Volume 4 - CH 69.3

As if spurred on by some unbearable emotion, Subaru’s steps hastened.

After parting with Garfiel, Subaru’s walk turned into a sprint.

With ragged breaths, palpitating brows, and trembling eyes, Subaru ran.

His sole destination, illuminated by the moonlight, was the interior of the Tomb.

This was after the previous conversation.

Having stated that he would not interfere with Subaru’s actions, Garfiel did not stop him.

There was no one left to rebuke Subaru for venturing into the Tomb once more.

Arriving at the entryway, Subaru stopped to roughly wipe off his sweat with his sleeves.

Drawing deep breaths to recover his winded lungs, Subaru pressed forward into the darkness of the Tomb.

Because there was something he must do―― in the abyssal Citadel of Dreams that was Echidona’s realm.

[Subaru: If you truly wish inside your heart…… “I want to know”]

Then you will be invited. That was what the white-haired Witch had told him.

Clinging to such hopes and putting his faith in those words, Subaru came here.

There was a mountain of things he wanted to ask, to talk about, and to agonize over together with her in search of an answer.

Things he could only reveal to the Witch of Greed, so that she might show him the way.

What he needed to do, and what he wanted to do were now one and the same.

All that was left was some way to make it reality, some way other than deliberating alone.

[Subaru: ――――]

It was not that he didn’t feel ashamed about going to Echidona’s Citadel, dumping all his doubts and worries on her, and imposing on her good will.

And it was not that he wasn’t afraid that revealing everything to Echidona would violate the forbidden and once again drown the Sanctuary in Envy’s shadows.

Yet, even so, Subaru had hope.

Hope that the Witch’s guidance might be the key to breaking through fate’s dead-end.

[Subaru: Right now…… I should meet all the requirements]

He was so lost as to what to do.

And so determined to use any means necessary.

If the present Subaru wasn’t a willing and eager Apostle of Greed, then what was he?

Innumerable times would he freely surrender his life. And he would give up his pride, if that was all it took to settle this.

For that was all this pathetic, useless, and ignorant Natsuki Subaru could manage.

[Subaru: I’m counting on you, Echidona……!]

Steadying his breaths, Subaru silently gathered the courage to step into the Tomb.

Making his way to the rectangular space that had already accepted him as a challenger once tonight, he scanned over the room, and proceeded towards its centre.

[Subaru: Gonna have to wing it with where and what rituals are required, but……]

The second time Subaru was invited into the dream, aside from the desperate desire for an answer, he should have been in the same prone position as he was immediately after Returning by Death. There didn’t seem to be any special offering required.

In any case, Subaru kneeled down on the spot, joined his hands, and closed his eyes.

He envisioned the White Witch in his mind, calling out to her with enumerations of his emotions, as if telling of his impossible future, and his despairing desire to reach her.

[Subaru: ――――]

Just like this, time passed as Subaru waited in silence.

He could feel the Tomb’s cold air caressing his skin as cold sweat formed upon his brows.

He wanted it. Desperately.

He yearned for it. Earnestly.

If he wanted it this badly, yearned for it this badly, and still couldn’t reach her――

――Then perhaps, Greed is far too immense an avarice for human capacities.

[Subaru: ――u?]

Just before this faintheartedness could take hold, Subaru felt the illusion that the darkness beneath his eyelids had suddenly begun glowing with an encroaching white light. ――Or perhaps, it was no illusion.

[Subaru: ――――]

White light invaded his vision, slowly, and slowly, eroding away the pitch-dark world.

Before he knew it, his kneeling body had fallen to its side, and he could feel his consciousness detach from reality as it was being pulled into another world.

――His summon to the Citadel of Dreams had begun.

In the Citadel where Echidona was waiting, this time, he was determined to hold the conversation that would let him truly grasp the future.

That alone, was the thought occupying his fading consciousness――

{――Witness, a present that was not to be}

The moment his awareness fell away, he thought he heard that voice.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

A sensation like a drunken stupor was swaying Subaru’s nerves.

He didn’t know what happened.

And his awakening had come so suddenly that it was like a channel had switched on the television.

As if having jumped to a channel of a completely different genre, it felt like his consciousness was replaced.

It was almost reminiscent of the sensation immediately following Return by Death.

The discrepancy between the misery of the world where he died, and the one after Returning by Death always carved a sense of incongruity into his awareness, body, and soul.

{――――}

When he attempted to speak, Subaru realized that he couldn’t make a sound.

He tried bringing a hand to his throat, but only then belatedly noticed that he could feel neither his hands nor his throat.

{――――?}

Whether it was his limbs, his eyes, or his mouth, none of his body existed for the present Subaru.

There was only his consciousness, floating in space, watching the world from above as nothing more than a point of view.

It was unnatural, like the disembodied sensation of being inside a dream.

But he had a feeling that this wasn’t the first time he felt this way. Could he actually be dreaming, after all?

Haunted by those thoughts, Natsuki Subaru tried to tear his consciousness away from the scene before his eyes.

But, it was impossible.

For the disembodied Subaru, nevermind turning his head away, even closing his eyes was forbidden.

All he could do was watch―― as this scene before his eyes was forcibly burned into his mind.

[???: ――iar]

The voice was quiet, and hoarse.

And so weak, that he could barely make out what it was saying.

But,

{――――}

He intuitively understood it.

With nothing but his consciousness, Subaru intuitively understood that “This is bad”.

It was a voice he mustn’t hear.

A voice he mustn’t recognize.

Proclaiming something he mustn’t know.

But, regardless of what his consciousness told him, the scene searing into his mind would not change. It would not disappear. But it only went on pushing, engraving the “Outcome” into Subaru.

[???: Liar…… liar, liar liar liar liar liar liar……gh]

Within that repeating whisper, the previously inaudible words began to take shape, as if forgetting to stop, and interspersed with sobs.

A heartrending sight. His ears were filled with despairing grief. Taking it into his eyes and his ears must have been the greatest suffering in this world.

{――――}

Why, was he here?

Why, was he seeing this?

His failure. His mistake. His error in judgment. He wasn’t supposed to see it. He wasn’t supposed to know. He was never supposed to know.

――If I didn’t tell myself, “It won’t be like that”, I……

[Emilia: Liar… liar! Subaru…… you liar! You liar――!!]

Collapsed on the floor, with a flood of tears pouring from her amethyst eyes, Emilia cried out.

Like an accusation of a betrayal, rejecting the nightmare before her eyes, disheveling her hair like a small child, Emilia screamed as if in a frenzy.

――While, at the sleeping Rem’s bedside, Subaru’s corpse with a small knife pierced into his throat lay in front of the wailing Emilia.