CH 17

After stopping by my house, I quickly dropped off the items that Gunwoo requested and rushed back out since his schedule was tight.

Despite never attending college, I had been to campus a few times thanks to Gunwoo’s longer stay there. As I walked along a familiar path, I took a break on a bench near the medical school building and notified Gunwoo that I had arrived.

I admired the blooming cherry blossoms of spring. It had been a while since I had the opportunity to watch the bustling crowd and nature.

“Excuse me.”

Someone approached me cautiously. When I turned my head,  a shy female student approached me with her phone in hand.

“Which department are you from? May I have your number? You’re very handsome.”

Although such interactions were not uncommon for me, it was likely due to being on a campus and being approached by someone of similar age. Instead of verbally explaining my age or revealing my small handbag, I chose a more effective method.

“I have a girlfriend so I can’t give you my number. Sorry.”

“Oh, really? No, of course.”

The young woman lowered her head repeatedly and expressed regret for her rudeness before returning to her waiting friend. Meanwhile, the friend was giving me a distrustful gaze right from the start.

As soon as our eyes met, the girl had a perplexed look on her face, as if she was trying to recall where she knew me from, rather than showing any disapproval. At that moment, I too realized that the girl’s face seemed familiar to me. Could it be that she was a previous customer at the bar?

“Oh no, he has a girlfriend. I’m so embarrassed.”

The student I spoke to exhibited visible signs of embarrassment and expressed it by stomping her feet. She then asked her friend to accompany her, but her friend, who was staring at me, averted her gaze and reluctantly complied. I had a vague recollection of where I might have seen her before.

“Hey!”

Gunwoo’s voice was heard once his lecture was over.

“You waited for a long time, right?”

Gunwoo made an apologetic smile and looked towards the two students who were walking away, possibly because he had noticed them talking to me. Quickly, I rushed to his side to prevent him from teasing me.

“I didn’t wait that much. You don’t have much time, right? Let’s go.”

Gunwoo promptly nodded and assumed the lead, apparently recognizing my hectic state. Given our limited time and non-selective taste in food, we opted to dine in the cafeteria. Gunwoo, without much consideration, hastily selected all his recommended items from the menu, resulting in the tray being almost full to capacity.

“It hasn’t been that long since I last saw you, but you look better than before? It’s comfortable because the bar is close to your place, right?”

Gunwoo set down the plate that had been precariously perched on the edge of the tray and inquired. As I couldn’t divulge all the details of what had transpired with Jang Yoonsung, I informed Gunwoo that I planned to stay at a friend’s house close to the bar for some time. Gunwoo, who was unhappy about my working late and traveling long distances, expressed his approval and encouraged me to do so.

“Hm, well.”

I wasn’t looking better because the bar was closer but rather that I was taking a break from work. Even though I didn’t have any bad intentions, it was still inconvenient to lie to Gunwoo. I tried to segway to another topic by answering briefly and stuffing rice in my mouth but Gunwoo didn’t seem to have any intention to do so.

The fact that I looked better was not due to the proximity of the bar, but rather because I was taking a break from work. Even though I didn’t mean any harm, it was still troublesome to deceive Gunwoo. I attempted to change the subject by giving a brief response and eating rice, but Gunwoo didn’t have any intention in doing so.

“Then why don’t we move there too?”

Our house was close to Gunwoo’s school. Perhaps that was why Gunwoo felt sorry for me that I had to travel such long distances to work; however , it wasn’t that I was making any particular sacrifices or concessions. I thought it would be nice to be close to Gunwoo’s school or my workplace but the monthly rent was only cheap around the place we lived. Even though it was near to the school, it was still a good 20 minutes walk to school.

Gunwoo’s school was near our house, which made Gunwoo feel sorry for me for having to commute long distances to work. However, I wasn’t really making any significant efforts or compromises. Although I wished to have a home close to either Gunwoo’s school or my workplace, we chose our current residence because it had low rent. Even though it was relatively close to the school, it still required a 20-minute walk.

“There’s no place for us in Gangnam. Don’t worry about it.”

“What about it? I can make money after I graduate. Also, I am going to work at a nearby hospital in the neighborhood.”

“Which hospital?”

“Taewon Hospital…”

I dropped the side dish which I picked with my chopstick. Gunwoo had fond memories of Taewon hospital, which had been a source of great support and kindness for our impoverished family. This was Gunwoo’s understanding of the hospital.

That perspective was not entirely wrong. Jang Myeongsoo fulfilled his promise and showed remarkable generosity throughout. Even after a mishap, our mother received VIP treatment at Taewon hospital. While her illness was not curable, she was able to stay with us for a longer period and try various treatments.

I felt indebted, which Jang Myeongsoo probably intended to convey. As he had kept his promise, he expected me to do the same.

“Taewon Hospital…”

For Gunwoo, it must have been a natural choice. There wasn’t much of an excuse to stop him from doing so. It would be strange to step up and recommend another place even though I hadn’t completely made up my mind yet. Gunwoo opened his mouth with a proud tone as if he had already become a doctor.

