Book Three Chapter Ninety Three: Inventory Management

Book Three Chapter Ninety Three: Inventory Management

Some part of Qube must have known that it was her destiny to somehow, somewhere, utilise the power of inner pockets. It was only because of her rigorous study of those pesky violations of common sense that the idea even occurred to her.

Squiggles, when you consume things, you always eat far more than can fit inside your stomach, she informed the eternally hungry sharktopus. Most people could only eat a single meal a day, and even then the amount actually eaten or drunk was extremely small. But Squiggles had once eaten the entire contents of a kitchen, pots and pans included. Shed even spit out a pair of mechanical wings, with the only damage from chewing. Which implied that her body contained an inner pocket.

Do you think, if you opened your mouth very, very wide, you could fit the Evil Emperor inside you?

Yes! the sharktopus replied happily.

Obviously they would need to strip the tyrant of his giant, bulky armour, but the Chosen One had managed to fit Qube into his backpack, which had a much smaller opening than Squiggless mouth when she fully opened her maw.

You cannot let that monster inside my gentle Squiggles! Sexy Screamy Spider Briar said indignantly. I refuse to let her innocence be stolen by someone like him.

Shes eaten lots of things; he wouldnt be taking her innocence, Qube said. Plus she can spit him out once the door opens.

I refuse! Sexy Screamy Spider Briar said. What if she absorbs him? No. Its too dangerous.

I just dont think the Evil Emperor will fit inside your inner pockets, Qube said seriously.

What? the Hunter replied, sounding genuinely flustered.

I scarcely know what to say, Sencha Bard said, stunned. I dont think it would be appropriate for him to enter any of the lovely ladies present.

Qube frowned. You think we should try shoving him into the Chosen Ones backpack?

Oh thank [the Words] you said backpack, the Chosen One said with a relieved sigh.

Dont be silly Chosen One, I dont think he could get into any of our hidden spaces, Qube reassured the Hero, in case he was worried about being invaded. But Ive been inside Sexy Screamy Spider Briars, so I know its possible.

Everyone in the party looked between Qube and Sexy Screamy Spider Briar. The Hunter raised a claw and fanned herself.

My dear, perhaps thats something we should keep between just us two, she said. Im sure the boys dont need to know about what we get up to in private.

Did the ever-sensual arachnid actually sound embarrassed? Plus, theyd done it in the Royal library; it wasnt exactly private.

Dont worry, its only because of your unusual body! Qube said, reaching out and holding one of the Hunters claws. If you werent a giant cursed arachnid, Im sure no one would be able to enter your pocket spaces.

She wasnt sure why the Hunter was so embarrassed, but she still felt bad. Theyd all been sucked into her body at some point during one of their hugs, so it shouldnt have been seen as a shocking thing, but it had been crass of her to mention it. It was perhaps similar to spells yes, you could observe someone casting a spell, and have a pretty good idea of what they were capable of, but actually discussing details in public was extremely rude.

Even the Chosen One had covered his face.

Im sorry, Qube said to the Hunter. Im not at my best today. I shouldnt have brought up your inner bits.

How does it keep getting worse? the Chosen One said in a squeaky voice. Definitely Bad Guy had gone a brilliant scarlet, and Sencha Bard was staring fixedly at a distant wall.

Yes, thank you, Sexy Screamy Spider Briar said. I think thats enough of that topic, before one of the poor dears explodes. Shall we move on to non-sentient things we can stuff the Evil Emperor into?

Of course, Qube said, now also blushing brightly.

Your idea about the backpack sounds interesting, Sexy Screamy Spider Briar said kindly.The source of this content nov(el)bi((n))

Well, its just, the Chosen One, he Qube took a deep breath and pulled herself together. The parts of her that had been Once Adored screamed inside her, demanding she unleash a hailstorm of curses to everyone whod dared cause her a moments concern. Which was currently the entire room, all her friends, and the Devs themselves for allowing her to exist.

