Volume 4, 17 [Love Story]

Volume 4, Chapter 17 [Love Story]

[???: Ooh, Ken-san, sure’s rare seeing you wandering around in the morning. Finally got laid off?]

[Dad: Don’t give me that crap, that place’ll grind to halt without me. They just didn’t want me to work too hard and take everyone else’s jobs, so they let me rest a bit to giv’em some motivation]

Even though the owner of the neighborhood bakery passing on a bicycle was only making a friendly greeting, Kenichi threw a middle finger right back at him, cursing. They continued the rowdy conversation like this for a bit, before finally waving goodbye.

[Dad: Gees, whenever he sees someone on holiday that he hasn’t seen in awhile he goes on about laid-off laid-off. I got a loving family to provide for here, how can I do something as incompetent as that. Even if I did do something that’d get me fired, it’s not like I’d let’em catch me, heheh]

[Subaru: As someone you’re providing for, I sincerely hope that rather than being good at hiding it, you actually hadn’t done anything that’d get yourself fired for]

His hands shoved inside the pockets of his jersey, Subaru, who had been waiting at the side of the road for the conversation to finish, shrugged his shoulders. Seeing his son standing in the shade being blown by the wind, Kenichi waved both his hands with [Oyoy], shaking his head,

[Dad: A man who has forgotten the sense of adventure wouldn’t grow, you know? Doing bad things is a different matter, but the view is always best from the edge of the thin line, isn’t it......]

[Subaru: You’re way past the age to be saying stupid things like that, you should’ve settle down by now. You’re already over 40 and still talking about those impractical things like a little kid]

[Dad: Men are supposed to keep their childish innocence even after they’ve grown up. Besides, you’re the one who’s at an age to say those stupid lines, but you don’t join in the conversations, so dad has no choice but to say them for you. What’s up with that anyway]

[Subaru: Nothing’s up, I just can’t talk to random old guys I don’t know]

[Dad: He’s not a random old guy, I always buy bread from him on my way home. Also, he was my junior in highschool, he was one grade below me]

But Subaru still wouldn’t know him even if he told him that.

He didn’t usually pay attention to the bread packaging, and he never passed by that bakery personally.

As Subaru’s silence gave off the feeling that the conversation was coming to an end, Kenichi smacked his tongue saying [It can’t be helped, I guess],

[Dad: On such a sunny and refreshing morning, you with that stink face is going to piss off Mr.Sun-sama you know. You look like you’re being interrogated or something]

[Subaru: If I look like I’m being interrogated, it’d be because my dad pulled me out here by force, wouldn’t it...... I said no and you still pulled me out]

[Dad: You just looked like you were resisting, but your body followed along nicely, right? See, you still love your old man, Subaru. Rest assured, I love you too. Second only to your mom, of course!]

Swinging out his strides again, Kenichi, laughing and in a good mood, roughly patted Subaru on the back. The force made Subaru raise his brows, and somehow, he felt like something was different about Kenichi’s high spirits.

Well, his father always had this kind of TENSION about him, but usually the hyper-moody Kenichi would probably have fussed for a long time about their conversation just now.

He didn’t know why, but this morning his father seemed especially tolerating.

――Unlike Subaru, who was walking alongside him feeling like his chest was about to be crushed.

[Subaru: So um......]

[Dad: Yeah?]

[Subaru: So, you brought me out here because you had something to say, right? Usually you wouldn’t go to so much trouble...... so what is it? It’s something you couldn’t say at home, isn’t it]

Wondering if it was something he didn’t want mom to hear, Subaru asked this.

No matter what it was, Subaru had a vaguely bad feeling about it. Either way, what else could it be except to reproach him for his anemic lifestyle?

When their daily conversations were separated by a layer of futon, he could have ignored them if he wished to, but outside, he couldn’t do this. Although, he could always shout loudly and shut it all out. If he embarrassed himself like this outdoors, perhaps Kenichi would change his attitude, and maybe he’d even drop Subaru’s――no, thinking up to this point, Subaru shook his head.

[Subaru: If it’s my father, he’d probably get a kick out of being shamed......]

[Dad: Even though I don’t know what you’re imagining there, what’s with that kinky remark all of a sudden? This is just a nice average everyday family conversation under the sun you know]

[Subaru: Really, it’s a bit hard to believe you...... But I’ll trust you for now]

[Dad: That’s it that’s it. By the way, Subaru, do you uh....... want a little brother or sister?]

[Subaru: It’s a bit frightening to be asked this question when I’m 17 years old!!]

The change of topic that flew in slanted made Subaru shudder and raise his voice. Seeing Subaru panting with his shoulders going up and down, Kenichi bared his teeth with a smile [Joking, joking],

[Dad: Although your mom and I are still lovey-dovey, it’d be stretching it a bit to make another person at our age. So that means, all of me and mom’s love are all reserved for you alone. Happy?]

