Volume 4, 22 [Weakness]

Volume 4, Chapter 22 [Weakness]

――Subaru woke in the darkness and slowly sat himself up.

Pulling aside the thin blanket covering over his body, he did a light stretch while taking care not to make any noise. Pressing back a yawn and turning his neck about, he could hear a multitude of snoring around him.

Although he had been sleeping in a corner of a crowd of sleepers scattered all over the floor, Subaru appeared to be the only one who was awake. It was only natural―― the sky was still dark outside the great window of the Cathedral, and it was not yet the hour for the Sun to show its face.

Even though he couldn’t tell the time without the convenience of a clock, it was clearly still middle of the night, and not an hour suitable for human activity. Usually, he’d keep sleeping even after the sun came up, but,

[Subaru: I went to bed too early and now I couldn’t fall asleep, huh....... makes me miss the days when I get to slack off whenever I have time]

Roughly scratching his head, Subaru folded his blanket, and quietly pulled himself out of bed.

The masses of people sleeping around him――were the refugees from Arlam village, currently confined along with Roswaal within the Sanctuary.

Subaru had given up his place in the small residence allotted to him, and decided to pass the night here in their company. The reason, was not so complicated.

Inside the Cathedral, the people had given Subaru a spot in the corner behind the front wall. It was probably because they were looking out for him, that they gave him in such a comfortable spot. On the other hand, if there was just one downside, it would’ve probably been the fact that all the children were also bunched around him.

But then again, the children liked Subaru, so naturally they came snuggling next to him, and while the adults remained in a state of confinement, he thought it would be best to lighten the burden of the children as much as possible. So he had no complaints once he thought about it that way.

[Subaru: It really isn’t like me to be thinking about these kinds of things, is it]

He couldn’t help but smile at himself bitterly for becoming so considerate all of a sudden. After all, life’s no fun if you get too hung up about such complicated things.

Being careful not to wake the children, who were noisily sleeping in full-force, Subaru passed through the mire of sleeping villagers instead on his way out of the Cathedral―― A damp wind came greeting him as he went out; the lukewarm air was neither warm nor cold, and only managed to add to his discomfort-index.

Looking up, the thick clouds that had lined up in the sky had covered over the pleasing radiance of the previous night’s stars. The layers upon layers of clouds moved rapidly along with the wind. He wasn’t sure if the weather would turn, but it was unlikely that it would be a clear day ahead.

[Subaru: Come to think of it, I haven’t encountered a drop of rain since I got here. Going by what everyone said, I would imagine there’s something like seasons here]

He seemed to remember hearing at some point that the seasons here were split into “Red-Sun, Blue-Sun, Yellow-Sun, and Green-Sun”, each matching a magical element type.

If these were like the seasons of the original world, perhaps there would be a “rainy season” somewhere in there as well. The temperatures were neither too hot nor too cold right now, and the feeling of the wind precisely matched his impression of the days that preceded the summer rains.

[Subaru: During the rainy seasons, it’s always a headache that the laundry wouldn’t dry. The ten-thousand-year futon is in a precarious situation to begin with, if it doesn’t get dried in the sun on the occasional holiday we’ll be in trouble......but then again, every day was a holiday for me]

Basically, since he was always on the futon, there was no chance to actually dry the futon. Occasionally, his mother would run out of patience and roll Subaru off the futon and snatch it from him, and then offer it up to the fragrant rays of Mr.Sun-sama, as was the Natsuki-family way.

Reminiscing on those nostalgic days, Subaru loosened up the different parts of his body with the usual radio-calisthenics. The great Cathedral, true to its name, was an enormous building covering over a huge plot of land, and even with the sleepers all strewn about the floor, there was still enough room for each person to stretch their limbs. Blankets had been distributed to everyone as well, so there were no complaints in that regard.

If there was anything he was dissatisfied with, it would have been a question of luxury, as having to sleep on the hard floor had been putting pressure on several points in his body.

