CH 121

It’s Painful, Kyrie

Kyrie had no choice but to raise her head for a moment and look at Leschaux.

“Isn’t Nathaniel the same?”

Leschaux also looked at Kyrie. He didn’t answer for a moment. Cherry-colored eyes quickly became very deep and clear.

〔I can’t express it in just those words, but that’s right.〕

After Kyrie stopped, she turned her head. Nathaniel also doesn’t express it well in words.

“But you are not telling me to forgive Nataniel.”

〔To give my personal opinion, I don’t really want that. Rather, I don’t care if you push Nathaniel to the end of the abyss.〕

“What?”

When Kyrie was a little surprised and looked at Leschaux, he was looking straight again. Standing still with a huge sword on his waist, he reminded her of warriors in deserts and plains.

〔Nathaniel is best to not to get attached to anything as much as possible. He doesn’t die, so it’s impossible not to lose something in the first place. Besides, it becomes dull.〕

“Why?”

Kyrie hesitated and asked.

〔He was just born that way. Just as birds are born with wings and fish with fins.〕

As soon as Leschaux’s words were over, lightning struck from the sky. Dark clouds were gathering. Leschaux looked indifferently at the sky.

〔It’s painful. More than you think. Of course, you won’t understand now. Because I was like that, too.〕

There was lighting again. It was a huge sound. It seemed to want to interrupt Leschaux. From far away, MarryAnne was seen glancing this way with anxious eyes. Leschaux’s voice lowered.

〔So actually, I…〕

There was deep remorse in the Mulberry-colored intervertebral eyes. They were innocent and sad eyes that she once saw from Nathaniel.

〔Sad. It’s sad that Nathaniel cares so much about you who will die someday.〕

He said that and shut up.

On that day, Nathaniel eventually did not return. The next day, the Emperor’s soldiers came to Buchanan mansion, and Leschaux defeated them. It was two nights after Nathaniel’s return. Kyrie, who barely fell asleep after tossing and turning until dawn, woke up dimly at the presence of someone outside. A human shadow was cast by the light entering the door.

[Kyrie?]

She heard Nathaniel speaking in a very tired voice. Leschaux, who was escorted in a drawing room attached to the bedroom, replied.

〔Orewinbridge has attacked several times, but she is safe〕

Kyrie flinched at the word “several times.” It was only once in Kyrie’s memory, so it seemed that Leschaux handled it in a place she didn’t know.

It took longer than that.〕

[Yeah…. It’s not my way.]

Nathaniel sighed softly, almost audible. It sounded like fatigue.

[I’ve never felt like I didn’t have time in my life.  If this is the speed of ordinary people, I can understand why they are so impatient.]

〔Is it the day after tomorrow?〕

[Yes.]

〔Orewinbridge is—〕

After that, the voices of the two became smaller, so she couldn’t hear them well.

After a few more words of conversation, the door to the bedroom quietly opened. There was a sound of footsteps stepping on a thick carpet. Kyrie quickly pretended to sleep again. Nathaniel approached the bed where Kyrie lay. And he stood next to her and didn’t move for a long time.

Where has he been? Kyrie stopped trying to think about him. She tossed and turned a little out of discomfort. Soon after, Nathaniel sighed thinly, and whispered quietly.

[Good night.]

And unlike usual, he left the room after tapping the tip of the blanket covered by Kyrie, not her forehead.

Kyrie lay back and blinked in the dark. In the past, no matter how she felt, he would have caressed her cheek, stroked her forehead, or touched her hair, but he didn’t.

But now come on, what’s the use of that?

He entered the door gap and she tried to ignore Nathaniel’s shadow dwindling on the carpet. Perhaps he will sit in the drawing room again and wait for her to wake up at the end of the night, but what’s the point of that?

Kyrie closed her eyes and dug into the blanket.

***

When she woke up, Nathaniel was by her side as if it was natural. He smiled lightly, refreshingly. The tiredness she had seen last night seemed like a lie.

[Wake up. Wash and eat. The day is clear.  I want to go on an outing today.]

He seemed strangely in a good mood.  Nathaniel even sat down to eat with Kyrie.  And whenever Kyrie’s eyes met even a little, he smiled.

[Kyrie. What is today’s schedule?]

