Chapter 124 - 124 Falling Into Real Hell

All my life right now has been changed. The emptiness and incomplete feeling without him.

He made me need him all the time, and now he's really gone.

In the darkness, I see his face and in the silence, I could hear his voice.

There is no escaping from it.

Obviously I'm unaware of the things happening around me, every noise a distant hum, every image a slow blur.

I'm completely falling into Hell.

Empty. Incomplete. I'm in absolute at agony.

When I left him in drunk stated with his raging at his penthouse last Sunday. I've not heard any news from him since that day after I walked out, leaving him yelling and stumbling around.

There even have no phone calls, no messages, no flowers...nothing from him at all. 

Does he really get over me already?

I've has been met with his friend Kevin when came by fetching SiSi for a date but he didn't bother to talk a bit about Feng Teng. He keeps quiet very well away from me.

Gosh! I must be painful to be around at the moment.

How can a man who I've known a few short weeks' make me feel like this? In those short few weeks' I have known him, though, I've learnt that he is intense, hot-blooded and controlling, but he is also gentle, affectionate and protective.

God. Now I miss him so much, but I do not miss the drunken, hollow Feng Teng who I was confronted with the last time I saw him.

That was not him who I had fallen in love with.

That brief time of trading insults, though, did not even come close to eradicating the few weeks before that nightmare Sunday of just me and him.

I would gladly take all of his frustrating, challenging ways over the ugliness better than his drunk state.

Strangely, I miss those infuriating traits of him too.

"I've not even thought about The Mansion and what it represents. That has almost paled into insignificance. Apparently, Feng Teng falling off the wagon was my entire fault actually. He has advised me before, on a slur, that he had warned me there would be damage if I ever left him. Yes, he had gravely. But he just didn't explain what sort of damage that I've could cause or why. It was another one of his enigmatic brainteasers that he never elaborated on.

I should have pressed for more, but I was too busy being swallowed up by him. I was distracted from everything, blinded by l.u.s.t and drowning in his intensity. He completely consumed me. I never anticipated he was Lord of the underworld, and I certainly never anticipated he was an actual alcoholic.

I was literally walking around with my eyes wide shut.

I'm lucky that I've managed to avoid any pressing questions from Xu Feng Brother regarding his mansion project.

With so much money paid upfront that he has made, I could fob Xu Feng Brother off with an imaginary business trip that's keeping President Feng out of the country and the project got on hold. I know I'll have to deal with this eventually, I just don't feel strong enough at the moment, and I'm not sure when I will.

Perhaps never thought before.

Now what done is done. Just bears with it. I can't turn back either.

Life must go on.

SiSi has tried so hard to pull me out of the black hole that I've put myself in.

She even tried to occupy me with cinema, drinks at the bar and even shopping, but I'm happier festering on my bed rather than going out. And she meets me without fail every lunchtime.

Not that I eat anything. It's hard enough to swallow, without trying to get food past the permanent lump that's wedged in my throat.

The only thing I look forward to at the moment is my morning walk.

When I'm not sleeping, so dragging myself out of bed at five o'clock every morning is relatively easy.

In the quiet, at the morning fresh air, I make my way to the spot in The Zhongshan Park where I collapsed with exhaustion from the morning that Feng Teng has dragged me around the streets of Shanghai on one of his torturous ran. I've been living in that memories so much.

Sometimes I sit quietly, picking at the dew coated blades of grass watching the lake until my backside is numb and sodden and I'm ready to wander back slowly to prepare myself for another day without him.

Hmm. How long can I continue like this?

Oh. My brother Bei Wang Ran, is coming here after visiting my parents in D city. I should be looking forward to seeing him, it's been half a year since I met him last time, but where am I going to find the energy to put on a front?

With the added benefit of Mo Yuan friendly little phone call to my Mom, asking her if I've had anyone yet., then I'm facing interrogation. I told my mother no one there, it wasn't true at the time, but now it is. But I know my Mom well enough to know she won't believe me either,  after talking to Feng Teng even when I'm on the other end of a phone and she can't see me twiddling my hair.

What would I tell them?

That I have fallen in love with a man and I don't know how old he is? He the most powerful man in S city even ruling underworld executed business.

Oh yes, he's an alcoholic too. I've not helped myself by not making the trip to see them, my work excuse pitiful, and I fully expect the third degree from my brother when I see him tomorrow. I need to prepare myself for his questioning.

It's going to be the grilling of my life.

My mobile blurts from my desk, dragging me from my daydreams and tapping pen.

Urgh. It's lady Yi Ran. The daughter of Mayor. I inwardly groan. This woman is proving to be a challenge herself. She rang on Tuesday and demanded an appointment for the same day, and I explained that I was busy and suggested someone else may be able to make it, but she insisted she wanted me.

She eventually settled for my first appointment, which happened to be today, and she has since called every day to remind me. I should just ignore it, but she will only call the office.

"Hi. Miss Yi." I greet tiredly.

"Miss Bei, how are you?" She asks.

She always asks, which is nice, I suppose. I won't tell her the truth.

"Yes.I'm good. And you?"

"Yes, yes, fine," she chirps.

"I just wanted to check our appointment."