[Subaru: Aah, yeah yeah, happy happy. ......You really were just joking right?]

[Dad: Oyoy, don’t be like that. If you give me that face I might just get excited after all and go make a new one you know?]

Sensing they’ve come to a point where joking around wouldn’t be enough anymore, Subaru only gazed at him silently at end of that sentence. And, wryly smiling in return, Kenichi received his meaning.

――Subaru and his father had arrived at a scenic path that was about 10 minutes away from the house.

It was a land where a river that was famous around these parts flowed through. Along the banks, were planted cherry-blossom trees that would become an attraction during the spring. But of course, the season was already over, and instead of pink cherry-blossom petals, it was luscious green grass covering the ground, bathed under the bright rays of the sun.

After breakfast, and before the end of school hours, Subaru, being tormented by the guilt and anxiety of the passage of that time, was brought here by Kenichi.

At first, when he left the house, he had been worried that he might be brought all the way to school this way.

[Dad: You know you look kinda wary whenever we turn toward the direction of the school. But it’s not what you think, we just took the long way round to the river bank]

Having read through his thoughts, Kenichi sneakily dragged Subaru here.

A sweet scent of plants and grass blew over the top of the embankments, and if one merely stretched a little, one would be able to see the full view of the gentle river on the other side of the fence.

[Dad: This fence didn’t use to be here in the olden days. I used to always play here in the river with buddies of mine, it was great fun. Oh, right, you remember Ikeda? One day a typhoon came, and we wanted to see how great the river had become, and that guy wound up getting carried away by the current...... That time, there just happened to be an old uncle who had just got his lifeguard license passing by, Ikeda would’ve been dead if it weren’t for him]

[Subaru: So this fence, was dad and this Ikeda guy’s fault then?]

[Dad: Nah couldn’t have......no, wait a minute? Timing-wise it does seem to kinda strangely match up now that I think about it]

Leaning against the fence, gazing out toward the river, Kenichi, reminiscing about the by-gone days, tilted his head. Behind his father, Subaru, who seemed bored, only looked around him.

Before noon on a working day, it was only natural that there was not many people around. Or, more accurately, there was no one else except Subaru and Kenichi. It wasn’t an easy place to get to in the first place. If anyone wandered around here at this time, it could only be the custodian, or someone who really loved this place.

Just as he thought this, Subaru heard someone’s footsteps on the grass.

[???: Ooooh? I was wonderin’ who it is, isn’t this Ken-bo? What’s this what’s this, still playing by the river at this age?]

[Dad: Speak of the devil...... it’s the uncle from the custodian’s hut, they still didn’t get someone to replace you? You’ll be the one surprised though, I wore my beach-trunks today instead of my river-trunks, so I can’t get in there even if I want to]

[Old Man: Don’t gimme that. I don’t see no difference between beach-trunks and river-trunks, that’s just a load of crap from the guy who jumped in the river in his underpants. But come to think of it, it’s been a long time since I seen ya]

Climbing up the banks, a short, hunching old man greeted Kenichi and shook his hand. He looked kind of like a nice grandpa, and was wearing an old green uniform. Judging from the conversation and the logo on his back, he must have been the custodian of the embankments.

In fact, if he knew Kenichi back when he was still playing in the river, he must have been a veteran at that.

In their long awaited reunion, the two of them laughed and chatted, and then, the old man made a clap with his hands,

[Old Man: Oh, right, if you’re here, what happened to your friend Ikeda? That guy sure gets carried away often, even my net was wearin’ out from catchin’ him]

[Dad: That bastard Ikeda, won big on a horse-ticket 10 years ago, and took his load of money to Thailand and haven’t heard a word of him since. Just the New Years greetings, Summer greetings, Winter greetings, Christmas, Father’s day and Mother’s day and random letters like that]

[Subaru: That sounds like a lot of correspondence for someone who you haven’t heard a word of since......]

Unable to resist the urge, Subaru had to mutter that straight-man observation. Then, hearing the quiet mutter, the old man looked over and raised his brows as if only suddenly noticing Subaru’s presence there.

[Old Man: Ooooh, you got a little buddy ere......eh? Could this be your...]

[Dad: Aaah, that’s right, this is my son. No, I should say my BELOVED SON]

[Old Man: Ooh, is that so! I got the feeling he looked like you when you wer little...... no, not too much though. He didn’t take after ya. Took after his mother more......I’m guessin’?]

[Dad: Yeahyeah. People often say that. Especially the eyes]

The most prominent thing on that otherwise plain face was his Sanpaku eyes. His mother’s eyes were so sharp it felt as though there were steel beams inside, and this part of him in particular, was certainly his mother’s influence showing through.

