CH 139

I was all by myself at night. Sitting on the table while letting my pen run through a piece of paper with a lantern lighting the room. I wonder how many days have passed since I arrived in this strange world as I glanced at the date shown on my wristwatch. 

The days I spend in this world are getting longer. Well, it’s only natural since the temperature outside is starting to change too. 

Today, I was planning on thinking about the hypothesis about “declining birthrates is an inevitable phenomenon due to the popularization of internet usage”.

The things that occasionally popped into my head were often more important than I expected. So everytime it happened, I always tried to gather my thoughts and left it in writing. 

Now then, let’s get to the main issue right away. 

In a period without the internet or social media. Humans could only communicate through direct one on one communication. However, as the internet became popular and due to the development of social media, the world of human’s communication became much wider and at the same time, more diluted. 

People started to get comfortable with shallow relationships. Because the burden on the mind became light, it was now possible to prevent the overcapacity of the mind by being selective of who you communicate with.

Contrary to that, the burden on the mind regarding love was extremely heavy. In fact, you could even define love as the overcapacity of the mind itself. Humans were creatures that instinctually would go in the direction where the comfort and ease were at. The developments of science and technology was also the by-product of our base desire for comfort. 

As a result of that, humans started to refuse anything that could cause the over capacity of their mind and so, the inclination to refuse love was born. People no longer felt comfortable in being in love. 

If people stopped being in love and direct communication dramatically decreased, it was only natural there would be no children born. Maybe we could conclude that this was the reason for the declining birth rates? 

I had a lot of things I worried about regarding Yurina-san. In other words, my mind was at over capacity. And then, my brain, which already became dependent on the internet society, deemed it as not a good idea and caused my heart’s self-defense mechanism to activate. 

I like her but my mind is rejecting that feeling. 

You could think my seemingly contradictory attitude was based on this behavioral principle… 

Suddenly, I felt sad and so, I placed my pen on top of the table. I calmly dug deep into my heart, searching every nook and cranny but instead of finding an understanding, I came to believe that there was no human more miserable than me. 

I’m going to drink today. I still have the distilled liquor I received from her. 

And so, after emptying the bottle of distilled liquor so I wouldn’t be reminded of her again, I hid in my bed and cried.