[Subaru: I miss my old flattened futon, or the fluffy bed in the mansion. But it’s only my fourth or fifth day, just imagine what the other people must feel about having to sleep like this all this time]

Even though everyone acted like they were in high spirits in front of Subaru, it was undeniable that their faces were growing more burdened with each passing day. At mealtimes and the likes, Subaru would fool around and rouse up their smiling faces, but other than that, everyone rarely spoke, most likely because of the stress.

After an evacuation they didn’t wish for, they had become imprisoned in their place of refuge. The

Lord to whom they had originally directed their discontent was already wounded on their behalf, and so, more than discontent about their present situation, the sentiment among the villagers’ was closer to anxiety regarding their future.

Since Subaru was technically a part of the Lord’s faction, it wouldn’t have come as a surprise if the villagers blamed him for their plight, but――

[Subaru: They didn’t even blame me like I expected. It’s really a failure on the leadership’s part to have to depend on the good sensibility of its people like this]

The truth is, the main reason the villagers didn’t turn on Subaru was because they still felt a strong sense of gratitude and indebtedness toward him.

It’s just that Subaru himself didn’t think so highly of his own achievements, so he was still under the impression that the refugees were just simple-minded.

But,

[Subaru: I can’t get used to living off of everyone’s good graces like this]

――Subaru and the others have already entered their sixth day since they arrived at the Sanctuary.

The refugees had arrived almost a week before Subaru did, so they have actually already spent nearly two weeks in captivity.

They have already heard from Subaru how the people who evacuated to the Capital had returned safely, so there wasn’t too much worry about their separated family members, but having nothing to do for two weeks was beginning to take a mental toll.

Moreover, it was only a matter of time before the sympathy generated by Roswaal’s yolo-self-destruct-battle-plan wore off.

When that time comes, the villagers and the locals would be on a course set to collide, and that was something he mustn’t allow, if he wished to obtain the support of both sides.

[Subaru: In fact, I’m stuck. What should I do......]

[???: ――That’s far’nough right there, not another step, yeah?]

While he was shaking his head worrying, he was stopped mid-step by a shout.

Subaru froze in his posture with one foot off the ground, and looked around by turning his eyes with his head still halfway through a headshake. Within his field of vision, there was nothing but trees in the vast darkness that shrouded over the forest.

Wandering not far from the vicinity of the Cathedral, the one Subaru found was,

[Garfiel: Takin’ a stroll so early in th’morning? Can’t tell if y’got a nice hobby or if you’re just in a laid-back mood. Feels like “Mujigemujige gettin’ lost between the red and green berries” here]

Muttering another one of his usual idioms that didn’t sound familiar at all, above Subaru’s head――the golden haired youth leapt off of a branch, and flew down.

All short hair standing on end, Garfiel landed on all four limbs upon the grass without making a sound, and closed one of his eyes as he looked up at Subaru,

[Garfiel: You don’t look too surprised. Then where’s the fun in scaring ya?]

[Subaru: I might have been scared if I didn’t think I’d run into you, but I had a feeling I’d find you if I wandered around here. Didn’t expect you to come from up in the trees though]

[Garfiel: You were lookin’ for me?]

Looking skeptical, Garfiel stood up, facing against Subaru who was a half a head taller than he was. Subaru straightened up his chest rather pointlessly, and replied [Uh-huh],

[Subaru: I thought it was too early and the chances wouldn’t be very good, but I’m glad I bumped into you...... Just curious though, why did you want to scare me?]

[Garfiel: It’s no big deal. Ahead from here, that side of the forest’s my huntin’ ground. If you get y’rself lost in there I might end up crunchin’ on your neck, that’s all]

[Subaru: Don’t just say that like it’s no big deal! That was totally a big deal!]

Shocked by how casually Garfiel let that frightening information slip, Subaru’s indignant protest resounded outwards...

...ripping through the silence of the forest in between the dawn and the dark of night, sending the sleeping birds and beasts scurrying in retreat.

[Garfiel: ......Tch. Oy, you just scared’em all away, what’m I gonna eat now?]