With that harmless remark, the old man walked up to Subaru,

[Old Man: S’that right s’that right, but it sure surprised me there. So Ken-bo already has a son this big, how the time passes quickly. Then again, I’m getting old. Even if Ikeda got himself drowned again I won’t be able to save him]

[Subaru: Even for Ikeda, I doubt he’d go play in the river and get himself drowned at this age.....]

[Old Man: Sure hope not......They really were brats who wouldn’t sit still though, these two. Especially your father, back then he was causin’ trouble all over the place. So, what bring you wandering around town this time of day anyway?]

[Subaru: ......Eeh, well]

Subaru mumbled this reply. Hearing this, the old man looked as if he had picked something up, and frowned. Then, as he furrowed up his deep, wrinkled brows,

[Old Man: Hm? Sure is Ken-bo’s son alright......but today’s a Monday isn’t it. Why’re you still at the riverbanks with your dad?]

[Subaru: ――ke!]

Having been asked the question he most wanted to avoid, Subaru’s expression stiffened painfully.

Then right after, the same sharp, piercing headache he experienced inside his room came. Involuntarily, in excruciating pain, he hugged his head and squeezed shut his eyes, wrenching out an [Excuse me!], he turned his back to the old man and ran.

[Dad: Ah, oy, hey, Subaru! Sorry, uncle-chan. I’ll explain everything next time I see you]

And so, they both looked on toward the same direction, neither seeing each other’s faces.

[Dad: I don’t really know what everyone else in the world believes, but I don’t think school is everything. Mostly, because I’m saying that as someone who didn’t really go to school seriously in the first place. I even skipped my own high school graduation ceremony you know, my sister had to bring me my graduation certificate back for me afterwards]

[Subaru: I heard that story so many times. Auntie who’s 2 years younger than dad went to the same school, so when she graduated, they just gave dad’s certificate to her as well. There’re octopuses growing in my ears already] (*Japanese expression that they’ve heard too much of the same thing, タコ, “Octopus” is a homonym of “Callus” in Japanese -TC)

[Dad: Well you’ll keep hearing it until you get cuttlefish. So, since I was like that, I think it’s alright if you don’t go to school if you don’t want to. But, at my age, I do feel like I lost out on something by not going to school seriously, although it’s not something you could understand yet]

Kenichi looked like he was staring into some far off place as he said this. Stealing a glance at the side of his serious expression, Subaru got the feeling that his father was really unfair, after all.

Usually only showing the side of him pretending to be an idiot, and then in a place like this, he suddenly makes you wonder where all that clowning had gone.

[Dad: It’s alright though... isn’t it? Nowadays people can live to about 80 years old on average. Out of 80 years, wasting one or two slacking around isn’t that big of a deal. Getting back on track while you’re young is easy too. Good thing my salary’s still intact]

Circling his finger around, Kenichi made a dirty-looking smile.

Without looking at Subaru, who had not made a sound since he had begun, he crossed his arms and nodded his head,

[Dad: Being alive means that occasionally you’ll get problems that you couldn’t find the answers to. When I get problems like that, I’d run around like a headless chicken looking for a solution, but it’s also possible to find answers by rolling around in a room, I guess. I won’t blame you while you’re still contemplating. But if you’re beginning to give up, then I’ll say a thing or two]

[Subaru: ......Why]

[Dad: Hm?]

[Subaru: Why, did you suddenly feel like telling me all this today...... There’s nothing different, it’s not a special day or anything. Today’s just, green-peas memorial day]

[Dad: There was a lot on that plate... huh]

In insides of his mouth that had just recently drank cola was quickly drying up.

Taking gasping breaths, Subaru anxiously waited for the answer to his question. Noticing Subaru’s fretfulness from the side, Kenichi gave his neck a stretch with [Hm~~m],

[Dad: I wonder why. Maybe it was because I happened to have a day off, or because I inadvertently thought of it while doing my morning dry-towel rub-down, or because the horoscopes for Aquarius this morning said “PERFECTLY TUNED”, or because the look on your face this morning seemed...... it’s just a lil’bit, but it seemed like it had become better somehow]

[Subaru: My face, got better?]

[Dad: I’m talking about the look here. The face’s still the same, it’s still that scary-face with your mom’s eyes and all]

Kenichi made a scary face by pulling up the corners of his eyes with his fingers, and then, saying [Not only that], he pointed the same fingers at Subaru,

[Dad: I don’t know what happened, but you don’t look like a guy who’s been holed up in a room. Judging from what your mom said, you didn’t go out yesterday either, so you should’ve been a guy who’s been holed up in a room, right?]

[Subaru: .......Uh, I guess so. I’ve also been surfing in the grand ocean of the internet, though]

[Dad: If people can grow up that way, the number of lostlambgirl-chans coming to confide in me on Twitter should be decreasing instead of increasing......]

[Subaru: So you’ve even been doing that kind of......]

