaniel’s ear.

“I wish I could be a kind person like you, Nathaniel.….”

Kyrie entered the room, and MaryAnne followed the doctors. Of course, Nathaniel was not involved in her treatment. He waited three days in the room next to Kyrie’s bedroom.  It rained all three days, and all three days he could hear Kyrie howling.

“No, I don’t want to! Please… Please leave me alone! I’m sorry, Aaron! Aaron! Ahhhhh! Ahkkkk!”

On the day he couldn’t hear the scream, he heard sobs. Nathaniel could not tell which one was better. He was equally afraid of either side.

On the fourth day, a doctor came out into the hallway and visited Nataniel.

“We succeeded, but—”

[Is there a problem?]

“She has severe depression and lethargy. Some memories were damaged because her mind was not intact. She hasn’t fully recovered, so she can often lose her discernment like before.”

The doctor’s words sounded like stories from another world. Nathaniel nodded slowly and headed to Kyrie’s room. Because of the rain clouds, the room was dark. Kyrie was lying on the bed like a withered magnolia.

[Kyrie.]

Nathaniel called her name. Kyrie’s head flinched in the dark.

The silence lasted quite a long time. It wasn’t long after that she screamed so much that she opened her mouth with a hoarse voice.

“Nathaniel—”

As soon as he heard the voice, Nathaniel couldn’t say anything for a moment. For a while, only the sound of rain knocking on the window rang.

[—Kyrie.]

He said it again. As he took a step closer, he could see Kyrie. She was like a dying flower. There was no trace of a smile in her blank eyes. She was calm and desperate, like someone waiting to die.

Naturally, Nathaniel had no choice but to think of Kyrie Buchanan when he first met. And after that, he remembered Kyrie Buchanan, who chatted with him, talked to him, got angry at him, and reached out to him with her life.

And then he remembered. Kyrie Buchanan, who gave him the answer with a ten-year-old heart.

[…..I]

Nathaniel spoke with a trembling voice. Kyrie slightly turned her head. The rotten grape-like eyes turned to him. Nathaniel’s heart sank. He made a voice by squeezing his own heart.

[I…..]

He could hardly speak. He had so much to say, but the woman in front of him seemed to break with just his breath.

[…Me, toward you, really…….]

Nathaniel narrowed his forehead and clenched his fist. It was hard to breathe. He should say sorry. That won’t solve everything, but it must be the answer because it’s Kyrie Buchanan’s answer.

However, compared to the sin he committed and the apology he had to do, his throat was extremely narrow, and he eventually couldn’t say anything. And Kyrie seemed to already know what he was going to say.

“Nathaniel.”

She smiled quietly.

“It’s too late…….”

Nathaniel’s breathing stopped slowly.

Kyrie looked at the rain for a long time behind Nathaniel, who had no answer. Time went by meaninglessly without anyone saying anything. She felt Nathaniel’s gaze, but even reacting was exhausting and difficult. But she eventually had to move.

‘Management of the mansion……. Compensation should be given to employees. If they need a letter of recommendation, I have to write it down, crack it down, and figure out how rumors are around…….’

She would rather suffocate, but she had to move unless she suffocated to death. Kyrie said in a hoarse voice.

“…Get out of here. I’m tired.”

She deliberately did not look at Nathaniel’s face. She didn’t want to waste her emotions anymore. Nathaniel took another step forward.

[Kyrie, better—]

It was a low voice. Kyrie stood up ignoring him.

“MaryAnne. Come on in.”

MaryAnne, who has a good ear, carefully opened the door as soon as Kyrie’s words ended. MaryAnne was crying behind the door.

“Lady.”

“—come here.”

MaryAnne almost dragged her feet into the room. She rolled her eyes around, rolling a white apron in her fist. Kyrie hugged MarryAnne’s shoulder lightly.

“You must have been sad that I forgot you.”

“Hik.”

MaryAnne sniffled with a stuffy nose. Kyrie patted her on the back.

“It was because I had a hard time……. It’s okay now.”

“I was so scared that you forgot me.….”