[Subaru: They’re a bunch cowards. If you eat wimpy guys like that you’ll only absorb their weakness anyway. ――is one way to think about it, so how about we just magnanimously let that slide this time]

[Garfiel: Or how ‘bout I make all the meat disappear from your plate from this day onwards to make up for it]

[Subaru: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! Please forgive me! Today I’ll go fishing with Otto down by the river and make it up to you!]

There wasn’t much for a merchant to do in these last few days, so Otto took up fishing, and had been heading to the river every day. Unfortunately, all his customers were about 5 centimeters long, so he had pretty much been giving away free bait for nothing, which seemed just like something Otto would do.

Hearing Otto’s name come up, Garfiel smirked up the corner of his mouth and bared his fangs,

[Garfiel: Hah, that lil’bro’s got such abysmal luck it doesn’t even make sense. Not like his head’s dumb or anything. But he’s just like how “Even the sky bewails how sensitive Denzen’s to the rain”, yeah?]

[Subaru: Well I say he’s a UNIQUE-CHARACTER that’s here to liven up the mood, something that should be a part of every household, and pretty good for bouncing jokes off of. He’s also saved my ass quite a few times...... but he’s mostly for livening up the mood, though]

If Otto was around to hear that, he would probably be protesting with tears in his eyes about the merciless review he got.

Listening to these not-exactly-flattering compliments, Garfiel scratched his ear with a finger, muttering [Livenin’ up the mood huh......],

[Garfiel: Then, how’s the livenin’ up workin’ out for ya?]

[Subaru: What d’you mean?]

[Garfiel: Don’t play dumb. It’s pretty obvious th’fellas in Cathedral’re almost at their limits. Don’t need me to tell ya this, but you and the lil’bro can’t keep’em distracted forever]

[Subaru: You got me where it hurts there...you know, you’re surprisingly observant sometimes]

Garfiel had caught on to Subaru’s concerns precisely. Receiving this unexpected compliment from Subaru, Garfiel crunched up his nose,

[Garfiel: Caus’of all kinds of reasons, I got to be the one who gets to see those Cathedral guys the most. After all, the other guys includin’ the granny barely would even show their face. Naturally, this’s how it turned out]

[Subaru: To think you’re actually the guy preparing the meals for us. The first time I saw that I thought there was something wrong with my eyes for a second]

[Garfiel: If you want the food to taste the way you want it, you gotta have t’do it yourself. Anyway, I’m not talkin’ about that]

Taking a step forward, Garfiel raised up a single finger in front of Subaru’s face,

Just as Subaru thought he had passed over the most unpredictable hurdle and was about to breathe a sigh of relief, Garfiel’s words came down like a bucket of cold water. Seeing Subaru furrow his brows, Garfiel stuck out a single finger,

[Garfiel: Whether I accept your proposal is one thing. But if you don’t accept mine, there’s nothin’ we got to talk about]

[Subaru: ......But this benefits on your end as well. There’s food supplies, and you’ll be avoiding infighting]

[Garfiel: Y’think either of those matters t’me? If we run out’a food for the hostages, we could always start cull’n the herd. If some’of the guys lose it and start gettin’ violent, I’m more’n enough to handle it m’self. We aren’t on equal footings here, y’understand?]

[Subaru: ......what’s, your condition]

Hearing Subaru wrench out these words while gritting his teeth, Garfiel tossed back [Should’a said that in the first place] and clacked his canine fangs. Then, looking over Subaru from head to toe,

[Garfiel: My......no, the Sanctuary’s conditions’re simple. You’ll be the one to take the Trials. Do that, n’the rest is easy]

[Subaru: ――! Wait, that can’t be right. If I do that then the whole point of......]

It’s true that this option had went through Subaru’s mind many times before.

But, it was only the last resort, the one he must try to avoid if he could. More importantly, if he did so, then all of Emilia’s efforts up to now would be――

[Garfiel: You might be misunderstandin’ something, so let me tell y’now......me or Granny or th’others, long as we get released from the Sanctuary, we don’t really care who does it]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Garfiel: If you want Princess-sama to do it and get some compliments from the hostages or Granny or others, that’s just your thing. It’s none’of my business what happened in your pasts or why you’re wantin’ to get over’em. All’n all, it’s just your own problems, ain’t it?]

