CH 20

Fragmented memory

Ji Chen’ai had heard about a sentence — the more I got to know men, the more I found myself loving dogs. Although this sentence was extreme, to some extent, it wasn’t unreasonable. 

Animal emotions were simpler than human emotions. Like was like, dislike was dislike. There would never be a betrayal. Ji Chen’ai had always liked animals before he was injured, but up until he was injured, he couldn’t keep a pet of his own. Confronting those who had malicious intentions when he was previously doing good deeds, Ji Chen’ai’s mood was mostly – uneasy. Even when he saw Zhou Leling threatened by several thieves, he didn’t feel indignant, but more sympathetic and sad.  

In order to make his legs quickly recover, Ji Chen’ai kept on doing good deeds. But back then, Ji Chen’ai had seen his own shadow in Zhou Leling, so he took the risk of being found out and helped Zhou Leling. 

However, when he saw those posts today, Ji Chen’ai was really angry.

Sometimes, the human race was an unpleasant type of life form. They lived on Earth like viruses; what the environmentalists said about saving the Earth was more about saving humans instead.

Ji Chen’ai did not deny that he had good things happening around him, but perhaps there were changes inside his body that made him notice negativity more. 

Xiao Qi was very pleased seeing Ji Chen’ai’s mood fluctuate, because it also knew that if it wasn’t for Ji Chen’ai wish to get his legs recovered as soon as possible, he wouldn’t be so positive. Now seeing Ji Chen’ai actually take the initiative to punish those people, naturally Xiao Qi was very happy.

Next, Ji Chen’ai didn’t continue to post. He sat by the French window, watching the sunset gradually fall into the horizon, thinking about some things in silence. 

Wang Zhixiu knocked on the door of Ji Chen’ai’s bedroom and said, “Xiao Qin, it’s dinner time.”

Ji Chen’ai replied with a grunt and wheeled himself into the dining room. 

For dinner, Zhou Yaoyun made dumplings with cabbage and pork stuffing. The dumplings looked round and full. After they were cooked thoroughly, they were plucked and put on a plate. Before eating them, you could see that they tasted good.

Ji Chen’ai clipped one with his chopsticks and found that it tasted delicious. The dumplings had thin skin and lots of juicy filling, matched with a good amount of seasoning that made them especially delicious.

Wang Zhixiu and Zhou Yumian talked about their work at the dinner table, the whole family seemed particularly joyous and harmonious.

So I tried to make this text justified alignment,i just cant with this new setting

After eating, Zhou Yaoyun held his basketball and went outside, he didn’t say anything to Ji Chen’ai. It looked as if he was angry at Ji Chen’ai. He anxiously looked at Zhou Yaoyun, feeling he was innocent himself.

After Zhou Yaoyun left, Wang Zhixiu went to wash the dishes. Seeing that Ji Chen’ai was ready to go back to his bedroom, she hesitated for a moment before saying, “Xiao Qin, let’s have a chat with Mom.”

Ji Chen’ai’s hand that wheeled himself towards his bedroom paused, and he said, “Alright.”

Zhou Yumian was a father who didn’t like to talk much. As Wang Zhixiu chatted with Ji Chen’ai, he just listened and didn’t interrupt.

Wang Zhixiu first asked Ji Chen’ai some questions about his life. After getting a fairly satisfactory reply, the conversation suddenly changed. She asked, “Xiao Qin, do you still blame Mom and Dad?”

Ji Chen’ai’s breath hitched. He didn’t understand what Wang Zhixiu had meant, he assumed that this might have something to do with the memories that Xiao Qi had locked.

Wang Zhixiu continued, “For so many years, Mom knows that it was Mom who has let you down, but Xiao Qin, Mom really can’t bear to see Xiao Yun die.”

Ji Chen’ai looked at Wang Zhixiu and in his mind, he really wished that he could drag out and break Xiao Qi to pieces. Ji Chen’ai shouted, “Xiao Qi, you still won’t give me the memories! I have no idea what Zhou Yaoqin’s mother is talking about!”