At MarryAnne’s words, Kyrie patted only her small back without answering. I’m sorry, but Kyrie couldn’t afford to properly embrace MarryAnne’s feelings. She was like a poplar flower dried up in the mind. She wanted to die, but she didn’t even have the will to die. Only the thought of wanting someone to kill her without pain was repeated.

Kyrie hugged MaryAnne with an expressionless face and smiled hazily again by the time she released the hug. She looked at her with very tired eyes.

“I need to wash up.”

“Yes, yes!”

“I’m going to my father after the renovation, and I’ll have to see how the mansion is being repaired afterward. He must have replied to the official letter sent to the territory, so I need to bring it.”

“Lady…Are you going to work?”

Kyrie nodded with a blank face.

“I have to do it.”

MaryAnne took in a big breath. As soon as she said something, Nathaniel opened his mouth first.

[Can’t you rest for a few days?]

After a brief silence, Kyrie gently pushed MarryAnne’s shoulder.

“Get out.”

“Yes.”

MaryAnne left the room looking at Nathaniel.

[Kyrie.]

Kyrie ignored the voice calling her again. Soon she unbuttoned the front of her pajamas, Nathaniel’s hand gently restrained her movement.

[The doctor said you need a break.]

Kyrie shook her hand. Nathaniel held her hand again.

[And I ask you to do it because I’m going out.]

At that, Kyrie looked up and glanced at Nathaniel. She had never seen him with such worried eyes. She didn’t feel embarrassed, perhaps because of his natural arrogance. Even if he begs with his forehead on the ground, he will be as noble as the king of the ruins. In the end, Kyrie is the only one rolling on the floor.

She tried to laugh, but her cheeks were not moving. She said blankly.

“Why didn’t you just sleep with me when I was out of my mind?”

[What?]

Nathaniel didn’t seem to understand what he heard for a moment. Later, his face hardened frighteningly.

[Did I look like a person who would do that?]

“You kissed me. I thought you were feeling sexual desire for me. Why didn’t you just do it once when I was crazy?”

At the sharp word, Nathaniel paused. Kyrie struck out Nathaniel’s hand. The dry and desolate gaze swept around the room meaninglessly.

“No… If that was the purpose in the first place, you should have told me earlier. It’s not so difficult for a noble to sleep with someone whom they don’t even like.”

Nathaniel moved with his mouth slightly open throughout Kyrie’s words and then closed his mouth tightly at the end. Blue eyes, which were just transparent and beautiful, one after another soaked in sadness and despair.

He said a word long after like squeezing.

[……I never had that kind of purpose]

Kyrie glanced up at Nathaniel. And asked in a cynical tone.

“Can you say you don’t want to sleep with me?”

Nathaniel’s eyes got a little bigger. Among the clear blue irises, the pupils were seen shaking in time for the heartbeat. He pressed his lips and covered his face with his hands. As Kyrie expected.

“There’s no answer.”

[I…]

“Whatever you think, whatever you want from me…… Now do as you please. I’m going to do what I have to do……, that’s all.”

As soon as she turned around, Nathaniel blocked her again.

[Kyrie, you just woke up from the bed—]

Kyrie frowned and covered her ears with her hands. Nathaniel then said, shining dimly with impatience.

[Of course, your parents are too much for you….]

“That’s it!”

At that moment, Kyrie’s voice, which had been devastated so far as if all thoughts had been weathered, cooled down at once.

“What’s wrong with my parents? What about my childhood? Do you want to sympathize with me?”

Purple eyes showed blatant aggression different from before. It was the appearance she hid even before death.

The hidden side of the moon.

Nathaniel stopped moving thinking of such a word. Kyrie opened her eyes and smiled like a crazy person.

“Was it fun to peek at what others were hiding? Did you think something would change if you were nice to an innocent Kyrie Buchanan who knew nothing?”

[I didn’t treat you like that with that intention.]

“I’m glad you didn’t. It means that I am not a child who is still struggling to be loved in your eyes.”

[You know I don’t care about that.]

Nathaniel struggled to open his mouth. The sentence was smooth and the voice was sweet, but his expression revealed tension like a person who had never explained his feelings to others.

[Whatever you are, it doesn’t matter to me. Even if you— ]

“I’m your world?”

Kyrie’s face was filled with laughter. Uncovered sorrow flowed through her voice.