There was no way to argue with that.

Garfiel was absolutely right, and Subaru, having completely overlooked their side of the story, had no right to insist on such things. Just as he said, whether it was wanting Emilia to take the Trials, or wanting her to be the one to overcome it, they were all just Subaru’s own problems.

And even more than that, he,

[Garfiel: ――Besides, ‘s it really so important t’overcome the Past?]

[Subaru: Eh?]

[Garfiel: It’s been three days. Three. We had t’watch Princess-sama goin’ into the Trials every day n’pull her out cryin’. Honestly, I can’t stand watchin’ anymore]

[Subaru: Can’t stand... watching......]

[Garfiel: Her gettin’ pumped up for nothin’ only t’get all hurt? Gettin’ ahead of herself like “I have to do it no matter what”, and comin’ back wimperin’ and apologizin’ sorry she couldn’t do it. So why in the hell’re y’still makin’ Princess-sama take th’Trials?]

Garfiel’s words accurately summed up what happened to Emilia over past three days.

The next night after the beginning of the Trials, Emilia challenged the first Trial for the second time, and again she failed to overcome her Past. But more importantly, Subaru, who had gone in with her, was not sent into a Trial at all.

At first, Subaru couldn’t understand why the Tomb had left him out, but Emilia answered him when she returned halfway through the Trial―― someone in the Trial had told her the reason why Subaru couldn’t begin the next Trial. It was very simple:

The second Trial takes place in the room beyond the first Trial.

Inside the Tomb, in the back of the room where the first Trial took place, there was a sealed rectangular door. Subaru originally thought it would only open after all three Trials had been passed―― but in fact, it was the second Trial waiting on the other side. Only someone who had passed the first Trial would be qualified to proceed.

In other words, if Subaru wasn’t alone, he would not be able to challenge the second Trial. And the reason he didn’t go alone even after he knew this was――

[Subaru: Emilia, will definitely overcome the Trials. So we......]

[Garfiel: That expectation’s just a bit too heavy, isn’t it. You don’t see Princess-sama sufferin’ enough as it is? Makin’ her force herself to face those memories, hurtin’ and makin’ her end up lookin’ like that, is that what you people wanted? Is that what Princess-sama wants? My head’s too dumb to understand it]

[Subaru: What Emilia......wants......]

Garfiel said those words while scratching at his head―― but to Subaru, it was like the jolt of being woken up from having ice water poured over his face.

Up until now, Subaru had respected Emilia’s resolve to take on the Trials, and had devoted all his efforts to support her. Even knowing that it will be an arduous path, as long as she doesn’t give up, he would continue to lend her his hand.

And, even as she continued to stand back up time and time again, it never once occurred to him to find out what she really wanted.

Come to think of it, Subaru didn’t even know why Emilia wanted to be King.

The declaration she made in the Royal Selection Hall, about her intention to bring equality to all, could not possibly have been her reason to want to become the King.

From the unfair treatment and prejudice she continued to receive, one could imagine what must have accompanied Emilia all throughout her life. What were her thoughts as she lived through that, what were her feelings, her beliefs―― that made her decide to aim for the Throne?

Even in spite of his unrelenting desire to be at her side and to become her support, Subaru had neglected to ask the questions he should have asked at the start.

How did Emilia and Roswaal meet in the first place? Why would Roswaal help a Half-Elf become King? Her qualification to be King――to be the High Priestess of the Dragon was proven by the Gem on the Insignia, but how did Roswaal get the chance to let the Insignia touch her hand? What kind of common interests did Emilia and Roswaal have that made them form this cooperative relationship―― Subaru didn’t know a single one those answers.

He had managed to come this far, without knowing a thing.

