Book Two Chapter Thirty Six: Trial Initiation

Book Two Chapter Thirty Six: Trial Initiation

Standing in the wood elf village in the Forbidden Forest, Qube was starting to suspect that the villagers just didnt want to rebuild their village. Theyd made absolutely no progress whatsoever! It had been at least a week, possibly even a month, since the party had last visited, and in that time they hadnt even patched a single hole in a single wall!

As a wood elf carrying a bucket of paint rushed by, it took all of Qubes considerable self control to not ask the others to stop the would-be painter and demand to know what, exactly, they were planning to paint.

Having now experienced the super efficient construction industry that was Mr. Igma, Qube found she had no patience at all for the unfinished nature of the village.

Before she could express her less-than-flattering thoughts about the work ethics of the wood elves, the Chosen One walked up to Ruler Wefton, the leader of the wood elves, who was still seated on his throne of twisted thorns.

For the first time, Qube wondered if that was where he spent all his time. Did all royalty spend their days just sitting on uncomfortable thrones? Surely they went around and did other things? He couldn't just spend all day, every day sitting in a throne with absolutely nothing around him; he would go mad from boredom. Unless this was some kind of special royal ability?

Well met, the King in all but name said to the Chosen One and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady. The Chosen One, after a wistful look at the thorn crown hed been unable to remove from the kings head last time, indicated for Sexy Screamy Spider Lady to step forward.

The Hunter gave the same complicated curtsey shed given last time. It was exceedingly difficult to watch, given how many parts of her entered and exited other limbs.

They had passed the Dryad Queens grove on their way to the Forbidden Forest. Qube had considered drawing their attention to it, but the Chosen One had been in the middle of trying to get Sexy Screamy Spider Lady to ride on Scaley-waley and generally over-exciting both the Hunter and the wyvern. And, even though Qube knew it was her duty to remind him that they meant to visit the Dryad Queen to look at getting the Hunters curse removed, she just

Didnt speak.

She kept silent as they walked past it, and even when, on reaching the entrance to the Forbidden Forest, the Chosen One had slapped his forehead and exclaimed that he had totally forgotten to go talk to the Dryad Queen, she hadnt encouraged him to return.

Instead shed pointed out that the Trial was important, and they could go to the Dryad Queen afterwards. Hed accepted that, as he did almost all of her guidance, as she knew he would.

The truth was, she was afraid of the Dryad Queen. If the Chosen One hadnt intervened last time, Qube didnt know whether or not she would have survived the Dryad Queens wrath. So, while she of course would never interfere with Sexy Screamy Spider Ladys journey, she would be lying if she said that a part of her didnt hope that they would find the solution in the Trials, and not need to go to that grove.

She couldnt even blame the Dryad Queen for being angry at her. Qube had (unknowingly, true) done a terrible thing not only to the Queen, but to her people as well, by infecting them with part of her curse. And, while she knew the Chosen One would protect her, when she thought of those bright green eyes and those sharp, wooden fangs bared in a very unfriendly smile...

Our daughter has returned to us to complete her Trials, the Head Guard, Alash, loudly announced, making Qube jump as she was brought back into the present. The Chosen One looked at her, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question. She smiled reassuringly at him.

Let all who have been chosen to make up the Trial take their positions! Alash continued. The contender for the Thorny Crown stands before us! Are there any who would be named Head Guard?

The Chosen One sighed but, before he could step forward, a voice rang out.

Can any person attempt the Trial to become Head Guard?

Slowly, achingly slowly, the Chosen One turned and looked at the man who had spoken out.

What? he asked eloquently.

Sewer Bard, looking unashamed at having caused a scene, stepped forward.

I merely asked if it was possible for another to make an attempt, he said. His face held the same smooth, polite expression that it had worn back in the Shadow Temple. Or if it was only available to someone nominated by the one competing for the Thorny Crown.