While astonished by the extent of his father’s dealings, Subaru didn’t want to let Kenichi get away from the main subject.

On the other hand, Subaru really had no idea what Kenichi meant by that.

The truth is, just as his mother provided in her testimony, yesterday’s Subaru, same as the Subarus even earlier before that, only wasted his time in slothful indulgence.

In only the span of a single day, to say that all of a sudden today, the atmosphere about him changed...

[Subaru: Dad you must have gotten it wrong, or you just didn’t properly look at me before]

[Dad: That last part really stung! You know I’m still using that “Lovely-Devil-Smile” picture of you when you were little as my cell phone screensaver right?]

[Subaru: The lovely part aside, the devil part makes me realize how scary-looking my eyes must have been even when I was little]

Either way, there was no doubt that Kenichi got it wrong.

Yesterday was still yesterday, today was still today. Subaru still spent his time without changing anything at all.

It would be alright to be like this, he thought, and he intended it to be this way. If he just continued on like this, surely, one day, Kenichi and Naoko would realize it as well.

――What Subaru really wanted, that is.

[Subaru: ――Dddagh!]

The moment he thought this, pain struck him again like fiery sparks scattering in front of his eyes.

A shock as if someone actually punched him, like his brain was protruding out of his skull, his cranium creaked and his eyes spun, and Subaru’s seated body crumbled.

The pounding of his heart once again sped up like an alarm bell, and he could hear the sound of his pulse from the blood throbbing through in his ears. His eyes grew murky, the world turned into two, then three.

The sense of nausea surged up, and deep in his chest an incomprehensible heat source asserted its presence.

Each in their own ways they tormented his very existence, like seething accusations they shrieked and wailed.

[Dad: Oyoy, it looks really serious this time. Are you alright, Subaru?]

Unable to ignore the terrible condition he was in, Kenichi placed his hand on Subaru’s shoulder with a worried look on his face. Sensing that touch, Subaru finally lifted up his face, as sweat was emerging on his forehead,

[Subaru: Aah......no, it’s alright. I was just a little, dizzy, that’s all......]

{――It’s been rough, hasn’t it}

[Subaru: ――!?]

Once again, every hair of Subaru’s body stood on end as the voice like the sound of silver chimes rang upon his earlobes.

Kind and tender, the voice was filled with affection and concern. His tensed heart melted at the sound, and as it tended to his suffering, the pain, the creaking, the heat and thier chorus of screams subsided.

What was this voice. Why was the pain and agony retreating from it.

It felt, like a voice he knew. Like one he had been longing for. Yearning and yearning, pursuing and pursuing, clinging onto it, losing it, then regaining it once more――

{Thank you, Subaru}

[Subaru: You’re......]

The sight of her silver hair dancing in the wind branded itself into the back of his eyelids. The light of her amethyst eyes stared straight into Subaru’s face, and every sound weaved from her lips filled him with love and longing.

{For helping me}

What’s going on, what’s going on, what’s going on, what’s going on, what’s going on?

Who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it, who is it?

――Could she be the cause of his agony? His pain, torment, feelings so bitter that he wanted to puke, could they all be because of her?

{――Subaru}

He couldn’t breathe. His throat is hot. Something was building up in the back of his eyes.

{It can’t be helped, so}

The tips of his fingers trembled. There was no strength left in his legs. His throat cramped up as though his lungs were convulsing.

{Subaru always tries to cover it up like that}

Covering his face with his trembling hands, holding back the sobs from his clogged up throat, surging heat spilling from his eyes, Subaru――

{Why, did you help me?}

――The answer, was already in his heart.

The moment he saw it, all the unease swirling inside him vanished.

The creaking of his skull, the rising nausea, the dizziness turning the world vague, the frantic pounding of his heart, all came to a stop as if clearing the path for Natsuki Subaru.

Lifting up his face, he wiped away the tears that were about to fall.

Staring fixedly at his wetted sleeves, the only trace that remained of his tears, as if flinging it aside, he turned his wrist and held his hand tight into a fist. And,

[Subaru: Sorry I made you worry. I’m alright now]

[Dad: Really? Well it’s good you calmed down, don’t keep making people worry, gees]

[Subaru: En, my bad. So um, about the question you asked earlier]

Releasing his father’s hand on his shoulder, Subaru turned to face him.

Sitting side-by-side on the bench, Subaru looked straight into his father’s face. Come to think of it, after all their conversations today, this was the first time he truly looked at his father’s face, he thought.

Running away even in place like this, he couldn’t help but smile wryly at his own weakness inside his heart. Then, turning to his father, who now had a question mark above his head, Subaru,

[Subaru: ――There is, someone I like. So, I’m already alright now]

Sketching out the face that was burned into the back of his eyelids, Natsuki Subaru’s resolve to face his past was sealed.

-=Chapter 17 End=-