Kyrie was perplexed by his friendly attitude as if nothing had ever happened, but she did not express it. With one sigh, she soothed her uncomfortable stomach. Even then, only her expression was cold, and Nathaniel’s smile when he saw it wavered for a moment.  But he immediately softened his expression.

[Are you going to see the wizards of Pronoia?  Let’s go together.]

Kyrie fiddled with her tableware, and she ate quietly as if she was alone. Nathaniel spoke again.

[You don’t seem to have nightmares these days.]

“……..”

[The jacaranda will be out of bloom soon, so it would be better to plant hydrangeas then.  Is it not?]

“…….”

[It’s a nice day, so we go for a walk after dinner, Kyrie Buchanan.]

Kyrie didn’t answer at all.  Nathaniel stared at Kyrie with her clear, still eyes, then said [I should have listened more carefully.] After making a muffled sound, she bit her lips.

And after that, he followed all of Kyrie’s schedules. He wasn’t doing anything special.  He just quietly sits behind her and looks at her gently. If possible, it was as if he wanted to engrave the figure of Kyrie in his retina.

Still, he had a relaxed attitude as if he had everything in the world, and because of his gentle elegance, he shone everywhere.  Even the members of the Buchanan family, who had become a little accustomed to the beauty of the Legendary Lord, used to look back at him again and again today.

As Nathaniel shone, Kyrie grew a little more miserable. She didn’t know what he’s thinking.  But she felt that all her screams had never reached him. All her actions were meaningless.

After the morning work and just before going to the afternoon work, she finally couldn’t stand it and Kyrie dragged Nathaniel into an empty room.

[Kyrie?]

Kyrie’s face hardened coldly at the gentle, gentle voice coming from him.

“Stop it now.”

Nathaniel’s smile faded slightly.

“I don’t know what the plot is, but…….Stop it, please.”

[I don’t know what you mean.]

“Laughing like that, following along, observing!……Please stop.”

She didn’t even have the strength to stare.  She stared at Nathaniel as Kyrie shrugged her shoulders.  Nathaniel blankly bit his mouth, then smiled politely and softly again.

[Don’t you like it?]

“Do you think you can like it?”

Nathaniel stopped speaking again at the sound of a voice stained with hardship. The smile was almost gone. He lowered his gaze. It was a strange thing.  If there is a way to be noble and helpless, that’s exactly what Nathaniel looks like now.

[Because normal people like it when I do this.]

Kyrie chuckled.

“—is it so? So did I.”

Nathaniel, who had not expected that she would approve, looked at Kyrie again.  But this time, on the contrary, Kyrie avoided his gaze.

“But you are mistaking something.”

[Mistaken?]

“Yes.  I……No matter what you do, I’m now fed up with it.”

The smile completely disappeared from Nathaniel’s face.

“I am afraid now when you see me.  I want to run away.  I hate to talk to you, and I think I’m going crazy when you call my name.”

[……]

“As you wish.”

[Not now.]

A somewhat hasty response followed.  As Kyrie shook her head without her speaking, he spoke lower and sweeter, as if everything was going to be alright.

[I can do better, Kyrie.]

Kyrie closed her trembling eyelids.

“Y…You said it a long time ago. I think we can become a ‘good relationship’…Do you remember what you said back then?”

[…….]

“Say it with your mouth.”

Nathaniel shook his head as if afraid of something. But Kyrie waited quietly for his confession, and Nathaniel reluctantly opened her mouth.

[You… just drunk with your goodness.]

Kyrie quietly opened her eyes and she looked at Nathaniel.

“That’s right.”

[Don’t be mistaken.]

“That’s right.”

[Are you that special?]

“Yes.”

[Anything that is loved by me……Do you think it happened?]

Nathaniel, who met her clear purple eyes, didn’t want to say the next thing. But silence persuaded him, and he had to vomit his guilt.

[—All lies.]

His actions returned as a boomerang.  It had never happened before, and he was most completely defeated at the very moment he thought he would never come back. Kyrie nodded her head helplessly.

“When we finished our trip, by then….I thought you may have tried to change.”

She murmured as she stared into the air.

“But I can’t.  You said that we change our attitude like turning our palms around to speak kindly, taking care, ….Everything can’t go back to normal, Nathaniel—”