Xiao Qi said, “What’s the use of yelling at me, if I can show it to you, I would have shown it long ago…”

At last, Ji Chen’ai calmed his temper towards Xiao Qi. He asked, “Then, can you now show me the memories?”

Xiao Qi answered, “Show, show, all day long you only know how to look at others, you don’t care about my mood at all!” But after saying it, Xiao Qi’s haughtily hummed.

Ji Chen’ai, “…”

However, Xiao Qi’s complaint was just a complaint. In front of Ji Chen’ai’s eyes, a screen of light flashed by. In more than ten seconds, Ji Chen’ai knew what had happened – to be exact, he knew only some of what had happened.

It turned out that Zhou Yaoqin was not the only one who had been involved in the accident, but also Zhou Yaoyun, who had played with him.

At that time, Zhou Yaoyun’s injury had been more serious compared to Zhou Yaoqin and they had almost lost him. Wang Zhixiu and Zhou Yumian tried their best to invite countless doctors to pull Zhou Yaoyun back from death’s door.

And the cost of these operations also exhausted the last bit of their family’s savings.

Ten years ago, the Zhou family had sold everything they could sell, but only Zhou Yaoyun was saved. At that time, according to the doctor, if Zhou Yaoqin was sent abroad for the best treatment, his leg might have a chance to recover. But after Zhou Yaoyun had several major operations, their family didn’t have much savings left.

In desperation, Wang Zhixiu and Zhou Yumian had to give up Zhou Yaoqin’s treatment.

Wang Zhixiu had cried many times for this, both openly and secretly. It had been more than ten years, but she still couldn’t let it go. Only in this summer vacation after seeing that Zhou Yaoqin didn’t look so gloomy, did she carefully bring this topic to the mention, face to face.

Ji Chen’ai had never thought of this, he always felt that Zhou Yaoyun was very kind to him. This kindness made him feel glad that he was so lucky. But now, Wang Zhixiu and his fragmented memory implied that Zhou Yaoyun’s kindness towards him was some kind of compensation.

Ji Chen’ai suddenly remembered the despair felt by Zhou Yaoqin before he commited suicide. Although he didn’t get the remaining memories, he had a vague guess about it. No wonder he always felt that there was a strange sense of disobedience in Zhou Yaoyun.

Wang Zhixiu saw that Ji Chen’ai wasn’t speaking, appearing melancholic. She said: “Xiao Qin, don’t blame Mom…”

Ji Chen’ai said, “Mom, I don’t blame you.” Zhou Yaoqin was dead, the only one left was Ji Chen’ai, naturally he didn’t have the qualification to blame Wang Zhixiu. Now, what he could do was to compensate the Zhou family as far as his capabilities extended [1].

[1] 力所能及 [lìsuǒnéngjí]: as far as one’s capabilities extend (idiom); to the best of one’s ability / within one’s powers

Listening to Ji Chen’ai, unexpectedly Wang Zhixiu began to get teary-eyed. She wept with joy and hugged Ji Chen’ai. While choking with sobs, she said, “Mom has waited for these words for 10 years.”

Ji Chen’ai raised his hand and patted Wang Zhixiu’s back.

talk about new setting,there is this button where we can delete entire paragraph using it

The memory shown by Xiao Qi was very vague, Ji Chen’ai only knew roughly what had happened during the car accident. Although Wang Zhixiu had helped him to unlock a part of it, he was still unable to see exactly how the car accident had occurred. It seems like this memory was so painful for Zhou Yaoqin that his body naturally blurred it up.

Ji Chen’ai know that it was useless to count on Xiao Qi regarding memories, he could only take it step by step.

Wang Zhixiu was happy. She felt that her son who came back this summer vacation had changed a lot. Although he still didn’t like talking to people, he was not as reclusive as before. This change made Wang Zhixiu feel a lot better.