The Chosen One continued staring at the Bard in total silence. Sewer Bard, displaying none of the nervousness Qube would have felt at interrupting such an important moment, turned and bowed first at the royal couple, then at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady.

I apologise if my request has caused distress. It was not my intention.

Please get my Snugglepuss down from that tree, the elderly wood elf requested.

Qube suppressed a sigh. The first Trial-quest had been getting an amulet out of a spider web. That at least had been somewhat exciting when a swarm of baby spiders had launched themselves at the Chosen One, who had immediately been set on fire by Definitely Bad Guy. Sewer Bard had ended up stabbing the mother spider, which made Qube feel very unheroic, and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had triumphantly returned the amulet to a young wood elf who would have been perfectly able to get it themselves.

The second task had been going into a basement to get a casket of apple juice, and then a bunch of rats had thrown themselves at the Chosen One. Once again he was set on fire by the Mage to help kill the enemies before Sewer Bard killed the giant mother rat. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had delivered the cask to a group of very grateful, very wobbly, wood elves.

Qube just really hoped that a bunch of kittens didnt attack the Chosen One and force them to kill yet another mother. It was starting to make her feel quite guilty.

With pleasure, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said to the old wood elf. Given the extended lifespans of elves, Qube couldnt even begin to fathom just how old this elder must have been.

This way, the Chosen One said, leading them through the heart of the village, where everyone was still pretending to rebuild, and then to the outskirts. He pointed up one of the jungle trees. There it is.

Sure enough, up in the tree, there was a giant ginger cat, alternating between plaintive meows and furious hissing.

Qube was astonished. How did you know exactly where Snugglepuss was? she asked the Hero, stars in her eyes.

Um, the Chosen One said. But, before he could explain, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady started climbing the tree.

Here Snugglepuss, she said, her claws digging into the trunk. Come to mamma.

Snugglepuss, in an act of supreme ingratitude, hissed and swiped a paw at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, before bolting further up the tree. On the furious felines ascent, he knocked over a hive full of

Bees! the Chosen One screamed, as the swarm made a beeline right for him. Why? Why do they always come to me? he continued screaming as Definitely Bad Guy helpfully set the Hero on fire for the third time that day.

At some point Qube was going to be able to get a shield up around the Chosen One before Definitely Bad Guy could act. It was almost like the Mage had primed a [Fireball] before anything had even happened. As it was, she gave the disgruntled Hero his third [Lesser Heal] of the Trial, and tried to soothe his nerves.

Sewer Bard, in his audition to be Head Guard, slew the beehive, and gracefully caught Sexy Screamy Spider Lady as she (and a highly displeased, tightly held Snugglepuss) dropped to the ground. Somehow, in all the chaos, the Hunter had managed to catch the ungrateful feline.

Youre supposed to be guarding! Chosen One scolded Sewer Bard as they set off back to the cats owner. The Hero had to speak up over Snugglepusss yowling. Why arent you getting the swarms before they get me?

I fear they must recognise your leadership, and so target you, Noble Patron, Sewer Bard said with a totally straight face. The Chosen One narrowed his eyes.

Why are you all learning to (maybe?) sass me, he muttered. Did I teach you lot that? No. I couldnt have done that. You must have learned it somewhere else.

We have returned your beloved companion, Elder, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, dumping Snugglepuss at the quest-givers feet. To Qubes surprise, Snugglepuss immediately jumped up on top of the wood elfs head, and started loudly purring.

Thank you, Trial candidate, the elder replied. But my quest is not yet finished. Its Snugglepusss birthday, and he needs a present. Please go fetch him his gift from the apothecary.

The Chosen One looked up at the sky, as he often did in times of great distress.

You lot are monsters, he informed the clouds. Sick, cruel monsters.

Qube patted him on the shoulder, eyeing the clouds suspiciously.

Dont worry, Chosen One, she said reassuringly. Ill make sure no swarms get you in the apothecary's.

Thank you, he replied weakly, and sighed.