Volume 4, 64 [A World That Was Falling Apart]

Volume 4, Chapter 64 [A World That Was Falling Apart]

The first thing Subaru noticed as his consciousness returned was the unbearable pain throughout his body.

His face, and everything above his neck was wracked with extraordinary pain. His left cheek, the area around his right eye, his molars, his front teeth, his left ear―― far too many to list, there was not a spot untouched by pain.

He moved his tongue around in his mouth, and found that he had lost two molars, one front tooth, and that one of his canine teeth was gone. And when he opened his eyes to survey his surroundings, he noticed that his right eye was so swollen that it could no longer open.

[Subaru: Th, gha......]

When he tried to speak, his mouth only managed a strange gurgle due to the missing teeth and the blood pooling in his mouth.

Every breath drove a chill into the exposed nerves under his teeth, and though he tried to breathe through his nostrils, dried blood completely clotted the path. Gasping, he spat out the blood in his mouth,

[Subaru: No way...... I... didn’t die?]

As he dragged along his over-injured body, Subaru recognized the fact that he had survived what should have been certain death.

Looking out through the remaining half of his vision, Subaru found himself lying in the dark corridor. There was no one in sight. He began to recall what happened before passing out, and,

[Subaru: Where’s... Elsa......]

Not here.

At least, nowhere Subaru’s eye could see.

Being a woman who lurks in the dark for a living, even if she was within sight, she’d probably be able to keep herself from being seen, but―― she’d have no reason to do so.

There was no sign of Elsa. She was gone. At least, without killing Subaru.

[Subaru: Why...would...... no, more importantly......]

Every movement of his mouth made new blood gush out. Irritatedly spitting it out, Subaru shook his head. He tried moving each part of his body to check which areas hurt and which were immobile――

――When he noticed the warm, rhythmically breathing existence resting in his arms.

[Subaru: ――Rem]

The lovely blue-haired girl. The girl who was instilling him with strength even as she went on sleeping.

In his arms, Rem’s heart was silently beating. Her shallow, rhythmic breathing, her steady, undeniable pulse, and her faintly blushing skin―― were all proof of the continued rhythm of her life.

[Subaru: ――――]

Overwhelmed with emotion, he tightened his arms around her.

Taking advantage of her lack of reaction, he held her delicate body as he relished in its warmth, as if to perceive through her skin the proof that she still lives.

[Subaru: Why... did she leave......without killing me or Rem......?]

Holding Rem’s body, Subaru remarked on Elsa’s inexplicable departure.

She killed Petra, she killed Frederica, and even Beatrice was extinguished by her hands. And yet, the murderer left without taking Subaru and Rem’s lives when they were right in front of her.

Indeed, before losing consciousness, Subaru had pleaded for Rem’s life, and Elsa’s reply could be interpreted as an acceptance of his request. But would she really stay true to her word?

He doubted he would ever be able to understand the mind of a psychopath like the Bowel Hunter, but her reason for sparing Rem might have been just that simple.

[Subaru: But then...... why did she let me live......?]

He would be killed for sure, that was what he had thought.

At least, Elsa had swung her blade at Subaru with the clear intention to harm. The pain of every shattered bone and every carved-up muscle told him that was the case.

And yet, why did she let him live?

[Subaru: Either way... right now......]

Unable to understand, Subaru shook his head, and strained his aching body to lift Rem onto his arms.

Holding Rem lightly in his arms, Subaru looked towards the end of the hallway―― and, spotting Frederica’s corpse, lying there as if abandoned, he decided on what he would have to do.

――Before anything else, he would bury Frederica and Petra.

[Subaru: Even though there’s really no point when this world is bound to end......]

A sentimental, irrational, and wretched act, he muttered in self-derision.

Subaru had already decided that he would reset this world with his death.

Too much had been lost. And in spite of what he gained, he had failed to protect even a single thing he had sought to protect. Subaru lost everything, just like all those times before, or perhaps even more. Subaru no longer held the courage to live on in a world where so much was already lost.