“When I graduate, it will be your turn. I will take care of you so you can think of anything you want to do.”

“Why don’t you say these things after passing the state examination?”

As I laughed when I heard such words come out of someone who didn’t graduate yet, Gunwoo frowned as if he was dejected.

“I am being serious, though…what do you want to do, hyung?”

Gunwoo’s words made me feel small and ashamed, as if I had shrunk to the size of the bowl in front of me. I used to think that dreaming was only appropriate during times of peace. Where I stood felt precarious, like a raft in the middle of rough waves, and I constantly worried about protecting what I held close to me. I didn’t have the luxury of venturing far away, so instead I huddled and clung tightly to what was already in my grasp.

It was a relief that Gunwoo was better than me, his brother. Dreaming in such a place could only be done by someone as smart and strong as Gunwoo.

“Of course I have something I want to do.”

“Except being a landlord.”

Gunwoo hit the mark as if he had already become familiar with the repertoire. Even if he studied so well that attended medical school at a prestigious university, the dream of becoming a building owner still seemed distant.

“Why, what’s wrong with being a landlord of a building. I will definitely buy a building and get monthly rent from you. The first floor would be a pharmacy and the rest of the four floors would be a hospital.”

Next to it would be a bakery, a convenience store…Gunwoo eventually burst into laughter as I recited the detailed plan.

“In order to do that, shouldn’t you at least win the lottery three or four times? You’ve never even won a 50,000 won bill.”

Gunwoo often teased me for having no luck from having done the lottery one or two times. I didn’t know if I had any luck or was I already used to it. Anyway, I was able to get money at my most desperate moments.

I tapped the table while looking at Gunwoo’s dish, which wasn’t emptied yet,

“Stop talking nonsense and eat quickly. We don’t have much time.”

“Okay.”

Gunwoo nodded and busily stuffed his mouth. The rice, which was plenty at the beginning, quickly decreased, Neither Gunwoo nor I had a big appetite. Therefore, Gunwoo eating so fast was proof that he had a busy life in his own way.

I even gave him a cup of coffee after finishing his meal, warning him not to doze off and sent him back to his classroom. That day, I went grocery shopping, stopped by the house, met Gunwoo and ate. I thought I had already done quite a bit of work, however, it was still bright out.

***

– Are you at home?

Was it something he was so curious about that he called? I was on my way inside when I received the call with my left hand and pressed the password on the front door, one by one. The quick witted man continued to talk as if he heard the beeping sound of the door being unlocked.

– You were not at home, it seems.

“I am home now. Where are you?”

– Still at work. Why does your voice seem so weak?

“I just came from an insufferable subway ride. There were too many people today.”

There were other reasons for being exhausted, but I didn’t want to report each and every thing to Jang Yoonsung so I roughly encapsulated it. When I opened the door and threw off my shoes, I wanted to lie down even though I hadn’t freshened up yet. I lied down on the sofa under the excuse that the call was not over.

– I told you to use the car.

“I’m too lazy to drive.”

When I said I would be leaving to see my younger brother, Jang Yoonsung willingly lent me his keys. When I left the house, it was free outside after people had clocked at their respective work, so rather than driving I thought it would be better to scroll through my phone while commuting through the subway. If I had known that I would be arriving at that hour, I would have considered driving Jang Yoonsung’s car a bit more.

– Did you meet your brother?

I laughed empty at the thoughtless reply.

– You must have it good. Money makes everything easy.

“It’s not like that though. I just have someone who is not easy to handle.”

I chuckled. I would be the weakest in the face of money. Even if  I never received money from Jang Myungsoo I would have never been Han Jiyoung yet there was no doubt that I would have gladly received the money from Jang Yoonsung anyway.

I blankly stared at the ceiling. It seemed drowsiness was coming on to me. When I didn’t make a sound, Jang Yoonsung continued.

– Did you meet your brother?

“Yeah…”

It had been a while since I had experienced such a long day. On my way back from meeting Gunwoo, Jang Yoonsung messaged me, suggesting that I have dinner first since he would be late. Despite being the Chairman’s son, he rarely returned home early.

Come to think of it, he used to appear late every time he visited the bar with the real deals. After replying that I understood, I stopped by Sungwook hyung’s bar after a long time and helped him with work. It was better to move my body to shrug off miscellaneous thoughts rather than spending time in a spacious empty house.

– Is he doing well?

Perhaps my answer was not enough, Jang Yoonsung asked about my brother again.

“I guess so.”

That’s a relief, Jang Yoonsung’s voice sounded like a lullaby. Hm, my voice in reply was full of sleepiness. I couldn’t tell if it was out of exhaustion from working for the first time in a while or for any other reason.

If Gunwoo really wanted to work in Taewon Hospital, what excuse should I make to change his mind? Jang Myeongsoo and Jang Hyunsung might not be a particular doctor, however I didn’t want to become Gunwoo’s weakness. The eyelids became heavier and heavier.

– Hakyung?

When I was quiet again, Jang Yoonsung called my name. I barely answered with a hazy voice and I heard a voice wishing me to have good dreams.

