Chapter 119 - 119 Denying

Oh God, help me.

I can't believe that he's being so cruel to use emotional intimidation at me.

" Gosh! Do you think this is going to be any easier for me?" I scream, as my tears starting to flow hastily.

The little colour that was left in his face drained out in before my eyes.

He drops his head as he knows that we cannot turn back as the way we used to be.

What more can he say?

He knows what he's done to me. He's for made me needing him.

"Babe, if I could change how I've handled the things, I would. But..." he whispers.

"But you won't. The damage already was done." My voice strength seemed to ooze away.

He looks up at me.

" It will be worse if you leave ever leave me. Please, No!"

Oh God.

I shouldn't let him continues talk, if not I'm gonna lose all my grips.

"Get out!" I shout.

"No, please 'I'm sorry' give me a chance," He shakes his head frantically, taking a step towards me.

"Babe, I'm begging you." He pleads emotionally.

I distant away from him, mustering up my most determined expression, swallowing the entire time to keep the lump in my throat at bay.

This is so incredibly painful. And it is exactly why I couldn't see him.

I was so angry mixing up with fear at him, but seeing him so whitewashed is so heart-breaking me at the same time. I have to keep reminding myself that he's let me down in the cruellest way.

Before he's misled me, deceived me and, essentially, bullied me into bed with him.

'You let me fall in love with you!'

He stares at me, the pain in his sludgy eyes immeasurable.

I'll cave if I don't look away, so I do. I drop my gaze to the floor and silently beg him to leave before I fall apart and welcome the comfort he always gives me.

"Wei Lin, please look at me." He pleads.

I take a deep breath, turning my eyes to his.

"Let's break up, that ways better for both of us," I say as I gathering all my strength left.

"No.Please." he mouths.

"Goodbye." The words carry an air of the final that I really do not mean in deep of my heart.

But we both way to different and I can't accept his vicious way.

He looks in my face for such a long time, but eventually, he abandons trying to find any scrap of hope in my eyes. Then he turns, and he silently leaves.

Deep in my heart singing; ' I'm sorry '. I provide my lungs with the desperate rush of breath they need, walking on my unstable legs to the window.

The front door slammed, vibrating through the house, and he appears, dragging himself to his car.

I flinch, when I watch him letting out a sob as he smashes his fist through the window of his car, sending shards of glass spraying all over the road. He throws himself in and repeatedly punches at the steering wheel.

After what seems like years of watching him pound on his car, he roars off, tyres screeching, car horns blaring.

I can't believe that now we both we actually ended. My heartfelt like being stab by a thousand poisonous thorn of wild rose but the fears and reality of the truth about him made me accept the stabs even it grave me hurtfully.

This night gonna be the most nightmare one. I will never able to erase all of his traces over me even the feelings.

I get out of the shower and dry my hair before laying on my bed. I'm completely numb. My state as if has gone to the nothingness dimension. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, trampled on and shoved back into my chest a battered mess. I'm somewhere between grief and devastation, and it's the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

My life completely has fallen apart. I feel the emptiness, betrayal, lonely and lost world.

The only person that can make any of this better is the person that's made it all happen. I don't even feel like I'm ever going to recover from this from now on.

"Wei Wei." I lift my pounding head from my pillow, finding Sisi stood in my doorway.

The sympathy on her face enflames the hurt a little bit more. She perches on the edge of the bed, stroking my cheek.

" It doesn't have to be ended like this," she says softly.

How it should be then?

How can it be in any other way?

I just have to ride out this pain and see if I have the strength to deal with any of it.

To start all over again.

But at the moment, I'm content just lying there feeling sorry for myself.

"Yes, it does," I reply on weakly.

"No, it doesn't have to be like this," She's firmer this time.

"Daling, you still love him. Why not just admitting that you still love him. Do you tell him?" She asks.

Yes, I still love him and I can't deny it.

I do. I love him so much that why I turn out to be hurt like this.

But I shouldn't love him.

I know I shouldn't.

"SiSi, I really can't." I turn my face into my pillow.

"Why must you torture yourself like this?" she asks.

"After seeing the scene today, seeing his true self, seeing he commands the killing with cold bloodly expression which I didn't even recognize before even he does not do it himself but that's not what human being is. His way too unacceptable. I'm scared and afraid of him at the same time" I say.

"He keeps the truth of him end up hurting me so much, SiSi." Wei Lin says weakly.

" Wei Wei. Maybe he didn't know how to tell you about himself. He was worried you would walk away if you learnt the truth about him."

I look at SiSi.

"SiSi. Even he didn't tell me, and I've still walked away." I settle back down into my tear-drenched the pillow.

"You heard that poor man beg mercy from him but he commands the ferocious way to ended that man life instead. You've seen his expression was zero feelings." I remind her of the scene.

I can't believe why is she being so defensive over Feng Teng?

"SiSi. Why are you not shocked at all after seeing it?" I mutter into my pillow.

I know she's laid back, but this is shocking news.