If his death could bring them back, then he wouldn’t hesitate for a second.

This world was a world that was ending.

Whether it was Petra’s, Frederica’s, or Beatrice’s death, all of it could be reset.

His promise to Petra, his apology to Frederica, and his final answer to Beatrice’s sorrows, they could all be fulfilled in the next world.

Having made that resolve, there was really no point in mourning their deaths.

Because whatever sadness remains of this lost world would no longer exist in anyone else’s memories, and would only be Subaru’s alone to endure.

――But, if he truly had that kind of resolve, Natsuki Subaru would have already passed on to the next world by now.

[Subaru: Resolve, determination, ability...... I’m always lacking in everything. Why am I always so weak... huh, Rem?]

The girl in his arms did not answer him.

But, whether it was lamenting his own powerlessness, or laying bare his weakness, right now, the only place where Subaru could do this was in front of this sleeping girl.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

――It had been only about fifteen minutes after deciding to lay Petra and Frederica to rest when he saw it.

[Subaru: What... is that?]

Seeing the object sitting in front of him, Subaru let out this stupid groan in his throat.

But who could blame him? Because that was just how strange and incomprehensible the object before him was.

A pinkish hunk of meat―― would just about describe it.

Its shape was kind of like a lopsided ball of mud a child might have made, but out of meat. That much should have already aptly conveyed its strangeness, as well as the reason for Subaru’s consequent confusion.

[Subaru: It’s big――]

Simply put, the hunk of meat was enormous.

It was big enough for him to have to gaze upwards, and he could sense the weight of its dense mass just by looking. Both its color and texture reminded him of fresh pork or poultry one might find in the meat aisles.

Just as far as what he could see, there were about twelve of them. Every single one was the exact same size and conspicuously littered about the area.

[Subaru: What... the hell is......?]

Confused and without answers, Subaru repeated that same question over and over.

Then, as he looked around,

[Subaru: Where did all the villagers go?]

Standing in the deserted center of Arlam village, surrounded by hunks of meat, Subaru stupidly muttered to himself.

――Subaru had come to Arlam village hoping to find some help burying Petra and Frederica, and, more importantly, to inform Petra’s family of her death.

He was prepared to be beaten, and to be sworn at.

Just like back in the Mansion, even here, Subaru could still avoid going through that pain. He could hide the truth of Petra’s death, and reset this world without the villagers ever knowing.

If he did that, Subaru would have hid his responsibility for Petra’s death deep inside his heart with only his guilt to haunt him, and that would probably have been a grace.

But, as for whether he could forgive himself for doing so, that would surely be impossible.

[Subaru: In the end, it’s just self-satisfaction, isn’t it]

So he decided to inform Petra’s family before burying the two.

On the other hand, he had no idea how he should mourn Beatrice. Spirits don’t leave bodies behind. The clean, spotless manner of her disappearance had made her death seem almost unreal to Subaru.

Who knows, maybe―― he couldn’t help but cling to such thoughts.

With those ambivalent thoughts on his mind, Subaru made his way towards Arlam village.

He brought Rem with him, intending to ask someone to take care of her while he saw to the burials.

And then, when he arrived, while searching around for the villagers, he instead found those lumps of meat.

[Subaru: ――There’s... no one here]

Temporarily setting Rem down under the roof of one of the houses, and walking a full circle around the village, that was the conclusion Subaru had come to.

The sweat on his forehead had dissolved the flaking blood, painting Subaru’s face red, into a wretched sight. If the villagers saw Subaru now, he would no doubt be greeted with horrified shrieks.

[Subaru: The way to the Sanctuary is... straight ahead......right?]

[Patrasche: ――――]

[Subaru: Don’t give me that worried look... I’m more worried about you, you know. You must be exhausted... sorry for putting you through this. It was inconsiderate of me, sorry]

Subaru drooped down his head, and Patrasche let out a small neigh as if to say “There’s no need to apologize”. Then, she set out her steps towards the forest’s edge, while Subaru watched her until she was out of sight.