– Sleep if you’re tired. I’ll hang up now.

“No, I…”

I whispered nonsense at the edge of my hazy consciousness, like if I were sleep talking. Jang Yoonsung chuckled quietly to himself and continued to talk to himself. Jang Yoonsung’s voice rang loudly in my ears until I fell asleep.

After the voice faded away completely, I had a dream that was familiar to me after a long time. The dream always began at the villa and ended with my mother’s death, but it was not like a memory as the beginning and end were usually consistent but mixed up nonsensically. Although I knew it would make me cry upon waking up, I did not hate having the dream. I could talk to people who I couldn’t meet anymore.

Until our reunion, Jang Yoonsung was one of them.

Upon entering the garden of the villa, I embraced Chairman Jang who had arrived to greet me. At that moment, Chairman Jang did not challenge me to prove that I was Han Jiyoung.

As I conversed with Chairman Jang, I anticipated the arrival of Jang Yoonsung. Unfortunately, Jang Yoonsung failed to show up for some unknown reason. Despite this, time continued to progress within the dream.

I started to feel anxious as the newly grown leaves on the villa withered away. When the leaves fell and rained, that dream was over.

As I anxiously observed different scenes, I eventually encountered a woman who shut her eyes. Gunwoo, who appeared quite young, held on to my hand firmly. Although I knew I needed to adjust to the situation, I couldn’t help but cry once more. As tears streamed down my face, a hand suddenly emerged from the darkness and struck me.

At that moment, I was lying on the sofa at the villa again. Like I was back in the dream.

“Was it you? You said you’d marry a guy you never met.”

There was a face in front of me that seemed to say so.

I embraced and kissed Jang Yoonsung with elation. He momentarily stopped, appearing a bit bashful, and our tongues intertwined in a way that felt familiar. The sensation of his damp, tender tongue and hesitant caresses that ventured under my clothes were so vivid that I opened my eyes again.

Seeing that it was dark around, was it still a dream? I remember sleeping with the lights on. I gauged the face of the man in front of me under a hazy light, which I didn’t know where it was coming from.

The person withdrew their lips from mine gradually, as if he had noticed that my body had become tense. Even though we were sitting on the sofa and in close proximity, I recoiled in alarm. This person was the same one from my dream, but his appearance was not that of a child.

“So-So-Sorry. When did you come?”

Without answering, Jang Yoonsung scrutinized my lips which were shiny from being soaked in saliva. It was a nervous gesture.

It was right that I did something wrong, but wasn’t it too much to put his hands under my clothes? As if I had asked him to do something more, he seemed offended just by kissing a man.

Jang Yoonsung stared at me and finally opened his mouth.

“Which bastard was it?”

“…What?”

I didn’t understand the question well so I asked again and Jang Yoonsung didn’t hesitate to ask me again.

“I asked which bastard was it that you were clinging on to me while crying so much.”

I just couldn’t tell the difference between dreams and reality but I didn’t mistake him for another person. I didn’t know whether it was unfortunate or a pity that Jang Yoonsung had no memory. After rubbing my cheeks with my sleeves, I felt a bit absent minded.

“I made a mistake in my sleep. I’m sorry. I’m leaving first.”

I had to lower my legs to get up but Jang Yoonsung, who was sitting in front of me, didn’t think to draw back.

I stepped off the sofa and tried not touching Jang Yoonsung as much as I could. I felt something would happen if I touched him. Jang Yoonsung sat leaning back and watched me move silently,

Only after standing on the floor properly did I realize Jang Yoonsung was still wearing a tie. Did he just come home? What time was it?

“You must be tired, so hurry and go to sleep.”

He didn’t seem to be listening so I bowed and turned around. Nevertheless, I could feel the fierce gaze following the back of my head.

“Hakyung.”

Jang Yoonsung, who had been quiet for a while, called me out again just as I held the door handle. I didn’t know if he tried to call out to me affectionately but his voice was so subdued that it sounded harsh.

As I turned around, he looked away from me and opened his mouth, pretending to be absorbed in unbuttoning his sleeves.

“If you mistake me for another bastard one more time…”

I didn’t think it was right for a man to say that, even if he had a girlfriend who used to look like me. I stood silently listening to the threat he tried to make, and Jang Yoonsung calmly continued.

“That time, I’ll check myself to see how far you’ve gone with him.”

Check?

I stood there blankly reflecting on what Jang Yoonsung said. It was something he had already done with me so there was no nothing to check or see for himself. It was something he couldn’t remember.

I answered shortly, pressing my hand on the door handle.

“I won’t let that happen.”

Thud. As I walked into the room, I intentionally slammed the door. My curiosity was piqued. When did Jang Yoonsung begin speaking that way to men? It seemed as if he could do so without any qualms.

When I eventually got into bed, I realized that the clock had already struck dawn. He should have arrived by midnight at the latest, but staring at someone else’s sleeping face for a long period was undoubtedly a disaster.

Throughout the night, I wriggled about in bed, contemplating unanswered questions. When did it all begin? It was a loud night despite being silent.