[Garfiel: Oy, don’t know what kind’a shock y’re busy experiencin’, but if y’got nothin’ else t’say I’m gonna go. I’m still in th’middle of huntin’...... n’bout that proposal, if y’agree t’my condition, go ahead and tell Granny about it. I won’t be botherin’ with the rest of it]

After giving Subaru who remained in suspended animation a shrug, Garfiel’s figure disappeared into the dawn-lit forest.

Before he noticed it, the morning sun had already chased away the shroud of night, and the dense tangle of the shade-befallen forest had given way to the quiet peace of morning―― with dewdrops resting upon sprouting leaves, it was that kind of hour.

Left behind, Subaru looked up at the sky.

Above, between the gaps of trees and through the towering clouds, he caught a glimpse of the emerging Sun―― which, soon hiding behind the clouds once more, vanished along with the momentary radiance it brought upon the world.

Squinting his eyes at that momentary light, Subaru started to walk.

[Subaru: All I saw was myself facing my past, finding closure, and feeling glad that I did. But, for Emilia......]

Subaru had been convinced that it was something anyone could resolve and walk away from.

Because he had been healed by the warmth of those memories he received, he was convinced that saying farewell to the past was the only way forward.

Being so smothered by the kindness of those around him, Subaru got the impression that the Past was something that ought to be looked back on.

Yet, Subaru’s thoughts――

[Emilia: ――su... baru?]

For that silver haired girl hugging her knees in the corner of the room, how heavily they must have been weighing down on her.

Inside the house assigned to her, sitting on the ice-cold floor beside her bed, Emilia was quietly, quietly, waiting for time to pass.

She was usually no good in the mornings, but it didn’t come as surprise to find her awake so early. Her eyes as they turned to him were bloodshot, and across her beautiful, majestic face were dark streaks left behind by tears―― The fact that she hadn’t slept for a second was as clear as day.

Noticing Subaru’s arrival, she turned her face away so he would not see that she had been crying.

[Emilia: Ah, s......sorry. I-is it time? It’s time already? It’s, sooner than I thought...... but, I must. I must do my best...... it’s, time for the Trials, isn’t it?]

[Subaru: Emilia-tan]

[Emilia: I-it’s alright. Today for sure, this time, for sure, I......enn, I will definitely pass. I, I’m already figuring out more or less what is going to, happen in the Trial. See, it’s the same pa...tterns. Subaru said, enn, that, yeah, see, I know...... enn, so, I, I’m alright......]

[Subaru: Emilia-tan, it’s fine. It’s not nighttime yet, last night hasn’t even ended. It’s morning now. It’s still, a long time away]

[Emilia: I, I’ll be able to tell if you try to dupe me. Because, look......it’s, dark outside. Mornings, should be brighter......ah, but, my, conversation with the micro-spirits today......]

Looking up at Subaru, mumbling this under her breath, Emilia’s eyes were shuddering. Inside them, were the shock and anger at herself for having failed to abide by her contract, and she looked as if she was about to sever their bond just to punish herself or her own neglect.

[Subaru: Emilia!]

[Emilia: ah......]

Grabbing her hand mid-air, Subaru entwined his fingers with hers.

Seeing their hands tied together, Emilia was stunned into silence, and, gradually, she saw her own reflection inside Subaru’s black eyes.

[Emilia: I, I......]

[Subaru: I’m the only one here right now. So no matter how weak you want to be, it’s alright. There’s no need to rush, or push yourself too hard. I will always stay by your side. No matter what]

[Emilia: su..baru......]

Clinging onto his outstretched hand, Emilia quietly whispered his name as she let her head drop to the side. Just like this, letting her hold onto his arm, Subaru sat down beside her.

With his free hand, he slowly patted her silver hair as her body slowly lost its strength, until, after a little while, he could hear her soundly asleep.

She must have been exhausted. But even so, she couldn’t pass the night alone, and had to lean on Subaru in the end.

Taking a glance at the sleeping Emilia, quietly breathing beside him, Subaru lightly traced his finger over her adorable cheeks, and confirmed the traces of her tears.

――This was as far as she will go, he decided.

-=Chapter 22 End=-