Patrasche didn’t look back even once as she left. Perhaps, it was because she was too proud to let him see her reluctance, and, at the same time, it would have been out of the gentle regard to lessen his sense of guilt.

Through and through, Subaru acknowledged everything his beloved dragon had done for him.

[Subaru: Patrasche should have no problem finding her way out of the forest. ......Actually, I’m more worried about this end... crap]

Shifting Rem in his arms, Subaru walked onward with the sound of frost crunching under his feet.

His exhaled breaths turned white, and his teeth would clatter if he allowed himself to feel the cold. Forward, forward, he headed towards the Sanctuary.

[Subaru: What on earth happened... Emilia......?]

He called to the name of the girl who must be at the heart of this freezing cold.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

He forced his frozen legs forward, breathing in shallow huffs through lips that had already forgotten how to shiver. Doing his best to keep his sticking eyelids open, Subaru managed to maintain his hazy-white vision as he advanced through the forest.

――The extreme cold enveloping the Sanctuary far exceeded Subaru’s naive expectations.

With every step that brought him closer, he could feel his body temperature dropping.

He had long lost the sensation of his skin, and the only thing driving his body was the sense of duty to those who have departed, and the will to move forward,

[Subaru: ――――]

In his arms, Rem went emitting her steady signs of life, giving no indication of whether the outside environment was affecting her.

Forging straight ahead, he advanced towards the Sanctuary.

He couldn’t tell by sight whether he was on the right path or not. But he could only trust that he was getting closer by the intensity of the cold as he walked.

The snow had already piled up to his shins, and before he knew it, the forest had completely transformed into a landscape of winter.

It was a power capable of transforming the very nature of the world―― and Subaru knew what it might be.

[Subaru: ――――]

Quivering, he pried open his frozen lips while blood seeped from the ripped-off tissue as he gasped for air. He touched the warmth of his blood with the tip of his tongue, and was assured that his body hadn’t frozen through.

He could keep going. He could still do it.

He hadn’t learned anything yet. If he stopped here, he wouldn’t be able to tell himself what all those sacrifices had been for.

And so,

[Subaru: ――a]

Suddenly, noticing something cut across his stark-white vision, Subaru halted his steps.

Rubbing his nearly-closed eyes open, Subaru strained his gaze to see the anomaly that had cut into his sight. Gradually making out its contours, he saw that it was a person―― a person he knew.

[Subaru: Lewes... san?]

[Lewes: ――――]

At Subaru’s call, the girl only responded with a silent gaze.

Observing this reaction, Subaru immediately recognized that this girl wasn’t “Lewes”, but a replica of “Lewes Meyer”.

And that, if she was a replica, then he should have command authority over her.

[Subaru: It’s good.. you’re here...... please... guide me to the Sanctuary......]

[???: She ain’t gonna listen t’yer requests, y’know?]

Huffing with white, faltering breaths, Subaru called out to the replicant girl, but another voice cut in between them.

He looked up, and immediately saw someone landing in the snow beside the girl. Watching the figure sink into the snow with a crunch, Subaru saw that it was a single youth.

With short, blonde hair, and a sharpened gaze, his entire body emanated murderous hostility.

[Subaru: Garfiel]

[Garfiel: Yo, y’still got the guts t’come back? Gotta say, I’m impressed. “Lyin’ Bittoon bows better than most” as they say]

Without forgetting to throw in an incomprehensible reference, Garfiel clicked his fangs at Subaru.

But as he disdainfully looked down at the panting Subaru, Garfiel’s eyes suddenly widened in surprise when he saw Rem in Subaru’s arms.

[Garfiel: Huh......? What’s Ram doin’ wi......wait, that ain’t Ram. Hah? Th’hell’s goin’ on? Who’s that girl......]