It turned out that it wasnt getting the tyrant whod ruled over their kingdom into the backpack that was the hard part. Rather, the tricky part was persuading Squiggles to stop sulking. The sharktopus, whod become very excited during their discussions, had gotten it fixed in her head that shed been promised the Evil Emperor to eat.

Then, when shed witnessed her promised snack being ushered over to the Chosen Ones backpack, shed gotten very cross.

Mine! she said in her high, childish voice, very much at odds with her sharktopus body capable of rending them all limb from limb. Eat!

Squiggles, that was just an idea, Qube attempted to reason with the team mascot, but it was in vain.

No papa eat! Squiggles said, slapping her tentacles onto the beautiful throne room floor with such force that the marble tiles cracked.

Im not gonna eat him! the Hero retorted. Just put him in my bag!

Yes Squiggles, I know the backpack is where papa I mean, the Chosen One puts his snacks, but that doesnt mean the Chosen One is going to snack on the Evil Emperor. Oh how Qube wished the Chosen One hadnt eaten the contents of the jam jars hed stored in his backpack in front of the impressionable pet!

My baby, you dont want to eat that nasty man, Sexy Screamy Spider Briar said. He probably tastes nasty.

The Evil Emperor, a man whod reigned with an iron fist, caused countless deaths, and threatened the very kingdom itself, didnt react. Squiggles, moving at sudden speed, wrapped a tentacle around his ankle.

Mine! Squiggles said stubbornly, increasing pressure until the magical armour creaked. Mine eat!

Lady Squiggles, please, consider your health, Sencha Bard said, sweeping his hat from his head. You might injure yourself, eating something so spikey.

Squiggles considered this for a second, tilting her head to the side, before wrapping another tentacle around the Evil Emperors leg.

Mine, she said with finality.

Definitely Bad Guy, the only party member who hadnt added his voice to the mess, looked down at Squiggles. She blinked her flat, black eyes at him, somehow making them glisten appealingly. The Mage regarded his former employer, then pulled a book out from somewhere in his robes and started flicking through it.

After scanning a few pages, he stabbed a finger onto the page.

I believe we should make the attempt, he said, despite the fact that there was nothing that could be possibly relevant written on the page. It was just a habit with him.

Both Sexy Screamy Spider Brair and Sencha Bard glared at the Mage. The Mage Advisor ignored them, continuing to examine the random page in his book.

The most likely outcome is that it doesnt work. In which case we shall test placing him in the backpack. However, I must point out the risks.

He closed his book with a snap, and looked down at Squiggles from his greater height. She narrowed her little button eyes at him.

While I, naturally, support any research that aims to increase knowledge, such as whether or not the consumption of the Evil Emperor is possible, I must ask you, as the pet of the party, to consider the implications of your actions. While you have been able to imbibe various inanimate objects with no ill effect, the complete intake of living creatures has caused changes to your biology.

Squiggles, her tentacle still wrapped around the Evil Emperor, loosened her grip slightly as she tilted her head this way and that, trying to understand the Mage.

In other words, Definitely Bad Guy continued, patient as he always was when teaching or explaining, when you ate the Golden Slime, you gained some of its traits. While you did not consume the previous mascot, you taking its place caused the narrative, and parts of yourself I suspect, to treat you as if you were said otter.

His eyes bore down on the pet.

I will support your desire to eat this man, and study the results with interest. But have you thought about what would happen if you absorbed parts of him? How the others would feel, if you became more like the person who made them cry? That is the risk I speak of.

Squiggles, her eyes now very shiny, stared at Definitely Bad Guy, then at the rest of the party. She looked at Qube in particular. Her tentacles gripped her prize tighter for a second, before releasing the Evil Emperor.

No eat, she conceded sadly. She narrowed her eyes at the Evil Emperor, who seemed indifferent to what was occurring around him.

Mine help! she said, in a sudden switch of emotion, as she wrapped several tentacles around the Evil Emperor and proceeded to start stuffing him into the open backpack.