“So what did the world give me? More burdens, more responsibilities, more words, more rumors, more roles! Is that all I have?”

Kyrie shook her head roughly. It’s small. Her enlarged pupils gradually lost focus.

“I wanted to run away…I wanted to run away! I wanted to quit! Everything! I can’t die with my own hands, so I just wanted to forget everything!

[Kyrie.]

“But you took me back here! To this hell!”

[I didn’t do that. I don’t know what’s good for you anymore…….]

“Lies!”

Kyrie breathed out a rough breath and shouted. She pulled out her neck like a deer just before it’s death, screamed long, and smiled gently at the air.

“I didn’t want to come back! I want to forget! I’m sick and tired of everything! Pretending to be fine in front of others, pretending not to be hurt by others, everything! I don’t like having to protect people from you, I don’t like being the only one who can do it, but I hate myself the most!”

At the scream, Nataniel could not say anything.

Kyrie’s scream was cut off in the middle. Her eyes were getting wet. She raised her trembling hands and covered her eyes.

“But if that’s not the case, it means nothing to me…….”

“E, excuse me…!”

At that time, the heavy atmosphere was cut off and a voice was heard from the door. Fear immediately came to Kyrie’s face, and as soon as Nathaniel saw her, he covered Kyrie with his body. He judged that she wouldn’t want to show that. Perhaps the idea was right, Kyrie did not move behind his back.

In the threshold area, the maid stood with anxious eyes.

[What’s going on?]

Nathaniel spoke coldly, hiding Kyrie behind his back. Limo replied.

“I’m s, sorry, lady….. we have a guest from P, Pronoia…….”

***

In the drawing-room, there were more than fifty scholars but not more than a hundred, fully occupied the drawing-room. It was clear that Ernst, the butler, would have had a hard time giving out the chair.

Kyrie approached the most welcome person among them.

“Dr. Poe, Dr. Hawksong.”

“L-lady!”

Dr. Poe’s clothes were very colorful, perhaps because he was dressed up as the capital city. He screamed anew and rushed to Kyrie but stopped rushing, and blinked.

“Lady. What happened…?”

“Long time no see. Nice to meet you.”

Kyrie deliberately ignored Poe’s words and turned to Dr. Margaret Hawksong next to him. Dr. Hawksong narrowed her shining eyes under the glasses. But her eyes were full of worries, too.

“I hope you’re doing well……, as expected, life is not so easy.”

“There was only a small accident, so don’t worry.”

Kyrie somehow smiled and crossed the subject. Dr. Hawksong once again only shone her eyes beyond the glasses and said nothing.

Kyrie looked around the audience once.

“But… What happened?”

A group of Sixty-five years olds, all composed of wizards, blinked at each other’s faces. In the meantime, Dr. Hawksong took a step forward.

“There’s a letter of introduction that you gave me before, and I got a call that we were needed…….”

She glanced once at Nathaniel behind Kyrie.

“Since you don’t know it, I guess the lord didn’t tell you.”

“…….”

Kyrie sighed slightly tiredly. She did not see that Nathaniel’s gaze was shaken by the sound.

“Yeah… Even if there was a mistake, you can’t abandon the guests. Welcome. The mansion is being repaired now, so it’s hard to accommodate everyone, so I’ll get you accommodation.”

“We’re thankful, but…”

Dr. Hawksong looked around. Scholars have made a fuss boasting each other’s beard length as they have experience. Thanks to this, the voices of Dr. Kyrie and Dr. Hawksong were quickly buried.

“…… There are a lot of bad rumors in the capital. Are you okay?”

“Oh… Rumor.”

Kyrie mumbled, covering her eyes with her hands. There were so many things to point out that it was difficult to specify. But whatever she could do, there was only one answer. To smile and say, “It’s okay.” As if she doesn’t exist. Because if she does, she has to act as if it would last forever.

“It’s okay.”

[Kyrie.]

Nathaniel stepped out from behind. He spoke low, looking only at Kyrie, just as no one else could be seen.

[You need to rest.]

As always, people held their breath when they heard Nathaniel’s voice. Kyrie gritted her teeth and ignored him. She called the butler Ernst.

“Ernst. Please find suitable accommodation for the guests.”