[Subaru: I’ll explain, but whether you’ll understand is a bit sketchy...... This is Rem. Ram’s totally authentic younger sister]

[Garfiel: I ain’t never heard ‘bout Ram havin’ a sister...... but can’t really decide if yer lyin’ outright either, oy]

Facing someone who looked exactly like the girl he had a crush on, Garfiel’s aggression somewhat diminished. Seeing how Garfiel didn’t kill him on sight, Subaru determined that he was still rational, and decided to put off making escape plans for now.

Then, Subaru turned to the Lewes replicant quietly standing at Garfiel’s side,

[Subaru: You said that girl won’t listen to me anymore... what do you mean?]

[Garfiel: ......Ain’t that pretty simple? Soon as ya left th’Sanctuary, I went to th’experimental grounds and overwrote the command authority to myself. Had t’revisit some unpleasant memories cus’ of you]

[Subaru: Really? You just have to go pat-pat, and the command authority transfers?]

[Garfiel: Y’basically just have’ta touch it. That’s how you got it, ain’t it?]

“It”, would be the crystal sealing the original Lewes Meyer inside. If touching it was how Subaru received the command authority in the first place, then it was only natural that Garfiel took it back the same way.

In any case,

[Subaru: It was really considerate of you to come all the way here to get me]

[Garfiel: I didn’t come here t’entertain yer bullshit. Just take a look at what’s happenin’ and it ain’t hard t’see we’re way past th’time for pleasant conversations, yeah?]

[Subaru: Yeah, you’re right. ......I’ll just come right out and ask, then]

Subaru nodded at Garfiel’s retort, then inhaled with a slight shake of his head, and said,

[Subaru: ――Emilia’s the one doing this... isn’t she?]

[Garfiel: Got no fuckin’ idea. Either way, she ain’t coming out of the Tomb]

[Subaru: She hasn’t come out of the Tomb?]

Subaru furrowed his brows at the unexpected reply. Seeing this, Garfiel clicked his tongue and kicked up a great chunk of snow with his foot,

[Garfiel: Th’Half-Witch’s been actin’ weird since th’day y’left. I thought she’s calmed down, but then she shut herself inside the Tomb. By the time we realized it, th’whole Sanctuary’s covered in ice. ――Just like Elior Forest]

[Subaru: You know about Emilia’s home......!?]

[Garfiel: Y’think I haven’t heard? Roswaal’s a fuckin’ bastard, but he still answers questions when needed. That’s why I ain’t trustin’ Emilia-sama one bit]

Listening to Garfiel spit this out, Subaru’s expression darkened. Yet, before he could react, Garfiel had already closed their distance and was now standing right before his eyes.

[Garfiel: That expression’s fuckin’ pathetic]

[Subaru: Wh――!?]

A palm shoved against Subaru’s chest, and he gracelessly fell backwards.

He hurriedly tried to shield Rem with his arms, but his hands clutched at nothing. As for why that was,

[Suabru: What’re y... Rem――!]

[Garfiel: What, y’want her back? Oyoy, yer one greedy bastard. And here I thought Emilia-sama was th’girl of yer dreams]

Having struck Subaru where it hurt, Garfiel snorted through his nose.

There, in Garfiel’s arms, was Rem’s body which he had snatched out of Subaru’s grasp.

Frantically forcing his insensate body into motion, Subaru tried to grab onto Garfiel, but Garfiel leapt out of reach.

[Subaru: What’re you going to do to Rem......!]

[Garfiel: I won’t hurt her or anythin’. That’d just be wrong. I’m a reasonable guy, y’know. I hate it when people ain’t got proper sense]

As he said this, Garfiel’s gaze as he looked down at Rem indeed did not carry any hostility.

At least, Garfiel’s nature wasn’t twisted enough for him to harm someone who looked just like the girl he loved.

“Then why”, Subaru almost wanted to ask, but Garfiel beat him to it.

[Garfiel: Go inside the Tomb. ――And pull that Half-Witch out for me]

-=Chapter 64 End=-