Wang Zhixiu said, “Xiao Qin, this lifetime, your dad and I thought that we both have done our best for Xiao Yun. We both have discussed that we will leave everything in the house to you after we are gone. We’ve also set aside for you three apartments which we have saved by cutting down on food expenses all these years. We also have paid the pension [2] for you, so that when we are old, we aren’t afraid if someone bullies you.”

[2] From what I can understand, 养老保险 is a China’s social security system. China has two types of pension systems, one of them is where people can save money in their own pension system. Their money will be invested on their behalf by the insurance company. After account holders turn 60, they will be able to start dipping into the accounts. However, they will have to take the payouts over a period of at least 10 years. Huge thanks to Grim for solving this mystery. More info: https://baike.google.com/item/养老保险

This was a mother’s love and guilt for her son, something that Ji Chen’ai didn’t get to feel with his own mother, Shen Shuya. He could imagine that if Wang Zhixiu knew that Zhou Yaoqin had died, she would probably fall into deep sorrow.

The pair of mother and son chatted about trivial stuff. Time flew quickly, Zhou Yaoyun had finished playing basketball and came back from outside. 

He was wearing a jersey and was covered with sweat. He saw Ji Chen’ai in the living room, but instead of greeting him, Zhou Yaoyun walked straight towards his bedroom to take a shower and change his clothes.

Wang Zhixiu looked at Zhou Yaoyun’s back and turned to look at Ji Chen’ai, then she sighed soundlessly.

Ji Chen’ai knew that Zhou Yaoyun was angry but he didn’t know what Zhou Yaoyun was angry about. Theoretically, he only helped someone deliver a gift to Zhou Yaoyun and it wasn’t something overly excessive. 

Ji Chen’ai didn’t understand and didn’t feel like thinking about the reason, after Zhou Yaoyun had taken his bath, Ji Chen’ai went straight to his bedroom to ask.

Zhou Yaoyun saw Ji Chen’ai enter his bedroom, but he didn’t say anything about it, he just took a hair dryer and blew his hair. In short, he didn’t speak to Ji Chen’ai.

Ji Chen’ai said, “Xiao Yun…”

Zhou Yaoyun kept on not saying anything.

Ji Chen’ai spoke again, “Xiao Yun, why did you ignore me?”

Zhou Yaoyun turned off the hair dryer, “What did you say just now?”

Ji Chen’ai, “… I’m asking you, why did you ignore me?”

Zhou Yaoyun didn’t speak, instead he turned around and looked at Ji Chen’ai, “I didn’t ignore Brother.”

Ji Chen’ai replied, “So, are you angry with me?” No matter how dull he was, he could see the coldness in Zhou Yaoyun’s eyes.

Zhou Yaoyun ignored his question and asked, “Brother, do you think that I’m good to you?”

Ji Chen’ai was puzzled by this question, he said: “Zhou Yaoyun, what do you mean by this?”

Zhou Yaoyun stood up from his bed and closed his bedroom’s door. After that he walked until he was in front of Ji Chen’ai, looking down at Ji Chen’ai, “Do you think that I’m good to you?”

Ji Chen’ai automatically nodded.

Zhou Yaoyun bent down and slowly approached Ji Chen’ai, “But, I’m not a good man.”

With Zhou Yaoyun’s face getting closer and closer, Ji Chen’ai reflexively recoiled from him. 

Seeing this, Zhou Yaoyun reached out his hand and gently held Ji Chen’ai’s head, he moved closely to Ji Chen’ai’s ear and softly said, “But it doesn’t matter, I really, really like Brother now.”

All of the sudden, Ji Chen’ai felt that the Zhou Yaoyun in front of his eyes appeared unexpectedly strange.

i’m using it to delete the raw and sometime im scared if i accidentally delete the translation as well

The author has something to say:

There’s no logic in this article, just for the sake of feeling good, for feeling good!!! How could it be emotional abuse if it’s a feel good article! Hahahaha, the younger brother is a good person.